Coaches Am I missing something??

[LucyTRA]

I posted a while ago in the gymnast forum about how I felt that my coaches weren't pushing me and I didn't think they believed in my ability.

This weekend I was at a competition (synchro and individual) where we took 6th out of 29 pairs for synchro (I've never competed synchro before, and only had 2 training sessions with my partner prior, so I was pretty chuffed) and I took 1st in individual and my partner, S, took second in the same category.

I texted one of my coaches, M, when I found out our positions as I was super excited. She texted me back saying well done, but... Um, how on earth did you beat S?! I was kinda upset because She has only met S once, the Friday before the comp when she came to my club to practise synchro, and she was at the last comp where I also beat her, but only by 0.1 (she has always been one place behind me ) In all honesty I think we are quite evenly matched, she swears blind that I'm better than her, and I swear that she's better than me.

Anyway, I was upset but people are suggesting that she says that sort of stuff to push me and get me to prove her wrong. M regularly tells me that I should not be learning any new skills at all, but perfecting the ones I have, and often makes me feel like she thinks I'm terrible at the sport.

I just wanted to get some other coaches opinions on this?! It's not something I'd ever do to the kids I coach, but I don't coach anyone at my level. Is this something you would do???

 

[iwannacoach]

I posted a while ago in the gymnast forum about how I felt that my coaches weren't pushing me and I didn't think they believed in my ability.

This weekend I was at a competition (synchro and individual) where we took 6th out of 29 pairs for synchro (I've never competed synchro before, and only had 2 training sessions with my partner prior, so I was pretty chuffed) and I took 1st in individual and my partner, S, took second in the same category.

I texted one of my coaches, M, when I found out our positions as I was super excited. She texted me back saying well done, but... Um, how on earth did you beat S?! I was kinda upset because She has only met S once, the Friday before the comp when she came to my club to practise synchro, and she was at the last comp where I also beat her, but only by 0.1 (she has always been one place behind me ) In all honesty I think we are quite evenly matched, she swears blind that I'm better than her, and I swear that she's better than me.

Anyway, I was upset but people are suggesting that she says that sort of stuff to push me and get me to prove her wrong. M regularly tells me that I should not be learning any new skills at all, but perfecting the ones I have, and often makes me feel like she thinks I'm terrible at the sport.

I just wanted to get some other coaches opinions on this?! It's not something I'd ever do to the kids I coach, but I don't coach anyone at my level. Is this something you would do???

Maybe she wanted you to answer that you beat S because you work hard and have a good coach and gym to help you get better. That's a step we coaches want our athletes to make because it connects the hard work and tense moment in the gym and forms a competition ready athlete. Understanding that is a good thing.

I once had a lot of skills, like almost every one in the book, and believe me...... I was sloppy with every skill. I had some success with those skill at the local level, but beyond my domain I was more like a circus joke. I ended up getting trained by a new coach who was able to get my attention with respect to tightening up and polishing my skills.

Oddly, I didn't think they needed that much polish and tightening, but went along with his plan for me. I'm glad he was able to convince me. My skills became easier to do became easier to do and were far more consistent. The upshot of it all is that went into that gym as a bit of a joke, and came out of it a year later as a national level gymnast.

That's just my story. You gotta decide how your story will end because you're the only one writing it.

 

[LucyTRA]

@iwannacoach I understand perfecting skills to be ready for comps, and that is something I do regularly. I'm pretty perfectionistic and hard on myself in training, but I have several coaches and they are all telling me that I am ready and I should be moving forward and learning more advanced skills, which I'm also keen to do. I can only practice tuck, pike and straddle jumps for so long before I start to go crazy and need to do something else!

M also makes me feel really incompetent as a coach, to the point where she doesn't even recognise me as one. Recently the reception staff allowed too many gymnasts into the session and we were discussing it when she said 'well it's annoying but there is no issue with gymnast:coach ratio because I'm here, A is here, SH is here and I is here, and we are all coaches' I didn't say anything but one of the others was like 'yeah, and Lucy.' And she just kinda looked at him and shrugged, like I don't count, when I'm actually on the books as a coach at the centre and some of the people she listed aren't and therefore aren't insured to coach there. And when I was training to become a coach she said that the idea scared her.

My main coach is telling me to get away from that environment because she damages my confidence but off the trampolines we are friends and get on really well, so idk what to do.

 

[iwannacoach]

@iwannacoach I understand perfecting skills to be ready for comps, and that is something I do regularly. I'm pretty perfectionistic and hard on myself in training, but I have several coaches and they are all telling me that I am ready and I should be moving forward and learning more advanced skills, which I'm also keen to do. I can only practice tuck, pike and straddle jumps for so long before I start to go crazy and need to do something else!

M also makes me feel really incompetent as a coach, to the point where she doesn't even recognise me as one. Recently the reception staff allowed too many gymnasts into the session and we were discussing it when she said 'well it's annoying but there is no issue with gymnast:coach ratio because I'm here, A is here, SH is here and I is here, and we are all coaches' I didn't say anything but one of the others was like 'yeah, and Lucy.' And she just kinda looked at him and shrugged, like I don't count, when I'm actually on the books as a coach at the centre and some of the people she listed aren't and therefore aren't insured to coach there. And when I was training to become a coach she said that the idea scared her.

My main coach is telling me to get away from that environment because she damages my confidence but off the trampolines we are friends and get on really well, so idk what to do.

Well it seems more complicated than what I read into it.

 

[coachmolly]

That's frustrating. Some coaches do have... well, interesting, ways of dealing with athletes. They can work for some gymnasts, but certainly not for all. It could be her means of trying to push you, it could be her being a bit passive aggressive- perhaps upset with your work ethic/attitude/any number of other factors. It doesn't seem like that is the case based on your assessment of yourself, nor is it a productive way of dealing with an athlete, but another possible option. It sort of sounds like she is holding a grudge for some reason, and I agree, it's not healthy for you to be in that position. You mention you have another primary coach, could she be upset that she is a secondary coach?
Do you feel comfortable enough asking her what she meant by that comment? Not being confrontational, just saying you were confused and were looking for a little more clarification as you respect her input as a coach and want to use it to get better. But seeing as she wasn't at your meet and did not see the actual performance, I don't know how she could give an adequate assessment of your performance?

 

[LucyTRA]

@coachmolly I'm pretty sure what she meant is that S is better than me and so she didn't understand how I could have beaten her. I wonder if she expected to hear that S had crashed out and failed to complete her routines, giving me an opening to win, because you know, there's no way that I could have won simply because I am good at what I do.

My coaching situation is a bit weird - I train in 4 different venues and compete for 2 different clubs - my university and a BG affiliated club in the region. When I talk about my 'main coach' I mean A, who coaches at my BG club but I only see him 2x per week, while I see M 3x just she is a participant along with me (although she still jumps in and coaches me when she is there as a gymnast, not a coach) the centre where I see M is rec only but lots of competitors use it for extra training, so it's not like she is under any pressure to train me for comps.

So I don't think that she is upset not to be my 'main' coach. I don't know if I could say anything to her. She's been really supportive away from the gym with lots of stuff and we are friends, but I continue to be a bit intimidated by her, and feel a desperate need to please her, like a little child with the scary popular girl at school. I replied to her text basically bashing myself and saying I had no idea how I beat her because clearly she is sooooo much better than me and said that maybe S was just more nervous than me. So I've kinda made it impossible to say anything at this point.

I just wonder if she is trying to get me to almost rebel against her and do better than she thinks I can, but it just won't work with me. If a coach (especially a very good, experienced coach and gymnast) tells me I'm terrible at what I'm doing, then I'm terrible at what I'm doing and I want to quit, not train harder.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yikes!