Coaches "She's Bored"

[Linsul]

It's been awhile, so hi CB! Everything on the gym front is going well, but I have to rant. I got my first weapons grade "She's Bored" recently. By 'weapons grade', I mean I'm pretty sure it was used as a manipulation tactic. It's a mean little knife to twist.

I have a girl everything is going fine with. One of her parents wanted to know why she isn't doing harder skills. I told the parent she's gone as far as she can on floor (walkovers, limbers, back extensions, cw step in, straight leg forward roll)) until she can learn to snapdown, or even straight jump, with consistently straight legs + remembering to point her toes. It's fine, she's young and working on it, etc. Bars, beam, vault, her issues are focus related. Again, totally ok, she's young and will work it out.

I get 'she's bored'. Ok, time to learn the difference between bored and lack of focus. I explain she has PLENTY to work on in her library of skills. Boredom, to me, is proficiency achieved and nowhere to go. She has PLENTY to work on with her current skills to keep her busy without lamenting the next step. Lack of focus is not caring about the details that tell her coaches she's ready to move on skill-wise, calling it boredom is to mislabel it. It's fine, she has time to get this concept and we're in no hurry. Then the kicker: 'Well, she doesn't want to come sometimes, I mean she hesitates to get in the car and she's very good at other sports."


.........omg..........are............you............kidding.............me.....(in my head of course)...................


What I actually said: Ok. Well you have some parental decisions to make, it's not my place to decide how you spend your time or your money. I've given you all the input I'm qualified to give, and can only assure you that I'm 100% sure that as a parent you will make the best choice, and that no decision you make will burn bridges with the gym. Now my phone is blowing up, and I'm trying to get the image of this girl fighting getting into the car to go to BAD GYMNASTICS out of my head before I return the call. I don't think it's true by the way, she's very enthusiastic until she loses focus. I find myself thinking about that bear bar coach video Bog linked awhile back.


OH WHILE IM AT IT: I had a parent ask me to talk to their DD about the importance of 'acting right at home' and let the girl know missing gymnastics is now a consequence. Fantastic. It was in the lobby so I decided to refrain from outing what I think of that, but basically me and my phone will spending some quality time together as I sort out various messes.

 

[coachmolly]

Ugh, I hate those words coming from a parent! I just had a similar situation with a beginner rec. girl who has 0 focus, especially considering she's 9 and should be able to at least focus better than the 6 year olds in her class who is "bored". And while I wish I could just tell the parent straight out that their kid lacks focus and won't be moving anywhere until they can make that happen, no parent really wants to hear that. I am more than willing to move a kid up who is ready, ask any of the kids I've moved up mid-session. I don't believe in holding kids back, so I'm not picking on your kid or playing some kind of game with you. Fortunately for me she decided to move her to T&T where standards are much more lax and I was able to move her to the next level. I really dodged a bullet with that one.
I don't know what I would have done if the parent told me she didn't like to come anymore, geez! I think your reaction was incredible, especially considering the position they put you in. I think I would have just stared in disbelief.
And having a parent ask you to play the parent with their child is UNBELIEVABLE! I'm not sure I could respond to that without offending. Good luck to you with all you have on your plate, sounds like you've got more than your fair share of "those" parents. Yikes!

 

[gymdog]

I think you handled it the right way. She is not ready skillwise to move on and safety has to be the first priority. I assume this is a pretty young kid. I would tell them well I hope she will change her mind and enjoy coming to class, but if not there is nothing wrong with taking a break for a day or a month. Or I will say let me tell you about our program...we require proficiency in these areas to move on...then you make it less about you and more about "the rules." I also add that for younger kids (preschool, K, 1st grade) gymnastics class is also about learning class behavior and social skills, etc. That you do not teach the class just for the children to learn gymnastics, but also with cognitive, emotional, and social development in mind. This is true from what you've posted about your classes before, so I think you should explain this to them and give an example. Some parents won't be happy with that but for some they will understand more...moving on requires not just bare proficiency of skills, but potential to do the skills at the next level and also ability to follow the class and enthusiasm for the harder work the next level will require.

 

[Linsul]

Ugh, I hate those words coming from a parent! I just had a similar situation with a beginner rec. girl who has 0 focus, especially considering she's 9 and should be able to at least focus better than the 6 year olds in her class who is "bored". And while I wish I could just tell the parent straight out that their kid lacks focus and won't be moving anywhere until they can make that happen, no parent really wants to hear that. I am more than willing to move a kid up who is ready, ask any of the kids I've moved up mid-session. I don't believe in holding kids back, so I'm not picking on your kid or playing some kind of game with you. Fortunately for me she decided to move her to T&T where standards are much more lax and I was able to move her to the next level. I really dodged a bullet with that one.
I don't know what I would have done if the parent told me she didn't like to come anymore, geez! I think your reaction was incredible, especially considering the position they put you in. I think I would have just stared in disbelief.
And having a parent ask you to play the parent with their child is UNBELIEVABLE! I'm not sure I could respond to that without offending. Good luck to you with all you have on your plate, sounds like you've got more than your fair share of "those" parents. Yikes!

I have a similar situation with a girl in the highest rec level. Wants all the skills my other girls have, but won't do the conditioning they do. Will literally pose in the position to start conditioning and then just stare at me and do nothing. Her favorite thing to talk to me about is the time she busted her old coach in the face doing a bhs. I gave her the skills require strength lecture in the nicest possible way, but it didn't go far. I will say that she won't be notching a face busting on me in her belt, gosh! I get you on not holding kids back, that's never the goal or intent. I mean it doesn't make sense, especially from a rec standpoint. We want kids to do well and move through the ranks, it's good for them and shows the program works. Getting approval to move on up isn't a guarantee of new skills though, they all have challenges and requirements that only increase as things get harder. I wish it could be fixed by staring and posing...but no.

My handling of it was totally coached before hand haha. We're very collaborative at the gym, the HC, compulsory, and optionals coaches all give input when they feel like it. I was told that the girls are fine skillwise, but they need to work on focus and learn some of the finer cultural aspects of the gym as it relates to showing what you know without being asked to, and independent stations. I've been using the hard worker stars and such, but things get silly rather quickly at times if I'm not 2 centimeters away from whoever initiates the silly. Before I adapted to whatever their attitude was and kept them focused. Now I'm not stopping what I'm doing, and they either work or don't. My spotting station is not to be interrupted by the independent workers unless something serious happens. The 'Ummm..I forgot what to do' and trivial interruptions are now verboten. They won't get in trouble, but they've been instructed to ask one of the other girls and figure it out rather than run to me while I'm working one on one. If nobody knows (hasn't happened thank goodness!) then they are to pick a split and wait until I can get them back on track. The group got a big talk regarding these things at their last workout, they will need time to adapt to not getting my attention at any old time, but I think they'll get it. Afterward I told the parents. HC gave me a pre-talk about the possible reactions to setting new expectations that could result in watching their gymnasts zone out for a few minutes. 'SHE'LL GET/IS ALREADY IS BORED!' was one, so lol! Right now is about perfecting skills and learning how to work with a coach in the way the team coaches would expect.

I think you handled it the right way. She is not ready skillwise to move on and safety has to be the first priority. I assume this is a pretty young kid. I would tell them well I hope she will change her mind and enjoy coming to class, but if not there is nothing wrong with taking a break for a day or a month. Or I will say let me tell you about our program...we require proficiency in these areas to move on...then you make it less about you and more about "the rules." I also add that for younger kids (preschool, K, 1st grade) gymnastics class is also about learning class behavior and social skills, etc. That you do not teach the class just for the children to learn gymnastics, but also with cognitive, emotional, and social development in mind. This is true from what you've posted about your classes before, so I think you should explain this to them and give an example. Some parents won't be happy with that but for some they will understand more...moving on requires not just bare proficiency of skills, but potential to do the skills at the next level and also ability to follow the class and enthusiasm for the harder work the next level will require.

Thanks! I've given this speech generally to the parents as a group, but I can definitely personalize more for this parent. So I think I have a mental script worked out now for this phone call. As I posted above, the parents did get a focus speech that included a bit about safety and why I won't walk away from my station now, the need to ensure I get uninterrupted one on one time with each girl, and the assurance that independent stations are things that the girls are totally capable of but will need to try at. So I was mostly offended I think that I was getting strong-armed after a pretty thoughtful breakdown of whats going on and why. It just seemed pointed and nasty when combined with the 'hesitates to get in the car' comment. I know I don't know her as well as her parents, but I do know her work ethic, that she waits for class with a smile, what she's happy to demonstrate, and that she's a total post workout goodbye hugger. I absolutely agree with you on the enthusiasm for the harder work the next level requires point. This gymmie in particular stood out to the compulsory coach when she got evaluated for telling her 'no' when asked to show 'x' amount of certain conditioning required. I'm glad I posted now, because I forgot that fact until now, and the parent is also aware of this.

 

[CoachGoofy]

It's the season! I have a "bored" one too.

I ended up telling the parents that I love working with their daughter, & I would love to teach her harder skills, but that I just can't skip progressions & fixing technique. Also that going back and fixing things that you've "had" for years is way more frustrating & boring than taking the time to learn it right the first time.

 

[gymdog]

I absolutely agree with you on the enthusiasm for the harder work the next level requires point. This gymmie in particular stood out to the compulsory coach when she got evaluated for telling her 'no' when asked to show 'x' amount of certain conditioning required. I'm glad I posted now, because I forgot that fact until now, and the parent is also aware of this.

I'd also add in then that there is a big difference between 6 months to a year older when kids are younger, because lots of development is happening at these ages. Many kids just aren't ready at 5, 6, 7, but are great at 8 and 9. I think you can also tell them you've seen many kids at this age that just aren't ready but it doesn't mean anything a year from now, and you plan to continue working with their child so that she will eventually be able to move on.

 

[nevertooold]

Maybe we should make one of those animated "but my Susie is getting bored" things!

Kids who are bored in developmental pre-team classes will not enjoy team. Competitive gym is boring, not always but yeah sometimes. Do it again, do it better, higher, tighter, faster, now with better shapes, now with emotion, now with extension, and amplitude and artistry, now hit 10 for 10. Awesome, perfect!! Now make it better, do it in combination, put it in the routine...

If kids in developmental are bored just tell the parents:
This is the program we run, at times it is boring, at times if is exciting, exhilarating, fulfilling, challenging, and the thing inthese kids lives that they live for, dream about and will cherish looking back on as adults. But we certainly understand that not all
kids feel that way and share that passion for competitive gymnastics. And that is OK
too. For those kids we offer recreational classes, thru are really fun, you get to run
and jump and make new friends and blah blah blah please ask ms susie in the office
which classes are available if you would like to try that out for awhile. We would love
to have your daughter back in developmental if she changes her mind.

If the child is already in the rec track it is much simpler, Susie isn't ready for the increased expectations of the next level. That doesn't mean I don't like Susie or think she isn't good at gymnastics or that she will never move up, but she just inst ready right now and it would be unfair of us to place her in a situation fir which she is not prepared to be successful. Here is what we need to work on: work ethic, Ability to work independantly, desire to try her best even when I am not looking, etc... I will speak to her about this and let's you and I revisit this issue again in 3 months.

 

[Linsul]

I thought about this, ran some errands, had dinner, and went to pick up the phone as I said I would...but changed my mind. There's been no lack of communication on my part, so yet another would do nothing. I'm 99.9999999% sure she wants me to say "Hey, this will all be worth it come summer because your DD is making team. I'm 100% positive she will compete at our gym." or "Yeah you should probably consider other options because it's not happening here, absolutely not." I can't say either of those things, and frankly I'm kind of burnt out trying at the moment. I've been pc, polite, and to the point, but it's just drawing out a tired dance. I want more focus on the details of current skills on all apparatus. Not mild insults, vague leaving insinuations, or the feeling of being backed into a corner. Maybe this is the mozzarella sticks I had before dinner talking (they were great but I feel kinda gross and gurgly now) but I'm not going to rehash what the parent already knows or make big decisions in regard to their DD. I'll just sit here with my pepto and see them when I see them.

 

[Linsul]

Maybe we should make one of those animated "but my Susie is getting bored" things!

Kids who are bored in developmental pre-team classes will not enjoy team. Competitive gym is boring, not always but yeah sometimes. Do it again, do it better, higher, tighter, faster, now with better shapes, now with emotion, now with extension, and amplitude and artistry, now hit 10 for 10. Awesome, perfect!! Now make it better, do it in combination, put it in the routine...

If kids in developmental are bored just tell the parents:
This is the program we run, at times it is boring, at times if is exciting, exhilarating, fulfilling, challenging, and the thing inthese kids lives that they live for, dream about and will cherish looking back on as adults. But we certainly understand that not all
kids feel that way and share that passion for competitive gymnastics. And that is OK
too. For those kids we offer recreational classes, thru are really fun, you get to run
and jump and make new friends and blah blah blah please ask ms susie in the office
which classes are available if you would like to try that out for awhile. We would love
to have your daughter back in developmental if she changes her mind.

If the child is already in the rec track it is much simpler, Susie isn't ready for the increased expectations of the next level. That doesn't mean I don't like Susie or think she isn't good at gymnastics or that she will never move up, but she just inst ready right now and it would be unfair of us to place her in a situation fir which she is not prepared to be successful. Here is what we need to work on: work ethic, Ability to work independantly, desire to try her best even when I am not looking, etc... I will speak to her about this and let's you and I revisit this issue again in 3 months.

We must have posted at the same time, just saw this. I totally agree, we need a "But my Susie is getting SO Bored!" animation thingy. I laughed when I saw that, good times. It's a good plan, I agree that no love for devo details will just make a miserable team member. It's a point that could probably use some stress, I've been nice and communicative with the parents. I feel...a little taken advantage of, like nice or at the very least available to talk, was mistaken for pushover. Going to let it ride for a few days, but great advice here for the next round of talks.