Parents He doesn't want to go back....

[Flip4funmom]

I'm upset, angry, sad, heartbroken, and I don't even know what else anymore. We were/Are 1 WEEK out from my son's first ever tumbling and trampoline meet and now he doesn't want to go back. All was good until we had practice today. He will under no circumstances throw his back tuck on trampoline with out his coach being there. He doesn't NEED his coach as he has been going over coaches arm for awhile now. But he states HE NEEDS his coach. Why you ask, because some older kid on his team (10-11 yr old) has convinced him that if he falls he will break a bone. Super scary to a 5 YEAR OLD! He told me on the way home he doesn't want to go back because his back tuck is so scary. I know he's 5 and it's not the end of the world but I HATE that a kid got into his head and broke his spirit. He lived for the gym, and would beg me to take him daily.

He was starting to get good too.
☹

 

[trampolinemom]

That is a tough moment you have there. It is probably not easy to be part of a training group with older kids. You will probably never know what was said by the other kid and in which way but I would make sure to talk to the coach about what happened, preferably with your son present, and even more preferable let your son do the talk and for you to just be behind him to fill in the blank spots, so that he can assure your DS that he will be fine and he can make sure the other kids understand what impact their words can have on a 5 year old. Meanwhile try to keep cool yourself and keep it light there will be more drama in the years to come. Assure him he will be fine.
Because he will be, this too shall pass.

Also from what you posted here your kid is very young and very talented. Please make sure he has fun, fun comes way before skills and work at this age. He will be good without a doubt but only if he keeps enjoying it. He has so much time.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I would probably also bring it up with the coach. A good coach will understand fears and have patience and a plan. Your son is so little that he has nearly limitless time in this sport. If he has trouble with a skill he can take the time to get past it- however long he needs. Back tucks ARE scary- I couldn’t do one! My 14 yo DD ended up leaving the sport over back tucks. She was fine until she was pushed into back straights and then one by one her skills starting disappearing, until the only thing she could do was a front tuck. L7 to zero in three months. Not being able to do a single back tuck- even in a belt- was the straw that broke the camels back. Sometimes the worst thing we can do is allow them to be pushed too fast.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

Poor kid! I’m so sorry. And poor momma! It’s awful to see our kids hurting. Like the others said, he’s sooo young that hopefully this is just a bump in the road. Hopefully the coach will slowly work him back up. Good luck! Keep us posted...

 

[Peachy88]

I also have a talented 5 year old that seems to have a similar disposition to yours. She has worked and begged to be on the team and compete. The gym was closed for two weeks for Christmas, except competing girls, and then she was to join the team practices after break. Well her first night on Thursday and she cried when we got there and refused to go to the class. She ended up in her friends beginner boys class for about half an hour and then training with the older level 3 and 4 girls. She said she would go to her class on "when she is ready" which will be on Monday she has decided. Moral of my story is he needs to decide. Take away the pressure of the back tuck, say "your coach will be there as long as you want" and I bet he will be over it before you know it! This may mean he doesn't do it at his first meet, but I can imagine we will have a similar decision to make with our girl. Once he sees his big deduction, maybe he will be eager to do it on his own? Just my two cents navigating my crazy 5 year old.

 

[sce]

2 things, 1) talk to the coach with him. The coach may not know he is that scared. Is there something else he can do for now and else the back tuck alone. 2) he is young and may have progressed too quickly and thus needs to slow down a bit to get used to the skills.

 

[skschlag]

I agree with sce. I think you need to talk to the coach, either with him or without. Personally, as young as he is, I might start without him, and then invite him in. He needs to know that what he is doing IS scary, and that he is amazing for even trying, and that he should be having fun out there. This should not be work for him. It should not stress him out, especially as young as he is. Sounds like t&t has no age requirements, but maybe they should. No 5 year old should be this stressed out about a back tuck.

He needs to start having fun again, and that may mean NOT competing this year. That may mean doing rec classes. And that may mean going somewhere else. Again, this should be fun for a kiddo his age. SHeesh my son is 15 and it is still fun for him, almost all the time. If it isn't fun, he will not last in this sport.

 

[Natasha]

I'm upset, angry, sad, heartbroken, and I don't even know what else anymore. We were/Are 1 WEEK out from my son's first ever tumbling and trampoline meet and now he doesn't want to go back. All was good until we had practice today. He will under no circumstances throw his back tuck on trampoline with out his coach being there. He doesn't NEED his coach as he has been going over coaches arm for awhile now. But he states HE NEEDS his coach. Why you ask, because some older kid on his team (10-11 yr old) has convinced him that if he falls he will break a bone. Super scary to a 5 YEAR OLD! He told me on the way home he doesn't want to go back because his back tuck is so scary. I know he's 5 and it's not the end of the world but I HATE that a kid got into his head and broke his spirit. He lived for the gym, and would beg me to take him daily.

He was starting to get good too.
☹

Because he is only 5 and this should above all things be FUN, I would reassure him (and get coach on board) that he does not have to do his back tuck until he is ready. Let him know he can go to gym and enjoy all the other fun things he likes to do at gym. Above all, NO ONE should pressure him to do his back tuck right now. AND reassure him that you love him and are proud of him and that you know he will do it when he's ready and you are okay even if he never does it.

 

[sce]

Also, the coach needs to know what the older boy said, That sort of talk is not helpful at all.

 

[skschlag]

Also, the coach needs to know what the older boy said, That sort of talk is not helpful at all.

Well, while I agree if he looked at the 5yo and said..."dude, you can break your arm doing that," the coach should be talked to, but if a group were talking, or he was talking to a friend, and they were discussing stuff like that, or someone they knew/saw, etc it is very typical and what gymnasts talk about. I mean, they love looking at fails for some reason. A discussion about being careful could be in order if that is the case.

But if it was directed right at him, then, yes, it needs to be addressed.

 

[Madden3]

All was good until we had practice today.

But everything has not been good- has it? This is not your fault, but based on your posts here, your son has had repeated issues with this gym, this team, and these coaches. There has long been a pattern of issues caused by the gym apparently not being adept at serving the needs of a normal 5 year old boy as far as an age appropriate approach to gymnastics training goes. Given that, this latest wrinkle does not surprise me at all. Fears are naturally going to develop when a child is not trained age appropriately. Plus, boys are going to say stuff like this to each other. And worse. Way worse. Yes of course tell the coach- but I bet this will not be the last time something like that is said to your kid.

It can happen for some boys earlier of course, but once boys hit 9 or 10 or so, look out. Boys engage in trash talking each other and as skschlag says, they are fascinated by and will talk endlessly about falls and injuries. Ever see Jaws? The drunken scars comparison talk on the boat? That perfectly captures boy talk. This kind of talk is totally normal and for the most part it is harmless. But obviously being told you will break a bone might tend to scare a very young child, (although it has never worked to keep my kids from doing something dangerous when I say it) but this is another reason an impressionable 5 year old should not be training with much older boys who cannot really be expected to always remember to censor themselves around younger kids.

If your son loves gymnastics or T&T, honestly my best advice is to get him to a different gym or on a different training track at this gym, where he will be allowed to be a 5 year old and training with other kids his own age, even if that means doing rec for awhile.

In the meantime if he wants to compete at this upcoming meet, talk to the coach before he goes to the next practice, and make sure he or she knows about this fear. Fears can cause balking and balking really could possibly result in the gymnast possibly getting hurt. Or maybe arrange a private where this fear is specifically dealt with.

If he does not want to compete, I would suggest not making him. Maybe he is just telling you he is not ready and the fear suddenly cropping up is just an excuse, perhaps a totally subconscious one. I know in t&t the age rules are different but in artistic gymnastics 5 year olds are not allowed to compete, a rule I am in complete agreement with.

 

[mommyof1]

I agree 100% with everything Madden3 said--based on your previous posts, this gym is not dealing with your child in an age-appropriate way. Even if he is amazingly talented and mature, he still shouldn't be treated like an 8-year-old or a 12-year-old or a 16-year-old.

For perspective, I saw a team of L2 (artistic) girls who all looked around 5 years old compete this weekend. Most of them required spots on certain skills and forgot their floor routines so they just sort of ran around while the music played. They were adorable and appeared to be having a great time playing gymnastics. I can't imagine many 5-year-olds doing much more than that at a meet. Certainly not serious gymnastics involving back tucks.

 

[Texasmomof3]

I strongly suggest that you consider having him not compete this year. From several of your posts, it sounds like it is too much too soon and your son is trying to tell you that he isn't handling the pressure well. Five years old is crazy young to plan to compete and it just seems it is all too much for him.

Because T&T is all compulsory routines at this level, he doesn't have the choice to do different skills. And with the way T&T scoring works, you can't just leave out a skill and take a deduction. The routine and scoring stop as soon as you miss a skill, fall, go over the line, etc.

 

[duyetanh]

I strongly suggest that you consider having him not compete this year. From several of your posts, it sounds like it is too much too soon and your son is trying to tell you that he isn't handling the pressure well. Five years old is crazy young to plan to compete and it just seems it is all too much for him.

Because T&T is all compulsory routines at this level, he doesn't have the choice to do different skills. And with the way T&T scoring works, you can't just leave out a skill and take a deduction. The routine and scoring stop as soon as you miss a skill, fall, go over the line, etc.

This. I am saying this kindly: what is the rush? If he is so talented (I believe he is) he has all the time in the world, so just continue to support him and encourage him....and it is ok of he doesnt compete this season. It wont end his world....and it might help enrich it in the future. No matter the age, they have things they have to get over, and mental blocks come sometimes from very odd things. To have a mental block at 5 shows a lot of internal stress; it doesnt matter why it came on or who caused it, the fact is the block is there. And at 5 years old, processing how to get over a block is way harder than at an older age, because typically 5 year olds dont get blocks unless they are being pushed too hard in the first place. They also dont really understand what a block is, they just know they cant do it unless xyz occurs and sometimes not even then.

I am very sorry this is happening. Give him lots of hugs, and tell him its ok.

 

[Natasha]

This. I am saying this kindly: what is the rush? If he is so talented (I believe he is) he has all the time in the world, so just continue to support him and encourage him....and it is ok of he doesnt compete this season. It wont end his world....and it might help enrich it in the future. No matter the age, they have things they have to get over, and mental blocks come sometimes from very odd things. To have a mental block at 5 shows a lot of internal stress; it doesnt matter why it came on or who caused it, the fact is the block is there. And at 5 years old, processing how to get over a block is way harder than at an older age, because typically 5 year olds dont get blocks unless they are being pushed too hard in the first place. They also dont really understand what a block is, they just know they cant do it unless xyz occurs and sometimes not even then.

I am very sorry this is happening. Give him lots of hugs, and tell him its ok.

I can't LIKE this post enough. Very well stated.

 

[LouLou]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. It's really tough when you can't control what's going on in the gym. I agree with the others who have suggested slowing him down a bit and not competing this season. There is no rush in T&T at all. You can start as high as Level 7, then score out. I've seen kids score out of a level and compete the next level in the same meet. It's so different from artistic in that manner. He's not missing anything other than the experience of competing which it sounds like he might be a bit too young for anyway. Take this time to work on and master basics - it may be boring for a bit, but it will pay off.

 

[tpMom]

I think sometimes when we have young children showing a lot of talent, our Crazy Gym Moms come out and we don't even realize it. It is easy to think, "Wow! My kid has such and such skills and he's only ____ old, that's more than (insert name of famous gymnast here) could do at that age!" And we're proud of our kids, and we want the world for them, so we start to imagine a career path for our 1st graders.

Case in point, when my DD started gymnastics at 8, she picked up skills crazy fast. She walked on to a team of girls who had been in the gym for a couple of years already and, within a few months, she had not only caught up to them but blown by them on almost every event. It was great, I was so proud, I'm still so proud. She would tell me she wanted to be like Simone Biles and I would picture her doing it when I laid down at night.

BUT what I learned, and what I'm still learning, is that gymnastics is a long, tough process. Talented athletes are a dime a dozen. They're everywhere. There are probably thousands of kids younger than my daughter who are as talented if not more. The thing is, if her goal is to be like Simone Biles then her talent is only a small part of her dream. She has to stay healthy, she has to avoid long term mental blocks, she has to keep improving at close to her current break neck pace, and, above all else, she has to stick with it! She loves the gym and takes every extra practice she can, and I pay for them and get her there. But sometimes her body is tired or she has the chance to see a friend from out of town and on those rare days we skip practice. It might not be the best decision based on the need to learn skills fast, but it's how I'm trying to help make sure she continues to love gymnastics, especially now that the skills are getting scary and taking longer than a few weeks to figure out.

Your son sounds a little like my daughter, he's clearly talented and driven, and I can understand the urge to keep pushing him forward so as not to lose momentum. But it sounds like maybe it's a good time to slow down a little. Let his mind catch up with his body, and give yourself a chance to enjoy where he's at without hoping it will go further. If he's blocked on his tuck and can't compete right away it really will be fine for him to scratch a meet. If the boys on his team are so much older than him that they're scaring him or teasing him, maybe he could go back a level for normal practice and work some private lessons until he's a little older? If he needs a break from the gym maybe give him a day or a week off. He's going enough to take his time without losing ground on his progress.