Parents Talented but sensitive...what to do?

[LIGYMMOM]

My DD is 9 and at the top of her group and ready to move on physically, but maybe not emotionally. She cries easily and fears tough conditioning, even though she is strong and able to do it. She wants to move up, but is conflicted about possibly leaving behind her group of friends that she is very comfortable with. Does she repeat the level when she already has the skills for the next level, or move up and work through the emotions, new group, etc. Any suggestions? Has anybody faced this before?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

common problem. she'll get over it after a couple work outs in the new group and with those kids.

 

[Sparky]

She moves up and will be fine .

We went through this a number of years ago (actually *7*, GASP!!) and, although we initially declined the offer to move "up" and the coaches were fine with it - after a couple of weeks I remember thinking, Oh my goodness, what have I done (my dd didn't want to because she didn't want to leave her friends, and beloved coach, and I encouraged her to stay where she was. As a matter of fact, one of dd's biggest fears was this if she didn't accept the offer, one of her beloved teammates would "have to go" instead . Once she knew that this wouldn't happen, she made the decision to stay with her group). Upon re-thinking the whole thing, I re-visited the idea with dd (after confirming that it was still possible for her to move to the new group), and she agreed that it would be a good idea to try it for the summer and re-evaluate after that. She has never looked back, and is, to this day, still close with her former training mates as well as her new ones.

Change is good!

 

[iwannacoach]

My DD is 9 and at the top of her group and ready to move on physically

It works like this. Many 9yo's think, plan, and dream in shorter time frames than do kids who are 12, 13, and 14. She's probably been taken by surprise by the move and just needs to chew on it for a while.

On the other hand...... If she's moving up to a group that is way beyond her present skills, like she does back handsprings while the rest of the new group have twisting layouts....... Well, that can cause genuine problems for some kids.

 

[Faith]

What's the gym's philosophy? I know of some gyms who want the kids to work at a certain level, and aren't really bothered what the individual wants. There was a really talented child in DD's group they kept moving into the elite group- they all train at the same time, so it was just a matter of putting her with the older kids or a different group.

Every time they did she would quit. It took the fun out for her. There'd be discussion and agreement to let her go back to the old group, and it'd be OK for a while, then she'd be doing the conditioning with the elites again, then certain skills, then it got hard and she'd quit again. There's been quite a few kids found the 15/20 hours a week hard, and they let them quit rather than adjust the hours. DD quit as she wanted to do 12 hours per week for the summer rather than 15, and they wouldn't allow it. These were (old) US level 4/5/6 sort of standard.

Where DD is at at the minute they do what the kid wants. They work on the principle that if a talented child is unhappy, they'd rather back off them for a few months and keep them training than have them quit. So there is always the option to move down, sideways, to a group with friends, to train less, or more. They're a much bigger club though so there's more options.

I think presenting the idea to her as "try it for 3 months" is a good one, if the club are OK with it. Then she knows if she's really unhappy she can go back to her comfort zone, bit of a safety harness for the leap into the unknown

 

[LIGYMMOM]

Thanks for your responses and insight. I think you are all right and she will be fine. If she's ready to progress I don't want to hold her back. At the same time I fear that she won't be as happy in the new group and that it will ruin gymnastics for her since she is sensitive and somewhat shy, it takes her a while to be comfortable in new situations. It's a pretty big gym and they do well, but also seem to understand that the kids need to be well rounded and happy. They would probably let her do either. Faith I like the idea of giving her that "safety net" so that she doesn't feel like she is stuck and separated from her friends forever.