Parents Getting over the hump? Out of a rut?

[GymMomNicole]

My daughter is in level 6 (did 5 last year, didnt skip it) and she seems to be in a rut. Caught between "not Learning skills as quickly as I used to" and "the climb to level 7 seems so long, I'm never going to get there". She seems like she is bored, but challenged, and still seems to love it, but also seems discouraged. Is this common at this level and if so, how do you get them through it without giving up? To make matters worse, she has seen 4 teammates (same level/age group) quit so far this year.

 

[John]

I think you have hit on the aspect of this sport that is the most difficult. Is your daughter growing? How old is she? many here can offer their opinions when they have more detail.

For reference, my DD is freshly 12 and a level 8. She is growing and while she hasn't lost any skills she is not gaining them as quickly as she would like. ( her expectations are too high) Her gym up trains at a good pace, the only thing that limits her up training is meeting the nightly assignment for routines on each event. For her, the middle of the season is the hardest time, she is not a details child. While she wants new skills she also wants to do well in competition. Combine those two things with growing, school, and peer pressure and you have a recipe for "dumpster fire" from time to time.

When she has a hard day or is unhappy I usually explain to her that while I can not help her I will support her in what she wants to do. She usually comes back with something along the lines of "finish the season well and make the next level". My reply is usually what are you going to do to meet your goals. This simple conversation may take two hours or two days but it seems to level her head.

I do not think you can decide what the ultimate path is to become, at best you can gently steer by listing the positive and negatives. Support their decisions and encourage hard work in whatever they decide.

 

[MuggleMom]

My daughter isn't at at the same level as yours yet (level 4 will probably be 6 next year) but I feel like we just came out of a rut ourselves. She was having some difficulties, she was sick a bunch in December so frustrated and missing practice and she just seemed like she wasn't into it. I asked her if she wanted to quit and she said no but I didn't see the "fire" I used to from her. I was sure to tell her that she needed to finish out the year and honor her obligations but if she wants to quit after states I would understand. I also told her that when she quits I want her to quit after the best day at gym ever (lol) I dont want to hear I couldnt do this, or this went wrong or so and so left so I want to quit. If she still wants to quit after the best day then I know she is done with the sport for real--and that was fine with me. I think her understanding she could quit if she wanted to helped her to see she didnt want to quit. It happened slowly but DD is now really excited about gym again even though nothing about gym has changed much (she is still having same skills struggles etc) Its nice to see her remotivated and it was nice for me to see it come from her and not from me nagging.

All that was just to tell you I think you should do lots of listening and wait it out. I think if they are meant to make it over that hump they will pull themselves out of it. Just Keep on keeping on (sorry thats not as helpful as i would like it to be)

 

[GymMomNicole]

My daughter is 10. We have had the heart to heart chats about how she feels and if she wanted to quit, she needs to fulfill her commitment for the year. She does say that she can't see her life without gymnastics but then mentions wishing she could do other sports at school. I don't push her at all, and would support her (and do support her) with whatever she decides, i guess my biggest concern is that she makes the right decision for her, and not regret it if she can't get through this and does quit. If she quit for the right reasons, no issues. If she quit because she cant get through this rut, I would be sad that she gave up something she loves for that reason.

 

[John]

@GymMomNicole We were in a tough spot at 10. Dani had the drive and the desire at ten but she was in the wrong gym. I made a dad decision that she had to change gyms and governing bodies. I was worried that I would make her lose her desire for gym making her move, but the fear I had of her one day asking me why I hadn't let her chase her dreams at a "real" gym outweighed the fear of her staying at her first gym.

I guess my point is some children can not see past today, they focus on the hardship or the desire to see what its like to do X. Hopefully as parents we can see clearly into the future and if not at least understand the larger picture and know the consequences of our actions. You describe the self talk I have with myself frequently. You seem to have a good plan. Get through the season see what happens. Maybe in the summer with summer gym hours you can let her try her number two sport so she can have something to compare gymnastics with. Maybe she will see the light for herself and be able to decide in either direction as long as it is the right direction for her.

I have a new saying:

One thing is harder than being a gymnast and that is parenting one.

 

[GymMomNicole]

Thanks John...I hadn't considered a second sport over the summer to let her have a comparison. Great suggestion. Although, they train mon to thurs 9am to 2pm all summer, so it's hard to fit anything else in. All while trying to still find time to let her be a kid. Sigh.

Love, love that saying! Oh, so true!!

 

[Aussie_coach]

When they hit the wall, where skill acquisition gets harder and slower they key is to go backwards in order to go forwards. Focus on basics, basics, basics and core fundamental technique. The kids often get the idea that they need to do harder and harder work in order to master these skills but it all comes down to basics. By this leve, she has had thousands of corrections, she will be able to self correct.

The other thing she needs to do is focus on what else gymnastics is about for her. It’s more than just competitions, learning skills, moving up levels. What else does she get from it - Strength, flexibility, friendships, travelling to meets/camps, it makes her feel special. If she can identify why she does it aside from the skills, then it can be easier to push through when the skills are not coming.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I think for all the kids there comes a time when this happens. And yes its a typical age/level.

More drills to get skills and they take longer. They take longer to get consistently. Growth spurts happen. Its one step forward, 2 steps back.

But it happens to everyone, its not if its when.....

And I would reframe "giving up" because it may be time to move on.....

We always go back to basics. I remind her of all the things she thought were difficult and now are not. I also look at the big picture of how she is doing. Is she mostly happy going to gym and having moments. Or is she not happy at all?

Mine has had bouts of frustration. We don't make decisions in that frame of mind. None of us do, not her Dad, not I and not her.

But when she is not enjoying it at all, it will be time to move on. I would never consider that giving up though.

 

[Flyaway]

I feel like this ebb and flow is so common. I mean, think about it, even as adults - who absolutely LOVES their job day in and day out and never daydreams about doing something else? Not anyone I know. I think it's important to let her know that what she's feeling is NORMAL. It doesn't necessarily mean it's time to quit or move on. It just means that gymnastics is hard and takes perseverance and grit - just like anything else in life. Some days are going to feel more like a chore than a reward. And sometimes there will be seasons where MOST days feel like a chore. But backing up to look at the big picture (how far she's come, where she wants to go, etc.) can do wonders for perspective. It's the whole forest for the trees analogy. It's hard to see when you're in it. Hugs to you and your dd. She'll get through it.