Parents Any suggestions for encouragement?

[Amanda]

My daughter is going to have her first competition in just over a week. It's actually just an in house meet primarily for the purpose of some girls scoring out of a level or in my daughter's case, getting a chance to do everything for judges. She's level 3 right now, so I know it's technically not a required level. I think it's a great opportunity for her to get her feet wet. It's all very new for her and I think she is getting pretty nervous. She's had a couple of rough practices recently where she has struggled with a skill (ROBHS) she's had for a long time. She is still doing it- she just knows her form isn't good. (I haven't seen it.) She was pretty teary tonight. (Although last night she was super excited that she was able to do a cast to handstand with almost no spot!) I feel like she is a bit of a roller coaster right now! Any words of advice on how to encourage her? Or things NOT to say or do? I know there are probably no magic words but I hate seeing her so down on herself. What do you say to your kids after a hard practice?

 

[gymyahoo]

Wish her good luck before the meet and regardless of her performance be a loving parent after it's done. If it doesn't turn out well wait a day or so to talk about it. Don't be crazy competitive gym parent and scold your child. You don't want her introduction to the sport to be negative.

After a bad practice just be a supportive parent and remind her tomorrow is a new day.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

You can't fix it. Skills come and go. Nerves happen and get better once she gets the hang of things. Remind her of something she once struggled with and now she doesn't. Give her a hug. Both you take deep breathes. This too shall pass.

 

[sce]

What do you say to them after hard practices? Acknowledge their frustration, praise their hard work and perseverance and then tell them that tomorrow is another day. If it helps he, throw In some humor. What not to say? Don't give her coaching or specific ideas on fixing anything. Don't ask each practice about the areas of struggle, it will feel like pressure. Instead ask general questions, giving her the space to decide what to share.

 

[2gymkids]

Just do your best to reassure her everyone gets nervous and that she should just go out and have fun and try her best. At the end of the day, meets are fun but the real work is done in the gym. No matter how it goes, give her a hug and tell her your proud of her. I always remind my daughter that if I had to compete at a meet, I could get out there and salute, and that's about it....so she's doing to do better than I would no matter what! The thought of that usually gets a giggle.

 

[seoulmama]

"I love to watch you compete."

https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/bl...d-to-say-to-their-kids-about-sportsor-any-per

Seriously, this is the best sports article I've read.

 

[MuggleMom]

I said this in another thread but it worked really well for my daughter she always used to ask me what ifs--what if I fall off the beam for example. So I said What if you fall off the beam what will happen? She sort of looked at me like she didn't know the answer so I went on. "Will I stop loving you if you fall off beam?" She laughed and said "no" "Will the world end if you fall off beam?" More laughter and a no "Will your coaches yell at you if you fall off beam?" She said no. So I said "See nothing horrible will happen if you fall off so if you do just get back up and keep going" She seemed much more at ease after that. I tried to address her nerves and put them in perspective. Starting off with the will I stop loving you really set the tone that in the big scheme of things this isn't important.

Also we set goals for the meet and the year none of which were score related. I told her That I would get her a small treat if she had a good meet. I then defined what a "good meet" was: Good sportsmanship (went through cheering for teammates not getting upset about mistakes, no tears), trying her hardest, and having fun. If she did those three things it was a good meet and we would celebrate. I also encouraged her to work towards "improving" every meet, be it one better score on one event, or doing a skill she didn't have before, and she did improve scores every meet so she was very happy.

 

[mommyof1]

Before we get out of the car at each meet, we ask our daughter, "What is the most important thing?" She answers, "Have fun!"

It may help to reframe nerves as excitement (the physical effects are very similar) and to remind her that a little bit of contained excitement is not a bad thing because it can help you stay sharp and do your best. Being confident in one's preparation also helps a lot with nerves, so remind her of how hard she's worked to prepare for this meet and how ready she is to do her best. If she is having trouble with a skill, don't focus on it. Instead, just say "Skills come and go all the time--I am sure you will get it back."

Like MuggleMom, I encourage my daughter to set goals that are unrelated to scores. This year a big one on vault was "squeeze my butt" (to reduce piking). After the meet, we shower her with praise for recovering from disappointment, like the time she thought her bars score was unfair but regrouped to do a great job on beam, and for being a good teammate, like the time she put her arm around a disappointed teammate who was about to cry and made her start laughing instead by whispering an inside joke in her ear.

 

[bogwoppit]

Tell her to have fun before, and then buy ice cream after. The latter never failed to change the subject from either a great meet or a less than great meet.

 

[MuggleMom]

It may help to reframe nerves as excitement (the physical effects are very similar) and to remind her that a little bit of contained excitement is not a bad thing because it can help you stay sharp and do your best.

Definitely this! We also talk to our daughter that its like a roller coaster--- a little bit scary but mostly fun--so the fun kind of scary not the overwhelming kind. So when you start to feel scared or nervous remember how much fun it is and that you are mostly excited and only a little bit scared.

 

[Amanda]

Thank you all for all of the great advice. I have been so grateful for all that I have read on chalk bucket that has already kept me from going crazy or driving my daughter crazy! I like the idea of talking to her about what nerves feel like, setting goals that she has control over for the meet that aren't necessarily performance related, talking about what happens if something goes "wrong", and getting ice cream of course! I need to be reminded to not ask about certain skills after practice! Thanks again!

 

[GymDad9.9]

Completely natural to get nervous first time. Second time. Third time. Fourteenth time..... She'll be great. So will you.

 

[rosiekat]

Sometimes we'll search Youtube for blooper reels to prove that even the world-famous athletes have off days. It can induce a laugh, too, which is always a good thing.

 

[GymDad9.9]

Sometimes we'll search Youtube for blooper reels to prove that even the world-famous athletes have off days. It can induce a laugh, too, which is always a good thing.

My daughter had something terribly embarrassing happen to her at her first ever meet and rebounded right there in the moment to put up her best score of the day.

 

[Flyaway]

Ice cream makes everything better.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Ice cream makes everything better.

Or wine. For the grown ups.

 

[2gymkids]

I agree with Muggle Mom, the what-ifs have worked well for us, too. The first time she answered "everyone will laugh at me." I looked at her and said "you think a bunch of parents who can't even do a handstand are going to laugh at you for going out there at 8 years old and doing your best at something none of us would dream of being able to do?" She was like "huh. No, probably not." I asked "do you laugh at your teammates or other gymnasts when they're having a tough time? Or do you encourage them?" "Um, I encourage them." "Then who, precisely, will be laughing?" "Nobody?" Walking her through her fears helped a bit. And, honestly, making it through her first really bad meet (which didn't happen her first year but certainly happened this past year) helped a LOT. She was miserable but then all of a sudden she realized she was still alive. So, as tough as it is to watch as a parent, those bad meets are just as important as the good ones.

 

[NY Dad]

This thread has come at a very good time for me. My dd is on pre team (or at least that's what they call it). They have evaluations for placement on team next Saturday. She's excited now but I want to be ready in case she starts getting nervous. There are so many great suggestions here.

Thanks team CB!

 

[kitkat]

Tell her to have butterflies in her tummy is normal. Everyone is nervous...that means you care about how you do.... and in the end... that you are so proud of her for being a gymnast.
It takes special talent to be able to flip around, swing around the bars and do skills on the beam. No matter what the score is - you are always proud.
Best of luck

 

[Amanda]

Thank you again for all of your thoughtful suggestions. It has been an encouragement to me- and now, hopefully, I can be an encouragement to her!