- May 22, 2011
- 233
- 31
Camp is supposed to be fun, right?
Well, I cry easily.
I cry every time I go to my camp, but today...it was HORRIBLE.
1. First we had conditioning. That was fine. I didn't WANT to do it, but I did without a problem.
2. Next, Dance. Nothing I couldn't handle. The dance is fun, though it's to a JUSTIN BEIBER song. UGH.
3. Then...Vault. I HATE vault. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE. Last year at the camp, I almost got my fhs by myself, but I didn't. This year...well, first we did a relay race to practice our running. Then they stacked two tall blocks up on top of each other and put them in front of a mat and behind a springboard, and told us to do dive rolls!!! I didn't even know what a dive roll was!!! So, crying {1}, I walked up to the coach and said that I had no idea what we were supposed to be doing. But she was really nice and she took down the top mat and let me stand on the vault and taught me how to do a "mini" dive-roll. Then she made me run and do it, but over only one block. Last but not least, front handsprings. I landed on my face on the mat every time. It was awful because, crying again {2}, I walked up to the coach and told her I needed a REALLY heavy spot. But I still did terrible. And then we did handstand-flatbacks onto a mat by ourselves and I messed up the first time but the rest were...okay. Not good. Not terrible. Just okay.
4. Lunch. Haha. I can do lunch.
5. Then bars. This rotation was okay. I was working on getting some level 5 skills: kip and front hip circle. Most of the girls in my group actually couldn't do a squat on, but they were doing clearhip handstands and flyaways!!! But still, I felt I was doing okay on bars, esp because I was one of the few that could do a squat on and jump to high. I decided that tomorrow, I will ask for a spot on a clearhip because they look like fun!
6. Beam. This was the WORST. We did warmups, and I was doing great. Then she said, "Okay, handstands!" And I panicked and jumped off the beam and started crying {3} and she said, "What's wrong? Do you want to do your handstand on the low beam?" and I told her that I had never done mine on the low beam either. Which was a total lie. But I had always been terrified of handstands, and I got out of doing them as much as possible. I know, I'm so bad. But I am TERRIFIED!!! What if I FALL OVER?! I WILL DIE!!! ...anyway, so she made me do some on a line and she said that I should try them on low beam with a spot. So she spotted me and told me, "Why can't you do this by yourself? You're doing fine!" And I told her I was scared of falling over. So, she said she would teach me how to come out of a handstand you are falling in. She made me kick up into my handstand and she said she would guide me. But I didn't know what to do and I twisted weird and she saved me from plummeting head-first onto the beam. My head landed inches from the beam and my back slapped down onto the mat. So she tried teaching me while doing a handstand on the floor, but I fell heavily onto my side and crumpled into a ball. I was crying AGAIN {4} but she said that until I learned how to twist out of a handstand, I could just go up however far I felt comfortable. So I did some on the low beam that were only about 2 feet off the ground. It was really embarrassing. But I was too scared to go any higher!!! Then we were working cartwheels and yesterday at my regular gym I had a bad fall during the cartwheel and so I was scared to do them on high beam. But all the other girls were doing them like they were nothing!!! And I had to be on the low beam--AGAIN--even though I just DID cartwheels on high beam yesterday!!! I got so frustrated and started crying. AGAIN!!! {5} So then we were practicing our back walkovers on a line and she pulled me over and said, "What's wrong?" And I explained about how everybody else was better than me and I was being too scared and how I was awful at everything. And she gave me like a 20 minute pep-talk about how all the other girls are competing and training over 20 hours every week and how I only go once for 2 hours every week, so I am "talented" for what I do right now. But it just made me feel WORSE because there are 7 YEAR OLDS in my group that are competing LEVEL 5 and training LEVEL 6 and I am a 14 YEAR OLD who has been doing gymnastics for 6 YEARS and I STILL can't even do a BACK HANDSPRING!!! I felt so pathetic and...just completely terrible. Then during our break I burst into tears again {6} and people kept asking, "Why are you crying?" and it was awful because a} I didn't feel like talking about it and b} I was crying so hard that all I could say was "Huff..hughsafdda" and that made it even MORE embarrassing.
7. Last but not least, floor. First we did handstand walks across the floor. I was the only one who couldn't do it. So I did a handstand, walk 1 step, come down. While everyone else went right across without coming down once. It was really embarrassing. I cried a little. {6 1/2} Then we did straight-arm back extensions. I have never even DONE a back extension on the floor, only on a wedge mat!!! And I have NEVER done a straight-arm one!!! So I tried it and a couldn't even do the backward roll part. I collapsed on my side. EVERY TIME. Again, so embarrassing. Everyone else did it fine. I cried a little bit again. {7} Then, power hurdle round-offs. What was a power hurdle?! I had never even heard of it before!!! So my friend quickly taught me, and I tried it, and ended up squatting and nearly kissing the floor. My round-offs themselves were terrible, and these were WORSE. Then, front-handspring step out round-off. Okay, I had NO IDEA what on EARTH a fhs step out was. I could do a fhs fine, but was was this step-out thing?! And then a round-off out of it?! My round offs are AWFUL!!! So I watched others do it and tried it and I landed on my back every time doing the fhs step-out. THEN we did fhs step out round off bhs. I didn't have my bhs OR my fhs step-out. So I just tried a fhs step out and landed on my back, AGAIN. Then everyone began working on ro-bhs-bhs and I didn't even have my back handspring. But there was another girl who didn't have it either. Except she was 7. 7!!! And I was 14!!! So one of the coaches spotted us down a wedge mat. I guess I did okay. I used the tips you guys gave me and I didn't throw my head back as much. Then there were 3 stations set up: One for ro-bh-bt/ro-bhs-rebound, one for a punch front tuck into the pit, and one for aerials of off a springboard onto a sting mat. I couldn't do the bhs station, and I was too scared to to my punch front into the pit. Every camp year, {this is my...5th year? 3rd year? 4th? Can't remember...} I always start off freaking out about punch fronts but eventually I do them. Last year I did them onto a mat on the floor. But I'm scared again because I haven't done them since LAST SUMMER. Hopefully I'll warm up to it and do it. The coaches kept telling me it's not scary, but what if I hit my head off off the floor?! EEEK!!! So, I stayed at the aerial station and I did okay. I had to put my hands down at last minute though. But I wasn't too bad.
8. Finally, open gym. Me and the other girl did bhs again with the coach. Over. And over. And OVER. I got at least 3 drink breaks. But I started doing them on the wedge mat with only a one-hand spot! I think that's somewhat of an accomplishment.
My mom always says that if you get upset over something, it's not worth it. So I had to hide my red face and tears from her. It was REALLY HARD because the whole hour car ride, I just wanted to sob.
Sometimes I think my mom is right. I never cry at ballet. So maybe I should just quit gymnastics. But I can't quit. I don't know why, but I CAN'T. No matter how many tears I shed, no matter how many fears I get, {both of those are VERY large numbers,} the feeling of getting something after all that hard work is what I love.
But...I may not have a choice. I passed Level 2 of ballet and I am moving on to Level 3, which practices Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The problem is, I can't sign up for gymnastics now because I don't know what level I'll be in or what days I'll go. But I HAVE to sign up for ballet now or they won't let me in. So, if I have to go to gymnastics on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday--or if I get on team and one/two/all three of the days I will have to go are Monday, Tuesday, and/or Wednesday--then that's that. I have to quit gymnastics. We won't get our money back from the ballet people--and trust me, it is a LOT of money. Probably 5x how much gymnastics costs. And my ballet studio is an hour away, and each day we have about 2 hours of class. There is NO WAY I could do both in one day.
And, even if I CAN do gymnastics and ballet, and I get on team {all I need is my ro-bhs to get on team, so I HAVE to get it this summer, otherwise I will be stuck on pre-team that meets on Wed. and I won't be able to get to class,} what about meets?! What if they're on ballet days?! What if they're on ballet REHEARSALS?! If I do the Nutcracker for ballet, the last week before the show they rehearse EVERY DAY!!! And before that, they rehearse Saturday and Sunday every week!!! And if I miss 3 rehearsals, I'm kicked out of the ballet!!!
I know. SUPER LONG VENT. Sorry, I didn't expect anyone to read that. It's just...ugh. I hate my life right now. *thunks head on wall*
Well, I cry easily.
I cry every time I go to my camp, but today...it was HORRIBLE.
1. First we had conditioning. That was fine. I didn't WANT to do it, but I did without a problem.
2. Next, Dance. Nothing I couldn't handle. The dance is fun, though it's to a JUSTIN BEIBER song. UGH.
3. Then...Vault. I HATE vault. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE. Last year at the camp, I almost got my fhs by myself, but I didn't. This year...well, first we did a relay race to practice our running. Then they stacked two tall blocks up on top of each other and put them in front of a mat and behind a springboard, and told us to do dive rolls!!! I didn't even know what a dive roll was!!! So, crying {1}, I walked up to the coach and said that I had no idea what we were supposed to be doing. But she was really nice and she took down the top mat and let me stand on the vault and taught me how to do a "mini" dive-roll. Then she made me run and do it, but over only one block. Last but not least, front handsprings. I landed on my face on the mat every time. It was awful because, crying again {2}, I walked up to the coach and told her I needed a REALLY heavy spot. But I still did terrible. And then we did handstand-flatbacks onto a mat by ourselves and I messed up the first time but the rest were...okay. Not good. Not terrible. Just okay.
4. Lunch. Haha. I can do lunch.
5. Then bars. This rotation was okay. I was working on getting some level 5 skills: kip and front hip circle. Most of the girls in my group actually couldn't do a squat on, but they were doing clearhip handstands and flyaways!!! But still, I felt I was doing okay on bars, esp because I was one of the few that could do a squat on and jump to high. I decided that tomorrow, I will ask for a spot on a clearhip because they look like fun!
6. Beam. This was the WORST. We did warmups, and I was doing great. Then she said, "Okay, handstands!" And I panicked and jumped off the beam and started crying {3} and she said, "What's wrong? Do you want to do your handstand on the low beam?" and I told her that I had never done mine on the low beam either. Which was a total lie. But I had always been terrified of handstands, and I got out of doing them as much as possible. I know, I'm so bad. But I am TERRIFIED!!! What if I FALL OVER?! I WILL DIE!!! ...anyway, so she made me do some on a line and she said that I should try them on low beam with a spot. So she spotted me and told me, "Why can't you do this by yourself? You're doing fine!" And I told her I was scared of falling over. So, she said she would teach me how to come out of a handstand you are falling in. She made me kick up into my handstand and she said she would guide me. But I didn't know what to do and I twisted weird and she saved me from plummeting head-first onto the beam. My head landed inches from the beam and my back slapped down onto the mat. So she tried teaching me while doing a handstand on the floor, but I fell heavily onto my side and crumpled into a ball. I was crying AGAIN {4} but she said that until I learned how to twist out of a handstand, I could just go up however far I felt comfortable. So I did some on the low beam that were only about 2 feet off the ground. It was really embarrassing. But I was too scared to go any higher!!! Then we were working cartwheels and yesterday at my regular gym I had a bad fall during the cartwheel and so I was scared to do them on high beam. But all the other girls were doing them like they were nothing!!! And I had to be on the low beam--AGAIN--even though I just DID cartwheels on high beam yesterday!!! I got so frustrated and started crying. AGAIN!!! {5} So then we were practicing our back walkovers on a line and she pulled me over and said, "What's wrong?" And I explained about how everybody else was better than me and I was being too scared and how I was awful at everything. And she gave me like a 20 minute pep-talk about how all the other girls are competing and training over 20 hours every week and how I only go once for 2 hours every week, so I am "talented" for what I do right now. But it just made me feel WORSE because there are 7 YEAR OLDS in my group that are competing LEVEL 5 and training LEVEL 6 and I am a 14 YEAR OLD who has been doing gymnastics for 6 YEARS and I STILL can't even do a BACK HANDSPRING!!! I felt so pathetic and...just completely terrible. Then during our break I burst into tears again {6} and people kept asking, "Why are you crying?" and it was awful because a} I didn't feel like talking about it and b} I was crying so hard that all I could say was "Huff..hughsafdda" and that made it even MORE embarrassing.
7. Last but not least, floor. First we did handstand walks across the floor. I was the only one who couldn't do it. So I did a handstand, walk 1 step, come down. While everyone else went right across without coming down once. It was really embarrassing. I cried a little. {6 1/2} Then we did straight-arm back extensions. I have never even DONE a back extension on the floor, only on a wedge mat!!! And I have NEVER done a straight-arm one!!! So I tried it and a couldn't even do the backward roll part. I collapsed on my side. EVERY TIME. Again, so embarrassing. Everyone else did it fine. I cried a little bit again. {7} Then, power hurdle round-offs. What was a power hurdle?! I had never even heard of it before!!! So my friend quickly taught me, and I tried it, and ended up squatting and nearly kissing the floor. My round-offs themselves were terrible, and these were WORSE. Then, front-handspring step out round-off. Okay, I had NO IDEA what on EARTH a fhs step out was. I could do a fhs fine, but was was this step-out thing?! And then a round-off out of it?! My round offs are AWFUL!!! So I watched others do it and tried it and I landed on my back every time doing the fhs step-out. THEN we did fhs step out round off bhs. I didn't have my bhs OR my fhs step-out. So I just tried a fhs step out and landed on my back, AGAIN. Then everyone began working on ro-bhs-bhs and I didn't even have my back handspring. But there was another girl who didn't have it either. Except she was 7. 7!!! And I was 14!!! So one of the coaches spotted us down a wedge mat. I guess I did okay. I used the tips you guys gave me and I didn't throw my head back as much. Then there were 3 stations set up: One for ro-bh-bt/ro-bhs-rebound, one for a punch front tuck into the pit, and one for aerials of off a springboard onto a sting mat. I couldn't do the bhs station, and I was too scared to to my punch front into the pit. Every camp year, {this is my...5th year? 3rd year? 4th? Can't remember...} I always start off freaking out about punch fronts but eventually I do them. Last year I did them onto a mat on the floor. But I'm scared again because I haven't done them since LAST SUMMER. Hopefully I'll warm up to it and do it. The coaches kept telling me it's not scary, but what if I hit my head off off the floor?! EEEK!!! So, I stayed at the aerial station and I did okay. I had to put my hands down at last minute though. But I wasn't too bad.
8. Finally, open gym. Me and the other girl did bhs again with the coach. Over. And over. And OVER. I got at least 3 drink breaks. But I started doing them on the wedge mat with only a one-hand spot! I think that's somewhat of an accomplishment.
My mom always says that if you get upset over something, it's not worth it. So I had to hide my red face and tears from her. It was REALLY HARD because the whole hour car ride, I just wanted to sob.
Sometimes I think my mom is right. I never cry at ballet. So maybe I should just quit gymnastics. But I can't quit. I don't know why, but I CAN'T. No matter how many tears I shed, no matter how many fears I get, {both of those are VERY large numbers,} the feeling of getting something after all that hard work is what I love.
But...I may not have a choice. I passed Level 2 of ballet and I am moving on to Level 3, which practices Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The problem is, I can't sign up for gymnastics now because I don't know what level I'll be in or what days I'll go. But I HAVE to sign up for ballet now or they won't let me in. So, if I have to go to gymnastics on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday--or if I get on team and one/two/all three of the days I will have to go are Monday, Tuesday, and/or Wednesday--then that's that. I have to quit gymnastics. We won't get our money back from the ballet people--and trust me, it is a LOT of money. Probably 5x how much gymnastics costs. And my ballet studio is an hour away, and each day we have about 2 hours of class. There is NO WAY I could do both in one day.
And, even if I CAN do gymnastics and ballet, and I get on team {all I need is my ro-bhs to get on team, so I HAVE to get it this summer, otherwise I will be stuck on pre-team that meets on Wed. and I won't be able to get to class,} what about meets?! What if they're on ballet days?! What if they're on ballet REHEARSALS?! If I do the Nutcracker for ballet, the last week before the show they rehearse EVERY DAY!!! And before that, they rehearse Saturday and Sunday every week!!! And if I miss 3 rehearsals, I'm kicked out of the ballet!!!
I know. SUPER LONG VENT. Sorry, I didn't expect anyone to read that. It's just...ugh. I hate my life right now. *thunks head on wall*