Crazy gym parents coming here asking for advice from seasoned veterans, please. Neither of us were gymnasts and we acknowledge that we are quite ignorant of the inner workings of the sport, just wanting help for dd. I'm not even sure where to start.
DD is young and has been fortunate to have quite a lot of early success. Of course, she has had normal ups and downs and plateaus, but has had a generally steady climb upwards.
The past few months, I've noticed a change in her. She is sometimes anxious about going to practice, this is new. Crying in my arms at night when I tuck her into bed, often. She says that it feels like her coaches don't believe in her anymore. She feels like she is always disappointing them. She says she fails if she doesn't get new skills fast enough. Then she gets mad that they arent letting her even try certain skills. She fails if she has any fear whatsoever. At times, she would like to ask for a spot, but feels that only makes her look weak, so she refuses to ask. She is frustrated.
After we found out she made tops A camp, she was momentarily happy, then got teary eyed, and said.....it doesn't matter mommy, no matter how good I did, I'm never going to be good enough. I'm never going to make them happy.
This is crushing us as parents. It is difficult to even type this out, but we are so uncertain as to a proper course if action. Here is a kid who has accomplished so much, and loves gymnastics, yet she would swear that she isn't a good gymnast.
We tell her every day how proud we are of her. All of her. That gymnastics is only a part of who she is, and that there are so many things she is good at, including gymnastics. This is a sport that is supposed to improve self esteem, and hers seems to have gotten shredded.
DD is in a homeschool program in a small gym. 22 hrs. The gym has a few older L10s, occasional scholarships, usually to smaller schools. the gym has a new but relatively strong tops program. No elites, yet.
It blows our minds the guts, passion and dedication DD has. She has fire in her. DD has big dreams, but we as parents are realistic. She is super muscular and not the tiny toothpicks that are typically what are looked for, so that, although with continued hard work, she MIGHT be able to make elite, college is a great goal. That being said, we will always support her trying.
She has had her coaches since she was 6 years old, it's all she's ever known. And, I honestly believe it is they who have helped her get where she is. Surely there are bonds of experience here that are not to be severed lightly. It is not our wish to solve emotional damage by creating more.
But.....
Here are my concerns/questions:
1. Since we began this homeschool program, the few super talented little girls have quit gymnastics. There remains a couple strong gymnasts, but the young early talent seems to burn out from the pressure, fear, etc. it seems once any of them have that first fear, it's just a slow road to being done with the sport.
2. DD seems to perform best under pressure, but I'm worried that the constant never ending pressure to continue to win is eating her alive. It never stops. And now she does have a real fear for the first time in her young career...fear of failure
3. I was worried early this fall that she was spread too thin, training tops routines, hopes compulsory routines, and trying to move to L9. Coaches reassured me that this is how it has to happen, so we backed off. Trying really hard to trust them to know more than we do.
4. Our gym does very little in the way of drills. DD has recently said that its hard because she just keeps throwing a skill until she figures it out. Is she just not able to make corrections? Is it possible that the skills are getting harder and more dangerous, and that the lack of drills is only just now becoming a problem for her? Coaches...please correct me on this one if I'm wrong.
5. In an attempt to relieve some of the pressure, I pulled her out of the hopes practice. She is only 9, I assured her, there is time! Then, I canceled her private lessons (we do these because its really the only opportunity she has at practice for learning new skills outside of summer and its damn hard to keep up with all the phenoms at tops camp). Initially, this seemed to help, but now she is so incredibly stressed out that she is only allowed to work routines, and she is afraid of losing many skills that she now hasn't even attempted in 5 weeks. Did I screw up?
6. I really don't think she even needs to do Tops next year, but I fear she then wouldn't get the same coaching, and wouldn't work physical abilities. (Most of the girls in the homeschool program are not on this tops/hopes/elite path) And here's the weird thing, u hear horror stories about the ranch, but DD loves doing tops. She loves practices at camp, she said just today that she would rather go to National Testing any day than do JO meets.....what does this mean about her?
7. Here is the biggest conundrum of all. She isn't happy where she is, she refuses to quit gymnastics, and she doesn't want to switch gyms. Help!
I guess our main question is how do we support her emotionally? And, as shes getting to upper optional skills, are we at a point where changing gyms is something our family needs to consider, or are we okay to continue with what is comfortable?
DD is young and has been fortunate to have quite a lot of early success. Of course, she has had normal ups and downs and plateaus, but has had a generally steady climb upwards.
The past few months, I've noticed a change in her. She is sometimes anxious about going to practice, this is new. Crying in my arms at night when I tuck her into bed, often. She says that it feels like her coaches don't believe in her anymore. She feels like she is always disappointing them. She says she fails if she doesn't get new skills fast enough. Then she gets mad that they arent letting her even try certain skills. She fails if she has any fear whatsoever. At times, she would like to ask for a spot, but feels that only makes her look weak, so she refuses to ask. She is frustrated.
After we found out she made tops A camp, she was momentarily happy, then got teary eyed, and said.....it doesn't matter mommy, no matter how good I did, I'm never going to be good enough. I'm never going to make them happy.
This is crushing us as parents. It is difficult to even type this out, but we are so uncertain as to a proper course if action. Here is a kid who has accomplished so much, and loves gymnastics, yet she would swear that she isn't a good gymnast.
We tell her every day how proud we are of her. All of her. That gymnastics is only a part of who she is, and that there are so many things she is good at, including gymnastics. This is a sport that is supposed to improve self esteem, and hers seems to have gotten shredded.
DD is in a homeschool program in a small gym. 22 hrs. The gym has a few older L10s, occasional scholarships, usually to smaller schools. the gym has a new but relatively strong tops program. No elites, yet.
It blows our minds the guts, passion and dedication DD has. She has fire in her. DD has big dreams, but we as parents are realistic. She is super muscular and not the tiny toothpicks that are typically what are looked for, so that, although with continued hard work, she MIGHT be able to make elite, college is a great goal. That being said, we will always support her trying.
She has had her coaches since she was 6 years old, it's all she's ever known. And, I honestly believe it is they who have helped her get where she is. Surely there are bonds of experience here that are not to be severed lightly. It is not our wish to solve emotional damage by creating more.
But.....
Here are my concerns/questions:
1. Since we began this homeschool program, the few super talented little girls have quit gymnastics. There remains a couple strong gymnasts, but the young early talent seems to burn out from the pressure, fear, etc. it seems once any of them have that first fear, it's just a slow road to being done with the sport.
2. DD seems to perform best under pressure, but I'm worried that the constant never ending pressure to continue to win is eating her alive. It never stops. And now she does have a real fear for the first time in her young career...fear of failure
3. I was worried early this fall that she was spread too thin, training tops routines, hopes compulsory routines, and trying to move to L9. Coaches reassured me that this is how it has to happen, so we backed off. Trying really hard to trust them to know more than we do.
4. Our gym does very little in the way of drills. DD has recently said that its hard because she just keeps throwing a skill until she figures it out. Is she just not able to make corrections? Is it possible that the skills are getting harder and more dangerous, and that the lack of drills is only just now becoming a problem for her? Coaches...please correct me on this one if I'm wrong.
5. In an attempt to relieve some of the pressure, I pulled her out of the hopes practice. She is only 9, I assured her, there is time! Then, I canceled her private lessons (we do these because its really the only opportunity she has at practice for learning new skills outside of summer and its damn hard to keep up with all the phenoms at tops camp). Initially, this seemed to help, but now she is so incredibly stressed out that she is only allowed to work routines, and she is afraid of losing many skills that she now hasn't even attempted in 5 weeks. Did I screw up?
6. I really don't think she even needs to do Tops next year, but I fear she then wouldn't get the same coaching, and wouldn't work physical abilities. (Most of the girls in the homeschool program are not on this tops/hopes/elite path) And here's the weird thing, u hear horror stories about the ranch, but DD loves doing tops. She loves practices at camp, she said just today that she would rather go to National Testing any day than do JO meets.....what does this mean about her?
7. Here is the biggest conundrum of all. She isn't happy where she is, she refuses to quit gymnastics, and she doesn't want to switch gyms. Help!
I guess our main question is how do we support her emotionally? And, as shes getting to upper optional skills, are we at a point where changing gyms is something our family needs to consider, or are we okay to continue with what is comfortable?