Why most children quit - article

[gymgurl]

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saw this article and just thought i'd share it as I'm sure statistics would be true for gymnastics if not a higher drop out rate

 

[Deleted member D3987]

great article.

 

[gymmomof1]

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saw this article and just thought i'd share it as I'm sure statistics would be true for gymnastics if not a higher drop out rate

Really good article. Thanks so much for sharing

 

[Uglybetty]

Just loved this. I occasionally have the odd peep into the tiny glass pane on the gym door but I am careful not to be seen. Having heard coaches talk about helicopter patents on another thread, I have made the decision to never, ever comment about anything I've seen (absent abuse). In the car all I ever say is "was gym fun today?". One dad the other day watched for the whole 3 hours and then said he planned to tell his DD that she'd been doing a move incorrectly on beam because "there's no point in spending all this money and time on gym if she's not going to do it properly". I cringed at this and instantly knew what the coaches mean when they say that parents can damage a child's confidence and love of the sport.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

perfect example of what we coaches mean.

 

[profmom]

I will own it right here. I am a yeller. An incessant, loud yeller, at every meet and every soccer match. The kind some people don't like to sit next to because I'm liable to get too excited and dump a drink or popcorn on you.

BUT . . . I almost never yell anything negative. I will groan at a bad call in a soccer match if everyone else is, and I'll quietly tell another mom/dad that the judge was out to lunch if we do not think the score reflected their gymmie's unbelievably fabulous performance, but that is all. The rest of my yelling is all along the lines of "great job!" and I get as excited for the other kids competing with mine as for my own. My son probably hates this, but I will also yell out "great save" if the other team's keeper manages to stop one of his special airmail deliveries. I actually learned this before we got very far with gymnastics, because one of DS's long-term soccer teammates is now officially a former soccer player because of his dad, who was unbelievably negative and intrusive at games. DH gets very excited as well, but I've encouraged him to try to go by at least a 3-1 ratio (3 positive cheers must accompany every negative cheer).

Thanks in large part to this board, I now know better than to ask for a detailed rundown on practices, but I'm almost always ready to be a cheerleader when things are going well or a shoulder when they're not. If someone's down after a meet, I try to encourage focusing on the things that went well if the talk seems to be too much about the kip not made or the fall that never happens at practice.

Do you coaches out there think there's any harm in being vocal if it's positive?

 

[Flipflopz]

I am mostly silent at the meets. Sometimes I don't cheer at all for dd. Other parents probably feel like I am odd. I also try not to sit near/across from events where she will see me. She tells me when she likes cheering and when she doesn't. Seems to be a "phase" thing with her.

 

[GymmieC]

My DD has asked me, " Mom, why don't you cheer for me as loud as so-and-so's mom?" She told me that she wants me to cheer for her loudly like her teammates' parents. That is something I have to work on. No matter what happens I will always cheer for her and really all other kids, but the degrading that is heard by some people in the stands is remarkable and something that scares me away from being a cheerleader. Sports is meant to be fun. I know coaches want the gymmies to take the sport seriously, but without the element of fun at every turn where is the motivation to continue? We as adults, yes do things out of responsibility at work at home, etc. But those things we find enjoyable we do over and over again as much as we can. Gymnastics, sports in general should be the same as that.
Now I know I have to work on my own mindset when DD's coaches come to me with a concern. When it is a behavior concern like the need to put forth more effort, I need to not go overboard with the mindset that maybe other teachers have, " My child will not be a problem in class!" I have found myself really trying to measure my words with DD when I talk with her. But it does irk me when teachers/coaches have reached out to me for all three of my kids. I know I said some things with first DD that I learned to not say with my DS, and I hope I never repeat with little DD. Car ride home after practice I do ask , " How was practice?" But I can gage her interest to talk or shut me out. So I hope I am doing it right. After meets, well this kid always gives me so much to gush about! Whether she had a great meet or fell off her nemesis the beam twice, her tenacity and great spirit out there so impresses me and makes me so grateful that God has chosen me to be her Mom!

 

[skschlag]

I will own it right here. I am a yeller. An incessant, loud yeller, at every meet and every soccer match. The kind some people don't like to sit next to because I'm liable to get too excited and dump a drink or popcorn on you.

BUT . . . I almost never yell anything negative. I will groan at a bad call in a soccer match if everyone else is, and I'll quietly tell another mom/dad that the judge was out to lunch if we do not think the score reflected their gymmie's unbelievably fabulous performance, but that is all. The rest of my yelling is all along the lines of "great job!" and I get as excited for the other kids competing with mine as for my own. My son probably hates this, but I will also yell out "great save" if the other team's keeper manages to stop one of his special airmail deliveries. I actually learned this before we got very far with gymnastics, because one of DS's long-term soccer teammates is now officially a former soccer player because of his dad, who was unbelievably negative and intrusive at games. DH gets very excited as well, but I've encouraged him to try to go by at least a 3-1 ratio (3 positive cheers must accompany every negative cheer).

Thanks in large part to this board, I now know better than to ask for a detailed rundown on practices, but I'm almost always ready to be a cheerleader when things are going well or a shoulder when they're not. If someone's down after a meet, I try to encourage focusing on the things that went well if the talk seems to be too much about the kip not made or the fall that never happens at practice.
Do you coaches out there think there's any harm in being vocal if it's positive?

LOL! ALl of our parents, and the gymnasts are loud and vocal! Not even sure if the kids hear us because they are so busy cheering for one another. The whole routine....COme on! you got this! Nice! finish strong....you get the picture. SO the parents are just secondary.

Now, I have learned not to sigh, yell, cheer, groan, or even breath when videoing.....those can be seriously misconstrued later. Although I do have great video of my arguing with a coach from another team as they started to warm up and walk right in front of everyone while my son was competing. But that was just rude.

 

[GymmieC]

LOL! ALl of our parents, and the gymnasts are loud and vocal! Not even sure if the kids hear us because they are so busy cheering for one another. The whole routine....COme on! you got this! Nice! finish strong....you get the picture. SO the parents are just secondary.

Now, I have learned not to sigh, yell, cheer, groan, or even breath when videoing.....those can be seriously misconstrued later. Although I do have great video of my arguing with a coach from another team as they started to warm up and walk right in front of everyone while my son was competing. But that was just rude.

Oh geez! Try hearing, "It's okay baby, it's okay." I really hate hearing my voice on video. I seriously have tried to stop my oohing and aahing and so on when I video. I can hear DD saying, "Mom, you are soooo embarrassing!" But I LOVE hearing her teammates and other parents cheering for her! So I really need to train myself to be QUIET when I tape her...

 

[skschlag]

yeah. a lot of mine is "come on come on ...ooh" I have no idea why, as parents, we haven't figured out to tape each others' children so we can't hear that as much! LOL!

 

[Mom2Brats]

I dub over the soundtrack. There's just no way on earth that I won't make some sort of noise when she falls. But I do try really hard just in case she sees the video before I have a chance to clean it up!

I do wonder about the 'drop out' statistics. Is it dropping out of all sport or a specific sport? Because the term 'quitting' kind of bugs me when it comes to little kids who are trying to find their passion. I don't think it was quitting when my ds stopped gymnastics after 2 yrs or didn't re-enroll in soccer after one season, they just weren't his thing. Now he's happy in taekwondo and can do a better cartwheel for XMAS than he ever could in gymnastics! My 5 yr old will be done with taekwondo after the next belt testing and I've heard a few comments about 'quitting' around the studio and it really bugs me. She's barely five, for goodness sake! Should every kid be forced to stay in the first activity they try? Anyway, I know that's not the spirit of the article, I just wondered how the 'drop-out' statistics are calculated.

 

[UnoMas]

Great reminder for us parents to be supportive, supportive, supportive of our gymmies who continue to hang in there!!!!!

 

[DND]

Love the article and as for cheering at meets...I am still trying to be able to watch and get my face out of my hands!

 

[happychaos]

I hate sports. I have tried a good number spanning the time I was a child through adulthood. I despise running after a ball, so soccer was out. I tried track for a season, but discovered I hate running after nothing even more than I hate running after a ball. I found softball terribly boring, but basketball was too intense. The only thing I ever loved was gymnastics, but a bad hip prevented me from doing that beyond the age of 13 or so. Even now I am trying to convince myself that I can learn to like Zumba. "It's like a party" everyone says......

My DH played every sport he could his entire life, Including two in college (not at the same time, obviously) and one semi-professionally. Both of us are healthy, well adjusted adults with a great range of interests and hobbies. Haven't kids always done lots of sports, only to stop when they are teens? It's what kids do! Try lots of things. No strings attached. I don't think this is a new phenomena and really doubt it has anything to do with parent behavior. I have some friends with older kids, and I know these are 100% positive parents. Their kids still quit most of their sports in middle school.

 

[profmom]

I guess I would want to see the study. First, the article is about leaving sports entirely, not quitting a sport, so they aren't talking about kids who try a few different things before they figure out what they love. But more importantly, if the study only captured kids registered to play organized competitive sports, then it's definitely missing at least some people who develop a lifelong love for physical activity in part through early exposure to sport. Does the gymnast who becomes a dancer get counted? (Sometimes dance isn't counted as a sport.) What about the track kid who simply decides running is great but competing is not? The kids you see out there doing tricks on bikes and skateboards? The ones who ski every weekend but never race? Or the hikers, a group that includes mine?

Also, "never" is a long time. I was very physically active and competed in a sport until I was eighteen. Didn't do a whole lot other than occasional hiking and biking until I got into my 40s, and then took up running fairly seriously. Judging by the 5 and 10K packs at a lot of races around here, I'm not the only mom who got tired of sitting around watching her kids be fabulous and decided it was time for some athletic glory of her own!

 

[Krystan]

I would *never* deign to correct dd or comment on anything because she is so sensitive and perfectionist. She hates cheering. She hates "positive talk" unless she *knows* for sure she earned it. I saw her land her FHS-FT for the first time (for me) at the end of practice the other day and I was so excited for her - I thought it looked great. On the way home I said, "Your FHS-FT looks great!" She immediately said, "No it doesn't! I over-rotated-bla-bla-blah-something-wrong-not-perfect." When I witnessed the first kip and the first flyaway, I was allowed to say something because she was so excited she actually cracked a smile those times! In those cases it is more praising the hard work, perseverance, and conquering of fears than the gymnastics itself.

Meets generally aren't a problem because she gets that they're for fun. She knows how she did, she doesn't get upset if she messes up, and is happy when she wins but doesn't expect it. We talk about how people did generally, the prizes, etc., but I would never analyze her routine. I'm pretty sure that would be the quick route to having her quit gym.

 

[Krystan]

I have no idea why, as parents, we haven't figured out to tape each others' children so we can't hear that as much! LOL!

We started doing that last season! Much better. I always end up lowering the camera while taping my own kid because I forget it's there and want a better view!

 

[raenndrops]

I played every sport available to me when I was younger... Football for 2 years, baseball for 4-5 years, basketball for a season, volleyball for 2 years, track for a year, and softball for a year... plus gymnastics and swimming whenever I could. My dad watched me play football and baseball (he coached my baseball team all but my first 2 years). As the youngest kid (and only girl) on the football team, the coach told me I was the best QB in the league... I was almost 8 and the oldest in the league were 12.
My dad only occasionally told me what I could have done better... but usually it was something that I was not supposed to do anyways. Example: Playing shortstop in a game, I did not cover home when the ball was hit to right field... in this case, the 2nd baseman goes out to be a cutoff and the shortstop covers 2nd base.
Playing QB in football, the coach called a post pattern to my favorite receiver. I threw the ball... it got to him on the run, and he let it go right through his hands - I should have thrown it a split second later... but it would have hit him in the shoulder or he would have had to slow down and would have gotten tackled.
I hated basketball, but finishing out the season meant I did not quit.
I agree with the posters who do not like the term "quitting" when a child stops at the end of something.

 

[TeamGram]

I coached my neighbors daughter in U-12 girls soccer for a few years. Her dad would come to the games and yell at her the whole time and tell her to keep running. One game as she was dribbling the ball down the field he just kept screaming. She stopped where she was, put her hands on her hips and told him maybe he should come out on the field and run, run, run. The ref didn't know what to do, the other team took the ball, but her father never yelled at her in another game. I try to only cheer positive whether it is my child or someone elses. I will always complement a great move. I have also learned that the ride home needs to be a no gymnastics time. Talk about anything else just not gymnastics. They have had a long day of gymnastics and really don't need to rehash everything.