"Nightmare" sports parent vs. a "Great" sports parent

[gymjourneymom]

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Hello! I haven't posted in ages! I saw this article pop up on Yahoo today and it made me think of CB. Seemed fitting to post it here on CB for discussion.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Oops! Sorry just found someone posted this article already in the parents forum. Although it would be interesting to hear input from some gymnasts themselves regarding how they feel about post meet parental discussions.

 

[kimskids]

Very interesting article. Never thought of the kids having a period of needing to go from athlete back to kid. Maybe that's why my daughter is always somewhat cranky after meets when I am happy for her and wanting to go celebrate (no matter how she did). Makes sense I guess....

 

[Ingwe]

I loved this article. Thanks for sharing!

It's been about a month since my dd and I decided that I was no longer allowed to ask her about gymnastics. She had a pretty big mental/emotional breakdown and in the course of discussing with her why she was so distraught she blurted out that she felt a ton of pressure from me. I don't consider myself to be your typical CGM (obviously I was LOL) but just my daily questions about her practice, her skills, etc were just weighing heavy on her. I had no clue I thought I was just showing interest in what she was doing.

Now when I pick her up I say Hi and then move on to talking about things such as school, friends, etc. She is like a different kid. I never noticed how uptight she was until I see just how relaxed she is now. Funny thing is, now she will talk to me about gym on her own. I am still very careful to just listen and maybe say things like, wow that's really great. No more digging for details.

Reading that article reinforced to me that I needed to step back and just let her be, to cheer for her, support her, but no more inserting myself right in the middle of her sport.

 

[flippin out]

You are a very wise woman Ingwe --- and the total opposite of CGM, btw. Every kid is different. Some do not want us (parents) to ask about how practice went at all, and others would be offended that you weren't showing interest if you didn't ask.......how's one to know, unless you ask? As proof of your non-CGMness....as soon as you figured out what your dd needed from you -- YOU LISTENED! I give you a cyber-High 5!! Wish all parents would listen to their kids more

 

[Ingwe]

Thanks Did I mention have incrediably hard it is to not be able to ask? LOL!!! I feel like I am living in a hole (our practices are closed) I can say it's been a VERY interesting meet season with surprises at every one.

 

[C's MOM]

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Hello! I haven't posted in ages! I saw this article pop up on Yahoo today and it made me think of CB. Seemed fitting to post it here on CB for discussion.

I wish an article or two like this could hit some parents 'upside their head like a ton of bricks'!! I can't tell you how many times I have seen wacked out parents who for whatever reason have become to self involved in their child's activities. These Crazy parents stem from all walks of life and don't just enravel themselves in their child's sport. Some even try to get into all aspects of their child's life. How is a child to become an individual with that occuring?
I am sure we all have seen enough craziness to last a lifetime, but I honestly can NOt believe that I am about to type this following story! This weekend at a wrestling tournament my son attended, a self-absorbed, CRAZY, ****father PUNCHED his son in the chest for supposedly throwing a match. The father hit his son so hard in the chest that he broke some of his ribs!! How this man walked out of the arena alive is something I am still questioning, but he did!! Luckily for his son and society he has been arrested. THIS is the aftermath of what COULD happen when we think our child's ANYTHING is ours. Let our kids be kids. Please! I am only speaking to those who are teetering on this psychotic behavior. And there are so many out there. I see them everywhere. I talked to my eight year old about my behavior and listened to what she had to say. I for one will continue on with the, "I loved how you...." Most times it's "YOU didn't give up! Man you are determined!" I have made my promise that I will NOT become a CRAZY ANYTHING!!

 

[Danica76]

Thanks so much for posting this article! I just wanted to quickly share that we are leaving for a meet in a few here and while I was helping my DD get her leo on, I looked at her and said, "I love watching you do gymnastics, honey" and I totally started to cry. My little 8 year old looked at me with her beautiful smiling eyes and said, "Thanks, Mom. That means so much to me. Now toughen up! There's no crying in gymnastics!" LOL It was a really special moment and I could tell that she got it - that I just wanted to let her know, no matter what, I love her and am proud of her. I sometimes wonder if I am overbearing (that CGM can lurk, you know) and that phrase is going to become my mantra

 

[niklum]

Sometimes I feel like I'm the crazy gym mom, but I'm both mom and coach. I can see what she does right and wrong. I was the one who imposed the separation after meets, though. When my daughter asks me about technique at home, I tell her I'm not working right now. One of my co-workers who coached her own daughter through level 8 gave me one of the best pieces of advice last year. She told me to just let my daughter lead the discussions and leave it at that. It reduces a lot of tension. I love watching my daughter because she is a very talented girl and I think it's cool that I helped her get to where she is.

 

[cbone]

What a revelation!!! I talked to my daughter about whether she likes talking about her competitions right away or would rather wait. She wanted to wait. We made a deal that we wouldn't talk about a meet until the day after.

 

[jsfofec]

This is exactly what we do with our DD, we don't talk gymnastics at all, not only after meets, but also every single day after workout. After four or more hours of practice, the last thing DD wants to do is talk gymnastics. We talk about anything else but that. If she brings it up, then we talk about it, if she doesn't, then we don't. It's very hard not to say anything sometimes, but trust me, it will really benefit in the long run. DD actually talks about gym a lot more now than she did when I used to ask her questions.

We had a clinic a year or so ago at our gym, and part of the clinic was for parents...and the topic was on how to be a parent to an athlete. The suggestions given were exactly like the article in this subject.