Parents Boundaries

[Jane2014]

Recently, one of my daughter’s coaches made a comment about her weight on Instagram. I’m now concerned that these comments may be said while she’s at the gym as well and could lead to an eating disorder. Our gym is not allowing parents to view practices so I don’t really know what goes on. What should I do? Is this normal? This is our first year with the sport and I don’t know what to expect. She’s very small as it is, I just don’t want her focus to be on weight so young. Thank you

 

[Greatlakesmom]

The coach made a comment about your daughter’s weight on Instagram? No, that is not normal. It is completely inappropriate and unacceptable.

 

[cogymmom2dd]

Ummmm if they are willing to make a comment like that on social media that is viewable to the entire world, I can’t imagine what is being said behind closed doors. None of that should be ‘normal’. It doesn’t matter if the comment was made about being too small or too big, either way it’s inappropriate.

 

[RTT2]

What was the comment? Was this on their gym Instagram account? On your daughter's account?

 

[gymgal]

In general, no, the coach should not be discussing/comparing their athlete's weight, body shape, etc on social media or anywhere really.
Having said that, whether you may want to act on this - confront the gym, talk with the coach personally, etc - depends on the comment and the context.

 

[ausnat83]

Did the coach comment on your daughter's weight or on the coach's?

If it's the former, that's a GIANT red flag. Get your daughter out of that environment. It is absolutely, positively unacceptable for a coach to comment publicly on a gymnast's body condition -- zero room for discussion there.

If the coach commented on her own weight, that's a different story entirely. It's not great, but I would just ask more questions... "How are coaches making sure to create a body-positive environment? Do they model body-positivity and de-emphasizing weight? Do they ever discuss weight with or in front of gymnasts?"

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

I don't ever comment on my own weight in front of the kids/publically because that is highly inappropriate given my position as a coach... If they commented on your child I would be having a serious discussions or leaving.

 

[cmg]

In general, no, the coach should not be discussing/comparing their athlete's weight, body shape, etc on social media or anywhere really.
Having said that, whether you may want to act on this - confront the gym, talk with the coach personally, etc - depends on the comment and the context.

I don't think a coach should be talking about any athlete on instagram unless it is to praise a new skill and is on the gym's account. Talking about someone's weight is unacceptable from my perspective. Especially with young female gymnasts who have perfectionists mentalities already and putting a negative comment out on instagram would only make the gymnast's mindset even worse. And yes then you have to worry about what is said at the gym. I would meet with the owner and coach immediately.

 

[Annikins]

Could they have meant the comment as a compliment? I'm thinking along the lines of 'so much power for such a little dot' type comment, in which case I wouldn't worry at all. If it was negative, definitely I'd be very concerned.

 

[gymgal]

Did the coach comment on your daughter's weight or on the coach's?

If it's the former, that's a GIANT red flag. Get your daughter out of that environment. It is absolutely, positively unacceptable for a coach to comment publicly on a gymnast's body condition -- zero room for discussion there.

If the coach commented on her own weight, that's a different story entirely. It's not great, but I would just ask more questions... "How are coaches making sure to create a body-positive environment? Do they model body-positivity and de-emphasizing weight? Do they ever discuss weight with or in front of gymnasts?"

hmmm.... I totally did not read the OP's post this way but now that I re-read it, she may have been saying the coach was talking about her own weight. In that case, while I don't think it's professional as a person in a position of power working with young athletes, it is less of an issue than if the coach was commenting on an athlete's body. I suppose it depends on a number of factors the coach's age (teen or adult), coaching level in the gym (newbie vs long term coach), whether they are also a gymnast (which may be cause for concern)

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I’d be having serious talk with this person, if they were referencing your child’s weight. Basically say knock it off.

context would help here how ever

 

[Annikins]

Reading it again, I think you mean the coach commented on her own weight. I would not raise this with the coach, but would chat to my child about how some people worry about it but she doesn't need to for x, y, z reasons. At the end of the day, many people (friends etc) will mention their own weight to her/near her, and you can't stop it all. But you can (hopefully) help her not focus on it herself.

 

[bookworm]

How old is your daughter? From the OP's post , I take as the coach is fat shaming the athlete because I don't see a coach/grown woman/anyone going on to an athlete's IG account and dissing herself. If she's fat shamed your daughter on a public forum, you can bet it's going on at least 10 times that in the gym where you're " not allowed to watch" ....& for future reference, that was red flag #1 . Not that you'd sit there day and night but if after the numerous sex scandals with Nassar, Geddert and Sharpe , to name a few, I wouldn't enroll my kid there.

And if the coach has fat shamed her on the Internet , get her out of there ASAP....because after you have your meeting with the coach or owner of the gym, she'll say she didn't " mean it that way" and promise to change blah blah....don't fall for it...that coach will go back into the gym and ramp up the nastiness to your kid ... the coach may not mention her weight directly but every fall or mistake will be due to her weight.

You have seen the coach's true colors so I don't see any positives to remaining in that gym.

 

[gymgal]

Recently, one of my daughter’s coaches made a comment about her weight on Instagram. I’m now concerned that these comments may be said while she’s at the gym as well and could lead to an eating disorder. Our gym is not allowing parents to view practices so I don’t really know what goes on. What should I do? Is this normal? This is our first year with the sport and I don’t know what to expect. She’s very small as it is, I just don’t want her focus to be on weight so young. Thank you

Could you clarify what was said and about whom?

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Yeah, some clarification is definitely in order here. Was the coach commenting on her own weight or on your daughter's weight?

If the former, it might be worth diplomatically sharing your concerns with the coach. If nothing else, it will encourage the coach to be cognizant of these sorts of comments in places where the athletes might see/hear her.

If the latter, pull your kid from the gym IMMEDIATELY. I'd also encourage you to screenshot the post and send it to the gym owner.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Still waiting for clarification and context