Parents Parents are so strange!

[NGL780309]

I'm still loving DD's new gym, as is she. I'm not feeling so great about the other parents though. They aren't very friendly. I've been staying for roughly half of practice. The other half I'll go eat dinner and run some errands. They'll say hello to me, but then act like I don't exist. Then they will talk about my DD while I'm sitting a few feet away like I'm not even there! They aren't saying anything mean, but it's so strange. They know I'm her mother and they'll have this whole conversation about her. The one mom will answer questions about my DD like she's the expert. I want to say, "Um excuse me, if you have a question I'm sitting right here!". I just think it's odd. They were having this whole conversation about whether the coaches would put her with the 2nd year Level 4's when they do move-ups next week. The one mom explained to the other mom that even though my DD is skill wise on par with those that just competed their first year, that since she didn't technically compete she shouldn't be with the 2nd years. It wouldn't seem like a strange conversation if they were including me, but it seems a little odd to me. I'm not at all concerned whether they classify her as a 2nd year or a first year Level 4. As long as she's getting good coaching and getting better, who really cares? At competitions this year many of the 1st year level 4's did better than the 2nd year Level 4's. They have the exact same coaches, they are just grouped together. Just venting.

 

[Gymdad2]

That does seem odd, but I suggest that you just speak up and say, "Hi, I'd dd's, mom, we are happy to be here, my name is xxxxx and its nice to meet you. which one is your dd?" You reallyl have nothing to lose, and who knows, maybe it would open the door to being part of their group.

 

[gym monkeys mom]

Gymdads idea is a good one. It lets them know who you are just in case they really are clueless to whoes mom you are.

I am so sorry to hear that you have parents like that. Frankly they are everywhere and all in all sports not just gymnastics . All you can do is be nice and not get involved with gym gossip.

We are fotunate at our club very few parents stay and watch so this does't happen. We do however have other issues all gyms do!

Best wishes keep your head up and be friendly they really may not know who you are.

 

[lilgymmie7]

It's true, they may not know who you are, but chances are they do. They have been there previously, and if they are acting like experts they probably know most parents. People like that have invested too much of themselves not to know who each person is especially if they can note that you have been there quite a bit recently. Who's other mom could you be?
But, I would agree introducing yourself could curtail some problematic situations- or not. I'd also say, don't work too hard to be included in that kind of group. As a person with experience, keep an arm distance length apart. Chances are the coaches know of them and may not hold a great view/accord of them either.

 

[NGL780309]

That does seem odd, but I suggest that you just speak up and say, "Hi, I'd dd's, mom, we are happy to be here, my name is xxxxx and its nice to meet you. which one is your dd?" You reallyl have nothing to lose, and who knows, maybe it would open the door to being part of their group.

We already did that. I know them and their names and which kid they belong to. If they didn't know who I was I'd understand why they are talking about my kid when I'm sitting right there, but they know who I am.

 

[NGL780309]

Just to clarify my post, I've met all of them and talked to them several times. They know exactly who I am. When I get there I always say hello and make small talk. It's pretty much the same 4 moms. It's just very strange to me to talk about someone when they are right there. They will sometimes turn and ask me a question about my DD, but other than that they just ignore me. Who knows. People are just weird sometimes.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Sorry had to smile & chuckle to myself while reading this thread. Not that I'm laughing at you or them. Just the situation....I can picture it. L4 parents sitting watching practice. Concerned over who is placed in which group. 'Who's the new girl?, Where'd she come from? Why is she in my DD's group?'. I know I've been accused of being 'old & jaded' in my opinions here on CB...but I have been there & seen that. Let me just say that out of the 30 girls on my DD's L4 team only 5 are still in the sport now they are L8's. I remember the type of parents you are referring too. They are all gone now...their DD's left the sport. I agree with gymdad2 & lilgymmie7, be friendly to the other parents, but don't go out of your way to be part of their 'group'. Maybe the mom you are meant to be friends with isn't one that sits & watches the girls practice. If a friendship is meant to develop, it will over time. The 5 of us mom's that have been together all of these years are great friends now, aside from our DD's involvement in the sport. Traveling to meets together, sharing in the up's & down's of each of our DD's(and entire families) we have bonded together as 'mom's' in general, not just gym mom's. Good luck! I hope in time you do find a sincere friend at this gym. True friendships develop over time & through shared experiences, JMHO.

 

[GymnastJoy]

It also could be a matter of jealousy since your dd is the "new girl". Why would these moms care if she is in the 1st year or 2nd year L4 group if they all practice and compete together? It does not take anything away from their dds. Maybe they feel that she is a somehow a "threat" and are discussing it in front of you on purpose. Some are not comfortable with change. Just a thought.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Oh that is ashame. I am grateful that the parents in daughters gym are not like that we are like a big family and I always make a point to be friendly to new parents. To be honest that kind of environment would make me pull my daughter out of that gym, I do not care how good the coaching is. How are the kids with your daughter?

 

[NGL780309]

The other kids are great. DD loves them and is very happy.

I'm trying to keep an open mind. I'm very shy so perhaps they are thinking I'm rude because I don't join in more. We are having a Christmas party soon so perhaps that will be a time to get to know them better.

 

[Swiftli]

These parents have already bonded and shared prior experiences and formed their gym mom clique. I am positive as the competition year goes along you will be brought into the fold as you share common experiences with this group of parents. Although once in, I think you should share how tacky they were talking about your DD as loud as they were with you standing right there.


OR maybe by talking about your daughter they were somehow trying to draw you into to conversation with them

 

[Jennemmy]

I agree with Swiftli's assessment. We switched gyms and it took nearly a full year for me to feel comfortable with the existing team parents. And just like Swiftli said, one of the moms eventually said to me how rude one of the parents were when I first started at the gym. The funny thing is it had nothing to do with competitiveness between daughters. I was from out of town. Most of the parents had been together at the gym or in the area for 5 or 6 years. And because I did sit thru practice and try to break the ice by talking about gymnastics they were worried I was competitive. They had seen that before and tried hard not to fall into "the trap" so to speak. Give it time. If you are there for the long haul, you'll find your niche.

 

[nevertooold]

Try complimenting THEIR daughters to them, that is usually a good ice breaker.

 

[kimmy4]

I would act polite, but I agree with the above poster who said those type of Mom's are not good to be friends with. If they hang out at the gym all practice, comment on every little thing, etc., they are obviously the type of parents who are living their lives through the child and have no clue. Don't be distracted by these types of individuals. Continue to focus on YOUR child. NOT other people and their strange comments. (It would bother me, too, so I DO understand). I think this is just one of those times where, if they truly know who you are, it's best just to let this go. They are NOT going to stop talking, even if you DO say something. It's just not worth it for you. Don't be sucked into this type of gym drama. And I agree...let's see if they are here 5 years from now when we're talking L9 and not L4. Those who have been around long enough know that you just need to let your gymnast go in and do their thing. Support at home. Support at meets. Let the coaches handle the day to day. Let your gymnast tell you about her day and the high's and the low's. Mom's in L4 do not have enough experience witht the 'big picture' to really 'get it'. It's very easy to be consumed with it at that age/stage b/c it's all so new and exciting and everyone has stars in their eyes. A gymnast with parents like that (who talk about everyone) won't get too much support b/c I am sure they are talking about everyone at home, too. That is crazy pressure and it is not good to start out like that. Keep supporting your child and don't worry about others.
Just my two cents!

 

[JessMom]

I've been meaning to reply to this. I wanted to tell you the same thing happened to me when we switched gyms.

I just sat there and pretended not to hear them and listened to every word. Thankfully there was no negative - more a competitive vibe

What I discovered since is that the team was close and had been together for years (from classes to level 3, level 4, level 5 - we joined their 2nd level 5 season) - we were the fresh meat and a subject of great interest. I'm actually glad they didn't all attack me with the questions and the one person that thought they knew all answered - I may have ran for my life.

I would consider just about all of them friends now and my daughter LOVES their daughters. However, I STILL hear people talking and others answering as if she was their daughter - whatever, who cares. They love to talk - I'm happy to not.