Parents Avoiding the Negative Talk/Parents?

[my4buffaloes]

How do you handle parents who are perpetually negative? Constantly complaining about the coaches, lack of coaching, etc - nitpicking everything that goes on at the gym. I just don't even want to be around these people. I usually try to change the subject or defend the coaches as best I can. I mean, how can they say that the coaches aren't doing anything when every time I look they are actively working with kids and helping them? Not only spotting someone but also verbally correcting others and supervising the entire group.

Being at the gym a lot other parents have become my friends, but i find I enjoy the relationships best when we never actually talk about gymnastics to each other. And really, I should be able to talk gymnastics with other gym parents the most of all my friends, but I am finding it just quickly becomes negative. ugh! Rough week at the gym, can you tell? How do you handle it?

 

[EmmasMommy]

So far, all the moms I've spoken to at the gym are positive and we're all often complimenting the coaches. All of them. But I did meet one lady who doesn't bring her daughter anymore who was complaining about the pre-team coach my daughter used to have. She was nice, but that was always a hard situation since this particular coach was someone we LOVE. I tried not to undermine her feelings without agreeing with her either. I would share my own positive experiences. When she kept complaining, I would ask if she'd checked out any other gyms, that maybe she could find a coach that she felt her daughter connected with better or got more from. I think the problem she had, though, was that they weren't teaching more, and the reality was (IMHO) I don't know what she expected them to teach her daughter. Her daughter was very new and not very coordinated. She was in the class she needed to be in at that time. She also didn't really have an interest in gymnastics, so I don't think the coach was really the problem. I hear the girl is in karate now and having fun. Your situation is probably completely different, but you could probably still do things like stay positive, share your own positive stories but without engaging in the negativity. Maybe point out positive things about the coaches when you can? Something like, "Wow, you're daughter's 'x' skill has gotten so much better since 'z' coach has start helping her with it!" Negative people will probably always be negative though. IT would suck not to be able to talk to them, but perhaps you can try to keep yourself busy when they are being negative and just engage them in positive talk when you can? Wish I had better advice, but I'm not very experienced with this stuff.

 

[vagymmomma]

I've found that there are certain parents who also have a fair and balanced perspective. I seek them out if I have any doubts. And I try to stay out of the gym -- easiest way to miss the drama.

 

[lhmom]

These days, I try to just stay away from those type of people and stay out of the gym. However, when I do find myself around negativity, I try to change the subject or at least make jokes to lighten the mood. I've also learned who to avoid and usually just try to be polite and excuse myself when possible. There's always going to be those who will find something negative to say about everything.

 

[Maitland]

I believe this sort of talk just becomes a habit. These parents don't realize that they are undermining an important aspect of coaching, and that is respect (given and received). I think your best bet is just to avoid it as much as possible, but if you are forced to be around it, just always say positive things. A grumbler won't last long if they have no one to commiserate with.

 

[Krystan]

I also find myself defending coaches and the gym lately. It's clearly the best gym option in the area, and they've been great for us, so I really try to defend them when possible. I totally understand griping about, for example, not having the summer schedule yet, but to complain about coaching AT the gym in the presence of rec parents is completely unfair to the gym. For me, things are mostly positive, so I really try not to gripe about the small negatives/imperfections. I agree that it's almost a habit with some people.

My latest defense of our gym was actually at the soccer field where I overheard two mothers blasting our gym in favor of the "other" local gym where they do "real gymnastics". They clearly had no clue what they were talking about, one was giving the other blatantly incorrect information, and to top it off they actually have their kids in rec at our gym! So (of course I couldn't help myself) I interrupted and corrected the information, listed the positive of ours over that other gym without being negative of either, and clarified that our gym does, in fact, do "real gymnastics" (and happens to score better at higher levels and have larger high-level teams). Of course they haven't talked to me since - I don't think they were interested in the truth, they just wanted to whine...

 

[Granny Smith]

There are people who are just "happy complainers." I always say they will make great senior citizens! I am friends with some who are negative, I just ignore the conversation when it gets this way. They aren't always that way, but things can change over time and sometimes people get negative. If it gets really bad you sometimes have to question, if it's sooooo bad, why not just go somewhere else??? No one should stay at a place that is as bad as they are complaining about... just sayin'!

 

[wallinbl]

There may be only a single instigator. We used to have a number of people that would have negative things to say on a regular basis. One family switched to another gym, and now you hardly ever hear negative talk. I think that one person was stirring it up and other people got caught up in it. Her daughter was very good, but it's nice having a more pleasant environment.

 

[skschlag]

I actually called a dad on it the other day. He was being very negative about our coach, but doing so in a "joking" but not so joking way. I just said...being awfully negative today aren't you? He settled down quickly!

 

[ann1245]

There may be only a single instigator. We used to have a number of people that would have negative things to say on a regular basis. One family switched to another gym, and now you hardly ever hear negative talk. I think that one person was stirring it up and other people got caught up in it. Her daughter was very good, but it's nice having a more pleasant environment.

Our Maybe the parent was tierd of all the negative talk and left the gym. There is always two sides to every story.

 

[NewtoGym]

Our Maybe the parent was tierd of all the negative talk and left the gym. There is always two sides to every story.

Ha! Interesting perspective!

I have found the most of the negative nellys are the ones who tend to sit and watch every practice on the edge of their seats! It is just too much time and energy spent in the gym with very little productivity being accomplished. It is one thing for a gymnast to spend lots of time in the gym. It is entirely another story when the parent is there INTENTLY watching every action of the coaches. Oh, and then trying to interpret the meaning of every said action!!!! lol