Should I quit over a team mate?

[Northstar2400]

well recently (ok basically since i started wheni was 8(iam now 14)) i have been bullied by this one girl. Recently it has been bothering more andmore andher comments to me keep getting worse! I amreally quiet at practice and just work hard toget my skills becausei am nowa level 7 the skills wernt coming real easy. I am also injureedso i cant do anything on my arm but i do dance and conditioning at practice.

I was practicing my level 7 floor dance through on a small part ofthe floor when she comes over tomeand asks "why are you doing your level 7 routine when you know you aregoing to come back as a level 6" i then decidedto respond well i have talked to our coach and i knowwhat i am supposed to be doing. she rolled her eyes and said well weve talked to her to and she said you were going to be a level 6.

Ok so here is what my coach had told me two practices before:
-so im thinking that when you come back if you really want to compete, at your first meet youll be a level 6 but then after that you will be a 7 as long asyour elbow holds out. but i dont want you competing more than one meet as a 6 and if you decide not to compete we can just keep you in thegym and train your level 7 skills again.

So you can see the difference.i believe my coach never told them that i was for sure goingto be a level 6. I really like my coach. But the girl is the same age as me and has always treated me like imnot part of the team. I just dont know what to do? Any advice? I told my mom but i dont knowif she will talk to her or not.
-this has made me not want to go to practice again.I dont think i will go to practice until this is straightened out. i feel like if im goingto leave the gymin tears it shouldnt be from a teamateit should be from the workout! Please help!

 

[KyraGymnast]

that girl sounds really mean! : o

but I would definitely NOT quit if that girl is the only reason you are doubting yourself. If anything you should try to work even harder because of her so she doesn't have anything real to bully you about.

secondly I would talk to your coach- tell you coach how and when the girl has been saying. Tell your coach you know what your team mate is saying isn't true, but it's really effecting your gymnastics and giving you thoughts about quitting.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to your coach about this please PLEASE have one of your parents talk to them for you.

It's hard enough to come back from an injury without bullies adding stress:/

Keep us posted 'Kay?

 

[Northstar2400]

Thanks. its hard to get a chance to tlk to my coach because our gym doesnt hve a ton of coaches. but i love the coach and i would hate to switch gyms because the only other one close is like a military academy. they train way more hours and its hard to switch gyms while on an injury. i dont wanna sound selfcentered but my coach sees that im a hard worker b/c at the last gymnastics banquet i recieved the hardest worker award. but everytime i enter the gym its like i dont want to be there because of her. i meanshe id my level and my age which makes it worse. but im glad someone cares aboutmy problem
Thank you soooo much!!!

 

[Kiwi]

Don't quit because of her, she is the one with the problem, if you quit you've let her win. I agree with the advice to talk to your coach or get your parents to. Do you get on with the other girls okay? It might help if you feel you have the support of some of the other gymnasts. Personally I'd tell this girl to bite her you-know-what and tell her it's none of her business what level you are doing. BTW, well done on getting to level 7!

 

[Northstar2400]

Thank you! its hard being one of the taller gymnasts haha. andwe have a small team only 3 optionals (all of us level 7) and the other who is 12 is really sweet and nice when she is not aroundthe other girl but when she is its like she has to follow her. to them its like imstill the newgirl since i started gymnastics so late. but considering imthe same level and i skippedtwo team levels (4 and 6) im at the same level as her. my mom talked to my coach and she said she would talk to her. honestly i hopeit works because i would hate to have to switch gyms because i truley love my coach!

 

[10.0]

It stinks but my advice is deal with it in a mature manner. I don't know how old you are but I am guesssing 13 or over as you have to be to post on CB, you are old enough to deal with her, I am not saying not to inform your coach of what is going on but next time kindly tell her it is none of her concern and to worry about herself, keep doing so and she will lose interest, as long as she thinks she is getting a rise out of you she will continue doing it.

And as far as quiting over it, take it as a lesson this type of thing is going to happen at every stage of your life, it gets even worse as an adult and in the work place learn how to deal now and you will be so much better for it!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

oh boy...i think most of you know what i want to tell her to do...i won't.

you know...i do most of my typing with my 2 MIDDLE FINGERS...i'm just sayin...

 

[CoachGoofy]

Why are girls so MEAN?

I'm not gunna say ignore it, or don't let her get to you, bc there's only so much you can control that, but don't let her chase you out of the gym.

 

[gymgurl]

I'm really sorry this is happening, it is never fun believe me i know i was practically bullied out of my last school (i was considering changing anyway but the bullying really just made the decision and surprisingly enough one of my team mates also has a habit of bullying me and this girl sounds fairly similar to this girl in my gym.

By the sounds of it she is extremely insecure about her ability and sees you as a easy target to boost her self esteem. Unfortunately this is the truth under every bully is an insecure child but at least they aren't arrogant, over confident with ego's the size of jupiter. Anyway back on to the topic.

Don't let it get to you, use this to be even better! It would be sad if you quit because of this girl just as you have got to the fun part of your own routine!

I just want to say congrats for putting up with it for so long its hard and i remember when i was bullied i just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry and sometimes with my team mate at the moment it's like that too but i just try to ignore it. So kudos to you!

Stick it out trust me karma has a wonderful way of making things right.

 

[Granny Smith]

Do NOT leave because of this girl - you will regret it! You leave the sport on your terms, not because of someone else.

Like others have said, the bully is insecure and due to her insecurities she is targeting you.

 

[taximom]

Please have someone talk to your coach! The other girl sounds very insecure and obviously doesn`t get the meaning of the word team! Congrats on reaching level 7!

 

[flipper's fan]

This has happened to my dd too. It's really hard when there are only a few girls and the other girls feel like they can't stick up for each other because they will become targets. That is why it is really important to talk to your coach. This is affecting your whole team and the coach probably doesn't know anything about it.

I always told my dd not to let anyone chase her out of her gym or stand in her way of meeting her goals and that's what I'd like to tell you. I know it's hard and I'm sorry for you being in this situation. You have the power to change it with the help of your coach and your parents.

 

[bookworm]

Bullying needs to be dealt with head on...this girl needs to be told by someone in a position of power (i.e. the owner/HC) that the behavior she exhibits will not be tolerated AND there needs to be consequences for it, whether it's being suspended from gym initially to actually being asked to leave. I think at this point your parents should have a chat with the owner as they are the ones paying your tuition bill and they could always take their business elsewhere.

I know a lot of people have to you to ignore her etc but in reality that's tough to do when it happens on a daily basis and frankly, you shouldn't have to tolerate it so do speak to your parents about contacting the owner.

 

[cher062]

well recently (ok basically since i started wheni was 8(iam now 14)) i have been bullied by this one girl. Recently it has been bothering more andmore andher comments to me keep getting worse! I amreally quiet at practice and just work hard toget my skills becausei am nowa level 7 the skills wernt coming real easy. I am also injureedso i cant do anything on my arm but i do dance and conditioning at practice.

I was practicing my level 7 floor dance through on a small part ofthe floor when she comes over tomeand asks "why are you doing your level 7 routine when you know you aregoing to come back as a level 6" i then decidedto respond well i have talked to our coach and i knowwhat i am supposed to be doing. she rolled her eyes and said well weve talked to her to and she said you were going to be a level 6.

Ok so here is what my coach had told me two practices before:
-so im thinking that when you come back if you really want to compete, at your first meet youll be a level 6 but then after that you will be a 7 as long asyour elbow holds out. but i dont want you competing more than one meet as a 6 and if you decide not to compete we can just keep you in thegym and train your level 7 skills again.

So you can see the difference.i believe my coach never told them that i was for sure goingto be a level 6. I really like my coach. But the girl is the same age as me and has always treated me like imnot part of the team. I just dont know what to do? Any advice? I told my mom but i dont knowif she will talk to her or not.
-this has made me not want to go to practice again.I dont think i will go to practice until this is straightened out. i feel like if im goingto leave the gymin tears it shouldnt be from a teamateit should be from the workout! Please help!

Well that girls sounds like she needs a life. She has nothing better to do than annoy other gymnasts. She is a bully.

Don't quit because of this girl if you quit then she gets what she wants - control. When she talks to you just ignore her like she isn't even speaking. Yes it's hard when you are 14 for hurtful remarks to be heard and not responded to. If you do feel the need to respond then I would suggest something like "I think its time you minded your own business" or "If I want your advice I know where you are" then just walk away and let the coach know.

As far as the coach discussing your plan with others I seriously doubt that has happened I've never know a coach to talk to other parents and gymnasts about other gymnasts.

Listen to your coach she/he is the one that knows your skills and abilites best and stop listening to this bully. Her opinion really doesn't matter and you should take anything she says as anything but a a mean girl looking for a rise out of someone.

 

[cher062]

Bullying needs to be dealt with head on...this girl needs to be told by someone in a position of power (i.e. the owner/HC) that the behavior she exhibits will not be tolerated AND there needs to be consequences for it, whether it's being suspended from gym initially to actually being asked to leave. I think at this point your parents should have a chat with the owner as they are the ones paying your tuition bill and they could always take their business elsewhere.

I know a lot of people have to you to ignore her etc but in reality that's tough to do when it happens on a daily basis and frankly, you shouldn't have to tolerate it so do speak to your parents about contacting the owner.

I agree bookworm!! Parents should know what has been happening and coaches and owners need to be involved. In the mean time take a big gulp and just keep going and totally ignore her as though she isn't even there.

 

[Northstar2400]

Thanks for all of the advice. my mom finally talked to the coach andshesaid she would talk to the girl. but within this time the girl apologized saying she felt really bad. i dont knowwhether i can blieve her or not?.... im so lost!!!

 

[All Chalked Up]

You need to talk to your coach! They will most definitely do something about it. Don't leave the sport if you love it.

 

[hppy4u2]

We just went through a similar situation but it was a joint effort on the part of the bullying parents and their daughters. What we did may not work for you but we searched some other gyms that seemed to have a nice competitive program. Then we approached the gyms and asked if we could see if our daughter would be a good fit with their team. Fortunately for us we found a gym that has an excellent program AND a great group of girls! We were originally a little scared to try this gym because their girls were so good but when our DD tried out her first practice with the girls they actually fought to partner up with our DD.

So you never know sometimes bad situations have happy endings.

 

[Northstar2400]

The problem with findinga new gym (i know all of thegyms in the area...haha) is that right now im injured and cant do most skills (well almost all skills...i cant use my right arm...) so finding agym that wouldacceptme now would be really hard. This gym is really convient as it is 15 minutes from my houseand the only other close one is our biggest competiter and they dont accept us very well...

 

[gymnastqueen13]

NO WAY!! trust me i have a gurl just like this on my team (unfortunatly) and i hate her... but do not quit!!!! dont let her get in the way of anything you do!! GOOD LUCK WITH HER!!