E
EmmasMommy
This is embarrassing to talk about and I actually started typing up a post once before then chickened out. I'm gonna try again though.
My daughter (age 5) has an attitude problem. It's not all the time and does seem to be worse on days where she's eaten too much sugar or hasn't gotten enough rest. Naturally we try to avoid this, but the reality is I don't see it as an "excuse" when she does get an attitude.
Sometimes, unfortunately, this attitude happens in the gym. Usually if she is corrected about something or can't get something right the first time. She's not the kind to give up, but rather just makes herself and everyone around her miserable while she continues to try, which is unacceptable to me. I want to encourage a healthier response to frustration.
Another thing is that she often "self corrects" if she *knows* she is doing something wrong. You could tell her great job and she'll say, "No, wait, I can do it better." The issue is solely when she didn't know it was wrong and gets corrected. Then the attitude sets in.
It took her a few week to warm up to her team coach, and she got an attitude with him a few times, but I told him not to take any nonsense from her and he didn't and withing 2 classes, it was nearly gone, and within 5 classes, it was completely gone, with one slip up on day when she skipped lunch (which led to the rule: 'no lunch, no gymnastics', and we haven't had a problem since). He corrects her ALL the time and she doesn't skip a beat. She's pleasant, and he says she's doing very, very well, "like a whole new kid". There are even times where the whole class will be goofing off and she doesn't join them but instead stays focused.
That said, we had an attitude incident again recently, and it concerns me. One of the toddler coaches is out and so her coach is taking over some of this classes. So he teaches the beginning of the class, and then the owner teaches the second part of the class. Unfortunately, my daughter decided to get an attitude with the owner when corrected on form. The recreation class my daughter was in before taught the cartwheel with the 'X' position and I knew the soon they were going to be teaching 'arms by the ears'. I ever let her know this to sort of prepare her, and they have been doing it somewhat in class, but the owner is really strict on form (something I think is a GOOD thing), so when she substitutes in the class, she focuses on that a lot. Perhaps even especially with my daughter who has all the skills down already and needs to work on cleaning them up.
If her regular coach corrected her, she'd have no problem. Perhaps because he's already established he's not putting up with that. And my daughter is HAPPIER now. She does well with firm boundaries. I know the owner is firm, too, but my daughter tends to be less responsive to women (other than me) and I think that's because most other women in my daughters life are way too lenient with her. I don't mean to sound like I'm super strict or anything, but I mean very basic things. For example, if my DD gives me an attitude, I will NOT give her what she is asking for. Where other females she is around seem to give her what she wants and tell her to ask nicely NEXT time. (I've confronted the people in the family who do this, but they just don't seem to realize they are doing it or can't seem to change.)
Anyway, the owner/coach doesn't seem concerned at all. She told me it's my daughter's personality and that my daughter will stop when she sees it's not getting her anywhere. She said my daughter has an a-type, gymnast personality and is a lot like the owner was...and that she'd met her match lol. She also praised my daughter's skill level and strength, and I think that's great, but I don't want her getting a pass for being talented, either, though I was glad for the coaches friendly outlook. I told the coach (as I told her old coach) that we don't put up with attitudes at home and that if she needs to be sit out or sent out of class, to do it. Her regular coach had to do it maybe 3 times total, and that was the end of that (because she wants to be participating). So I see this as something best to nip in the bud.
What else can I do on my end? I don't want my daughter to be THAT kid, if you know what I mean. Currently what I do is praise the good behavior. I also let her get a juice after class (we are mostly a water-only family) on days where she is nice to others while in class. The rewards are kept strictly based on behavior and not on performance. When she does have an attitude, we don't do the juice and I let her know that 1) I didn't like her behavior 2) that kind of behavior can get a girl kicked out of a gym and 3) her coach was trying to help her improve and that wasn't kind to the coach and that my daughter shortchanged herself by not listening.
When we got home after the most recent issue, my daughter showed me the new "form" she learned. I'm glad she learned it and that she's proud of herself, but it'd be nice if she was showing gratitude in class to the coach who taught her. I think the attitude comes from hurt pride. But she needs to get used to correction from her coaches--it's part of the sport.
Maybe I'm just over-worrying, but I wanted to know if there is anything else I can do on my end, or is it better to back off and let the coach deal with it? Because I can also see it from the angle that they need to establish their own working relationship and she needs to listen to the coach because of respecting the coach, not because of me. OR is it better that I support the coach and reinforce a good attitude? (She also blames other for her mistakes, which plays into the attitude issues, but maybe that's separate).
I just don't know, but I wanted to ask for some opinions so I'm not making things worse or not doing nothing when there is more I can do to support a positive attitude. I wouldn't say it's a constant thing, but she does it sometimes usually in the same scenarios, even non-gymnastics related things at home. It's not a frequent problem, just something that comes up now and again. And it's embarrassing. Once someone establishes boundaries with her though, she does get to the point where she's a total angel. I just don't understand why she keeps going through this with every new person in her life, as SHE seems to be miserable when she's doing it!
I keep an open line of communication with the coaches where behavior is concerned. Another thing that might be worth mentioning is that we have some issues in the home, being that her older brother has autism and severe behavioral issues that affect everyone in the family, though our daughter deals with it better than our youngest does. The gym is also aware of this. They seem to be glad that I'm aware of the issues and have told me that sometimes they deal with things where a kid has a really bad attitude, doesn't get a "stamp", cries to their parents about it, and their parent promises to take them out for ice cream, which needless to say is very different from the approach I take to being disrespectful in class. But I still want to see some real change. She's a little bit younger than some of the other girls in class (but not by much) but sometimes I think she is much more immature than they are. Not in the goof off kind of way, but she's less social than they are and seems to get more upset about missing skills/being corrected than they do. I don't think I've noticed one other kid in her class get upset about being corrected, but maybe that's just because I'm not focused on them. At any rate, I tell her if she wants to be in class with the other "big girls" she needs to have big girl behavior, too. Really makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong as a parent when she gets this way.
I also don't want to see herself shoot herself in the foot. She LOVES gymnastics. She's told me she wants to live there and only come home to eat and sleep. Over the holidays, she said she was sad she didn't get to go to gymanstics and that she wishes the holidays could be over already (I was thinking a normal kid might be looking forward to Christmas presents!). When she doesn't have gymnastics, she's counting down the days to her next class. She's the first one at the gate to get into class. I love seeing her so passionate about something, and I think that's why she usually does well. But her attitude could ultimately ruin for her something she loves.
I'm all over the place and rambling. Sorry. Any feedback would be appreciated.
My daughter (age 5) has an attitude problem. It's not all the time and does seem to be worse on days where she's eaten too much sugar or hasn't gotten enough rest. Naturally we try to avoid this, but the reality is I don't see it as an "excuse" when she does get an attitude.
Sometimes, unfortunately, this attitude happens in the gym. Usually if she is corrected about something or can't get something right the first time. She's not the kind to give up, but rather just makes herself and everyone around her miserable while she continues to try, which is unacceptable to me. I want to encourage a healthier response to frustration.
Another thing is that she often "self corrects" if she *knows* she is doing something wrong. You could tell her great job and she'll say, "No, wait, I can do it better." The issue is solely when she didn't know it was wrong and gets corrected. Then the attitude sets in.
It took her a few week to warm up to her team coach, and she got an attitude with him a few times, but I told him not to take any nonsense from her and he didn't and withing 2 classes, it was nearly gone, and within 5 classes, it was completely gone, with one slip up on day when she skipped lunch (which led to the rule: 'no lunch, no gymnastics', and we haven't had a problem since). He corrects her ALL the time and she doesn't skip a beat. She's pleasant, and he says she's doing very, very well, "like a whole new kid". There are even times where the whole class will be goofing off and she doesn't join them but instead stays focused.
That said, we had an attitude incident again recently, and it concerns me. One of the toddler coaches is out and so her coach is taking over some of this classes. So he teaches the beginning of the class, and then the owner teaches the second part of the class. Unfortunately, my daughter decided to get an attitude with the owner when corrected on form. The recreation class my daughter was in before taught the cartwheel with the 'X' position and I knew the soon they were going to be teaching 'arms by the ears'. I ever let her know this to sort of prepare her, and they have been doing it somewhat in class, but the owner is really strict on form (something I think is a GOOD thing), so when she substitutes in the class, she focuses on that a lot. Perhaps even especially with my daughter who has all the skills down already and needs to work on cleaning them up.
If her regular coach corrected her, she'd have no problem. Perhaps because he's already established he's not putting up with that. And my daughter is HAPPIER now. She does well with firm boundaries. I know the owner is firm, too, but my daughter tends to be less responsive to women (other than me) and I think that's because most other women in my daughters life are way too lenient with her. I don't mean to sound like I'm super strict or anything, but I mean very basic things. For example, if my DD gives me an attitude, I will NOT give her what she is asking for. Where other females she is around seem to give her what she wants and tell her to ask nicely NEXT time. (I've confronted the people in the family who do this, but they just don't seem to realize they are doing it or can't seem to change.)
Anyway, the owner/coach doesn't seem concerned at all. She told me it's my daughter's personality and that my daughter will stop when she sees it's not getting her anywhere. She said my daughter has an a-type, gymnast personality and is a lot like the owner was...and that she'd met her match lol. She also praised my daughter's skill level and strength, and I think that's great, but I don't want her getting a pass for being talented, either, though I was glad for the coaches friendly outlook. I told the coach (as I told her old coach) that we don't put up with attitudes at home and that if she needs to be sit out or sent out of class, to do it. Her regular coach had to do it maybe 3 times total, and that was the end of that (because she wants to be participating). So I see this as something best to nip in the bud.
What else can I do on my end? I don't want my daughter to be THAT kid, if you know what I mean. Currently what I do is praise the good behavior. I also let her get a juice after class (we are mostly a water-only family) on days where she is nice to others while in class. The rewards are kept strictly based on behavior and not on performance. When she does have an attitude, we don't do the juice and I let her know that 1) I didn't like her behavior 2) that kind of behavior can get a girl kicked out of a gym and 3) her coach was trying to help her improve and that wasn't kind to the coach and that my daughter shortchanged herself by not listening.
When we got home after the most recent issue, my daughter showed me the new "form" she learned. I'm glad she learned it and that she's proud of herself, but it'd be nice if she was showing gratitude in class to the coach who taught her. I think the attitude comes from hurt pride. But she needs to get used to correction from her coaches--it's part of the sport.
Maybe I'm just over-worrying, but I wanted to know if there is anything else I can do on my end, or is it better to back off and let the coach deal with it? Because I can also see it from the angle that they need to establish their own working relationship and she needs to listen to the coach because of respecting the coach, not because of me. OR is it better that I support the coach and reinforce a good attitude? (She also blames other for her mistakes, which plays into the attitude issues, but maybe that's separate).
I just don't know, but I wanted to ask for some opinions so I'm not making things worse or not doing nothing when there is more I can do to support a positive attitude. I wouldn't say it's a constant thing, but she does it sometimes usually in the same scenarios, even non-gymnastics related things at home. It's not a frequent problem, just something that comes up now and again. And it's embarrassing. Once someone establishes boundaries with her though, she does get to the point where she's a total angel. I just don't understand why she keeps going through this with every new person in her life, as SHE seems to be miserable when she's doing it!
I keep an open line of communication with the coaches where behavior is concerned. Another thing that might be worth mentioning is that we have some issues in the home, being that her older brother has autism and severe behavioral issues that affect everyone in the family, though our daughter deals with it better than our youngest does. The gym is also aware of this. They seem to be glad that I'm aware of the issues and have told me that sometimes they deal with things where a kid has a really bad attitude, doesn't get a "stamp", cries to their parents about it, and their parent promises to take them out for ice cream, which needless to say is very different from the approach I take to being disrespectful in class. But I still want to see some real change. She's a little bit younger than some of the other girls in class (but not by much) but sometimes I think she is much more immature than they are. Not in the goof off kind of way, but she's less social than they are and seems to get more upset about missing skills/being corrected than they do. I don't think I've noticed one other kid in her class get upset about being corrected, but maybe that's just because I'm not focused on them. At any rate, I tell her if she wants to be in class with the other "big girls" she needs to have big girl behavior, too. Really makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong as a parent when she gets this way.
I also don't want to see herself shoot herself in the foot. She LOVES gymnastics. She's told me she wants to live there and only come home to eat and sleep. Over the holidays, she said she was sad she didn't get to go to gymanstics and that she wishes the holidays could be over already (I was thinking a normal kid might be looking forward to Christmas presents!). When she doesn't have gymnastics, she's counting down the days to her next class. She's the first one at the gate to get into class. I love seeing her so passionate about something, and I think that's why she usually does well. But her attitude could ultimately ruin for her something she loves.
I'm all over the place and rambling. Sorry. Any feedback would be appreciated.