Parents advice on quitting

[tarheel618]

Lots of great advice here! One suggestion: if your daughter decides to move on, don't use the word quit--use retire. Quitting smacks of failure. Retiring is just moving on to a different phase of her life. Here is a blog I wrote about the difference between quitting and ending that might be of interest to you. https://annejosephson.wordpress.com/2014/09/29/the-difference-between-quitting-and-ending/
Good luck!

Perfect- thanks so much. I think she has met the vision she had for gymnastics. About 3 years ago, she made an off the cuff comment that she stop doing gymnastics before optionals. I think she has always known exactly what she wanted from the sport- our ears just were closed. She's telling her coach tomorrow and I will be filling out the paperwork next week. Will post update of how the talk goes.

 

[JAG GYM]

please do! She's lucky to have such an understanding parent! (Also, cute dog and go heels!)

 

[kris]

That's great that she knows, and that you're supporting her!! My DD had a teammate who retired June 1, and she's very comfortable and confident in her decision. Wishing the same for your DD.

 

[tarheel618]

Well through many tears she told her coach. She will be continuing through the summer until the end of July. Coach was great. She also thinks it might be fear related. We (coach and I) are hoping that she will work through this and want to stay on for the season. Guess the next month will tell the future. Im still registering her for fall soccer. The coach is going to continue talking to her about facing fears and working through skills and at home we are going to support whatever decision she makes.

 

[MaryA]

We had several kids at the gym who recently took a break. Some of them missed it and came back (some into Xcel program with fewer hours) and some didn't. Summer is a good time to try a few weeks off and see how she feels.

 

[tarheel618]

Wanted to give an update. After turning in all her paperwork to quit- she has had a change of heart. Come to find out that she was really struggling with a skill that she previously had but lost due to an injury. All she was focused on was that her teammates seemed to be way ahead of her. The pressure (she was putting on herself) was the reason behind giving up. This whole situation (allowing her to quit) seemed to take the pressure off of her and she has the skill back and back in love with the gym. Gymnastics is such a mental sport. Thanks for all the great advice.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Your support helped her figure out what was going on and what she really wanted. Way to go mom!

 

[LinnieC]

We are in a similar situation with my daughter who will be 10 on Sunday. She has been in a major mental block the past three months and will not attempt any new skills without a spot (even certain skills she once had!!) She is the only one in her group who does not have them... which is NOT normal for her. She has always been middle to high of the pack skill wise. She told me last night that its not fun for her anymore... but I think she's hiding behind that. She is scared with no real known reason (she did mention fear of failure). I have given her the "everyone believes in you", "trust yourself", "you have the ability", etc etc speeches. We have attempted privates, done a college camp this summer, etc to no avail. My husband is 100% wanting her to quit (he has never been a fan of the gym) and I don't want her to quit because of fear. I think she will regret it 100%. If she wanted to quit because she truly didn't enjoy it anymore or wanted to try new things, that would be different. I'm at a loss as to what to say or do for her at this point. So frustrating!

 

[my4buffaloes]

LinnieC - if it is truly that bad - then how can you force her to keep doing something that scares her so much?

 

[bookworm]

[QUOTE="LinnieC, post: 408495, member: 14830". She told me last night that its not fun for her anymore... but I think she's hiding behind that. She is scared with no real known reason (she did mention fear of failure). I have given her the "everyone believes in you", "trust yourself", "you have the ability", etc etc speeches. We have attempted privates, done a college camp this summer, etc to no avail. My husband is 100% wanting her to quit (he has never been a fan of the gym) and I don't want her to quit because of fear. I think she will regret it 100%. If she wanted to quit because she truly didn't enjoy it anymore or wanted to try new things, that would be different. I'm at a loss as to what to say or do for her at this point. So frustrating![/QUOTE



I think her statement "it's not fun anymore" is a signal that she's "not enjoying it anymore"....which is one of your criteria for letting her quit. ...whether YOU see it as fears is one things, but SHE is the one putting in the time doing something that isn't fun for her anymore. If she decides to move on to something else at the ripe old age of 10, it doesn't mean that she could never return to it if she wanted to, and maybe she can start having fun again doing something she likes and doesn't fear..

 

[gymmom8772]

We are in a similar situation with my daughter who will be 10 on Sunday. She has been in a major mental block the past three months and will not attempt any new skills without a spot (even certain skills she once had!!) She is the only one in her group who does not have them... which is NOT normal for her. She has always been middle to high of the pack skill wise. She told me last night that its not fun for her anymore... but I think she's hiding behind that. She is scared with no real known reason (she did mention fear of failure). I have given her the "everyone believes in you", "trust yourself", "you have the ability", etc etc speeches. We have attempted privates, done a college camp this summer, etc to no avail. My husband is 100% wanting her to quit (he has never been a fan of the gym) and I don't want her to quit because of fear. I think she will regret it 100%. If she wanted to quit because she truly didn't enjoy it anymore or wanted to try new things, that would be different. I'm at a loss as to what to say or do for her at this point. So frustrating!

 

[gymmom8772]

My DD, same age training lvl 7 just went through the same thing. Too many fear issues and she wasn't progressing as a result. After awhile I could see she wasn't happy and enjoying gym anymore. I told her to take some time off to try other things. Surprisingly she was ok with that. I didn't say the word quit because I knew it would upset her. Well she did and did not miss gym
at all. I posted about her having fear on beam and bars and someone suggested she try T&T. Well I mentioned it to her and she was very open to it. She did and I saw a smile on her face I hadn't seen for a very long time. After it was over she said to me, Mom I definitely want to quit artistic now. I loved T&T! She joined the team and is loving gym again!!
My point is that sometimes it's good for them to know you are ok with them not doing gymnastics or just trying something else. I think my DD was afraid of letting me down and didn't want to admit it to me or herself. I've learned that with this gymnastics experience it is easier for them to catch onto different sports with their body awareness. She has also done dance and has caught on very easily.