Parents Leftovers from old gym- sorry so long!

[coffeebean13]

Recently we left our dd's gym on a fairly nasty note. By nasty, I mean the gym-owner actually called me and yelled and swore at me over the phone, which resulted in our (so-called) friends from the gym now refusing to have anything to do with us because they are "scared" that it will have negative impact on their dds still enrolled there and the home we were scheduled to close on the week following the "end", well, we ended up adding up our losses and walking away from the transaction (the gym WAS the reason we were buying). Of course, there is SO much more to all this, but those are pretty much the headlines.

So, we are now settling into our new gym, dh and I thought the drama was finally done with the old.... but last week our dd came home from school and told us that she didn't want to participate in gymnastics anymore... not a statement I thought we would hear in a thousand years!

My first thought was that something happened between her and a gymmate, or maybe someone had said something and hurt her feelings at her new gym. Obviously these things can happen, especially with 8-12 year old girls! So, I let her take a minute and then I went in and sat down to talk to her about how she felt and what could possibly make her want to quit (a former USAG Level 4 gymnast that up until last week wanted "to be the best there was", who took 3rd at Sectionals, went to State and was on the Washington South Sectional team *South team won, btw*). At first dd said she "just didn't feel it anymore", then she said she felt like "she was missing out on things with her friends"...then she started to cry.

It was then that I knew it wasn't just (if even at all) the things she had said.

She started telling me how much she enjoyed her new coaches, teammates and what she was learning now training as a Level 5/6. She told me that she didn't want to have it "taken away". She is scared to make friends with her new teammates, because she thinks they "would blame her for things" she didn't do... and that she "didn't want to make bad things happen for our family"...that's about when I felt like wringing her old gym's neck!

Of course throughout the whole drawn-out process of wiping our hands of the old gym, we tried very much to reassure dd that the decisions made weren't because of her, they were because of the lack of communication and poor business ethic of the old gym and that we, as a whole, were better off elsewhere. Now dh & I feel like we didn't do enough. But dd "lost" two good friends in the process (the parents deciding to change their thoughts on the incident given the apparent scare-tactics utilized by the old gym), and I can see where it's been pretty traumatic for her.

Luckily, I was able to take the concern to her new head coach (who knows the story with the prior gym) and we (her new coaches, dh & I) are slowly building her trust back up. I'm so thankful that we are now somewhere that our concerns are addressed and not laid away to be dealt with later, if at all.

Has anyone here EVER dealt with something like this? How did you get through it? I feel as though I need to just focus on my dd and make sure she is happy and try to forget about everything concerning the old gym, but I also admit as a parent when it crosses my mind it just makes me see red! I know we will run into the former coaches and teammates at meets this fall and spring so I want to be able to focus and not be bothered by their presence (or have it bother dd)...

If you made it to here, thanks so much for reading

 

[LMV]

I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but I think I would focus on the situation being unfortunate but not her fault in any way. I would treat the parents and athletes of her former gym kindly if you see them and hope that they will respond in a similar fashion to your family and daughter.

 

[coffeebean13]

Our dd is 8, it is an unfortunate event that took place. I am trying my best to let it not bug me, but like I stated; it is hard to know how my daughter is feeling because of what happened and to not feel upset.

Thanks for your input

 

[LMV]

I think it is great to acknowledge your daughter's feelings and give her an opportunity to express them. Unfortunately, the world is not always a kind and friendly place for our children and sometimes we just can't protect them from everything. I think ideally we teach them that sometimes people are unkind and the treatment they receive is not always their fault. [While striving to strike some balance with consequences and encouraging them to strive to treat others kindly and recognize how their actions can impact others.]

That said, I can see how gym switches can be awkward. I'm sure that it may be a little awkward at meets next year for our child as well. I'd like her to take a year off from competing for other reasons and perhaps that would be an added bonus.

 

[Midget's Dad]

Oh that just sucks

Reading this and your dd's reactions to it all just broke my heart. It reminds me so much of Midget.

Sounds to me like you are dealing with it well. I would keep a close eye out at meets for the next season for any interactions with the old gym. That might just be my protective instincts.

 

[coffeebean13]

So far we've had one encounter with the former gym, it went as well as could be expected (a clinic that put us all under the same roof for 2 1/2 hours). While it was uncomfortable, it was civil and calm. And hopefully I never again recieve nasty phone calls from the owner!

DD's new coach has been very helpful and has talked with dd about what's been going on, emphasizing that it will always be dd's choice to continue or to quit gymnastics, but that choosing to quit because someone made her feel bad might prove to be unfair to herself in the long run. Of course, we've talked about this at home, also.

So dd is continuing to train L5/6, she perked up a little over the weekend and says she would like to stay in gymnastics. I think she still has a little hesitation about competing against her old teammates, but I think by the end of summer and once the fall season starts she will have a new perspective on it all. Adding to the fact that she will have already had 3-5 meets before the former gym starts their season in spring.

I'm just trying to let it all go... I think I'm having just as bad or possibly worse time with it all as she has. Like I stated before, it occasionally plays back in my head and I just feel so dissappointed and frustrated by what happened.

It's definitely been an experience that I wouldn't want to wish on anyone!

 

[AGM78910]

Recently we left our dd's gym on a fairly nasty note. By nasty, I mean the gym-owner actually called me and yelled and swore at me over the phone, which resulted in our (so-called) friends from the gym now refusing to have anything to do with us because they are "scared" that it will have negative impact on their dds still enrolled there and the home we were scheduled to close on the week following the "end", well, we ended up adding up our losses and walking away from the transaction (the gym WAS the reason we were buying). Of course, there is SO much more to all this, but those are pretty much the headlines.

So, we are now settling into our new gym, dh and I thought the drama was finally done with the old.... but last week our dd came home from school and told us that she didn't want to participate in gymnastics anymore... not a statement I thought we would hear in a thousand years!

My first thought was that something happened between her and a gymmate, or maybe someone had said something and hurt her feelings at her new gym. Obviously these things can happen, especially with 8-12 year old girls! So, I let her take a minute and then I went in and sat down to talk to her about how she felt and what could possibly make her want to quit (a former USAG Level 4 gymnast that up until last week wanted "to be the best there was", who took 3rd at Sectionals, went to State and was on the Washington South Sectional team *South team won, btw*). At first dd said she "just didn't feel it anymore", then she said she felt like "she was missing out on things with her friends"...then she started to cry.

It was then that I knew it wasn't just (if even at all) the things she had said.

She started telling me how much she enjoyed her new coaches, teammates and what she was learning now training as a Level 5/6. She told me that she didn't want to have it "taken away". She is scared to make friends with her new teammates, because she thinks they "would blame her for things" she didn't do... and that she "didn't want to make bad things happen for our family"...that's about when I felt like wringing her old gym's neck!

Of course throughout the whole drawn-out process of wiping our hands of the old gym, we tried very much to reassure dd that the decisions made weren't because of her, they were because of the lack of communication and poor business ethic of the old gym and that we, as a whole, were better off elsewhere. Now dh & I feel like we didn't do enough. But dd "lost" two good friends in the process (the parents deciding to change their thoughts on the incident given the apparent scare-tactics utilized by the old gym), and I can see where it's been pretty traumatic for her.

Luckily, I was able to take the concern to her new head coach (who knows the story with the prior gym) and we (her new coaches, dh & I) are slowly building her trust back up. I'm so thankful that we are now somewhere that our concerns are addressed and not laid away to be dealt with later, if at all.

Has anyone here EVER dealt with something like this? How did you get through it? I feel as though I need to just focus on my dd and make sure she is happy and try to forget about everything concerning the old gym, but I also admit as a parent when it crosses my mind it just makes me see red! I know we will run into the former coaches and teammates at meets this fall and spring so I want to be able to focus and not be bothered by their presence (or have it bother dd)...

If you made it to here, thanks so much for reading

Had a similar situation except that the gym owner screamed at me and my daughter in front of a gym full of people when we told him we were leaving. Not a pleasant thing for my 9 year old daughter to have to experience. And her gym buddies (with a few exceptions) would have nothing to do with her afterwards because of the parents fear of retaliation on the gym owners part. No loss for me, but she was very hurt.

She ended up going to a gym where the coaches were kind and supportive. They worked hard on her skills and were very encouraging. A whole different kind of gym experience. And she made new friends that have stuck with her.

Now 3 years later all but one the superstars have quit gymnastics or left the gym and the team is less than half the size that it was. And the one superstar that is left is the same level as my DD.

No one is going to make a scene at a meet. Even if you left on bad terms. They can't afford to be seen as the "bad guy" in front of their fellow coaches and potential gymnasts. The gym owners and coaches of the old gym have made a point of being extra nice to my DD whenever they see her at meets. (UGH)

It did take her a while to get over that horrid experience but she learned a lot about human nature and that sometimes it is best to walk away with your head held high.

 

[coffeebean13]

Thanks for sharing, I'm glad your dd was able to move to a more supportive environment!

We feel that we were lucky to get out, even if the process was less than beautiful. Otherwise we would have felt obligated to stay for another season with them and who knows what would've happened. Even though dd (dh & I, also) has had a tough time of it, it has made our family appreciate our new gym all the more. And it's made it easier to talk about how we feel, too.

Just through the last few posts, I can feel myself letting it go. It's comforting to know that we aren't the only family that this has ever happened to, though I wouldn't want it to happen to anyone! I guess I just needed a few more "vents" to start the "move on process"!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

This is a horrible experience for you and your daughter to have gone through.... We havent' had the same experience, but have had to deal with overly critical parents, watching the "stars" get preferential treatment, only to later quit the sport, as well as being "banned" from DD;s previous gym. All hurtful and unfortunately, life learning experiences to be sure.

I just had two quick questions tho, and no one else seems to have questioned this.... Why were you going to buy a house just for your DD's gymnastics? I don't understand. She's level 4 AND only 8 years old. Even if she says she wants to go all the way, go to the Olympics, whatever... the statistics show how many girls drop out of the sport for each level they go up. It's not a good idea to get so wrapped up in this sport that you are sacrificing family finances and time, esp. at this point in her gymnastics career.

She may seriously be ready to quit, she may not. Just enjoy the ride as it comes w/o any heavy discussions w/her about it... this will seem like more pressure on her to keep up with it, and the pressure always back fires.

I don't mean to sound like Negative Nancy and I sure do hope she does decide to stick w/it. It's a wonderful sport for these kids!

 

[coffeebean13]

I understand your question about buying a home; we are a military family that moved to this location last year. DH is a "flyer" and is often gone, the home we were purchasing put us 5 minutes from the gym and about 10 minutes from the school dd would be attending. DH wanted us "girls" to be close to our "day to day activites" without having to drive the infamous I-5 on a regular basis. It was an obvious choice seeing as how 10+ hours a week are in the gym and school was around the corner, plus our so-called social life was that area, also...so I guess the statement about the home was a little misleading, there were other reasons, but the gym WAS a major player in the fact.

DD is actually very passionate about gymnastics, but this hiccup has obviously presented a hurdle of sorts. We have never thought of gym being a ticket to the Olympics, we've treated this as this is what "she does until she's done", even now after talking about it, she has told us that she doesn't truly want to quit, she just feels like "it will happen again", meaning the ordeal at the old gym... I guess in a way you could compare it to a mental block regarding a skill, she got burned and she's trying to overcome it.

Anyways, I do appreciate your input. It wasn't taken as negative at all, I myself would've probably asked the same question about the house. What was the other question? Did I miss it? I've reread your post but I can't decipher a second question???

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Thanks for replying Coffeebean! I was hoping you would. Now it all makes sense.... at first reading though, I was thinking "whoah... a gym crazy mom!!!" I guess my second question was kind of wrapped up as a statement instead of a question! I tend to do that. The first was about buying the house to be close to a budding gymnast, and the second was really a statement about NOT putting all of your DD's eggs in one basket with regard to gymnastics.... I've seen too many lower level girls, who once aspired to greatness in gymnastics, either suffer injuries that put the kaput on the gymnastics, or more common, as they get a bit older, they want to spend more time w/their friends or the dreaded boys!!! My DD could NEVER fathom giving up gymnastics at Level 4.... she too did a great job w/scores and meets at that level. Level 5 was even better for her. Level 6 came with it's share of injuries and fears.... At level 7 she decided she wanted a more relaxed gymnastics experiences, so she went for Prep Op for a year and then recently decided she wanted to give L7 another try, so we just take it one year at a time... or in reality, more like one MONTH at a time anymore.....

Good luck w/the new gym! Things will work out... she's young enough to get over this quickly.

 

[nettyinpa]

My dd made the move to a new gym this year, right before sectionals and while recovering from an injury. The old gym tried to convince me she was unhappy because she was injured and couldn't do 100% of their practice. Well, they weren't very helpful while she was injured. Sending her off on her own (she's 8, too, a Level 6) to do whatever on the trampoline, tumble track or the pit, just isn't enough. Right before we made the switch she did a few trial practices with the new gym. We went in for the 2nd or 3rd time and she was still unable to do vault for another week. The coach said 'Well, we were going to work on vault tonight but we'll do something instead so she can participate"!! That right there said it all. They were so accomodating, to someone they never worked with but wanted to include.

Forget all the negative stuff coming out of the old gym. Some things will never change. Since we left there's been quite an uproar about a lot of things that the owners 'supposedly' had no idea about and they want to change things. I don't know if anything will happen or not but I don't care, either. You will definitely run into the old team at a meet. Let them all see how well she's doing and how happy she is. You may even have some people changing their tune an moving right along with you. I know I did!

One more thing ~ You did what was best for your dd and don't ever forget that. There are some families at our old gym whose dd's cry every day before and after practice but, because the parents already put out the money thru August, they refuse to let them leave. My dh and I thought just the opposite. We just wrote it off as a loss, money that wasn't really being spent in her best interest anyway, and my dd gained her confidence back and is happier now than ever.

 

[coffeebean13]

I'm thankful we left the old gym without having any type of injury there... but not even into our first week, we experienced how great the staff at our new gym really was: DD brought home something nasty from school, and of course had to miss practice...then the poor thing (the first morning she was to go back to school from being ill) slipped in the shower and ended up with a gash that required 7 stitches! I was dumbfounded, called her HC to let her know what happened and she started working right away on a "personal plan" for DD. All the coaches were MORE than helpful and so concerned with helping her through her altered exercises and stretches. Needless to say I was super impressed! I know for sure that would have never happened at her old gym.

So, when DD had expressed her feelings that I mentioned in the earlier posts, I knew it wasn't because of the coaches or the new gym. Everything just finally caught up with her and I don't think she had realized how hurt she actually was with all the excitement of moving to the new gym. There was just so much going on at once I think she was overwhelmed and wasn't sure how to cope, we've made some great progress talking a little bit here and there about it and she is feeling very good about continuing for now. We will keep at it one day at a time!

It's really been helpful (though sad) to hear everyone's experiences. Thank you all for the warm thoughts and well-wishes!

 

[NotAMom]

What happened sucked but it's important that your 8-yo doesn't get wrapped up in it. The chances are her perception is one sided and she is confused about how this incident will relate to the future. What I mean is that it's ok to hear the story but she needs to understand that there are all kinds of people and people are cruel sometimes; misunderstanding happens and often it may not be anyone's fault; most stories are two sided and it's best to hear them both; and life isn't always fair but most bad things in life aren't directly related, etc.