Parents I wish the girls were nicer

[blueberrygym]

I will add that my daughter is 11, and if a new parent introduced a new 8 year old to her in the lobby, she would probably have a monosyllabic response, maybe a half-smile, then awkwardly move on.

Good to know! Like I said, I don't know how the mind of a pre-teen/teen girl works This is very helpful!

@doodlebug, they do have compulsory levels, but she's not ready for that technique wise. She has the acro/tumbling skills, but not the form and conditioning. Her coaches are hoping to clean up her form/technique. There is a younger group of girls training together in the xcel gold group, but my daughter was placed in the group training xcel gold/platinum.

I just hope things get better. I was counting on her making good friends like she did in the other gym because she needs something to look forward to with gymnastics during this transition period. Otherwise, with all of the extra conditioning and stricter training, the fun is going to diminish for her. She's practicing 14 hours a week (which I know is on the high side for xcel) so this needs to be fun!

Thanks again for all of the comments and advice everyone!! We'll keep pushing forward...

 

[Committed]

I'd give it a little time. My DD is the youngest in her training group. The majority are 3 grades older. No one has ever been mean to her (as far as I know). She feels very included and part of the team. She's just not besties with anyone, which is okay. Groups change all the time and it would be hard to have a gym BFF be put in a different group.

 

[wandrewsjr]

Just wanted to add another possible perspective in addition to the age difference. You said the gym offers a path from xcel to optionals for girls that "show potential". I would bet this is more likely to happen for an 8 yr old xcel gold than a 14 yr old xcel gold. And I'm sure the girls know that, may have even experienced it in the past. So they may see your girl's placement with them as only temporary, that she may get plucked out of the group to move to optionals at any point. Adds an extra layer to them welcoming a new kid with open arms.

 

[mommeeluv]

If it is bothering you either have your daughter speak up for herself or do it for her. It doesn't matter how different the gym is from the last one she deserves to be treated nice just like the others. I would've let that be known really quick when I overheard mean things being said. Maybe I'm just over protective lol but I would rather put ppl in their place before it get worse!

 

[blueberrygym]

Just wanted to add another possible perspective in addition to the age difference. You said the gym offers a path from xcel to optionals for girls that "show potential". I would bet this is more likely to happen for an 8 yr old xcel gold than a 14 yr old xcel gold. And I'm sure the girls know that, may have even experienced it in the past. So they may see your girl's placement with them as only temporary, that she may get plucked out of the group to move to optionals at any point. Adds an extra layer to them welcoming a new kid with open arms.

I totally see what you mean. It's a weird position for her to be in if that is the case. She has a LONG way to go (in terms of improvement) before optionals are a reality, but age is definitely on her side.

 

[blueberrygym]

If it is bothering you either have your daughter speak up for herself or do it for her. It doesn't matter how different the gym is from the last one she deserves to be treated nice just like the others. I would've let that be known really quick when I overheard mean things being said. Maybe I'm just over protective lol but I would rather put ppl in their place before it get worse!

Ha...love this! I think this is a life lesson she will need to learn soon anyway.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I've read some really good old threads on "mean girls". Wanted to post my experience so that I can rationalize what I'm seeing. My DD is 8 and just moved to a new gym. Gym is pretty competitive with strong results at all levels, with most girls gunning for elite path or college scholarships. The culture is very different from our old gym which was very family oriented and fun.

I moved her for better training at a young age in case she ever wants to do optionals. New gym has a path from xcel to optionals if a gymnast shows potential. Anyway, she is training xcel Gold and has been placed with an advanced group. Problem is she is with 11-14 year old girls. My DD is sad because she knows she will not make any new friends given the age gap.

Even worse, the girls haven't embraced her. On day 1, I introduced her to the group in the lobby and they barely said hi or acknowledged her. I've seen them jump ahead of her and take her turn while training. I also overheard a girl say something very mean to her after practice (but didn't say anything because I didn't want to cause drama). I get that she's the newbie and I will give it time. But these girls are night and day compared to the girls at her old gym who adopted her on day 1 as the little sister. It's just shocking to me and something I didn't expect at all. For those with kids at competitive gyms, is this normal? Will it get better?

I don't know why you are shocked , this happens all the time. Particularly in school . My kids went through this in high school and college . My wife always says "well , girls are mean when they get together". I am sure things will work out. Give it time and stay out of it.

 

[blueberrygym]

I don't know why you are shocked , this happens all the time. Particularly in school . My kids went through this in high school and college . My wife always says "well , girls are mean when they get together". I am sure things will work out. Give it time and stay out of it.

 

[blueberrygym]

I don't know why you are shocked , this happens all the time. Particularly in school . My kids went through this in high school and college . My wife always says "well , girls are mean when they get together". I am sure things will work out. Give it time and stay out of it.

Admittedly, it's a culture shock because the other gym was VERY different (very friendly and warm and family-like). Was I naive to expect some of those same cultural elements? Yes! But I'm only seeing that in hindsight. I'm hoping things will work out too. As a coach, you likely have a good perspective on how these things play out...so I'm optimistic.

 

[gracyomalley]

Middle school girls really are often "mean"...esp if jealous or threatened. When DD moved from her first gym, which was small and absolutely tolerated NO mean girl attitudes in the younger girls (I heard there were issues there too with older ones, but DD was young...) to one that was more about the gymnastics and less about the team work, etc, she was 11 and ran into some very difficult times, esp with one girl she had consistently competed against (and beat) over the years who pushed her off beams, trampolines, and called her names (other kids experienced similar issues - but for various reasons despite multiple parent coach conferences this child was "unable" to change her behavior...), etc. DD didn't always react in the best manner either, although she didn't lash out, she internalized it all. We homeschooled until high school, and I always figured if she was going to be bullied, at least it was while doing a sport, and not at school or home...life lessons, you know...

That being said, your DD may well find her place at the new gym without issue in the next few weeks - and usually middle school age girls are more likely to mostly ignore her than actively bully her. I think the best advice to focus on the gymnastics and make time for friends outside of gym - which is the best long term strategy anyway. It is hard to change from a gym where a child felt all butterflies and rainbows...but it is reality...