Coaches Opinions on policy

[Linsul]

I'm in the sometimes uncomfortable position of getting asked for advice regarding gym policy by friends with kids in competitive gymnastics. Having kids in school and extra curricular activities, my friends are often the parents of my daughters friends. My stance in general regarding these types of questions is to treat it as a relationship. I don't have the full story so I give very cautious advice and never say 'LEAVE NOW!' Usually I just end up helping them phrase a question to a coach or something to that effect.

Well, I got asked something recently that I have trouble finding a subjective level headed response to; so I'm going to put it here and see what you guys think. This is an actual friend of mine who asked, not just a friend by daughter proxy (lol) and I've coached her daughter before. Her daughter has a.d.d. and has recently had to switch medication to enable her to get through school. This is her moms highest priority. She let the gym know by email of this, and possible behavioral side effects for her coaches to be aware of. The gym got the email, and informed her some days her DD had fears of skills she already has. This information was relayed back to the doctor, who said there is room to work with the dosage to get the most from school and gym. During this time period, her DD got sent home from practice 2 times for skill fear and rudeness in the form of not responding to her coaches when they asked her questions. Here's where things get dicey: she was told not to tell her mom what happened and to just relax at home. Her mom was informed by office staff, not any of the coaches. In addition, she was told that there's a 3 strike rule. If she gets sent home again, she's off the team.

The real kicker: One of her coaches told the mom at the beginning of the medication change that 'as an adult with a.d.d. I don't medicate and don't see a need for it.'

I think 3 strike rule is bad policy in general. Kids are too unique in their situations for blanket policy of that nature. My fear for this girl in particular is continuing and getting kicked off the team. Even if she was prepped for it and told she's the victim of bad policy it will still devastate her. What in the world should I tell this parent/friend? So far I've told her I don't know what to think, but I'm actually thinking a lot, and none of it's good.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

I think that since the coaches were made aware of the medication change and that It still a work in progress, as long as this child was not a danger to herself or others sending her out of practice for those things is a load of crap.

If I were her mom, who had done the right thing by making the gym/coaches aware of what us going on, possible side affects and that they are still working with tbe doctor to get the dosage right. I would be angry. I would also be scheduling a meeting with HC & owner to discuss an alternative to sending her out for these ' infractions' until her dosage are corrected. I understand rules, but there is a time when you need to evaluate thw situation to see if that rule really needs to apply.

 

[coachmolly]

As someone who dealt with some behavioral problems as a result of a larger illness during my years as a gymnast, I totally understand that this is a tough road. Her mom absolutely did the right thing by telling the coaches about the situation, but since that didn't seem to get the point across, could she schedule a meeting with the gym owner/HC to discuss these issues in more detail? As a coach, I know that parental insight can be really helpful when dealing with a child who is having some difficulties.
As far as being sent home from practice, it is totally wrong that the child was asked not to tell her mom. She needs to know, preferably from both her dd and the coach, what happened and why this was the chosen course of punishment. There is an exception to every rule, and I honestly think something out of a child's control, such as ADD, should be such an exception. It's not her fault and it is unfair to make her feel that it is.
Unfortunately, too many coaches only understand how to deal with physical injuries and are totally clueless when it comes to mental and emotional type difficulties. This can range from sincere naivete to downright destructive comments. The comment from the coach about medication being unnecessary was ridiculously insensitive, perhaps providing some insight into his/her true character. I'd really watch out for that one, because this child doesn't need to be hearing garbage like that from adults she is supposed to trust.
My advice? Have the mom schedule a meeting with the coach/HC, bring them information regarding her child's condition, medication, possible side effects, behaviors to watch out for, and some methods that can help deal with any problems that may arise. Have her do her best to "educate" them on ADD and her child's specific circumstances. If they are insensitive, unkind, or seem unwilling to deal with the situation, find a new gym. Her dd's health and well being is so much more important.
Sorry for the rant, but this is a subject I feel very strongly about. Sending my best wishes to your friend and her dd!

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Here's where things get dicey: she was told not to tell her mom what happened

MAJOR RED FLAG RIGHT HERE.

I don't blame you for having trouble giving a level-headed response.

 

[Linsul]

Thanks very much for the responses, I'm glad I wasn't crazy to have issues with this particular situation.

One thing I need to mention, that adds to my guilt as a friend, is that the owner/hc aren't available; and pressuring for that meeting has gotten girls walked out before. I had heard of the 'walk out' situations and others as a coach in the area, but I treated it as heresay. The mom I'm writing about did ask me what I knew of or had heard about the gym, and I kept my mouth shut since I had no first hand experience. This is something where the initial meeting/workout went great, and now the 'honeymoon' is over. I can say that before this situation, the mom dreaded checking her inbox due to the influx of flagrant gym restrictions and policy changes. I regret keeping my mouth shut now, though it's different now that I've seen firsthand the emails and the results of those policies I suppose.

I totally agree with you Coachmolly! There is a huge area of ignorance concerning how to deal with mental and behavioral aspects of coaching. I'd really like to see that change in a more meaningful way than a google search education!

The mom did get her daughters side to the story. It feels like the truth, but it's one sided so there are things that don't add up. It appears there's an element of coach drama and boundary pushing by coworkers from the outside looking in. One coach works with DD really well, the other ('I don't need medication so you don't either') interjects and makes calls like sending her home while she's being actively coached by the other coach. There was drama off to the side at this point with those 2 coaches in the form of what looked like an argument that DD saw while waiting in the lobby for her mom. The owner was in their office with the door closed the whole practice, yet the front office told the mom that the owner had 'heard' her DD being disrespectful. When the daughter was asked to elaborate on the disrespect, the mom was told her wrist was hurting for bars and she was scared to cast hs which is what they were working on. Prior to that she'd done a full vault rotation and apparently that aggravated a pain that was already there. When she was pushed to get to work, she shut down. Got sent home. No offer to tape the wrist or investigate the pain.

I just got an update by the mom. She got a response email from the owner saying they'd work with her in very pretty compassionate language. No details on how they'd work with her, or if the threat of being kicked off the team was still there. Things that were asked point blank by the mom in the first email. She's going to have her DD's doctor call the gym and help them devise a strategy to work with her effectively. When her daughter heard this she asked for it to happen soon so she doesn't get kicked out before the team sleepover One of the other parents actually contacted the mom regarding what is happening and what she saw. Apparently this is an old dance to a song that gym is very good at playing.

 

[hakunamatata]

I'm glad the mom asked her DD's doctor to call the gym. Hopefully that helps them to understand that the issues stemming from her new medication are valid issues that need to be treated a certain way. Maybe the doctor can also explain that not everyone responds the exact same way to medication and that every case of ADD is a little different (to the "I don't need medication so neither do you" coach).

I understand the need for rules, but sometimes rules have to be adapted to individual situations and individual gymnasts. I think this would be one of those cases. Instead of kicking her out of practice, maybe they could have asked her to go get a drink or sit in the locker room for a moment until she felt ready to practice again? And who sends someone home for having a fear, anyway? We certainly don't do that at the gym I work at, nor did the gym I used to compete with do anything like that. Fears are normal - if they kick people out of practice for being afraid, pretty soon they won't have anybody left on their team anymore!

The big red flag is that, after all this, the coaches told the gymnast not to tell her mother. Also, the bit about not giving the gymnast medical attention for her injury. Seems like these coaches need to get their act together.

 

[Linsul]

Is nobody else weirded out that the office staff was the one to deliver this message to the parent rather than the coach? As a coach, I wouldn't put the office staff in that situation just because it seems rude to leave it up to them to explain a situation they weren't present for. Were I the parent, I'd be willing to go from polite, to persistent, to straight up obnoxious until I had the coach standing in front of me for any message that regarding practice removal and the possibility of being kicked off the team. I could see myself resorting to calling the gym as the office staff was refusing to get the coach, and then asking for the coach in the hopes of doing so within the scope their job actually made them act on it. Yeah it would be rude, but if honey didn't work I'd bring the vinegar. Just bizarre behavior.

Regarding the wrist, it's the easiest thing in the world to evaluate the situation and then act in a way that isn't a power struggle with a child. Ugh. I really hope the doctor gets through to them. The mom has since figured out some good options to act on. I'm glad I didn't react as awesomely as I wanted to, she's come to the same conclusion I have pretty much without the addition of my unfiltered input!

 

[Aussie_coach]

Hmm, this situation does not sound good. It sounds like the gym puts policy first and kids last. Kids don't always fit into policies, in fact they rarely do.

The idea of a child being sent home from practice for fear is shocking. Fear is an essential part of gymnastics and of life, its one of the things that keeps us alive. Kids should not be punished for being scared, coaches should take that fear as a sign they need to do their job slightly differently.

The coaches comments about not needing medication so the child should not are a serious concern. ADHD varies greatly in severity, particularly in the US where it is diagnosed so frequently. In many other countries only the more severe cases are diagnosed. This coach may have a milder form and is showing great ignorance about his/her own condition, and health in general.

As a coach to tell a child she doesn't need medication is a huge mistake, not being a qualified doctor they can get in some serious trouble.

I would be very wary of this gym.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Is nobody else weirded out that the office staff was the one to deliver this message to the parent rather than the coach? As a coach, I wouldn't put the office staff in that situation just because it seems rude to leave it up to them to explain a situation they weren't present for. Were I the parent, I'd be willing to go from polite, to persistent, to straight up obnoxious until I had the coach standing in front of me for any message that regarding practice removal and the possibility of being kicked off the team. I could see myself resorting to calling the gym as the office staff was refusing to get the coach, and then asking for the coach in the hopes of doing so within the scope their job actually made them act on it. Yeah it would be rude, but if honey didn't work I'd bring the vinegar. Just bizarre behavior.

Agreed. Sounds like this gym has some major issues with communication.

And with coaching.

 

[gymcoach34]

Yikes, sounds bad all around. You are in a hard situation with your friend. I dont think the issue is policy-but this gym & its cruel way of dealing with things. Even if a policy wasnt in place- they would still treat her DD this way. The policy just covers their butts!

Your friend isnt quite ready to admit (I'm not sure why) that this gym isn't working for her daughter. Its up to you to decide if your friendship is strong enough to tell her that, or you just support her & let her figure it out on her own. (If she asked you about it, she already knows, she just isnt sure what to do about it.) Good luck-not fun at all!

 

[Linsul]

Aussiecoach I totally agree that the coach throwing her .02 regarding ADD meds is reckless and potentially dangerous. One of the many things I was shocked at! My own experience with ADD children has taught me to roll with whatever they're feeling for the day. It changes drastically sometimes, and the parents always inform me after in those cases that it was most likely medicine. It's never occurred to me to say a thing about that though, it's easier and safer to just adjust what the child is doing. Not to mention in the realm of what I can control safely and in good taste. I just can't imagine swaggering out to the lobby and lecturing a parent on medication.

My friend in this case does see things the way I do, I just didn't help it along. I backed off initially and posted here for clarity before I opened my mouth! Once she told me about her own conclusions I did heartily agree and let her know that I think she's on the right track. Her plans are very specific to her situation and could potentially 'out' her, so I'm not going into detail on purpose. She's got a good head on her shoulders and has taken great steps with her daughter and the gym. Her long term plans hold a drastic change! So now that there's a plan we have some pretty honest conversations.

 

[gymcoach34]

That is great news!