WAG What do you tell your gymnast...

[Flyaway]

... When she is disappointed in her meet results because she "thought she was doing her best" (her words) but still scored lower than she wanted and didn't reach some score goals she set for herself? She's 8 btw, still figuring this sport out. I need a good response.

 

[mariposa]

I never had my daughter set score goals when she was little, she was 6 when she started competing old level 4. She made small goals on each event. She would pick things she struggled with in practice or the prior meet. One goal was always to have fun! Sticking vault or pointing toes, etc. Small, attainable goals. Scores are subjective, so it's a good idea not to make them a goal.

Even if she didn't meet all her goals, I'd make her think of something she did good on or was proud of herself for each event.

Good luck! It's hard being a gym parent!

 

[Committed]

I have an 8yo, too.
I'm a bit blunt, so you may nice it up a bit, but I would say....

Bummer. Your best just wasn't good enough today, but that's okay. This was just one day, with these judges, and these competitors. Another session, she may have scored better, but she also could have scored worse!

Just go back to practice and make those corrections. Work hard. Be confident and have fun!

 

[needcoffee]

My DD has only ever been disappointed in her performance at one meet, a couple of years ago as a level 3. I tried to say all the right things, but she really didn't want to talk about it, and nothing I said helped.

A couple of days later she came to me and said "oh well, I have only been doing gymnastics for 6 months, so I guess I actually did really well".

She just needed to work through it herself in her head.

 

[LizzieLac]

Always tell my kids that not doing well or having some sort of failure is WAY more valuable than always succeeding. Learning experience...Tells you what you need to work on, that you need to work harder and ultimately helps you learn about yourself and how to overcome challenges.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Keep working !

 

[Mrs. Puma]

Welcome to my world...lol!! In our case, I remind her of the differences from last season to this season (tiny Xcel meets vs large JO meets) and I focus on the positives. There are always positives, and they are often not score nor placement related. I try to make it not a big deal and remind her that all athletes are disapointed sometimes. Its how you rebound from these disappointments that shows what kind of warrior you are. And once the wounds are healed a little, maybe a few days later, I tell her that sometimes we think we're doing our best, but maybe something does need to change. Puma Jr sometimes thinks skills are cleaner than they are, and (again...a few days out) seeing video is kind of harsh reality that if she wants to improve there are changes that need to be made. Also, and maybe this is a maturity thing, but I think sometimes they think if they do something perfectly once that it will magically stick. I remind her that she needs to do skill x EXACTLY how her coaches say EVERY time. Your body remembers everything you do, good or bad. Good luck!!! It's so hard, isn't it? Focus on the small victories!!!

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

If she is disappointed in how she performed (not scores or placements) I always tell her SHE is the only one who can change that. Falls etc happen, but barring that SHE knows what she needs to work on.
Scoring and placements you don't get to be disappointed about. If you did your best, I'm proud of you!! Sure, it stinks not placing, but since mine almost never does I'm used to it and so is she. She is constantly in the age group with the super talented little phenoms, and she is NOT on of those!! It can be hard when you see that you would have placed in a different age group, but it is what it is and as long as you did your best, you had a successful meet no matter if you walked out of there with hardware or not!!!
It really needs to be about personal goals. Even at age 8. (Mine is 11, FTR)

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

And when I say personal goals, I don't mean scoring goals. I mean sticking the routines, nailing that BHS on beam, getting that leap higher in floor, sticking your tumbling pass, getting over on your Giants, stuff like that. Not "I'm going to score over a 9on floor today!" Because you can't control how the judges see things or what they are going to focus on. You can only control yourself and your effort.

 

[auswi]

Op, I would have a chat with your Dd, to help her set meet goals that are not score or placement orientated.
My Dd is extremely competitive so her goals always used to be to include things like " remember to smile at the judges," to help her relax. The goals need to be attainable. Now Dd always beams as she's discovered she loves competing but initially that remembering to smile was a biggie.
Good luck☺

 

[Deleted member 18037]

We use the football expression. Any given Sunday.

One meet, one set of scores, one set of judges.

Its the work, the corrections that matter.

We never shoot for a certain score. Scores will change depending on the judge. Example at a meet recently, our girls are used to getting in the 9s for bars. Not one kid at the meet got in the 9s. First place on bars was 8.7. They didn't all get "worse" at this meet.

We never set score goals, Only exception to qualify or score out but it is not a focus, just noted. As in "Great you qualified for States."

 

[Pirouette]

"Tell me one thing about your bars routine that made you happy. Tell me your favorite part of your floor routine today. What made you most proud on beam? What was your best part of vaulting today?" Then "And those things are making me smile today, so thank you for making Mom smile!"

My dd is not a top of the podium type of gymnast. (Although she did get first once on beam!) She's very middle of the pack, or bottom of the pack on vault. We learned though her 6 years of competition dance that judges are human, too, and have very different biases and preferences when judging. We learned to focus on what she did well. Now that she's 12, sometimes we talk about what she could have done differently. She's old enough, and knows enough about skills and her routines, that she usually knows exactly what she should have done to score higher. And if she can't figure it out, then we shrug and figure either the judge likes a different style, or her coach will tell her what she needs to change.

When she was 8, I steered the conversation toward what she did well, not the negative side. In our situation, that's the teacher's/coach's job.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

"Tell me one thing about your bars routine that made you happy. Tell me your favorite part of your floor routine today. What made you most proud on beam? What was your best part of vaulting today?" Then "And those things are making me smile today, so thank you for making Mom smile!"

Love this

 

[rjb123]

Mine is 9 and at this point she sets goals like: hitting my handstands on my casts and clear hip, hitting my beam routine etc. Honestly for her the scores mean a lot less than her coach's evaluation of her routine. And her own evaluation.

 

[Deleted member 17723]

Keep working. Scores don't mean much, not yet anyway. If she thinks she did her best, and she did "so and so skill with this or this (insert a skill and success there), then she did great!! Or, hey, you might've fallen on your _____ but you got right back up and finished strong. Tell her that she can't control her scores (for the most part... judges will be biased, scores will vary) and placements but she CAN control blah blah and blah. Ie. straight legs in her kip, or a high set on a tuck, etc. After all... FAIL can just mean "first attempt in learning" in she wants it too or END is "effort never dies" or NO means "next opportunity"... Scores shouldn't matter - what should matter is that she had fun, tried her best, and kept her head up

 

[Flyaway]

Thanks for the great suggestions! I will try some of this next time and will also try to steer her goals away from scores. Although that might be hard because she's determined (on her own, no pressure from us) to get all 9's in one meet- it seems reasonably attainable (she averages 8.8-9.4 on all events) but has yet to actually do it. Like it was said above, "any given Sunday".

I feel as though she's making the transition into understanding that gymnastics is more than just "getting" skills. To be fair, her whole season last year was really focused on exactly that. Now that she's repeating and is completely capable of "doing" all the skills, she's struggling to understand how to take it to the next level. I try to stay out of it and let the coaches help her, but I can understand her frustration. So it helps me to know how to respond when she comes to me with statements like what I mentioned in my original post. For the record, she's placed top 3 at every meet this season, so she's doing great. It just sounds like we need to help her readjust goals.

 

[Committed]

Thanks for the great suggestions! I will try some of this next time and will also try to steer her goals away from scores. Although that might be hard because she's determined (on her own, no pressure from us) to get all 9's in one meet- it seems reasonably attainable (she averages 8.8-9.4 on all events) but has yet to actually do it. For the record, she's placed top 3 at every meet this season, so she's doing great. It just sounds like we need to help her readjust goals.

Then this is the perfect time for her to learn this lesson. Just imagine when she starts NOT getting into the top 3. Once they get the taste of top placements, often the anxiousness, frustration, and self-doubt multiplies.

 

[kitkat]

Speaking from experience - when Alex was 8 she scored poorly on an invitational meet, particularly vault. And she cried for 2 hours. After her episode I took her aside and had a huge talk about the way she should act at a meet. I am a bit of a hard a$$ and felt that she needed to understand that coming in 5th or 9th or last is nothing to cry about. It takes hard work and dedication to be a gymnast and if you felt it was your best then it was your best. I told her she needed to stand up there with her placement and be proud.
I told her that if you didn't think it was your best - then step back and think about what you need to do different next time. But still nothing to cry about.
I was glad that this situation had presented itself because Alex has always performed very well in ODP testing and didn't know what it was like to not place well. It was a great life lesson at an early age. It made her realize that she needed to work hard.
I am proud to say that she never had an episode like that again and she is now 13.

I have been to too many meets where I see kids crying after the award ceremony for not winning. These kids that I am speaking of are 12, 13 and 14 years old. Its a tough sport not everyone wins, not everyone goes to the Olympics. I think they need to learn this lesson at a young age.

They need to win and be humble and lose gracefully....

Hey deep down inside I was devastated for her but I felt I needed to put on a strong face and deal with it firmly.

Good luck with your gymnie... its a tough tough sport..

 

[Flyaway]

Thankfully she saved her disappointment for later at home! I agree with you. I'd put the kabosh on grumpiness at a meet real quick.

 

[Peanut]

Thankfully we haven't had to deal with disappointment yet. So far, through almost 2 seasons (levels 3/4...ages 6 and 7), some really good scores, many average, and a few she just laughed about. A few meets with 3 medals, some with 2, a few with 1, and recently a meet with no medals. She's pretty much been happy go lucky. Just plugging away I'm hoping her focus remains on going to the gym and enjoying the sport and the camaraderie she's building with teammates and coaches.