Team Girls facebooking

[flip out]

Hello,
I would like to know if your teams have a problem with girls on facebook talking trash about: eachother, coaches and other staff at the gym, have their been any incidences of kids getting cyberbullyed by their teamates, making inappropriate comments about coaches, and how is this/has this been handled (if at all) within the gym?

I personally have seen some of this stuff go on and seemingly parents are not monitoring their kids at all, and there have been emotional consequences for some people, but so far nothing diastrous, but I am just waiting....

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Hello,
I would like to know if your teams have a problem with girls on facebook talking trash about: eachother, coaches and other staff at the gym, have their been any incidences of kids getting cyberbullyed by their teamates, making inappropriate comments about coaches, and how is this/has this been handled (if at all) within the gym?

I personally have seen some of this stuff go on and seemingly parents are not monitoring their kids at all, and there have been emotional consequences for some people, but so far nothing diastrous, but I am just waiting....

facebook=evil

 

[hawaii_gymnast]

This happens at my gym i just stay out of the mix and aren't friends with those girls, these girls always have to go into meetings with the head coach and often get yelled at. these girls dont even want to be at gym, they just want to be able to tell people they are gymnasts so people think they are cool and can do cool stuff

Im sick of it all, and next year half of them arent coming back.. I think even the coaches are happy

 

[txgymfan]

Facebook is not evil. It is a way to communicate just like email, gossip or passing notes. I find it to be an effective tool share pictures and thoughts with local and long distance friends. Every day my friends post things that make me laugh, feel supported or show me how to support them.

The girls just need to learn to be responsible and learn repercussions of their words. Words can hurt people and that started long before facebook. Maybe a coach could facilitate a team discussion about facebook and encourage them to support each other via facebook. Possibly make a team page where coaches, parents and team members can post positive messages and be role models.

 

[flip out]

THANKS to all of you for your replies. TXGYMFAN, your positive suggestions are wonderful, I will pursue this, as I believe an "intervention" is much needed. What is going on is destructive, hurtful and certainly not very "team"....why DO young girls feel the need to behave in this way, I will never know. My own, thankfully, is so closely monitored that she just simply won't go there.

 

[txgymfan]

Thank you.

I've heard so many people attack facebook but I thinks it's a great way support each other. Obviously, privacy setting should be set carefully and an administrator would need to monitor a team page.

Most people love genuine public praise so seeing "great job for XXX" or "thank you for XXX" on facebook could be a motivator.

We need to find as many ways as possible to teach the girls to be positive and supportive of each other. If they are into facebook then teach them to use it responsibly. Effective social networking is being taught to business professionals every day. It would be a great skill for the team to learn now.

 

[gymkat]

We had issues with this... not so much with gymnasts as with parents!!!! It's amazing how much people trash talk online, even when the conversation is directly linked to their names.

 

[gymdog]

I haven't had any problems on Facebook myself with the people I've done gymnastics with. Or anyone, really. But there are lots of kids on FB now who are not even in middle school. This doesn't bother me in a "kids! ruining facebook!" way, but I do think they need to be supervised by adults. Some of the kids I coach have FB and have friended me, which I'm fine with as long as they also have their parents as friends on there and know (they are severely limited profile on mine - not that I put anything up anyway, I just don't want to deal with millions of random comments). So far, so good, but I wouldn't hesistate to tell them to remove stuff if I saw something I felt wasn't appropriate.

 

[NYgymfan]

FB is just another way to gossip. Gossip has been around as long as people knew how to communicate with each other. Its just the methods are changing. I'm guilty of gym gossiping. But I don't take it to a hurtful level, and I've come to accept that people talk about me when I'm not around either.

But it really amazes me what people are willing to say when they are behind a computer. People can be pretty mean, even when everyone knows who is saying it. But honestly, I think the fact that people (kids especially) reveal way too much information online, and don't even come close to understanding the consequences of doing such...I think that is a far bigger problem than gossiping.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

Pickle's too young for FB, as are most of her teammates. I'm FB friends with some of teammates moms though. It's really nice to see them post "I'm so proud of (gymmie) and her team for placing first" or something like that. It's kind of fun to share our kids successes more globally.

I just got Pickle her first email account and our conversation about not being mean to/about friends was very weird. It was as if that had never occured to her.

I love the suggestions of coaches expanding the lessons of what it means to be a team onto FB.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

facebook for teen age gymnasts= distraction

 

[fishchimes]

I wouldn't really call it a distraction, although some people spend WAY too much time on there. I don't think it's evil, either, but it has a lot of potential to be, what with the way people use it. I have a facebook and I really only use it to chat with my friend who's parents cut the phone line XD And it's fun to share pictures, videos etc.

I think a lot of people get cocky when they go online. They have a lot of time to think about how to respond to/start arguments when they're over the net, and they never have to look in the person's eyes.

I bet once they get offline, though, they're scared out of their wits about seeing the person

 

[bookworm]

Our gym had a couple of girls who used foul language and unflattering adjectives while talking about their coaches on FB ...the gym found out...they were suspended from gym for 2 months...haven't heard about it happening again.

My daughter uses FB but I "friended" her so I can monitor the activity...and by the way, "friending" me was not optional.

 

[coachmolly]

Social networking wasn't around when I was a gymnast, so it obviously didn't cause much of a problem. Instant messenger was become popular when I was about 11 and that caused a few issues though, but fortunately it was after I had left the gym and never had to see those girls again. As a coach I typically work with younger girls who aren't really into those kinds of things, so I haven't run into any problems yet. However, my brother is a swim coach and I think he might have run into some problems with facebook and teenage swimmers. It's just something parents and coaches need to be aware of. Because in addition to bullying, there are also issues with younger girls friending older girls or coaches and coming across material that isn't exactly age appropriate. It really amazes me what some people post for the world to see!
But as others have mentioned, it can have positive aspects like supporting team members, keeping in touch with teammates who have moved away, that kind of thing. I think private, closely monitored team groups could be a good idea, but only if someone was willing to take upon the responsibility of carefully moderating everything, and that is a lot of work.

 

[gymjoy]

Our gym had a couple of girls who used foul language and unflattering adjectives while talking about their coaches on FB ...the gym found out...they were suspended from gym for 2 months...haven't heard about it happening again.

My daughter uses FB but I "friended" her so I can monitor the activity...and by the way, "friending" me was not optional.

This is what needs to happen more often - especially teen-age girls - who misuse facebook or any other form of communication to bully and defame others - swift, hard consequences. To often we sit them down and talk to them, often with the person they have been talking bad about present. Of course the girls are going to agree what they did was wrong and say they will not do it again. It is, in my vast experience - a lie!! It is only when they suffer from their misdeeds that they figure out it isn't worth it, and that they were wrong. No one is going to make girls friends just because they are on the same team - but respect is non-negotiable.

It is the parents who should be teaching this to their children, unfortunately many just do not seem to bother to teach their children respect for others, responsibility for themselves and others, or even basic politeness. It is just sad to me that a clerk at the comic store my children frequent, often while I am at the grocery store in the same mall strip, stops to tell me how polite, well-mannered and responsible my children are in the store. He said most kids are awful, and that is with their parents present!! My kids know that disrespectful behavior will end in sacrificed privileges, extra chores, or other appropriate consequences. I have made my dd go back into a store to apologize to a clerk for rude behavior and help clean up a mess she had made. (the mess was unintentional, but her denying it afterward was what she was reprimanded for.)These thing leave impressions on kids. They soon figure out that acting in a good way makes, and keeps, them happier.

My husband and I are both friends with my dd on fb. I also check her text messages as well as her e-mails. I know some of you will think that it is overboard of me - that she has no privacy. However, I only monitor her interactions with others because we have run into trouble with her being bullied - and her response it was destructive to herself because she was not able to handle it on her own. I do not check it regularly, only when I think there might be a problem. And I never read her diary. The good thing is she now talks freely with me when a problem arises because we have been through it, and she knows I am there to help her, not to hurt her or tear her down.

Stepping off my soapbox now

 

[gymfan4ever95]

I have a facebook. I am friends with a few teammates and teammates parents. I am also friends with my coaches. There was one incident where the mother of one of my teammates said something negative about the head coach. It got back to the head coach, and she talked to the gymnast & the parent about it in the office after practice. I don't think there were any consequences for it (as it was the parent who posted it), but it was deleted.

That same teammate was also saying rude things about another teammate when I posted a picture of that teammate. Those two argue all the time, but a parent commented on it and told her to be careful with what she posts online...because it could get back to the girl who was being talked about and she would be heartbroken by what was being said. She only looks up to the girl, and so seeing her say mean things about her would crush her!

 

[bookworm]

This is what needs to happen more often - especially teen-age girls - who misuse facebook or any other form of communication to bully and defame others - swift, hard consequences. To often we sit them down and talk to them, often with the person they have been talking bad about present. Of course the girls are going to agree what they did was wrong and say they will not do it again. It is, in my vast experience - a lie!! It is only when they suffer from their misdeeds that they figure out it isn't worth it, and that they were wrong. No one is going to make girls friends just because they are on the same team - but respect is non-negotiable.


I totally agree... without consequences, knowing the girls involved, it would have continued. The gym brought in the girls' parents, showed them the print outs of what their daughters had exchanged on FB and TOLD the parents they were suspended...no debate, end of story. And supposedly if it happens again or is directed to a gymnast, they will be done from the gym...

I know one of the families well and I was pretty surprised that their daughter was involved but the parents were appropriately horrified and the kid was punished at home as well. The other kid has parents who don't care what she does , so I figure she will be tossed in the future because she took it as a big joke.

 

[Optionals United]

GymJoy that was pure poetry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It just boggles my mind how people treat and misuse facebook and other things these days. They are set up to keep in contact with friends and family, not to bully and put up personal information! People just don't understand the consequnces when they put up that stuff. You just hit the nail on the head GymJoy!

 

[flip out]

THANKS again, EVERYONE for your supportive words and great suggestions. I too, believe in swift meaningful consequences to this type of behavior. I encourage all gym owners, coaches and gymnasts, your gym should draft a policy regarding inappropriate facebook use that will include the consequesces, and have all gymnast and their families sign a written contract that they understand they could be suspended without regard for lost gym payments, yes, hit them in the pocketbook, and maybe they will pay attention to what their kids are doing.


THANKS again!

 

[All Chalked Up]

No, but I have heard about it, and it's awful. The girls on our team have facebook, and have each other listed as siblings. No trash talk whatsoever.