Parents Am I doing the right thing

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Okay daughter mentioned a few weeks ago she was getting bored with gym when I asked for advice. She wanted to try other things so we signed up for volleyball she liked unfortunately this week is her first week back at the gym and volleyball practice is the same day and time as her first day of fall practice. When I ask her about how she feels about gymnastics she continues to tell me she is unsure if she wants to continue. She is a 10 year old level 6 this will be her 4th year on the team. She will not tell me why her feelings have changed I know as I stated before a lot of her friends have left. Last year she was more obsessed with gymnastics than ever before. She has gone through periods where she wanted to quit before just not this long. I am trying to get her to comit to the season which she has agreed hoping she will decide to stick with it. She is really ambivalent about she never brings up unless I ask her and when I asked her does she want to leave gym early for volleyball practice she says no it is her first day back but she has gymnastics for the next 3 days. I am not sure if I am doing the right thing by making her try to stick with it for the rest of the season. She will not come out and say I want to quit now. I have seen girls go back and forth and usually they do end up quiting. I wouldf not question my decision so much if she had not worked so hard and she really loved the ssport a couple months ago. Is it wrong making her commit to the season ? Should I stop bring it up and just wait until she comes up with her own decisicon? I do not want to pressure her into sticking with it because of me but I would hate for her to quit abruptly wand be sorry down the road

 

[mariposa]

Honestly, I wouldn't bring it up unless she does. This is so common at her age and at this time of the year. A friend's daughter is going through it, though she is more vocal about wanting to quit, but still doing gym all over the house. Tough situation.

Can she do 1 day of volley ball and 3 days of gym until volleyball is over? Sometimes they need a chance to do other things. Would her gym be open to that? Would it work with volleyball?

Hang in there. Hope some of the "been there done that" parents will have some more ideas for guys.

 

[Megley]

Don't feel bad about making her stick with it. I think those years and years of compulsory gym can be tough on the girls, but if she can stick it out for another year she will be a Level 7 with all the excitement of her own routines. My dd wanted to quit while in the throes of her second Level 5 season but now that she is working toward Level 7 and has her own beam routine, and with her own floor routine coming soon, she is excited again. I asked recently if she wanted to step back from gym and do something else or do prep optional and she said "no way!" As Mariposa said, maybe try volleyball once a week and gym the other three? Or possibly there are days when both don't conflict? It sounds like your dd does want to do gym, though she is a bit ambivalent. I honestly think she should stick it out at least until Level 7 is on the horizon - honestly seems to energize them so much when they see that optionals are so close.

 

[cathiann]

I'm with Mariposa--don't bring it up unless she does. If she really wants to quit, she'll let you know. And if both coaches are okay with it--definitely do let her keep up with both--trying something new may renew her interest in gymnastics or may make her realize that she really does want to quit.

 

[flipper's fan]

I'm with everyone else on this. My DD went through it around the same age and level as Panda Girl. She wanted to do other things, was upset about missing birthday parties or leaving things early to get to practice or meets. But as we worked through these things it became clear that she did not understand the implications of quitting, how much free time she would have, how she would not automatically enter another activity at the same level of skill and commitment, and how her mother was not going to arrange playdates and transportation for her every waking minute of each day of the week.

I later learned that she was bored with level 6 and frustrated with it too. No matter what she did her scores did not go up significantly. When she got to level 7, things changed dramatically for her. She just didn't ever get the significance or thrill of doing everything exactly the same as everyone or of precise hand placement. As she started training for level 8 I saw a new level of thrill and commitment and she is really happy that she did not quit.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Thanks for the replies. I feel like the right thing to do was just try to make her stick with it until she comes and says that she absolutely wants to quit. I just second quess myself. Knowing my daughter I think she would just put her foot down and say she is not going anymore if that is what she really wanted. She ended up going to practice tonight said she wanted to be there and had her 2 favorite coaches. I still think it maybe a matter of missing her teammates the other girl who is with her doing 6 this year (she has been with her since the begining of her being on the team) was talking to my daughter about quitting but luckliy her mom is in the same mindset like me about her finishing the season. This maybe just making it worse. Daughter was also complaining that nobody in her group is going to the clinic that they go to everyyear (this is optional). Luckily I got the volleyball schedule and it seems like the games will not conflict to much with gymnastics and they are done at the end of October before meet season. Funny eventhough she skipped volleyball practice tonight she did not mention it once.

 

[cathiann]

I still think it maybe a matter of missing her teammates the other girl who is with her doing 6 this year (she has been with her since the begining of her being on the team) was talking to my daughter about quitting but luckliy her mom is in the same mindset like me about her finishing the season. This maybe just making it worse.

I think this probably has as ton to do with it--when teammates talk about quitting and problems they're having, it really brings it out in our kids too.

 

[bookworm]

Okay daughter mentioned a few weeks ago she was getting bored with gym when I asked for advice. She wanted to try other things so we signed up for volleyball she liked unfortunately this week is her first week back at the gym and volleyball practice is the same day and time as her first day of fall practice. When I ask her about how she feels about gymnastics she continues to tell me she is unsure if she wants to continue. She is a 10 year old level 6 this will be her 4th year on the team. She will not tell me why her feelings have changed I know as I stated before a lot of her friends have left. Last year she was more obsessed with gymnastics than ever before. She has gone through periods where she wanted to quit before just not this long. I am trying to get her to comit to the season which she has agreed hoping she will decide to stick with it. She is really ambivalent about she never brings up unless I ask her and when I asked her does she want to leave gym early for volleyball practice she says no it is her first day back but she has gymnastics for the next 3 days. I am not sure if I am doing the right thing by making her try to stick with it for the rest of the season. She will not come out and say I want to quit now. I have seen girls go back and forth and usually they do end up quiting. I wouldf not question my decision so much if she had not worked so hard and she really loved the sport a couple months ago. Is it wrong making her commit to the season ? Should I stop bring it up and just wait until she comes up with her own decisicon? I do not want to pressure her into sticking with it because of me but I would hate for her to quit abruptly and be sorry down the road

Honestly, I wouldn't bring it up unless she does. This is so common at her age and at this time of the year. .

Don't feel bad about making her stick with it. I think those years and years of compulsory gym can be tough on the girls, but if she can stick it out for another year she will be a Level 7 with all the excitement of her own routines.

In my opinion, she has already told you that she wants to quit , at least for now...and she's done it a couple of times as you say she's "gone through periods of wanting to quit before" so I don't think that if she quits now that it is really abrupt...to me, it's been brewing for a while. I think part of the reason she is ambivalent and doesn't bring it up unless asked is because she's brought it up a couple of times about quitting and your response was to talk her into committing for the season so if I am her I'm thinking " well I guess I'm stuck so I'll stop bringing it up"...

I think what she was asking for with her ambivalence was your permission to let her quit, at least for a while. A friend's daughter went through the very same thing and SHE (the mom) finally made the decision for her by saying " I can see you are having a hard time with this so I am deciding that you are going to take 6 months off from gym; if you want to return to it , let me know and we will"...and you know what , the kid broke down crying when her mom said that because she was worried that by not doing gym she would be disappointing her mom but that was just what she wanted to do ..to stop gym. And she did other sports in the mean time and did not return to gym but the 6-9 months leading up to that decision were miserable for her and her daughter.

So I don't know if this would apply to your child, she's only 10 so it wouldn't kill her to take time off...and I would do it before I paid all the upcoming meet fees , especially given her ambivalence. For the amount of money we pay for this sport, they've got to love it, period.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I most definitely agree with Bookworm. As many posters have said in the past (myself included here), once they bring it up, the girls themselves have thought about "quitting" for awhile.

Sorry to bore you with my DD's story again, but by the time she had decided to actually mention it to me last year (with lots of tears), she told me she had actually been thinking about quitting for about 2 months. Now, with HER, her issue had to do w/mental blocks on her tumbling, etc... she still loved gymnastics. I DID pull her out of her gym and took her to one that had a very active Prep Optional program. She really flourished there all last year and has decided to go back to USAG levels this year.

PS... it was the summer after L6 and L7 that did my DD in. Yes, she was sooo excited about having her own routines, but the demands for that cast to handstand, giants, the increased tumbling (with the fears of falling on her neck again) just did her in that summer.
I guess I'm rambling a bit here, but was wondering if you could kind of do the same thing, esp. if she still loves gymnastics, just not the time commitment and perfection that are demanded by the JO levels.. It would give her time to do other things and who knows, maybe she'll decide on her own to become more competitive again, or then again, she may be perfectly content on a more recreation-type team. There's a lot to be said for the prep optional teams to keep the girls interested and involved in the sport.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Thanks for the input. I do agree she has probally been thinking about this for a while and that it is to much time and expense if she really does not want to do it. But her actions and what she is telling me is still giving me mixed messages. She is not complaining about going to practice, and told me last night that she wants to go to volleyball practice instead of gym next week because she is afraid they will not let her play in the game. She told me last night that she is not quitting gym for volleyball. I told her she can skip gymnastics practice but she can be the one to tell the coaches, she is fine with this. Today she went to gymnastics without a fight eventhough her friend (of course an old gym friend ) is having a party, I agreed it was a sleepover she will just go after practice. She made a card with pictures of them and all the other gymnasts from the team. Sadly out of all ( about 8 in the pictures left just last year) of them my daughter and 1 other girl are the only ones left in the gym. I think she is still dealing with the loss of her friends leaving. Last night she also did tell me that she is scared to do giants and backhandsprings on the beam. She does not need these this year since she is level 6 and she has all her 6 skills and is not afraid of backwalkover on beam and flyaways. This fear issue is new I think in the past she would not tell anyone and just do the skill. I think the plan is for her to compete level 6 the whole season so is there is no pressure for her to get these skills until next year. As far as a less competitive program I mentioned the y near us but she has this loyality and refuses to compete somewhere else. So I quess I am just going to wait it out until she gives me a clearer message on whether she wants to continue and just take it day to day. If she tells me she is certain she wants to stop I will let her regardless of the meet fees and if it is in the middle of the season. I think maybe she has not figured out what she wants to do. I think I will just send the coach an e-mail to let her know what is going on. Maybe they will step back and give her less pressure of doing the skills that are scaring her.

 

[10.0]

Okay seriously I mean this in the nicest possible way but she is only a LITTLE GIRL. Of course she is sending you "mixed messages" she is probably terribly afraid of dissapointing you, and the vibe I get from your posts is that you would be a bit dissapointed in her if she choose to quit. It is hard because the sport becomes a part of you. In reality is may be you that does not want it to end. Instead of ignoring the elephant in the living room sit her down and have a calm discussion about it, no beating around the bush and even if you will be upset if she quits, do not let her know that. Lay down what you have seen, talk about everything, the loss of teammates, the friends influence, the fears and wanting to try new things, tell her you want her to make a decision and you will help her and support her in anything she decides, tell her you are not dissapointed and that you love her and let it go. My guess is she will probably finally feel free and she probably will quit, but again she is a child and she may decide to go back or she might find out she is a star volleyball player it doesn't matter as long as she feels good about it.

 

[bookworm]

10.0...I totally agree with you...this little girl wants out, at least for now..

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I know I asked for advice and I appreciate your input but when I ask her she is unsure. I feel like maybe you think I am pushing her to continue but I found it is really difficult the driving back and forth to the gym, the meets that are long and far away and the cost is a big sacrafice for my whole family. I just know I supported her in this sport because I saw how much she loved it. The only thing I have to compare it to is that she has tried other sports and my older daughter does other sports but I have not seen the amount of passion and motivation that she has had for gymnastics. She was willing to miss a Taylor swift concert for a meet. Her coaches would remark how focused she would be before a meet. She ignored pain in her wrists even though she had stressfractures so she would not miss a meet. She went to gymnastics for 2 months and conditioned only after her wrist injury and went to physical therapy for 2 months. After she missed sectionals she stated it is killing me that I am not there competing with them. She petitioned to states and competed after only 11/2 weeks of full practice after her injury.
This is part of the reasons why I am questioning if she really wants to quit or is just reacting to something else such as her friends leaving or mental blocks. In the past when she has wanted to quit eventhough the periods have been brief less than a week she has gotten over it and was more determined and motivated in the sport. I quess I am wondering if this will pass too. I would not want her to give up something she truely loves for a road block that I can help her get through. I will also continue to support her in whatever decision she makes.

 

[bogwoppit]

I have held off on this thread because I have just been there and done that.

My oldest is now 14, she loved gym with all her soul. When she was 7 she wanted to do Olympic level gym, we even momentarily looked at the big gyms in the nearest big city. But when we saw the commitment and thought of the effect it would have on the family as a whole we told her she wouldn't be able to try that path.

She struggled with injuries for years, but always wanted to go back, to push to work hard. She loved going to gym, loved her friends and was a great kid in the gym.

Roll on to 13 year old and she began to be like your DD, she didn't love gym anymore, sent mixed messages all the time. WOuld tell me one thing and her coach something else. In other words she was a very confused little girl. SO I made a deal with her (this was in JAnuary) that she should finish her season as she was part of a team of three and they couldn't compete as a team without her. THe season ended mid May and she stopped. SHe had run her marathon, with grace adn it was the end for her.

She is doing other things now T&T, dance, guitar, she does her own thing and she is very happy. Doesn't miss gym at all. She sees her gym friends and has made new ones too.

All this to say, you sometimes have to give them permission to stop, they do want to please and no matter how hard we try not to get involved, we do. That adds the pressure. If you let her stop, she can always go back, sure she will miss a lot etc, but she will know fir sure.

One of our gymnasts took a year off, she missed gym terribly and she is back training this year, sure she is playing catch up, but she is just thrilled to be there.

I hope this helps, it took me a bit to get through to my DD and get her to say what she wanted. She is just so happy now, happy is great!

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

We are just taking things one day at a time, I spoke with daughter again over the weekend still claims she does not want to quit gym yet still wants to continue with volleyball. I let her know it is her decison and I will support her. She continues to make me think she is not done with gym. Had to bring a box to school with 5 things in it about herself 3 of them were gymnastics related: one of her medal where she placed in beam, a picture of her and nastia and a piece of foam pit from IGC. She did go to Volleyball practice tonight for 1 1/2 hours then was able to still go to gym for 1 1/2 hours and was fine. She had fun at Volleyball but by no means is she headed for Volleyball stardom the poor kid was the shortest one there and I do not think she hit the ball once but I encouraged and cheered for her. I did get a chance to talk to her headcoach and after talking to her feel so much better. She said it was fine for her to miss some practice for volleyball. She thinks she will figure it out what she wants to do but she does not think I should pull her from gym.. She told how great she is in the gym and she is not giving her any signs of fears. She even told me to come to practice unanounced and watch her I trust. Her judgement she has worked woth my daughter since she was 5. She also has also dealt with many girls in the gym who have quit and she does not always encourage them to stick with it. One of daughters friends who quit was one of the best girls on the team had a lot of potential when she wanted to quit midseason she came to talk to her instead of convincing her to continue like she planed she came out and told her mom she is too upset that she can not make her continue. So for now I am just going to take it one day at a time..