Girl Drama UGH!

[gym monkeys mom]

I wish that your DD could go to gym and never have any clicky drama. LOL

Our compulsary team has 12 girls Level 7 and up 3 are 10 or 11 years old and the other 9 are 13 and up to 15 years old. The girls usually get a long fine at practice a fair number of them hang out together outside of the gym also. But lets face it they can't be together all the time.

Here is the problem 6 of them are very good friends and hang out a ton in a group of 6 or less depending on who can come over. The bummer is 2 of the 9 teens on optional team girls have really different personalities and just don't fit with the group.

Now as a team and at practice they are all fine and at big team parties they are invited also. They actually love and take care of the 3 younger ones they are not an issue.

I know it is never easy to be the ones on the side line but, what do they think will get accomlished for them by having their parent complain to HC about the girls talking to the boys during practice too much and them being left out. UGH!!!

All that did was make the rest of them mad including the boys and got these 2 girls left out more.

I usually stay out of these things but feel for all the groups the 6 , the 2 and the boys who just got yelled at for doing nothing but being boys in a gym with girls. LOL.

Any thoughts on this situation HC talked to the group but he feels like me let them work it out.

I see a fair number of practices as I have work to do at the gym and it seems like the boys and girls talking are not he issue here. They seem to do thier socializing outside of the gym on Facebook and texting. Like all the rest of Americas teens

What happened to the gymnastics part of practice Seriously what could be done to help this situation any ideas. Thes kids have been on team together for about 4 years the dynmaics probably won't change much.

Sorry for the long windiness just need to vent.

 

[gymkat]

I doubt the existence of the clique is the main problem; I bet there are deeper-rooted personality conflicts. My group at home as a several problem with a group of girls and several "outcasts" (I'd include myself in the "outcast" group, but I'm quite a bit older than all of them and have trouble relating to my group on more than a big sister/mentor level). A major problem with my group is that the "popular girls" talk about boys and inappropriate subjects all the time-- they actually interfere with practice because they can be so distracting, when the others (who tend to be more serious about gymnastics) would really just like them to shut up and take their turns.

If every person (within a reasonable age range) outside the clique has complained, I really doubt that the problem only exists in the heads of the people who aren't included.

 

[Gillatard]

I just had to say.....LUCKYYY! YOUR GYM HAS A BOYS TEAM!! hahahahahahaha I wish we had boys at our gym

 

[gym monkeys mom]

[A major problem with my group is that the "popular girls" talk about boys and inappropriate subjects all the time-- they actually interfere with practice because they can be so distracting, when the others (who tend to be more serious about gymnastics) would really just like them to shut up and take their turns.

If every person (within a reasonable age range) outside the clique has complained, I really doubt that the problem only exists in the heads of the people who aren't included.[/quote]


These are good kids and I know for a fact the discusion is not trashy or bad. These girls work hard at practice and have gained many skills this off season. So I dont think tha is the issue here.

Sorry to hear it is where you are. That is a drag.

Also only 1 parent of 1 kid complained out of 12. She is also the girl who is not happy unless life revolves around her most of the time. The other girls get tired of this kind of drama.

Thanks for the info gymkat.

 

[gymdog]

I've honestly had really different experiences with this and I've never been able to pinpoint exactly why. I went to two different gyms, one for a short period of time and another for the rest of the time (long story, optional team ended at original gym, then I ended up going back a year and a half later).

At the main gym I went to, everyone just got along. We had very different personalities, and some people had some closer relationships to one other person within the group, but overall no one was left out, no matter when they came. There is one who came when we were already teenagers and really wasn't there that long before everything went down, but honestly by that point it was like she had been there forever. New girls seem to fit in very well, almost seamlessly. This is true of the girls younger than me because when I went back, all of my old group was still gone, but the girls under me who I knew but had not been grouped with, I fit in with fine (the oldest are about 3 years younger than me). As the HC remarked, it was like I never left, and that's how I felt from the first day back.

I just didn't fit in at the other gym. The overall dynamic seemed much more clique-y. I was never really comfortable and at times felt some of the girls just downright didn't even like me at all. Most were nice enough though.

But I can never figure out the difference. The only thing I can come up with is the coaching is in general much harder at my main gym, and I think the group dynamic a lot of times has tended to function kind of as a support type "us against them" thing. Also, I think the coaches tend to start treating new girls the same way pretty early on. It's just way more authoritarian where everyone's kind of in the same boat. And I think that makes a difference in how everyone perceives everyone else in their group, regardless of age, personality, etc. I am a relatively gentle person, but that is one respect (among many) where I really appreciate and try to emulate my main coaches, treating everyone the same, regardless of frustration. Although actually unequal treatment in some cases could be a huge problem in that group, but overall when it came to skills work, conditioning, expectations, everyone was pretty much held to the same expectation of quality, what skills would be performed when, what lead ups would be done, etc. The culture was such that you really didn't get to say "I'm uncomfortable with that/can't do that lead up/too scared to do that skill." Everyone did many of the same things and it really wasn't up for negotiation. Any discussion was strictly amongst ourselves.

I have seen coaches pick up an almost resentment of some girls and even when they're not trying to, it shows. The kids undoubtedly pick up on that. I think it's really important that we model the behavior and respect for how people should be treated ourselves. Some kids come with a bundle of difficulties but when you are with these kids for hours and hours at a time, every week, it's just not okay to start with that attitude yourself. Sometimes one of the hardest things about being the adult is that you have to pull out of that negative cycle first, even when you're not getting anything back.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Most of this seems like regular teenage stuff. Some kids will fit in and some wont, some will be more popular than others. Some will have a personality that just doesn't fit with others. There is only so much that coaches and parents can do. As coaches we can make sure the same girls are not always partnered together, try to do activities that encourages the group to mix a little, and generally just try to mix the girls around for various activities. As parents we can insist that if our kids have a big party they invite the WHOLE team, if our kids are the ones being left out we can teach them a few social skills. But beyond all that it needs to be left to the kids a little.

The gym has no say over who hangs out with who on the weekend, who texts who or who says what to who on facebook.

 

[All Chalked Up]

I feel for them! Maybe get the coach to buckle down on them- the gym is for gymnastics, not socializing. That might help this a bit? I can totally relate as I'm one of those "tomboys" & my teamates don't get it when I don't care about makeup or how I have a lot of friends that are boys, but don't date any.

 

[bogwoppit]

All CHalked up, why do you dredge old threads like this up. This is a post from 2009 and you act like it is a new thread. Try to resist eh!

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

Do you love dragging up old threads?

 

[Coach.Simon]

Lol!

While necro'ing threads from the dead (2 years is very dead!)is a bad thing, I would like to point out something before everyone else starts jumping down her throat....

The only way she could have found this thread was by using the search engine....which is something that isn't done enough

 

[gymgurl]

Ok I was in a similar situation last year. I came into the group as a newbie and skipped levels 1-3 (in Aust they compete level 1-3 as well) Initially i got on well with them and would catch up with them outside of gym etc. Then another new girl came, who was a lot more like minded to them (they all liked the party scene, i preferred school and books) and she seemed to really dislike me. They then got really quickly and even at gym i was a bit of an outcast. During this time the gym was very clique-y there were two groups and that was that. Now most of the group that excluded me left (all but one who followed out of peer pressure) we are the closest knit group there is. We are all really supportive and love each other to bits. We are all various ages, i'm nearly 17 and i get along with the 11 year olds 9 year olds 13 year olds and everyone in the group. I think that if they are treated badly at the gym then it should be brought to the attention but having said all that....

The fact remains there are people in the world that i would rather not be around, people that clash with my personality and i wouldn't catch up with them outside of school. could this be the case?