Parents Is this common? Is it a problem?

[suebee]

DD says her coaches fairly often will tell the group that one gymmie has the best (insert whatever skill here). She only tells me about it when she has the best whatever it is, lol, but she says the coaches do it all the time for most/all skills.

Is this common for coaches to do? Is this motivational? Does it cause bad feelings between the kids?

My dd doesn't seem to care much. She likes being told that she has the best whatever. She doesn't get upset if someone else has the best something else, nor does it make her feel any ill will toward that person. But it also doesn't seem to motivate her to work harder or to try harder to get better, but in general, she is a hard worker.

But my other child is fiercely competitive, and he would definitely work harder to be the best if he was told someone else was better than him at X, and he would have some negative feelings toward other kids if the coach was saying they were better than him. I can see those kinds of statements negatively affecting team spirit and causing rivalries and resentments.

Just curious.

 

[thefellowsmom]

In my experience, this is pretty common. I have seen it be both very motivating, completely defeating and everything in between. I will say that in most cases I have seen this upsets the parents much more than it upsets the kids.

Kids have different personalities and internalize things differently and different parents will frame this differently for their kids. All combining for different outcomes.

This is true of all coaching styles and tactics though, not just this particularly touchy one.

 

[Sk8ermaiden]

Our coaches do this sometimes and it doesn't seem to upset anyone.

 

[ascarter1]

As you enter into higher level optionals, a gymnasts strengths become apparent. The girls can tell you "X is better at bars" and "y is better at beam". Dd is lv 8, and practices with 8's-10's. You will see the girls on lv 8 doing 9 skills with the other 9's. And feelings don't get hurt (but our girls are older and have been in the sport for several years). It pushes them to better themselves.

I can see the potential for some younger girls to get their feelings hurt, but hopefully it will motivate more than discourage.

 

[3rd_time_around]

Often the coaches will have contests to narrow down the best, and it is always a fun time of encouragement. When they're doing skill contests on beam, and they are down to the last two, the rest of the team girls are usually cheering them both on, and they both get congratulated at the end. I've always seen it building, not tearing down.

 

[MomIdidit!]

Not only will dd coaches announce to the group that so and so has the best skill, they will also have the child demonstrate the skill in front of the group. Dd loves to demonstrate and it doesn't seem to bother her if she is not the best at a skill.

 

[ascarter1]

As you enter into higher level optionals, a gymnasts strengths become apparent. The girls can tell you "X is better at bars" and "y is better at beam". Dd is lv 8, and practices with 8's-10's. You will see the girls on lv 8 doing 9 skills with the other 9's. And feelings don't get hurt (but our girls are older and have been in the sport for several years). It pushes them to better themselves.

I can see the potential for some younger girls to get their feelings hurt, but hopefully it will motivate more than discourage.

Oh, and I forgot...but our coaches give "skills" badges. The girl that was strongest that day gets it. If you get a certain number of skills badges on that event for the week, you get candy on Friday. Dd collects hers, writes date and accomplishments on them. It's a proud moment for the girls.

 

[gymgal]

yes, very common and the girls say that as long as it is not always the same girl, it can be motivating and allows them to compare their form to the "model" form. It allows girls to shine in their own area and show that they all have different strengths and weaknesses.

 

[mom2newgymnast]

They do this some at dd's gym too. If someone does have a skill particularly well, they will have them demonstrate it the group. And sometimes they will name someone "beam queen" or "vault queen" for the day. They also sometimes have them do routines and give them scores and the highest scorer is called the best on that event for the day. My dd is 8/level 4 and sometimes she gets jealous, but in general they all take it in stride. I think it appeals to their competitive nature to want to be the best. But none of these labels are permanent which might make a difference too. If the whole team was always told person "x" was the better than them at something, I could see that being demotivating. At dd's gym, everyone seems to have a fair chance of being called the best on any given day if that makes sense..

 

[2G1B]

I think that it happens across most sports and as long as it isn't always the same kid having "the best" skill then it can be motivating.

I'm in my 40s; but I still remember the pride I felt what I was on swim team as a kid. I was 9, maybe 10 years old. I was on a large and very successful swim team (year round, not a summer league team). The coach had everyone but me get out of the pool - kids up into high school - and then asked me to swim breast stroke across the pool. Being that I wasn't in the water I had no idea of what was being said and did worry that I was doing something wrong (because I have always been someone who worries that I'm doing something wrong). I finished swimming the length of the pool and the coach pretty much only said, "good job". My older brother was also on the team. I asked him what was said, apparently the coach told the entire team that I had the best form for breast stroke on the team and then pointed out all of the things that I was doing well that people needed to work on as I swam across the pool. The coaches didn't constantly harp on me being some awesome swimmer (honestly, other than breast stroke I was good; but I wasn't the best and my butterfly, while usable, was certainly awkward ), it was a one time thing. As far as I know, no kids felt bad that I was used as an example; but it sure made me proud.

 

[Jenny]

I think it depends how it is said and if the praise is shared around. But if you are coaching your gymnasts correctly then even little ones will know who has the best skill!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

It's common. And have others have said in our gym it's more about pointing out what the skill should look like, it's not personal.

And some kids take it personally.

Is it a problem. Yes to the kids who never get pointed out, if they are the kind of kid that is bothered by that.

 

[suebee]

My gut reaction was not to like it, even though it does not bother dd. I suspect that most kids, even the young ones, know without being told who has the best whatever skill. Just like the kids at school know who is the best artist and who is the best at math and who is the best reader, even if the teacher never specifically says so.

I can't imagine (in American culture, anyway - I'm very familiar with another culture in which this would not be unusual) a teacher at school announcing that Bob got the highest score on the math test or that Jill drew the best picture today.

As a parent, I make it a point not to do this at home, but my kids know who is more athletic, who is more musical, who is more advanced academically, who is more whatever, and I think my pointing it out is unnecessary and may cause resentment between siblings.

I don't know that who is best at something is so fluid in her group. There is already a division between the TOPS kids and the others, and I think this is a sore spot. As I understand it, it's the same few kids who are given credit for being the best at whatever skill most of the time.

 

[amiandjim]

I think it can be good or bad, depending on how it is presented. If it's just, this is the correct way to do the skill, that is fine. Or having small contests and things like that for motivation is also fine, IMO. When it becomes negative, though, I think it can be detrimental. Little things like, "do it like "Suzy" not like "Mary" because Mary does it incorrectly. That's not motivating in any way! And as much as we like to think our gymmies are tough, I still remember negative things that were said to me as an 7-8 year-old in the gym. I was in a group called "JETS" which stood for "Junior Elite Training" (although we weren't training elite, we were training upper level skills because at the time, you weren't allowed to compete until age 9. Anyway, I vividly remember my coach saying "Look Rachel, even Ami can do this skill and she is the worst on bars in the entire group!" Now, that was certainly true, but it certainly didn't make me feel good at the time!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

I can't imagine (in American culture, anyway - I'm very familiar with another culture in which this would not be unusual) a teacher at school announcing that Bob got the highest score on the math test or that Jill drew the best picture today.

Interesting, at what age ?

Because I know many teachers who congratulate the "best in the class" score on tests etc both at primary and secondary school and Pink can tell me who got what score/placement on all the end of year tests "Josh was top of the year again in science, but I was top of my class and I got 7 marks less than Josh so I did really well"

 

[l.c.o]

It's fairly common. My DD's coaches will often have them demonstrate if they do something particularly well. But it can be with anything... Like X demos a split leap one day and the next day Y does a sissone... Some girls get to do it more than others, and it really boosts their self-esteem. Do some girls get hurt? Maybe, if it's an event they're truly struggling on. It does motivate them to have hard work recognized, though.

And my DD's middle school teachers usually acknowledged kids with perfect or near-perfect scores on tests.

But like others mentioned, they likely all "know" where they fall anyway, especially as they get into higher levels - there tends to be more skill differentiation. Like my DD is stronger on floor, and for her group is on the highest end of skills they practice... OTOH, bars is DD's weakest, and for the most part is on the lower end of skills the group is training.

 

[duyetanh]

At dd's gym, they all know. And I mean these girls know everything. Who is strong at one even and who is strong in general. It is not verbalized by the coaches and girls everyday, but even the girls verbalize it. The coaches also comment on when someone is working harder than others if it is true....they don't do false statements according to dd. No one seems to care. And my dd is a very sensitive soul, so if it doesn't bug her, I figure it must be being handled correctly.

 

[GymDad9.9]

At dd's gym, they all know. And I mean these girls know everything. Who is strong at one even and who is strong in general. It is not verbalized by the coaches and girls everyday, but even the girls verbalize it. The coaches also comment on when someone is working harder than others if it is true....they don't do false statements according to dd. No one seems to care. And my dd is a very sensitive soul, so if it doesn't bug her, I figure it must be being handled correctly.

I need to get with my daughter about how it is handled in the gym, I know the coaches tell her she does certain things very well but not sure if it is said privately or not. But as far as girls knowing everything, it is so true. They know what they can all do, who doesn't work hard, who cheats in their skills and exercises, etc.

 

[duyetanh]

I need to get with my daughter about how it is handled in the gym, I know the coaches tell her she does certain things very well but not sure if it is said privately or not. But as far as girls knowing everything, it is so true. They know what they can all do, who doesn't work hard, who cheats in their skills and exercises, etc.

Oh yes...forgot the cheating part. Yep, they know that too.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I can't imagine (in American culture, anyway - I'm very familiar with another culture in which this would not be unusual) a teacher at school announcing that Bob got the highest score on the math test or that Jill drew the best picture today.

I don't know that who is best at something is so fluid in her group. There is already a division between the TOPS kids and the others, and I think this is a sore spot. As I understand it, it's the same few kids who are given credit for being the best at whatever skill most of the time.

It is usually not about who is "best" or got the highest score. It is not about that kind of best. Its is usually driven toward pointing out a skill.

More like we are drilling casts. Little Susie does a cast really well. Come on up Little Susie, do your cast. See she is not arched. See how her legs are positioned to give her power to get height.................... and so on.

And unfortunately the better kids tend have better individual skills in total and probably get pointed out more. That is just the way it is. You really can't get around it. If they are good coaches they use as many different kids as they can. But some kids are just not going to get picked. Some are best, some are not. When a coach wants to show the right way to do something, they are going to pick the kids doing it right or best.

In our gym, at the end of practice, kids can talk about their achievements (and sometimes the coaches will call out kids). Then it is personal and about improvement. They step out, tell their achievement, present. Get their cheers. I did my twist on the tramp. I finally landed my layout on the floor. I did 10 pullups without stopping, And we have a couple kids with really "ugly" bars, struggle through kips, fear of squat ons. One of those kids recently got her squat on (and no its not pretty, it is unlikely she will ever be called to demonstrate it). But she got it, and had her moment and everyone clapped, coaches included. My kid very rarely steps out. Because she doesn't like to call attention to herself and just doing something is not enough for her. So usually its the coaches who will call her to step out.