Women A vent: when they just quit

[gymisforeveryone]

I just received an email from one of the mums. She wrote: "Hi, Suzy is going to quit gymnastics at the end of the may. We will try other activities. This was her own choice. We are happy about coaching so that's not the reason of quitting. We will see if she wants to return one day".

At the end of the December she mailed me too. She said Suzy has to quit because getting her to gym is so hard (working parents and 2 siblings in sports too). We said it would be ok if she cut back some hours (from 6 to 4) and my co-coach volunteered to carpool with them one day a week. So the mum had to drive to the gym only one day a week. The kid continued.

Suzy is the most energetic and passionate 8 year old gymnast I have had and she is also super talented. Just today she got her kip on low bar was super hyper excited. She seems to love gym. Never complains and is so happy and joyful and all the other kids want to be her partner when doing conditioning etc.

We had noticed the mum has been burned out since fall. The kid is lovely and of course loves her mum and I think she's just sacrificing herself by telling her mum she wants to quit. I hate this because it's not my kid (even if I love her and all the others) and there's not much more we can do. Sigh.

There's also other girl who is quitting to have more time to dance and two kids who are not allowed (by their parents) to practice during summer because we start at 8 am.... I feel I'm losing too many kids and all my hard work comes to nothing.

 

[still hanging]

That stinks, however this is a sport the family has to commit to as well as the gymnast. Gymnastics is a demanding sport on the gymnast and parents in MANY ways. I think getting her out sooner than later is better for all.

 

[htimcj]

So sorry that you have so many quitting. It must be frustrating to spend so much effort and then see them leave. Maybe they will be back though.

 

[gymmomof1]

Oh that's too bad. It does sound like mom is over stretched and hopefully will be able to bring the little girl back after a break.

 

[JessSyd]

I feel I'm losing too many kids and all my hard work comes to nothing.

It must be tough to lose them, and I too hope you see some of them back after a break. I've seen a few girls realise how much they miss it after a surprisingly short break. But also, remember the above isn't true. That 'nothing' is almost certainly something for the kid who is leaving. If my daughter quit tomorrow, her coaches' hard work would have given her strength, confidence, increased self control, and hours and hours and hours of fun. My daughter's most involved coach will always have a special place in my heart for helping her with all that while she is still so young.

I know it's not something you can put on your CV, but in terms of getting out of bed each day and feeling like you're making a difference, I'm sure you're doing that.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

She said Suzy has to quit because getting her to gym is so hard (working parents and 2 siblings in sports too). We said it would be ok if she cut back some hours (from 6 to 4) and my co-coach volunteered to carpool with them one day a week. So the mum had to drive to the gym only one day a week. The kid continued.
We had noticed the mum has been burned out since fall. The kid is lovely and of course loves her mum and I think she's just sacrificing herself by telling her mum she wants to quit. I hate this because it's not my kid (even if I love her and all the others) and there's not much more we can do. Sigh.

I feel I'm losing too many kids and all my hard work comes to nothing.

I think you were always going to loose this one, you just delayed the process. Sadly it takes many years of experience to know that often the allowances, modifications and exceptions do not really help keep the kids. I get sad when kids leave but I move on, no point dwelling on someone who was never going to commit long term. focus your energy on those who can and will commit and give them the chance to benefit from your training

 

[BlairBob]

When this happens, we generally drink the night of and come over feeling like crap the next day. I remember when my boss lost one one girl he intended to make an elite, he was pretty messed up the next day.

 

[PalmTree]

I feel for you. I think having kids quit is one of the worst parts of coaching. Once it's happened a few times you start to realize that it's just life, it will happen when you least expect it and with the kids you thought would go the furthest. Just know that it had nothing to do with your coaching, and the fact that it affects you so much when they quit just shows how much you care. Put all your energy into the kids you have left!!

 

[iwannacoach]

Yeah it's a burden to watch leave just as they get to the point of crossing the magical line where gymnastics starts to make sense and the skills seem easier. The best thing to do about it is to focus on the kids you still have. That, and remind yourself daily that you're doing something you enjoy.

Not everyone can say that.

 

[cbifoja]

I feel the same way as PalmTree does. My perspective is as a close friend to the HC. I've watched her tear up upon receiving this kind of news about gymnasts. When I think of the hours that you all spend with these girls...and not just the teaching them gymnastics part...but the relationships you build with them and how so many coaches come to truly love the girls. Then to have that taken away and sometimes so abruptly that you don't even get the chance to say goodbye.... It makes me hurt for you all.

 

[Faith]

I think it's something you have to expect. You need kids/parents/coaches goals to all be the same, which is pretty much a rarity.

My kid quit because the coaches aims for her weren't the same as DD's aims. We tried to work with the coach but there was no compromise. I still feel sad about it because DD loved gymnastics and was good at it.

If you did everything you can to keep the kid in and she quit anyway, then move on. Not your fault. Gymnastics is high hours and high commitment and very few parents get the point of it.

 

[Flossyduck]

I'm just a parent, but from my observation it's often the ones who seem to have been given the most support/allowances made/flexibility in schedule who end up quitting anyway eventually. For those of us who keep quiet, do as we're told, make great sacrifices to ensure our child is at the gym on time and don't expect a personal schedule it can also be frustrating. But if you think about it logically, the fact that they are having to ask for allowances at all suggests problems in the family schedule which are unlikely to get better and the writing was probably on the wall at the end of December.

 

[gymisforeveryone]

Thank you everyone! You made me feel a little better. I KNOW it's just gymnastics and they are all going to quit one day but it still isn't easy to let go. This particular girl, Suzy, has been under my coaching since she first started two years ago and I'm the only main coach she has had so I have taught her everything she can do from backward rolls to the kip. I know these kids are not "products" we make but in her my hard work actually comes to concrete. It's hard to explain but I hope you get it.

I will talk to the kid next Monday and explain she's always welcome back and that we like her and care about her no matter what.

 

[iwannacoach]

Agreed. The progress they make during their time with us gives us a sense of relevance that we can't get anywhere else. Of course it's hard to get that from kids who leave before they've blossomed.

You're not the first, nor will you be the last to be burdened.