Yeah, do not contact the host gym yourself. This is *very* frowned upon around me. If you ask your gym about it and they agree to try and get your money back, then there is a chance, but again, let them deal w/ it. If your gym says it is their policy to not refund any meet fee payments, then you are out of luck (even if the host gym's flyer lists a refund date).
DDs gym works this way - every girl of the same level pays the same total amount for meet fees, and they are non-refundable...it doesn't matter if you know you are going to a miss a meet months and months in advance, and doesn't matter what the reason is. Many parents have eaten meet fees at our gym over the years for various reasons (vacations, conflicts, injury)...it is the type of thing where you just have to respect the policy of your gym.