Parents I screwed up and need opinions on how to proceed.

[cbifoja]

Last night at pick up, the girls were debuting their recently learned floor routines. My DD only knows half of her routine because of her sequencing issues and it isn't at all polished. Another girl who is a teammate of my daughter's, just learned her routine and it is already gorgeous.

I am embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I had a CGM moment. I insisted that my DD go back on the floor and dance through the routine again because she missed some key musical points. I feel like a complete *** this morning. I recognize that all of this came from my disappointment that my child doesn't really like dance. I compared her to a gymnast who also does competitive dance so OF COURSE my child paled in comparison.

I criticized my daughter for something she already knows she isn't good at and I can't remember a time I've felt so bad. I know all of the "rules" for being a gym mom, but last night, my dance envy got the better of me and the rules left my head and less-than-encouraging words left my mouth. My daughter's eyes teared up and I hurt her.

What should I do? I know an apology is in order but what else should I say to DD. I AM proud of her. She is an amazing tumbler and a fearless gymnast. She has skills that many other moms wish their gymmie had. But because I love dance and she doesn't, why did I have to make her feel bad??? So down on myself right now..... :-(

 

[luvmygymdtr]

Big hugs cbifoja!! I felt compelled to respond because I can so can relate to this mistake. Your right, an apology is in order. However, you are only human. What do you say to her? Exactly what you said in your last paragraph, because it was heartfelt. That you are proud of her, she has amazing skills and is a fearless gymnast-And that your love of watching her do what she does best got the better of you. What gymnast wouldn't love to hear that their mom thinks they are fearless? Then, let a couple of days go by, watch again, and say, "WOW! that was so fun to watch!" If you follow the "rules" the majority of the time, this will pass. Good luck!

 

[gymmomof1]

Oh we all have those "what was I thinking moments" and wish we could hit rewind/erased. Just let her know you were cranky the other day and sorry for that as well as how much you enjoy watching her do something she loves to do. Also let her know she is a hard worker and will be fine with theses new routines. Peace

 

[my4buffaloes]

I am so sorry! I am pretty sure we have all BTDT at some point - myself included. I would go farther than an apology and really explain, in a child friendly way, what you wrote above. Tell her you will try your hardest to never do that again. You can even tell her to let you know if you are starting to go CGM on her and it could turn into a joke that lightens things up.

I try to remind my dd all the time that everyone has their strengths and everyone has their weaknesses. I have to remind myself that frequently too because it it so easy to compare the gymnasts! At practice, at meets, when you see elite girls on TV, etc - comparing is natural, so I have to work very hard not to compare. Hugs!

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

Oh no. Yes, we've all done things we would like to take back. So yes, like everyone else has said, apologize and talk to her.

She'll be fine. I think they forget / get over it faster than us, sometimes

 

[Empowered]

Oh I remember the day I lectured my daughter for being lazy at practice only to end up with her in the emergency room 4 hours later with 103 fever and pneumonia. The good news is though, my daughter doesn't remember that day.

Don't beat yourself up over this. Whether it's gymnastics, soccer, school, we all have our less than stellar moments as parents. If we were perfect all the time we wouldn't be human.

I would tell your daughter you are sorry. It's a good learning opportunity to show her that we all make mistakes, but a good person always admits when they are wrong.

 

[lhmom]

She knows that you love her and now she sees that you're willing to admit when you've messed up. I bet she appreciates that more than you think. DD is another who just has absolutely no interest in the dance part of floor and I have just been biting my tongue (hard) when I have seen it. It really can be hard controlling that inner CGM! Sending some (((hugs))) your way.

 

[MaryA]

The meet my DD came in 1st AA (but fell on her squat on) and the first thing I said to her after the meet? "Stupid squat-on." Tears came to her eyes. I was the worst mommy ever. I am tearing up just writing about it.

Apologize. Tell her what you told us. That you are proud of her and you should never have compared her to another gymmie. That you wouldn't trade her for the entire US women's gymnastics team. ((((hugs))))

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Well, speaking like a dad and a coach of course This is a simple remedy, if you render it. "sorry honey, you know I am a crazy gym parent and I am trying to stay out of it, this is your world not mine, I know you will get it, I am sorry that I embarrassed you, AND I PROMISE to never do it again" Finally, "I will continue to STAY out of the gym". (now you really need to leave her alone or your next post will be)... "Help, my DD wants to quit". (you know I mean well when I say this) You may want to impose a penalty on yourself as well and let her know, (example, I grounded myself from the gym for a month)
There are a lot of things that can make a child not like this sport, but IN MY OPINION, the three biggest killers are, Injury, fear and parents.

 

[Muddlethru]

My oldest daughter (not my gymnast) did baton twirling when she was 1st grade. At her end of the year competition, she forgot which direction to turn. This frustrated me because she always got it right. After she competed, the first thing I said to her was "how could you forget where to turn?" My head was so clouded with that mistake, I did not notice/disregarded the big smile she was wearing and the proud look on her face, which vanished instantly as those disappointing words escaped my mouth. When asked about that day, my daughter does not even remember But I do, like it was yesterday. That was 9 years ago. I could still kick myself for being so caught up in competition. However that pained look in my daughter eyes sticks to me to this day and since that day I've always worn a big sincerely proud smile and open arms no matter how any of my kids do. Chalk it up as a lesson learned. We all make mistakes. It is what we learn from it that matters. As far as what to say to your daughter, I would make a brief, heartfelt apology, a huge hug and move on (at least try).

 

[htimcj]

I think many of us have been there done that! I still remember say some unkind words about DD front handspring. Sincerely apologized and told DD that I was banning myself form the gym until I behave myself! She laughed. I am not sure she even remembers it but I do and have been really good since then to always tell her what I loved to watched at gym today if I saw anything besides conditioning.

 

[kitkat]

I agree apologizing is a must...and I would also compliment her on another practice as how well she did something. Sorry to hear that you had one of those moments we all regret...

 

[JMACAZ]

Ah, I think we all have done something like that. It is so hard sometimes to not say something. I think telling her that you are sorry and that you were having a moment. Big hugs.

 

[iwannacoach]

I'd suggest crocodile tears, if they're trying to work their to the surface. Start with the sentiments in your last paragraph and let her lead the rest of the way...... and remember you asked for it.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

At least you are big enough to admit to us first, Im too embarrased to say or think what I hAve said to my little gymmie.

 

[Kiwi]

Just tell her what you've told us - you are sorry you were so hard on her and you are extremely proud of her, et cetera, just as you wrote above.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

just tell her you screwed up. you learn more and then you know more and then you do better next time. simple as that. and make sure you tell her that it will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

 

[cbifoja]

Thank you all for both your verbal reassurance and your advice. I did apologize to my daughter and she was much more gracious than I deserved. I asked her how she wanted to proceed from here.....did she want to take a break from gym, enroll in a dance class to help, have me stay away from the gym when I don't have to be there for work/booster club obligations?

She said that she doesn't want to do dance (dagger to the heart....again), nor is she ready for me to leave her at the gym (sorry CoachP but there are other issues that make her need to have me there). She did inform me that she wouldn't speak to me if I made her take a break.

I was able to be very positive when she told me last night that she had learned the second half of her floor routine during her private before practice. And when she showed it to me after practice, I made sure to compliment how much better the first half looked and how quickly she had picked up the second half.

So again, thanks to all for the advice/opinions and I'm so lucky that my daughter didn't hold a grudge. And the CGM has been nailed safely back into her box.

 

[UnoMas]

everybody slips in to CGM sometimes...good for you for being able to realize it and apologize to DD. I am sure it will all be fine!