Parents A little sad about DDS' gymnastics

[LJL07]

My DD has competed with skills she had just barely ready for competition, and skills she had ready and polished. Really, especially in the beginning, it's better for them to compete polished skills. So another year of pre team isn't a bad thing.

I will also add, you should tell the coach about the other girls comments. These kids are teammates. I have had my DD at 2 gyms. 1 where those sorts of comments were rampant and the coaches would basically turn a blind eye to it. And the current gym, where the coaches stress the " team mentality". They do not tolerate that sort of thing. This sport put too much pressure on these kids for these girls to be mean to each other.

I agree with what everyone has said. If she just made 7, she's not too old to compete lev 3 next year. I promise! At our gym, our level 3 group had one 8 yr old, 1 older 9, 2 10 yr olds, and an 11 yr old. They really want them to score about a 37 before they will compete them. It's unbelievable.

I'm really coming back to comment about the mean girls. So much of competing is mental, and the two gyms that score the best around here don't just offer good training. They work with the girls on how to get in the zone at meets AND treating teammates with respect. Coaches can't control every little thing, but it is important to talk to the girls about supporting each other. At her last meet, I noticed dd looked miserable and apparently one of her teammates said something rude before her vault. She had a great meet but looked unhappy the rest of the meet. Apparently this child has been making comments all season to the girls. It really can affect team morale.

 

[wgymmom]

They are still very young. At least you have them in a competitive gym already! My DD was at a noncompetitive gym until she turned 9, so I am always fretting that she's "too old."

 

[AcroA21]

I agree with what everyone has said. If she just made 7, she's not too old to compete lev 3 next year. I promise! At our gym, our level 3 group had one 8 yr old, 1 older 9, 2 10 yr olds, and an 11 yr old. They really want them to score about a 37 before they will compete them. It's unbelievable.

I'm really coming back to comment about the mean girls. So much of competing is mental, and the two gyms that score the best around here don't just offer good training. They work with the girls on how to get in the zone at meets AND treating teammates with respect. Coaches can't control every little thing, but it is important to talk to the girls about supporting each other. At her last meet, I noticed dd looked miserable and apparently one of her teammates said something rude before her vault. She had a great meet but looked unhappy the rest of the meet. Apparently this child has been making comments all season to the girls. It really can affect team morale.

Just for the record bullying is NEVER ok! Try talking to the coach, if the issue does not stop and you know of other gyms in the area that are a more positive environment by all means try them out, but be careful.... The grass may not be greener at the other gym. Until you are actually in the other environment you cannot say for sure the same thing is not going on there too. Coaches can only catch so much, then there are places where they let girls get away with a lot more than they should. Like I said talk to your coaching staff, if you cannot fix the issue, do an evaluation at another gym but keep your eyes open for the same issues and talk to the parents at the gym and the coaches. You don't want to put your daughter through a move only to end up with the same problems. Bully's are NOT ok in my book and should find another sport!!!!

 

[LJL07]

Just for the record bullying is NEVER ok! Try talking to the coach, if the issue does not stop and you know of other gyms in the area that are a more positive environment by all means try them out, but be careful.... The grass may not be greener at the other gym. Until you are actually in the other environment you cannot say for sure the same thing is not going on there too. Coaches can only catch so much, then there are places where they let girls get away with a lot more than they should. Like I said talk to your coaching staff, if you cannot fix the issue, do an evaluation at another gym but keep your eyes open for the same issues and talk to the parents at the gym and the coaches. You don't want to put your daughter through a move only to end up with the same problems. Bully's are NOT ok in my book and should find another sport!!!!

I totally agree! Especially in a sport this difficult!! We have done a thorough researching of the gyms in the area. Two of them make a big point of teaching the kids respect for teammates, meet etiquette, etc. We can really see a difference in the kids' presentation at meets from those two gyms. I am sure that things are not always sunshine and roses even at those two places, but at least it is something that is discussed with the girls routinely. There is no way to have a complete rein on those kinds of behaviors unfortunately. Thanks!

 

[GYM0M]

At her last meet, I noticed dd looked miserable and apparently one of her teammates said something rude before her vault. Apparently this child has been making comments all season to the girls. It really can affect team morale.

These kinds of things are no laughing matter, and should not be taken lightly; however, my DD has dealt with 'bully' issues at school and in gym and this reminds me of a complete parental FAIL on my part. There are a couple of individual events that make up the story. Special note****no derogatory remarks are needed as I have realized the error in my ways!*****
I have always 'dealt' with my own personal bullying experiences with exaggerated kindness followed by swift wit or sarcasm. Unfortunately, I tried to 'teach' my children 'how' to do this properly, if you will. If I recall correctly, a teammate was being very discouraging to DD and others. I told DD to 'counter' every negative comment to another teammate with a positive one. I was sure the teammate would pick up on subtle hints that her attitude was not helpful or appreciated. This is the bad part: I told DD to 'reverse' any negative comments directed towards her. I think I used this as an example. If teammate comments on how bad your BHS is, respond like this : "Thanks for pointing that out. I'll work on it harder if you think it'll make YOURS better." I was trying to get her to say lay off me and worry about your gymnastics. Essentially I was trying to teach my kid to be a smart***. She didn't pick up on it so swell, but apparently her older brother (1 yr her senior) took it to heart and and turned out to be rather good with wits. At least that's what I gathered from his teacher at school when the 'negative' comments that were countered and the 'reversed' comments were made by his teacher at school. I believe that he told a classmate, who was scolded for talking during an exercise that he thought the classmate's story was Better than the teacher's. And he also told her that he would try to pay more attention if she tried to not be so boring...........better than the teachers

 

[sce]

These kinds of things are no laughing matter, and should not be taken lightly; however, my DD has dealt with 'bully' issues at school and in gym and this reminds me of a complete parental FAIL on my part. There are a couple of individual events that make up the story. Special note****no derogatory remarks are needed as I have realized the error in my ways!*****
I have always 'dealt' with my own personal bullying experiences with exaggerated kindness followed by swift wit or sarcasm. Unfortunately, I tried to 'teach' my children 'how' to do this properly, if you will. If I recall correctly, a teammate was being very discouraging to DD and others. I told DD to 'counter' every negative comment to another teammate with a positive one. I was sure the teammate would pick up on subtle hints that her attitude was not helpful or appreciated. This is the bad part: I told DD to 'reverse' any negative comments directed towards her. I think I used this as an example. If teammate comments on how bad your BHS is, respond like this : "Thanks for pointing that out. I'll work on it harder if you think it'll make YOURS better." I was trying to get her to say lay off me and worry about your gymnastics. Essentially I was trying to teach my kid to be a smart***. She didn't pick up on it so swell, but apparently her older brother (1 yr her senior) took it to heart and and turned out to be rather good with wits. At least that's what I gathered from his teacher at school when the 'negative' comments that were countered and the 'reversed' comments were made by his teacher at school. I believe that he told a classmate, who was scolded for talking during an exercise that he thought the classmate's story was Better than the teacher's. And he also told her that he would try to pay more attention if she tried to not be so boring...........better than the teachers

No derogatory comment form me, just a giggle. Smart kid you've got there.

 

[LJL07]

These kinds of things are no laughing matter, and should not be taken lightly; however, my DD has dealt with 'bully' issues at school and in gym and this reminds me of a complete parental FAIL on my part. There are a couple of individual events that make up the story. Special note****no derogatory remarks are needed as I have realized the error in my ways!*****
I have always 'dealt' with my own personal bullying experiences with exaggerated kindness followed by swift wit or sarcasm. Unfortunately, I tried to 'teach' my children 'how' to do this properly, if you will. If I recall correctly, a teammate was being very discouraging to DD and others. I told DD to 'counter' every negative comment to another teammate with a positive one. I was sure the teammate would pick up on subtle hints that her attitude was not helpful or appreciated. This is the bad part: I told DD to 'reverse' any negative comments directed towards her. I think I used this as an example. If teammate comments on how bad your BHS is, respond like this : "Thanks for pointing that out. I'll work on it harder if you think it'll make YOURS better." I was trying to get her to say lay off me and worry about your gymnastics. Essentially I was trying to teach my kid to be a smart***. She didn't pick up on it so swell, but apparently her older brother (1 yr her senior) took it to heart and and turned out to be rather good with wits. At least that's what I gathered from his teacher at school when the 'negative' comments that were countered and the 'reversed' comments were made by his teacher at school. I believe that he told a classmate, who was scolded for talking during an exercise that he thought the classmate's story was Better than the teacher's. And he also told her that he would try to pay more attention if she tried to not be so boring...........better than the teachers

I don't mean to laugh, but my husband and I were watching a sitcom last week about this very situation. The son on the sitcom became so good at turning it around on the bully that he started using it on everyone and got suspended. Ha! I am sure there is some "bullying" even at the super professional looking gyms. I guess the underlying message is to go ahead and let the coaches know that it's happening.

 

[emorymom]

I haven't read the whole thread, but remember ...

Being the slowest progressing team member is still more of an accomplishment than oh, almost anything?

Being unable to do preteam training would in my opinion be a reason to switch gyms for a motivated kid.