Parents Blocks... When to move on?

[NutterButter]

@gracyomalley - I too have followed your DD's journey and have appreciated all the insights you have shared. My DD has struggles with fears and seems to have a very similar temperament to your DD so I feel like I can relate to your experience. I wish your DD all the best in what lies ahead for her.

To the OP - I'm sorry to hi-jack. I follow threads about fears pretty closely though because of my DD's experience. Unfortunately, I don't have much to add, but I wish you and her the best too in knowing when it's the right time to end her gym journey. I fear with my DD that she will continue in the sport longer than she should have because she will be unable to envision a life outside of gym.

 

[LizzieLac]

Well this is a topic near and dear to my heart as well. My DD's fear is odd and I'm sure not the only one she will ever have, but I will share.

My DD had her giants, had them pretty solid, uneven bars unspotted. Broker her tib and fib training a tsuk vault. Fast forward, starts coming back, has not vault fear, but one day her hand slips on her CHS and bang! She becomes unable to even do a baby giant on the pit par after that. I told the coach finally about where she was mentally...."she is a traumatized athlete" even though her fear is not from the injury. He agrees to ask her to do nothing with the word "giant" in - no baby giants. This is supposed to be for an unspecified time, but yet he can barely hold out for 2 weeks.

He starts tell her to work baby giants. For weeks, she would get up on pit bar and hang on her belly, arms at her side and NEVER GO. Weeks became probably two months. Then slowly, she convinced herself to just go around on the pit bar even if she was barely clearing the bar. She did one, then another day she did two. They were small, hardly qualifying as a baby giant but she would come home and tell me, "Mom, I tried 2 tonight."

Coach also installed another single rail bar but over mats. She HATED this bar. Would not even go on it. But again over time, she took small steps and finally could go up there and cast flyaway.

Several more weeks went by and the baby giant got bigger and she got more confident. Now she will do 3-4 of them during a bar workout with no hesitation. Arms are a bit bent still and she won't extend her legs, but she can "feel" that she can do this again.

I ask nothing about this skill or about the workout AT ALL. I say simply "how was practice." Yet we talk gym all the time. I let her start the conversation. I have let go of any and all thoughts about getting skills, losing skills, and fears. She is having fun and in spite of the HUGE set back and accompanying fear (not to mention health, pain, and scars), she still loves gym. That is all that matters to me.

Trust me, after all she has been through in the last 15 months (I'll share another time or PM me), I SHOULD want her to move. I spend a TON of money for where she has ended up and will ever progress to at this point. But she is all in and completely dedicated. To me, that is the barometer of whether a child she step out of any sport. Hope that helps. Good luck!

 

[2G1B]

I'm intrigued!! I'll be looking to see if I can find hypnotism in our area!

I was in a very, very bad wreck when I was in college. It wasn't my fault and it caused me to start having anxiety attacks when driving on the interstate. I did hypno therapy and it was AMAZING!

 

[balancedmom]

Hi-- My DD has always struggled with blocks, and has usually not pulled out the skills till the last minute!After a number of injuries this year my DD now has some pretty significant mental blocks-- she was out of gym for 6 weeks (balked on tumbling and had concussion) and is now scared of BHS on beam and not doing her LO on floor. I don't know if she will ever fully come back (she was supposed to compete L7), but her coach is encouraging and working with her and I am trying to leave it in the gym. She may not be able to compete this year because of the injuries and blocks, but she wants to go to the gym and try. And that is what counts for me. Whether she competes or progresses from this point, I don't know--but she has to work though it. good luck

 

[flowerchild]

Update here... Looks like my DD, Level 7, is going to quit after this season. She says it is no longer " fun". Makes me so sad!

I am encouraging her to try new sports ( when we can fit them in, we are considering some skating lessons- not to compete, just to " get better and do tricks" ).

I am also encouraging her to try Xcel. She's reluctant, bc she doesn't know any of the Xcel girls. Also, she's afraid the coach will tell her something is good, when it's not. (?)

 

[auswi]

Update here... Looks like my DD, Level 7, is going to quit after this season. She says it is no longer " fun". Makes me so sad!.... (?)

It is always sad for a time when a door shuts on any life experience.
Conversely new opportunities will soon appear as other doors are opened -maybe skating, maybe the 2nd or 3rd new activity tried.

Sometimes other gifts/ talents & simply enjoyment of other activities cannot be experienced if kids are locked into the one sport....& both Dd & Ds who were very late starters at gym wouldn't have even found their current gym passion if they'd stayed in their 1st /2nd/3rd choice of sport☺

Some gymies come back after a time off, some never do.

Best of luck.

 

[GymMomK]

I was in a very, very bad wreck when I was in college. It wasn't my fault and it caused me to start having anxiety attacks when driving on the interstate. I did hypno therapy and it was AMAZING!

I found someone! We are old friends. I'm ecstatic, but trying not to get my hopes up too much. We meet for the first time tomorrow.

 

[GymMomK]

wishing you and your DD good luck - not sure when is "enough" suspect it varies kid to kid.

DD 13 quit this year after blocks, coaching issues, and lots of social issues at gym along with puberty made it no fun anymore, and although she is definitely a happier girl, she still misses it and feels like with different gym/coaches/team mates, etc she would have been happy in gymnastics still - I think she would still have had the issues that led to the blocks on the L8-10 skills, but who knows?

I do know that the last 12 months of wanting it sometimes and wanting to get the heck out of the gym others led her to behave in a way she is ashamed of now - chalking up for 30 minutes, skipping turns, not going for skills when asked, etc - and she feels like she "lost respect" amongst the coaches and team mates at the new gym. She was never actually disrespectful or any such thing - but went from being one of the hardest workers to having coaches think she was "faking injuries", or not sick when she really was - I can only figure that happened because her attitude wasn't what they wanted/expected - as she came to practice religiously even with sprained ankles and on triple antibiotics...I only bring this up because as her mom I wish that I had known what toll "fighting to make it through all the challenges" took on her underlying self concept...she was never going to go to the Olympics or make a career out of gym - she was a good gymnast with at best college aspirations and more likely a few years at L 10 in her future...and when her home gym fell apart she never managed to socially transition to the new one - no ones fault there. With the fun gone and the blocks a struggle, it really was unhealthy for her - despite making progress on getting skills back, new ones, etc....

Hope your DD finds the best path for herself - many kids make it through and still enjoy gym into high school - its so hard to read what's "right" as a parent!

Thank you!
How you described your dd with losing respect and faking injuries is exactly what happened to my dd before we moved.

 

[flowerchild]

Update....

The decision for DD to quit at the end of this season is final and official.

She has been struggling with "blocks" on floor for 3-4 years now, intermittently tumbling backwards.

I hadn't realized the toll it was taking on her, she is happier than I have seen her in a long time.

I am looking forward to whatever she chooses to do in the future.

 

[GymMomK]

Update....

The decision for DD to quit at the end of this season is final and official.

She has been struggling with "blocks" on floor for 3-4 years now, intermittently tumbling backwards.

I hadn't realized the toll it was taking on her, she is happier than I have seen her in a long time.

I am looking forward to whatever she chooses to do in the future.

So glad for her happiness!! You can't put a price tag on that.

 

[balancedmom]

Update....

The decision for DD to quit at the end of this season is final and official.

She has been struggling with "blocks" on floor for 3-4 years now, intermittently tumbling backwards.

I hadn't realized the toll it was taking on her, she is happier than I have seen her in a long time.

I am looking forward to whatever she chooses to do in the future.

I feel like we are close to this with my DD-- as I said in a post asking about how to deal with mental blocks, DD has been struggling for a long time with mental blocks. Pulled it together last year and did great but this year after an injury seems to have even more fears and blocks-- she is continually frustrated and unhappy and I am feeling like it is time to move on given her state of mind. I think it would be a relief to her to quit and take the pressure off. She is not there yet and I cant make the decision for her. We are trying to take the pressure off by saying she doesn't need to compete, but that does not help-- am glad your DD is happy....working on mine. we will see.

 

[flowerchild]

Balancedmom, Good luck to you and your DD. It is so hard, I know. I know, too, my DD was afraid of disappointing me by quitting. Since gymnastics at the Optional level is so consuming ( money and time) it was like she was obliged to continue. And I have friends at the gym, most of her besties are gymmies, so scary, too.

But, I told her, I have changed careers, jobs, and given up things I loved to pursue another dream. It's all part of this adventure we call life!

 

[flippingtogether]

GymMomK - trust your gut and don't be afraid of whatever you decide. And that is what I keep telling myself as I figure out how to support my DD through her blocks - I think many of will agree this is some of the toughest parenting we have to do when living through these super low lows with our child!!

And a question and perhaps an option (and something I have been pondering for the future, as my DD is early in optionals but I know will struggle with block however long her career is).
At what point do kids who still love the sport and want to continue become event specialists? When does that become an option so kids with blocks can continue on and compete at the level they are at with their 2 or 3 events, and practice but not have to worry about competing the other event(s)?? I am guessing at L9 and L10? Or do coaches really not encourage kids to take this path?

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Long story short-
-dd was 10 yo level 9, developed a block on bhs bhs on beam.
-Went back to 8 the next year and new blocks surfaced, Giants, fulls, and flipping vault with continued bhs bhs block. Competed a tough 8 year. -Injured following the tough 8 season.
-moved gyms due to gym bit understanding blocks, thinking she was being obstinate, etc.
-new gym. injuries. Worked what she could, but took off the competition season due to injury.

Currently half way through level 9 season, 13 years old still with blocks
-new gym is more understanding, mostly, patient, lots of drills to help with blocks, but still not a lot of improvement.
-halfway through level 9 and giants are hit or miss and a mess.
-vault-sometimes she will flip it
-beam-beautiful, no blocks
-floor-gorgeous (becoming a much better dancer), except she won't do a full without a coach super close

I've done enough reading to know there is no time limit with blocks. As a parent who invests time and money into this sport, though, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on.

DD says she wants it. Says she's changing her way of thinking.

I guess my question/concern is, how long do I continue in gym? Generally, I'm not a quitter, but I also don't like continuing bring wasteful when there isn't much improving.

=Based on the information provided here is my recommendation,,,,, if she wants to quit then you are pushing a rope. Probably time to let her enjoy something else in life, as this whole experience is most likely altering her mood and personality at home. (she likely thinks something is wrong with her at this point and getting out and proceeding with normal life is more important). In other words you will have your happy child back in time... Hope that helps.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yep ^^^some can not overcome the vestibular issue. it's okay.

 

[flowerchild]

Dunno, ^^^^ I was wondering about that.

DD has been struggling for years, and I don't think anyone wants to tumble backwards more than her. She says " It just doesn't feel right" and she "can't go".

I absolutely Hated seeing her suffer so much trying to get through this. I'm relieved she's ready to move on.

 

[shelovestoflip]

I think if she's happy then that's important. By this level the progress is slow....but if they go to the gym every day and work and get something out of it, that's important. Life skills...at the end of the day, they are better people for what they put into their gymnastics career!

 

[mariposa]

I think if she's happy then that's important. By this level the progress is slow....but if they go to the gym every day and work and get something out of it, that's important. Life skills...at the end of the day, they are better people for what they put into their gymnastics career!

I agree! As long as she's the one that wants to be there, I would let her stay.

 

[samsmama]

And when I've not been sure as a mom how happy or unhappy overall my daughter was, I've used a mood tracking app. When she came out of gym, I'd gauge her overall mood and put it in there (I had one that used smileys), then I could see the bigger picture over time and not get caught up in her very stressed or sad days.

Such a great idea! I'm going to do this for my DS. He goes through down periods with gym and I think having a record over time of how many practices/meets were positive overall vs. negative could help him see the bigger picture. Thanks!