Parents Can you guys help me figure this out?

[Pickle]

Sorry - this turned out much longer than I thought it would.

I'm hoping that if I get my thoughts out that something will jump out as making sense. I have two girls. ODD is 9, and lives and breathes gymnastics. But at our gym she is too old for JO. She is currently an Xcel bronze and has done very well. She won states a few weeks ago. She use to say that she wanted JO, but now says that she likes her coaches and friends and is happy to stay at Xcel. The coaches love her. She is passionate, dedicated, hard working, and always listens.

Little DD just turned 7, and is a good gymnast, although her behavior is questionable. She has been much, much better this year, and I honestly see no difference between her and the other 7 year olds in the gym. She does need reminders to stop fooling around, can be stubborn and feisty, but over all she is like every other 7 year old there. She was MUCH more difficult as a 5 and 6 year old, running around the gym, doing whatever she wanted. But she is talented, even though she does not work hard.

A few months ago they spoke to us about her joining the L4 JO team. After talking about it with DH we decided that it really wasn't the right fit for DD2. There is no way she would be happy in the gym 16 hours a week. Half the time she doesn't even want to go to her rec class, so I just saw it as being a huge battle that wasn't worth it. We told the gym thanks, but we would rather have her go the xcel route like DD1.

So Xcel tryouts were a week ago, and although results will not be posted for another week I am starting to get nervous. There has been a definite change in attitude about DD2 in the last month. I stay for her class and have not seen anything behavior wise that is new. She is still her feisty independent self, but if anything she is listening more b/c she has decided that she wants to be on team. But, I have been getting comments about how she may not be ready for team. Which I can't understand b/c if they felt that she was ready for JO L4, how in the world is she not ready for bronze?

She did great (in my opinion) at tryouts. She landed her ROBHS, kipped on the low bar, made her handstand to a vertical on beam and did her cartwheel on beam although she was shaky on that. She did the required 10 pull ups, 10 chin ups, 10 v ups no problem. They had the kids do chin up pull overs on the high bar and she did 12 of those. She has her middle split and left side split, and her right split is close. She can do the middle and left in between two beams, with her hips going between the beams if that makes sense. So I think she has the skills/strength/flexibility to do Xcel. The only time she got in trouble at tryouts was when she did a bwo on beam while she was suppose to be waiting her turn. Yes, she was wrong, but there were also many other kids doing things while they were waiting like hand stands and cartwheels. The team coaches just happen to know her name and not most of the other rec kids names.

So, after all that I am very torn on what to do if she doesn't make team. Do I just go with what they say and stick her back in rec classes for a year and use it as a teaching tool that she was the one who choose her behavior and this is the consequence? She will be bored out of her mind in rec and will become a behavior problem. She will most likely quit, which is fine with me b/c I am still not even sure if she really likes it or if she just wants to be like her sister. Do I crush DD1 and look at another gym? There is one 5 minutes away, but the owners hate each other and if I even call then I can plan on leaving our gym. Even if we go to this other gym, DD will have to stay in the Xcel program b/c they have the same belief that anyone over 8 is too old for JO L4. So it's not like I could stick DD1 on JO and make her happy. I'm just afraid that DD2 will never have a shot at team b/c of either things that happened 2-3 years ago, or b/c we turned down JO for her.

 

[Pickle]

So team results are in, and she is not on the list. I do plan in talking to the coaches when I see them at DD1's practice, but anyone have any advice about what to do next?

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

If you get no where talking to your current gym then I would at least take a look at the other gym. Can you go there anonymously and ask questions?

 

[tooootsie]

So they invite her to JO4 no try out and then she doesn't make Bronze which is the equivalent to JO 2? WHAT?? That makes no sense what so ever. Are they made at you guys or something?

 

[MILgymFAM]

She clearly has more than enough skills for xcel bronze and even silver- and if they were planning on putting her JO 4, they know that. I would converse with whoever makes decisions about your concerns, and if the conversation doesn't make you feel better, I would go elsewhere. IMO your other DD is in NO way too old for JO either. Are there only the two gyms to chose from?

 

[wgymmom]

I would first be unhappy that your DD1 is "too old" for JO. Mine was 9 when she did old L4. Are there any other gyms to choose from?

And Xcel Bronze vs. JO 4 - that decision makes no sense, as it really sounds like she did well at the tryouts.

 

[Sasha]

First, I'm so sorry it sounds like you don't have great options near you. 9 years old should not be too old for JO if she has level 4 skills and wants it. Sad. Most of our L4s are 9 or 10 years old in a reasonably competitive gym.

As others have said, do specifically question the reasoning for not inviting your younger DD to Bronze team, given that she demonstrated proficient skills in the tryout. Ask them to be honest, and assure them you can take criticism of your DD's abilities or behavior objectively if they see any issues.

If they do admit that there is a behavior concern preventing her invitation (either due to the bwo incident, or past behavior), acknowledge their concern (don't be defensive), and inquire if there could be a compromise that would clearly be spelled out - such as participate in team for x number of weeks/months, with continuance conditional upon respectful behavior.

I do know that our gym, for one, has very strict behavioral expectations for team (and preteam). Girls who exhibit a bit too much silliness/not taking it seriously, or non-listening are indeed not invited (to either Excel or JO). I have no idea what your coaches are thinking, or how your DD's attitude and behavior really are in comparison, but just sharing that this is a very real team-selection criteria, at least some places.

I hope you get the answers that are helpful to making the best decision! good luck!
s

 

[Pickle]

I know that our gym has strict behavior expectations for making team. I just don't know how it changed between inviting her to L4 and now. I don't know if they are mad that we said no to JO? I know that they told some kids not to come to bronze tryouts since they felt they were not mature enough to handle it.

I keep thinking that maybe we need to look at other gyms, but then doubt myself. Our gym keeps the kids at each xcel level for 2 years, and DD1 is bummed that she will compete bronze again next year, even though she has her ROBHSBHS, ROBHSBT, and bwo on beam. She doesn't have her kip, but I don't think she needs that till gold. She is only able to ROBHS in her bronze routine, and can only handstand or cartwheel on beam, so is sad that she won't be able to compete her new skills.

There are only 2 gyms with in 60 minutes of us, and I had avoided looking at the other gym since they have the same JO at a young age views as our gym. I figured xcel was xcel where ever we were.

 

[Sasha]

I just don't know how it changed between inviting her to L4 and now. I don't know if they are mad that we said no to JO? I know that they told some kids not to come to bronze tryouts since they felt they were not mature enough to handle it.

I agree it does seem strange, so I guess only a sincere chat can help shed light on their thinking. Hopefully they are reasonable people with genuine intentions, and, even if they did make a rash judgment for some reason in your case, they can help you understand their reasoning, possibly reconsider options with you, and help place your daughter in the best group for her so she doesn't quit. If they turn out to be unreasonable and un-helpful, well, then you have justified looking elsewhere...

I would personally hold off checking out a new gym and potentially rocking the boat before I was confident I understood the coaches' thinking, and had explored all options for getting her in XCEL where she is. It sounds like the other gym doesn't offer much more for your older DD, and your older DD is happy (I think?) where she is, unless I missed something.

But the grass very well may be greener elsewhere, so I say try to get whatever clarity you can where you are, then listen to your instincts! Hope something works out for your girls.

 

[gymdog]

Maybe they are still hoping she will go to level 4. If she is significantly younger than the other girls in Bronze, that may be part of the concern as the practice may be structured differently or have a higher ratio of students.

I think you'll have to ask and go from there...just say you assumed that 4 to bronze wouldn't be a big deal but maybe you were wrong.

 

[munchkin3]

L4 at 8-9 too old?? This is the largest age group!
We have 15 yo L3s! Obviously they won't be going to the Olympics in 2016, but hey, they are a good example and work very hard. I guess all gyms have different philosophies.
You might want to re visit the goal for your family and see if the other gym is a better fit.
Good luck!

 

[raenndrops]

I know that our gym has strict behavior expectations for making team. I just don't know how it changed between inviting her to L4 and now. I don't know if they are mad that we said no to JO? I know that they told some kids not to come to bronze tryouts since they felt they were not mature enough to handle it.

I keep thinking that maybe we need to look at other gyms, but then doubt myself. Our gym keeps the kids at each xcel level for 2 years, and DD1 is bummed that she will compete bronze again next year, even though she has her ROBHSBHS, ROBHSBT, and bwo on beam. She doesn't have her kip, but I don't think she needs that till gold. She is only able to ROBHS in her bronze routine, and can only handstand or cartwheel on beam, so is sad that she won't be able to compete her new skills.

There are only 2 gyms with in 60 minutes of us, and I had avoided looking at the other gym since they have the same JO at a young age views as our gym. I figured xcel was xcel where ever we were.

Most gyms would not make you repeat a level of Xcel if you had skills for 2 levels higher. Technically, you don't need a kip until Platinum.
ROBHSBT is high end for Silver and close to high end for Gold. There are even Platinum that do it.
I would talk to them and see why your younger daughter wasn't accepted AND talk about your older daughter. See if they will move her up. If not, then look at the other gym possibilities. Even if they have the same JO mentality, they might have a different Xcel Mentality. Go for a "Where would you place them" type of tryout... don't tell them their current levels- just their skills. See what they say. Good luck.