Coaches Cry-babies

[FormFreak]

I blame it on the area that I currently coach in, because I never had this problem in another part of VA I coached at.

I'm not a coach that crumbles when I see tears. I'm one of the toughest coaches in the gym. Many parents have come to me saying they like my coaching methods/ways, but I'm sure there are parents out there who don't. If a kid starts crying for a silly reason (they're not hurt or anything) I simply tell them to stop crying, wipe the tears, get a drink of water and move on to their next station. They usually do, but the parents like to come out and coddle their kid.

Since this is a new issue for me having a lot of kids crying during the class or leaving gym crying, how should i handle it?? I said I'm tough but I'm not out of control. I'm only teaching beginners and intermediates and compared to the training I went through, I'm pretty easy on them.

The kids start crying for silly stuff, but of course if the kids are crying, I look like the bad guy (girl). The kids will start crying in their split because it hurts =/ They're young that they don't understand that it's supposed to hurt a little so they can get better. They'll start crying on bars when they do a front roll off or a spotted back hip circle (not even with a cast). These kids at the gym (I LOVE them dearly, they're sweethearts!) but they're a bunch of scaredy-cats and whiners... I don't know how to deal with it. Like I said I blame it on the area. I really believe (and so do others) that it's the way kids are brought up in the area... more sheltered and pampered).

Anyways, sorry for the long unneccessary explanation, but what do you guys do?

 

[10.0]

That's a tough one, I have dealt with quite a few girls like that, and their parents. I always ask why they are crying, but never dwell on it. I usually tell them to sit out a few turns and come back when they feel better. Kids like that usually want attention and if you brush it off and ignore them by making them sit out I have found it usually ends it. At our gym parents are not allowed into the gym for any reason ever, they do have a viewing area and I do not allow the kids to go to their parents unless they are going home which I do give them as an option if the crying persists. I don't want to teach a child who is only their because the parent wants them to be either, if the child is unwilling to learn, upset and crying all the time gymnastics is probably not their thing and that is fine. It is never fun when you have 10 other girls who do want to try and learn you cannot focus on the one who doesn't. Keep in mind I am talking about the chronic cryer not a girl having a bad day. Sometimes a little mental game works too for example if a girl is crying all the time you may suggest to her that she move back down to level 1, preschool whatever. It has worked for me and I have had no complaints from the parents even though it sounds a bit harsh. You do have to know the difference between when a 5 year old is acting like a 5 year old and when a 5 year old is acting like a 2 year old if you plan to call them out on it.

 

[coachmolly]

I know it can be frustrating, but I think it's really important to try to just be patient and try to remind yourself of a particular child's age when a problem comes up. Many younger children cry when they are scared, so it's important to get behind the reason for their tears. Are they hurt? Sick? Scared? Sometimes things like bullying go on behind your back that could be upsetting them and they just don't know how to deal with it.
My philosophy when teaching beginners is to try to teach them as much as I can in terms of gymnastics skills and how to behave in class, but I think teaching young children to love gymnastics is the most important. I can be tough when behavioral problems are disrupting a class, but I also try to be adaptive.
Some suggestions that may or may not work in your situation:
-Ask the child what is going on, particularly ask if they are scared or if something is bothering them. If they are scared of the skill, just have them work on a progression that is a little less scary for them.
-Give them an alternate activity, one that works towards the same goal if possible. I have one particular child who has difficulty jumping rope, so I allow her to just jump instead when we use that as a warm-up activity. She still gets warmed-up and doesn't need to start the practice with a great deal of frustration.
-Explain to them why you are doing what you are doing. I usually do this when we are doing stretching or conditioning. Just let them know that stretching is important to keep from getting hurt, that doing strength skills correctly will help their muscles get bigger and make gymnastics skills easier. Sometimes this kind of logical explanation about why they are doing what they are doing can calm some children down.
-If you are having a lot of difficulty with a particular child, ask the parent what might be going on. They deal with the kid everyday and know what makes them tick. Mention a specific situation and see if they can recommend any tips on how to deal with it.
Good luck!

 

[FormFreak]

Thanks guys. I do need to work on my patience with them. If it's a fear issue that they cry about, I'm pretty understanding and try to be as comforting as I can. I think the most frustrating is when the kid cries about doing splits and ab workouts or anything that may cause discomfort. Logic just doesn't work with some of these kids unfortunately.

 

[peace.love.gymnast]

Ugh...I know what you're going through. I have a 9 yr old girl who cries about EVERYTHING!! AND I MEAN EVERYTHING!! It drives me crazy!! She leaves during class @ least 4 or 5 times every single week to go cry to her mom about the smallest thing (simple things like someone else looked @ her funny). I mean really?? Mom pampers her so that makes it worse. I usually make sure she's not hurt and if it continues I tell her to sit out or leave class. I don't have time to deal with so much nonsense when I have 7 other children in class trying to learn. I believe she just does it for attention because she also cries a lot during her dance class with another teacher.

 

[Aussie_coach]

For a start, it is excellent news that these kids are in the gym. Many kids today are "softer" than kids of the past. Society is set up with all this work place health and safety they aren't allowed to do dangerous things anymore. They spend a lot of their time in front of the TV and computer so it sounds like gymnastics will be a greta thing for them to develop a little confidence with their bodies.

You are doing a good thing for these kids by not making a huge fuss when they get hurt. It sounds like thats what their parents are doing and as a result they are making a huge fuss when they get hurt because it gets a huge reaction.

 

[gymnut1]

All I can suggest is lots of jolly encouragement and bribe them with stickers! Works for me

 

[gymdog]

These are rec kids? Usually I just speak to the child about what's wrong, let them go get water, and tell them to rejoin the class when they are ready. If they're repetitively whining, then I repeat whatever I'm asking or saying in a completely neutral tone.

 

[gymster]

If I see they are not injured I turn it around on them and say Oh no what ever you do do not stop crying and smile dont do it dont you smile! they can not resist works every time even more so on pouty angry kid they bust out! mainly because they know they have been heard. Then we move on. Works on hiccups too. Next time you get a kid with hiccups have him stand with his mouth open make them look you straight in the eye and say to them hiccup comon hiccup be demanding I aslo say whats a matter I thought you had the hiccups. the only time this has not worked for me was on my older brother and he eneded up having to have medication to get it to stop.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Ugh...I know what you're going through. I have a 9 yr old girl who cries about EVERYTHING!! AND I MEAN EVERYTHING!! It drives me crazy!! She leaves during class @ least 4 or 5 times every single week to go cry to her mom about the smallest thing (simple things like someone else looked @ her funny). I mean really?? Mom pampers her so that makes it worse. I usually make sure she's not hurt and if it continues I tell her to sit out or leave class. I don't have time to deal with so much nonsense when I have 7 other children in class trying to learn. I believe she just does it for attention because she also cries a lot during her dance class with another teacher.

so, maybe you get her some pampers...

 

[nevertooold]

so, maybe you get her some pampers...

Now be nice... maybe she just needs LUVS and HUGGIES

(sorry, couldn't resist)

 

[gymcoach34]

Sorry, I just dont see the need to be doing things that would make beginners cry. It also sounds like your negative attitude & name calling DEFINITELY affects the tone in your group. I dont think its the area or the parents here, but the negative tone you put in your group. If it was 1 kid, I would say its an outside factor, but if its the whole group, well........

Sorry to sound harsh, but if you say you are that harsh w the kids, what goes around comes around. I say stop whining about it and figure out a way to teach these beginners how to do gymnastics without crying. I have 6 yo L4's who do a lot of conditioning and there isnt ever a tear-so it can be done.

 

[FormFreak]

Sorry, I just dont see the need to be doing things that would make beginners cry. It also sounds like your negative attitude & name calling DEFINITELY affects the tone in your group. I dont think its the area or the parents here, but the negative tone you put in your group. If it was 1 kid, I would say its an outside factor, but if its the whole group, well........

Sorry to sound harsh, but if you say you are that harsh w the kids, what goes around comes around. I say stop whining about it and figure out a way to teach these beginners how to do gymnastics without crying. I have 6 yo L4's who do a lot of conditioning and there isnt ever a tear-so it can be done.

Not much help but alright... Yea I call them cry-babies in my title, but I'm saying it to their face. I'm not yelling at the kids or doing anything to them for them to start crying. A kid does one leg-lift and she starts crying, a kid is standing on a beam (not moving) and starts crying, a kids is in her bridge for not more than 10 seconds and starts crying. Maybe I should have explained myself further. I said I'm tough, but that's ONLY compared to the other coaches. I don't work at a very competitive gym where there are actual Tough coaches, so I do look tough when the other coaches are carrying every kid around the gym that starts crying because apparently their legs break when tears begin to shed.

When I was younger and doing gymnastics, my coaches have always said I received constructive criticism very well... I still think I do, but this comment (while I guess I'm appreciative??) was rude and not very constructive.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

While you may not intentionally be harsh to these children, the tone I get from your post is that you have already labelled them and placed blame. I know from my own experience (below) that once you do this as a coach your perception on the situation gets worse, and kids do pick up on your attitude.

I have a pretty good little group (like pre team), however one of the girls has concentration issues. At first I used to get so frustrated with her and I started to get grumpier each session. It was getting bad and I really wanted to drop her from the group. However I turned it around and started to question myself 'What can I do to get this kid to focus and listen? I spoke to the mother for her input and it came back that yes it is a problem at home and school (where it is managed really well).

Now things are not perfect but the session is so much more fun for everyone. All this positive change simply because I changed my attitude towards the child, then used that to improve my coaching strategy.

While I can see you are hurt by Gymcoach's response. I hope you can now see a link between what you see as a negative response and your feelings. This is probably how those beginner gymnasts feel. Just like gymcoach, you do not intend to be negative, but that is how it is being perceived on the receiving end.

 

[gymkat]

I really can't disagree more with a few of these responses. I think we can all agree that there are some dream classes with super talented kids who listen and work hard. I've had two of those classes. I've also had a group of criers, and it's a miserable experience if you can't figure out what you're doing wrong. Most classes are somewhere in the middle-- some talented kids, some minor discipline problems. But a skewed distribution of talent doesn't usually strike coaches as odd (just fortuitous), so why should a skewed distribution of discipline issues immediately reflect poorly on the coach's behavior? To be fair, sometimes it is the coach's fault, but sometimes it isn't. Neither a dream class nor a crying class is normal, but neither is impossible.

Anyway, mini rant over, and here's what I did to combat crying:
1. I talked to the owners/HCs about how to handle the situation. At the time, I was a fairly new coach and was a little freaked out that an entire group was boohooing their way through every class. (The O/HCs were pretty sure it wasn't a gymkat issue for various reasons that I won't get into).
2. At the beginning of the next class, I sat them down and told them that X isn't acceptable behavior and that if they did X (cry, in this case), they would have to sit down until they were ready to come back to the group.
2.5. I also told them that if they knew they were about to start crying and needed a minute to compose themselves, they could ask to get a drink or go to the bathroom, and I would let them.
3. I implemented #2 and #2.5 consistently and calmly. I didn't make a big deal of making kids sit down or letting them get a drink.
4. I made sure to praise the kids when I could tell that they were thinking about having a crying fit but calmed themselves down and could rejoin class.
5. When I first started doing #2-4, I erred on the side of overpraising and tried to rephrase my corrections. You can slowly work back into your "normal" coaching style once the crying is under control.

That group outgrew their crying in about two months, and the ones who are still in gymnastics cringe and apologize when I remind them of their old behavior.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Now be nice... maybe she just needs LUVS and HUGGIES

(sorry, couldn't resist)

i'm glad you didn't resist! LOL! good one!! hahahahahahaha

this was like rowan and martin. rowan did the set up and martin the finish. great unintentional team work and humor i might say.