DD's second pre-team class didn't go so well. Not sure what to do.

[jcs]

DD will be 5 in October, today was her second pre-team class. When she first started gym last year she didn't want to leave me, would refuse to do the preschool warm ups but was fine once they started doing the equipment. She got used to class she started doing so well and the coach asked her to move to pre-team. She also did indoor soccer was a 3 yr old and would often sit in the net and not play, and during tee ball clinic this past spring she really only liked hitting and running the bases and would often refuse to catch/field the ball or got bored with it quickly. Part of me feels like she wants attention, but also think she likes to check things out first to make sure she can do it and do it "the best."

I'm not exactly sure where thing went wrong, but there were two groups of pre-team and she got put with the older girls with an assistant coach and 20 minutes of stretching, which she lost interest in quickly. There was another group of four girls all aged 3-5 with the HC. DD's group then moved to beam, where the older girls worked on the higher beams and DD was on the lower beam. She did ok but then fell off and started crying. She wouldn't get back on. The HC came and took her into her group to do bars, which she did and was having fun again until the water break when she started to fuss again because that group was now moving to beam. Now, she has great balance and usually runs right across it. So the HC took her aside and had her climb the rope and talked to her for a bit but DD still didn't want to re-engage until she came out to talk to me, I kissed her boo boo, etc.

She ended up re-joining the older girls for vault, which she seemed to love and then was on her way to do floor when she walked into a pole (she was looking at a boy doing the rings instead of where she was going) and the crying started again. At that point the owner/coach (married to the other HC) suggested she was done for the today and needed to get some rest but he wanted to see her next week because she is so strong, etc...so she ended up missing cartwheels and the tumble track, her favorite part.

But now she says she hates gymnastics because she just doesn't know how to do it. She says doesn't want to go anymore because she got scratched on the beam. She has always been the type that needs to know how to do something and what is expected of her. So I'm not sure if it is because she was put with the older girls who have more skills, are faster runners, etc....or if she was just tired/having a bad day. She has been so happy going for the past year...but I also know she needs to be tougher if she is going to survive in this sport, and she really is a strong and tough, sometimes...but also dramatic.

Maybe gym isn't a good sport for someone with that personality? I've paid for two more classes for the summer which I could switch to later in the summer if I think we need to give it a break and see if she asks to go back again.

If she really doesn't want to do it anymore that's fine, but I also realize she is 4 yrs old, and what she wants today isn't want she wants five minutes from now (last night she told me how much she loved gymnastics). And I don't want her to jut give up because she was tired and had a bad day.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

I have an almost 5 year old that started preteam this summer. I would talk with the coach. My child's group has a group of 7 four to six year olds, though DD is the only 4 year old left (not for long). Sounds like your DD needs a secure place. Switching groups of girls from event to event and being the only kid on the lower beam in her group is not going to give her a feeling of security in this new situation. Our program is designed for this group of kids to do everything together, warm up, rotations of events, free play time (practice is three hours and they have free time to jump on tramps etc), snack. Really everything. They may switch coaches for a particular event, but they are always together, and they do have a main coach that is primarily for them. It took two classes for them to get to know each other and have fun together. I'd find out if they can pick a group for her so she is with the same kids the whole time. She is four. Really, some kids aren't even potty trained a year when they reach age 4. She needs to feel secure for this to work for her. I'd ask them to give her the consistency of staying with the same group the whole practice. Imagine her going to preschool with a different set of kids every day and not knowing who the teacher would be. And sometimes you are in one class and then you have to move classes to be with different kids. If it can't be worked out to give her some consistency, maybe she'd be better off in a rec class for another year, though I don't think that is necessarily the best solution. I may be way off base, but sounds like the whole thing is too overwhelming for her the way it is going right now.

 

[sportzmomov3]

She's only 4, don't overthink this. As a parent, I would say finish out the classes you have already paid for - you are right when you don't want her to think that quitting is ok - maybe she just didn't have enough to eat that day or something! Then, take a break and don't go back until your DD has shown growth in focusing for an extended period of time on a specific task. Part of it is a safety issue (don't want her doing something even worse than running into a pole!);and focus in turn is tied into passion - those who are passionate about something (sports, music, art, etc.) concentrate and emotionally are tied to what they need to do to accomplish a specific task, skill, goal because it's truly what they want to do.

Take it from a mom who almost didn't put her DD into gymnastics (DD is now a level 10...) waiting a year or even 2 or 3 isn't going to derail her gymnastics "career". I remember fondly a dear Director of a developmental program that DD was enrolled in when she was in preschool (it wasn't "real" gymnastics - just walking on a beam, some coordination stations, basic!) who was convinced, and tried to convince us in turn, that DD had "potential." For 2 or 3 years we never even considered what she had said. Really! We had DD try out tap, ballet and soccer. None of these things was "her thing." The only thing she wanted to do was roll and tumble, etc. We finally gave in and enrolled her in "real" gymnastics at a local program. She moved through classes quickly - I didn't realize until YEARS later that she was on what everyone now calls "pre-team." My ignorance has probably been my saving grace - I don't ask a lot of questions, don't need to know the nitty gritty details of the sport - only want to know that DD still loves what she's doing (she does!)

Every child finds their passion somewhere. Some are straight-away focused on one thing. Some kids are passionate about trying everything out and getting a little bit out of a lot of things. It's all ok.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I'd try her again next week. It is really common for that age group to have a horrible day where everything goes wrong and they just don't want to participate and then the next week be fine.

Just take her along and try to get her started and see if things improve. If the issue's continue then perhaps wait a bit and try again later.

But I would be a little concerned that they would expect a 4 year old to stretch for 20 minutes, it would be very rare for any 4 year old to tolerate that.

 

[jcs]

Thanks so much for the replies. To clarify a few things, the summer program is a sort of drop in set up. The girls in this group had to be invited to participate but as with all their summer classes you can sign up for as many or as few as you can. Preteam has signups for twice a week and we are planning to do once since I work the other day. Because it is flexible, the girls can change each week but in the fall it will be the same class for the full year. As for her grouping today, I think they looked to split it in half and thought she would be ok with the "big girls" but I do think it intimidated her. Last week when she was with the younger group they probably did 5 minutes of stretching.

I talked to her a little bit this evening without trying to go overboard to see what she didn't like and if there was something we could fix. She again said she didn't like beam but I reminded her how well she did last week and how well she does on the one at the playground. Then she went on to demonstrate how straight she was on her vault landing and was all smiles.

At this point my plan is to wait until next Tuesday to say tomorrow is gym an see what her reaction is. If she still says no, I will reschedule that class until August and see if she starts asking to go again. If not, I will save some money in the fall . The hardest part is I do think she likes it but is so stubborn. Just like her mom.

 

[MissBear]

Seriously, I would give it at least a month. The down side of once a week classes is that a week is a long time for someone so young, so it's easy to lose progress (gymnasticsly and socially) between lessons. If the coaches, especially the HC is not concerned there is no reason to be worried, and the coaches will have seen this many times before. If the first class went well you can draw on that too. Hopefully she be dying for gymnastics day next week and you'll have no trouble.

 

[gym law mom]

I wouldn't stress right now. Sounds like dd was a little tired. I think the coach made a good call in having her leave early. Just take it one class at a time and see how it goes.

 

[jcs]

Thanks everyone. Doing my best to bite my tongue and say nothing about gymnastics at all.

 

[jcs]

An update: I suggested to DD that her favorite babysitter could bring her to gym this week and she said she wanted to go but asked, "what if I fall off the beam again?" I said, you get back on and try again and just do your best.

I called the coach just now to make sure there was room for her this afternoon and he asked if she said anything about the other day, so I told him about what she said, about falling off the beam, etc. and never wanting to come back, etc. but over the weekend said she did want to go back. I mentioned to him that she was put with the older girls and he said that she can go either way because of her ability, but I reminded him that she is still only four and I think she tends to be a perfectionist/hard on herself so when she saw them doing so many other things she can't do yet it intimidated her. He said they would keep her with the younger ones for now.

So she is going this afternoon.... if it doesn't go well today we'll be done for a while.

 

[cher062]

Breat in , Breath Out and relax. She is 4yo and that is what it means to be 4yo. I would have a talk with the coach to see if she could be put with the girls her age for now and once she is more comfortable with this change then maybe in the fall when she has more confidence she could go with ability. Remember this is a BIG change and it can be scary when you are 4yo. I would give it the summer and then see. She will gain skils very quickly along with confidence. Make her aware that the other girls don't have all the skills either.

 

[jcs]

Breat in , Breath Out and relax. She is 4yo and that is what it means to be 4yo. I would have a talk with the coach to see if she could be put with the girls her age for now and once she is more comfortable with this change then maybe in the fall when she has more confidence she could go with ability. Remember this is a BIG change and it can be scary when you are 4yo. I would give it the summer and then see. She will gain skils very quickly along with confidence. Make her aware that the other girls don't have all the skills either.

Thanks cher062. Not sure if you saw my last post with an update....I did remind the coach she is only four. And I know they see a lot of athletic potential, she's very strong and fast, but she still is four and doesn't have some basic skills yet so she looks at the other girls doing cartwheels and handstands and she can't yet. I know she will gain them quickly if she gives it a chance, but that is hard to explain to her. I know this takes a lot of commitment from her and even though she is only four I think she knows it is different, physically she is ready for it but emotionally not so sure. Keeping my fingers crossed that things go well today, but if not, I'll wait to see if/when she is ready to go back. She could go back next fall and still do great if she wanted to...

 

[cher062]

Just remember she might be scared too. It's like going to the first day of school which is very scary for all the kids with everything being new. I would keep her going for at least a month to see if she gets over that "New thing" jitters.

 

[jcs]

Class went well....taking it one class at a time