Parents friends leaving

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Well I found out tonight that one of my daughters good friends has left the gym. I am not sure why but I and the other parents have not told the girls we are not sure what to tell them. All the girls are so close and they will be very upset. My daughter went through this last year when most of girls she started with left, she still looks at the pictures from last year and gets really sad. I do not know how to break the news to her she keeps getting really close with the girls and then they leave. I know this is very common in gymnastics, my daughter even left briefly last year but came back. My daughter and one other girl are the only orginal kids from the 8 girl group they started with and that was only in 2 years time. It always seems like the kids you least expect to leave end up leaving, the girl's mom was very involved with the gym and it was very sudden. I quess I will wait to here from her mom the whole story. Has any parents of gymnasts who have been in the sport for a long time have had to deal with this and what advice could you give. My daughter is just turned 9.

 

[MdGymMom01]

My dd and her best friend (they knew each other from birth) did cheer together for 2 years. Me and her parents were really close good friends. Well, to make a long story short, her parents were getting VERY competitive with the cheerleading to the point of sabotaging my daughters chances of being successful at that gym. We weren't too happy there anyway because of the coaching style and the favoritism that went on so we looked at other gyms. It turned ugly (with the parents and coach, unfortunately) so we left that gym. DD was 8 years old when this happend. I stopped talking to the parents for a while just because of what had happened and how it all went down, which led to the girls not hanging out as much. It was rough for a while. We eventually made up and mended the relationship, but now we pretty much agree to disagree when it comes to cheerleading. It is also a LOT easier now that Dani is in gymnastics and the friend is still in cheerleading. Now the parents can't really compare the two sports--they always would try to say that their daughter is better and always will be--that kind of stuff.

Dani has left a couple gyms and left some really good friends behind. We usually keep in touch with the girls. A few of Dani's cheer firends have even come to some of her meets and vice versa.

Just explain to your dd that people move on and people will come in and out of your life--it's all a part of growing up.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

MdGymMom01's advice is right on!!! Especially in gymnastics, as the girls move up, the commitment and workouts become more intense. We see it every year at the end of the season... that's why as the girls move up, the groups get smaller and smaller!! We have about 20 level 4's, 15 level 5's, 8 level 6's, just two L7's and two Level 8's. Especially as the girls get into their preteen and teen years. In addition, the schoolwork demands increase as well!

Not to mention any personal issues that may arise between the girls, parents, and owners!!

But it IS a part of life. People change their minds about what they want to do, etc. Just as MdGymMom said.

Good luck with this transition!!

 

[Blackie6]

We just had this happen too. DD's bestest friend in the gym (and cousin) decided she wanted to try other things and gave up the gymnastics. I think a lot had to do with this being their second year as L4's and mom didn't see as much improvement as she thought she would score-wise as well. I think also was hard for her to sit thru meet after meet watching all the team mates win something at almost every event. The two had been together since pre-team, so about 4 years of being BFF's! Although DD cried and still says how much she misses her cuz, we told her that things do change in gymnastics all the time! Gymnastics is a big committment, and you really have to love it to be there for as many hours as you are. And, sometimes people want to leave to try other things or it can be a financial thing. It doesn't mean you still can't be friends. We see cuz every week at CCD class still, and she lives in town. Lots of moms from the team ask me often about how she is doing and addresses and phone numbers have been exchanged for everyone to keep in touch.

The first couple weeks w/o friend are tough though. My DD just turnned 8 and just couldn't understand how she didn't love the gym as much as her and want the same things. I told her that at anytime she could change her mind as well. Friend left to try dance class and some other activities she never had time for before because of gymnastics. However, our DD always did other activities besides gym so I think that also helps her to not feel like she is missing out on something. We have a hectic schedule, but we allow our kids to try other sports (teener ball and Summer dive team) and juggle practices/games pretty well. It also helps that there are about 6 girls still on the team that started out with her so she still feels like she has "friends" but when next season starts it was be a little sad all over again since we used to travel to some meets together. I'm sure your DD and the couple remaining will become a little closer now, but they do get thrugh it.

 

[JessMom]

Thank you for this post. Many of the girls on DD team will likely leave in June at the end of the season . . . I'm finding your post and all the responses helpful. It's one of the many reasons we're thinking of moving too

Good Luck!

 

[MdGymMom01]

I also think that when kids experience change and friends moving on to other things at an early age, they become more adaptive and more open to the idea of change and that it is a part of life. My dd has been to 2 different cheer gyms, 3 different schools and a new gymnastics gym all in the span of about 4 years due to factors such as I getting divorced and us moving to a different town. She has handled the moves and not seeing her old friends as often pretty well. Like I said before, we still keep in touch with some of the old friends, but she is also making new friends along the way. Change is the only constant in life so if kids can learn to adjust to it early, it will make their lives easier as they grow up.

 

[ginnymac]

When dealing with this issue with my own children, I try to talk to them about why they want to participate in a particular activity. If there motivation is solely social, that is a problem. I think that they need to evaluate whether or not they are involved in a sport--especially one with this type of time and financial commitment--for themselves.

The primary motivator for participation should be their love of the sport. Meeting friends along the way are the bonuses!

 

[NOG]

okay.. so we went through this last year on the opposite end of it as you. My dd started out 1st season with 10 girls. At the end of that season 3 left. At the end of the next season, 3 more were leaving. It was a difficult choice, but due to many factors (mostly gym management/owner) we found it was the right choice for us to leave also . I have posted many times about that, so I won't go farther than to say, you can only claim you're rebuilding a team for a year or 2. After that a parents looking at a gym have to wonder why there are no optionals at a gym (in our case, because the parents wise up and leave before they ever get to that level).

When dds teammates left, it was hard, but each girl was able to say goodbye to the rest of the team (in 1 case, have a pizza party) and things went smoothly. Although dd missed them, it was okay, and she moved on. I'll just say things were not handled well for our departure. The HC/gym manager made an *** of herself and basically kicked us out of the gym (because we were going to be going to the other gym in the area). No nice goodbyes for the girls or explainations of why dd was leaving in the middle of a practice (along with 2 others who were also switching gyms). There were a lot of tears from the remaining teammates because they were confused on why 3 team members were leaving abruptly with nothing said about it. Parents of the remaining teammates were upset about it and no explainations for them either. If I could have, I would have let dd say her goodbyes and I would have wished the team parents good luck in the next season and just explained that the switch was the right choice for my dd, without going into detail. HC totally bungled the situation and to the detriment of the remaining girls. It's not like that behavior hurt us, we were leaving anyway. It was the girls left behind who suffered for the HCs bad behavior. Coincidently, two more girls left not more than 3 months after us. So the team lost 7 girls before the start of the next season. I can only imagine how that was handled!


I totally understand how your dd will feel when she finds out that another teammate has left. Unfortunately, it is part of the sport. I hope that the coaches handle the departure much better than they handled it in our case. If handled properly, your dd and the others will do fine and adjust soon. We keep up with as many of her old teammates as possible through phone and always make sure to send a good luck text before they have a meet. So, make sure to tell her that even if they aren't on team together, they can still be friends and be supportive of each other.. even if they are at a gym that competes against them.

**** Friendships don't end just because a gymmie moves. FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT, YOU JUST MAY NOT SEE EACH OTHER AS MUCH.

Good luck!

 

[NOG]

When dealing with this issue with my own children, I try to talk to them about why they want to participate in a particular activity. If there motivation is solely social, that is a problem. I think that they need to evaluate whether or not they are involved in a sport--especially one with this type of time and financial commitment--for themselves.

The primary motivator for participation should be their love of the sport. Meeting friends along the way are the bonuses!

Well said, and great advice!

 

[gymjourneymom]

Just explain to your dd that people move on and people will come in and out of your life--it's all a part of growing up.[/quote] So true MdGymMom! This is a life lesson that my DD has learned at a very young age from doing this sport. Her L4 team of 30+ girls, now at L7 is down to 6!!! Only 6 of the orginial group still remain & they are very close. When the group was bigger & someone left it was sad, but b/c there were so many of them they got over it pretty quickly. But when one left this past fall, before competitons even started, we were all shocked. She was an amazing gymnast! Her parents were very involved & we all had high hopes for her in the up coming season. But she had started middleschool & told her mother "I've been doing gymnastics as long as I can remember, I just want to be like normal kids my age". Her mom couldn't say no to that. So she pulled her out, just like that. The coaches all disagreed & thought the mom should make her continue for a set amount of time, say 3months. But she didn't want to torture her DD, who had already been grappling with this very difficult decision for a while. She quit & last I heard she was on the school basketball team. She knows she would be welcomed back with open arms, but from what I've heard she's not looking back at all. She's moved on. We've tried to stay in touch with the girls who have left over the years. But we've found, eventually everyone moves on with their lives. We're still busy with the gym & they, for the most part, don't want to be reminded of that. The ones who continue, just bond with each other that much more. And they focus more on the sport b/c lets face it...you have to LOVE this sport to continue on with it! MdGymMom's quote sums it all up VERY well. Good luck to you & DD & her team mates as you all come to terms with the changes in their lives. It's all part of growing up, sorry to say.

 

[MdGymMom01]

When dealing with this issue with my own children, I try to talk to them about why they want to participate in a particular activity. If there motivation is solely social, that is a problem. I think that they need to evaluate whether or not they are involved in a sport--especially one with this type of time and financial commitment--for themselves.

The primary motivator for participation should be their love of the sport. Meeting friends along the way are the bonuses!

This is so true!! This happened to my dd and her friend at the old cheer gym. DD did cheer because she loved it and wanted to move on to a bigger gym for more opportunities. Her friend that was left behind did the cheer more for the social aspect and did cheer because her bff did cheer. Her parents didn't tell her that my dd was not coming back until the last minute in fear of her wanting to quit the sport. Her parents knew that she was very attached to dd and that she may quit because it "wasn't fun anymore" without her bff. The cheer coach ended up advancing dd's friend to a more involved team which helped her realize that cheer was something that she loved and that she would make new friends.

So, you do really need to love the sport itself and not participate for the social aspects.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Well to make matters worse my daughter and her other teammates stared to suspect something was up and we she got out class today she asked me, I told her that I am not sure what happened but I was trying to get in touch with her mom today and she was not answering the phone or responding to my e-mail. So then my daughter flipped out and starting calling her house repeatly finally her friend got on the phone and I was able to talk to her mother. Her mother then told me it was a financial issue and the next thing I know both of us are crying. She said the gym was willing to work with her but she just could not do it. I feel terrible because her state meet is still coming up and she is having such a awesome year. I really want to help her but I think she is to proud to take handouts. She is the kind of person that I had no idea that this was even as issue. The situation really stinks because her daughter still wants to go to gym and I am afraid that the girls calling her and contacting her will just make things worse. I really want to help to see if she could just finish out the season but I am afraid she will refuse my help. I think I will give it a couple days than call her mom try talking to her again about helping her out, I know alot of the other parents feel the same way.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Well to make matters worse my daughter and her other teammates stared to suspect something was up and we she got out class today she asked me, I told her that I am not sure what happened but I was trying to get in touch with her mom today and she was not answering the phone or responding to my e-mail. So then my daughter flipped out and starting calling her house repeatly finally her friend got on the phone and I was able to talk to her mother. Her mother then told me it was a financial issue and the next thing I know both of us are crying. She said the gym was willing to work with her but she just could not do it. I feel terrible because her state meet is still coming up and she is having such a awesome year. I really want to help her but I think she is to proud to take handouts. She is the kind of person that I had no idea that this was even as issue. The situation really stinks because her daughter still wants to go to gym and I am afraid that the girls calling her and contacting her will just make things worse. I really want to help to see if she could just finish out the season but I am afraid she will refuse my help. I think I will give it a couple days than call her mom try talking to her again about helping her out, I know alot of the other parents feel the same way.

We had a similar situation like this at our gym. The coaches informed us that one family would not be continuing due to financial issues (comp fees). So a lot of us parents chipped in whatever we could help and we were able to help them out. It was anonamous so the family was not embarrased. They were so grateful that we would all do something like that for them. It was no problem for me because the girl is the sweetest girl you will meet. She is a role model on the team and a very hard worker. It wouldn't be the same without her for the girls and the team so we all decided to help her out for this year.

You may want to talk to the coaches to see if you can anonamously do something like this so at least she can have her States.

Good luck!!!

 

[NOG]

I was able to talk to her mother. Her mother then told me it was a financial issue and the next thing I know both of us are crying.

Wow! That stinks! I'm so sorry that she and her dd have to go through that. It's different when a gymmie leaves because they want to do other sports or because they're switching gyms. I really stinks when your gymmie wants to be there and is very upset about not being able to continue because of financial reasons. I hope that her teammate can find a way to continue with something that she obviously loves to do. Even if it requires a little help from friends. Good Luck to them.

As for your dd... I'd explain the situation and tell her that she can still be a friend to her teammate and support her whatever happens gym wise. Just because they're not on team together.. that doesn't mean that they can't be friends. I'm sure they'll work out a way to still be friends.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

That really DOES stink!! Poor gymmie... poor mom!!! What a tough situation to be in.

I just remembered too, while people were talking about financial assistance, that a local gym has part of their assessment fees put into a separate account for these exact reasons. Then, when a gymnast is unable to compete due to financial reasons, money can be set aside to meet that girls fees. I think that's a fantastic idea and something we'll sure be seeing more of in today's economy.

I guess bottom line is, I'm hoping that she will be amenable to accepting financial help, especially if it is done anonymously from the gym. Good luck and let us all know how it turns out!

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I found out that her friend's mom's financial and personal problems are alot more involved and I am not sure if I can do anything to help. My heart goes out to her friend. My daughter is coping she loves going to gym but when I pick her up she gets all teared eyed because the girls keep talking about it but So far she is being really mature and has not started crying in class. I just wish I could change the situation.