Parents when they should skip gym?

[SHELOVESGYM]

DD has had a 4x per week gym schedule for nearly 2 years -including Sat afternoon practices and somehow we are only struggling with this now. She has had very good gym attendance and I've always let her choose gym or b'day party or whatever and she has always been very reasonable in her choice (best friend's b'day party of course skip gym, random kid in the class SHE chooses to go to gym). This month there are about 6 events that would have DD missing gym. She is on the cusp of levels down to the bitter end of the decision period at the moment and REALLY wants to move up -so the thought of her skipping gym stresses me out (but I don't want to let her see this). This AM we got in an argument about her skipping an upcoming practice for a playdate that can just as easily be scheduled for another weekend. I left it as you choose this playdate or next week's good friends b'day party that she is already planning to skip gym for. I felt horrible all day -I don't want to force her to go to gym but these days she seems to want to skip way more than she should. I also feel that I make a lot of sacrifices to get her to gym for nearly every practice (those Friday night pick-ups!) and would like her to do the same -but well, if she's not there on her own I'm not sure how best to deal with this.

 

[kayjaybe]

What level is she and how old is she?

 

[SHELOVESGYM]

She's 9, level 4 (hopefully!

 

[kayjaybe]

I would remind her of her desire to move up to the next level. Also, I would talk a bit about the fact that she does have a commitment to her sport and team. And then I'd let her make the decision.

Honestly, one practice is not likely to make much of a difference. But 6 practices in a month might, so point that out to her.

 

[Sasha]

Here is one idea...

Make/buy a calendar and put it on the wall in a visible place. Discuss with her how she feels about moving up - how important she feels that is to her and why.Then ask her how many days per month SHE thinks is reasonable to miss without affecting her gym goals. Maybe it's 1 day or 4 days or whatever. (If it's a high number of days, perhaps she is having other issues with gym and this is just a symptom...)

Then she gets control of 'budgeting' these days when other opportunities come up, and writes them on the calendar so there is a way to track her goal of missing "no more than X days per month" or whatever.

It is definitely a tricky balance. The more you can help her draw her own conclusions and make the decision that fits HER goals, the more successful you may be in instilling that ethic.

Good luck! I know it's tough!

ETA: It might be hard for some 9 year olds to think in terms of 'months' at first - you may have to start out more at a week level, as in "Do you think missing 1 class every week would affect your ability to [reach goal: gain new skills, move up, etc]?" Probably she would not want to miss 1 time per week. So then you can follow that logic to arrive at a reasonable answer.

 

[Sasha]

Oh, and related to above suggestion, you could also open a dialog with her regarding what she thinks coaches and teammates might think when she misses class. What might your coach think if you missed 1 day every month? What if you missed one day each week, or in other words, 4-5 days per month? What might your teammates think? How would you feel if they thought that [about you]? Etc.

Trying to make her internalize the 'sport/team commitment' part of joining a team and the effects on others as well.

 

[MickeyDGym]

Sounds like she is a social butterfly. Try scheduling play dates during the month. That way your DD will get the play time with friends that she wants. Also summer is around the corner which could also impact her wanting to hang out more. As far as missing practice I am a big fan of a pro/con list. Have her make a list and let her decide. Nine is old enough to be able to decide. Maybe she is struggling in practice and trying to avoid it as well

 

[e'smum]

we are dealing a little bit with this with my gymmie. a month or so ago she missed a playdate where a classmate invited her and a couple of other classmates over on a friday night. i didn't see the invite until too late. i probably would have pulled her. this week, she just got invited to sleep over another friend's house on friday night but she has practice friday until 8pm (but stays for the 1 hour open gym after and refuses to leave early) and then has to be back at the gym at 11am on saturday. she started to whine how she was missing out on all these playdates. i told her we could reschedule for another wkend/time and reminded her of the playdate scheduled on sunday that she's been begging for.

i think my (newly 10) gymmie thinks if she wasn't at the gym she'd be having all these playdates. and that's just not the case - i need to make her aware of that i guess!

i will say this - right now there is a big push for them to get their next level skills and they've been told they need to have them (or a good working version) by end of mini camp which is the first few days in july. dd is slowing picking away at the list but she did not make her only 2 goals she'd written for april (both beam) and i think she was feeling bad about that so it manifested in the above manner. i'm noticing a correlation.

 

[SHELOVESGYM]

Thanks so much for all of the great advice. This evening DD and I made a list of how many practices she has this month and which things conflict with these practices. She ended up crossing a few things off of the list such as the playdate and some other things that she didn't find worth missing gym for. She's still going to be missing way more gym than I would like -mostly for things that I approve of her missing gym for and also for one thing that I would rather she skip -but oh well I guess she knows what she wants and I have to go along with that in this case because she was mostly being very reasonable.

To comment on a few of your responses -I think our situation is similar to e'smum in that she is also finding practice stressful and disappointing at the moment and looking for excuses to skip.

And YES she is SUCH a social butterfly -and that's part of the problem as well. I mean it's a good thing -but particularly as she gets older she really wants to be with her friends a lot and of course doesn't have a ton of time for this between gym and school -though we do try to do a lot of playdates. Like someone else said I don't think she would be having many (or any!) more playdates if she didn't do gym but she probably doesn't realize this.

 

[duyetanh]

I thought she was heading for xcel. If she is a social butterfly, would this not be a good thing?

 

[SHELOVESGYM]

I thought she was heading for xcel. If she is a social butterfly, would this not be a good thing?

Possibly moving. Yes I do think x cel would be great for her b/c at least there would be less of an issue with missing (or at least fewer possible practices to miss!). We are considering the move but right now she really doesn't want to -partially b/c she is so social and loves the girls in her current gym group. We are going to wait until summer and re-asses.

 

[2gymkids]

I think this is the toughest time of year in regards to all of that. Training kicks up in the gym, and simultaneously the weather is nicer, it's light later, and there are a million end of the school events/concerts/art shows/move up nights/end of year projects and tests/etc etc. It's tough for sure to balance it all. That doesn't really answer your question, but just know you're not the only one struggling! It's so busy I want to cry, add in the fact that we're moving in a month and it's just insane.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I think there is a big difference between missing gym for an event that is scheduled while gym is on such as a school event, birthday party etc and missing gym because you chose tomschedule an event during lractice theme that could be easily scheduled at a different time, like a play date.

The first may happen from time to time, it is important that gymnasts are not denied every opportunity to experience normal things or they can get frustrated and quit. The 2nd is a lot more of an issue.

 

[sce]

She's 9, level 4 (hopefully!

She has been doing 4 days per week since she was 7!?!

It is a struggle for kids to sacrifice friends and other fun fir gym. She is really young still and sounds like she doesn't necessarily want to make that commitment. On the other hand, she is on team and the coach elects her to be there.

I would talk with her about that. How being on team means going to practice, with the very occasional exception. Be prepared fir her to not want to make that commitment anymore though. You have to realize that no matter what you put into it, it is her sport. She may also be feeling pressure about that next level. Who wants it more you or her?

 

[SHELOVESGYM]

She has been doing 4 days per week since she was 7!?!

It is a struggle for kids to sacrifice friends and other fun fir gym. She is really young still and sounds like she doesn't necessarily want to make that commitment. On the other hand, she is on team and the coach elects her to be there.

I would talk with her about that. How being on team means going to practice, with the very occasional exception. Be prepared fir her to not want to make that commitment anymore though. You have to realize that no matter what you put into it, it is her sport. She may also be feeling pressure about that next level. Who wants it more you or her?

She is definitely the one that wants the next level -she's already been left behind most of her friends once. She has said that moving up is very important to her.

She is 9.5 and has been going to gym 4 days a week for nearly 2 years -so she started on the 4x/week schedule right around her 8th b'day when she competed level 3 for the first time. At the time it was 2 hour practices (4-6 on weekdays and on Sat afternoon). She now has 4 3 hour practices per week. I actually think the hours are on the low side at our gym, no? They are definitely low for my area which is known to be very competitive.