Parents Didn't see this coming. Might be the end of gymnastics for DD

[Trixiebelle]

She told me after practice today she is really having a tough time, scared of getting hurt again, hates her beam coach and overall frustrated with the sport. She hurt her foot 2 weeks ago at a meet on dismount, did a week of conditioning and missed a meet as a result. I was very surprised by how little she seemed bothered by missing the meet. I guess I know why now.
She is 12, level 7 and trains 16 hours a week. Fwiw, puberty has begun and I think the physical changes there have made what was one easy (free hips) much harder. I asked her to stick with it through to states in april and she readily agreed.

im sad as I see her a a really good gymnast and its what she has identified herself as for the past 8 years...it's going to be a shock to have all the free time to. Whew. Need to process.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

and she'll probably change her mind again at this time next week.

 

[bogwoppit]

It is a tough time for sure. My youngest definitely went through this. I also encouraged he to see out the season. But for her it was done. Give her a few months to see if it is real or just a phase. Growing, injury, fear are real. The question is will she get over the hump or not.

Time will tell. But you are not alone, lots of us have been there. Twelve and puberty are interesting times for sure.

 

[GymBeeMom]

12 seems to be THE AGE at our gym where the girls either commit to stick it out for the college scholarship or quit to live out the rest of their childhood as something other than a gym rat. They are both fine choices. Best wishes to you and your dd as you explore the options for her and whatever the choice ends up being, rejoice in the next phase of her childhood.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

My oldest went thru at least 2 years of being done, before she finally was really done (at 14).

 

[Blackie6]

My 11 yr old DD left USAG L7 this past Summer to move to a different program at a different gym. Sadly she just felt like one coach didn't want her on the team & it sucked the life out of her. She had been on a team since age 6. The move meant less hours, but still an opportunity to try other sports that she had always wanted to try and still do gymnastics. This team/gym sees her as a welcome addition to their team & with that support, she is happy and just as motivated as she was when she was 6! I think you are right in having your DD finish out the season. And, with injury there is always that chance for some fears and having to work harder to catch up, not to mention how some coaches can just suck the life & motivation out a kid. But she is now old enough to tell you what she wants to do. Maybe have a heart-to-heart talk with her? I asked my DD what SHE wanted to do, what HER goals were. She wanted to be able to stay in gymnastics to eventually be on her HS team. She still wanted to compete. I had her try-out at a different gym & she loved it so much she refused to even finish up the month at her old one. Nobody says it has to end, maybe just offer her some different options? There is the USAIGC program, and some states offer other programs that allow girls to continue. My DD also does dive during the Summer, but has other friends that do year round dive programs and some retired gymnasts like cheer or power tumbling and trampoline. I've been in your shoes, and it is a roller coaster of a ride, but I'm sure you will figure out a solution. ((HUGS))

 

[3rd_time_around]

Growth spurts added to injury and some fears almost always ends with stopping. It is such a tough sport, and the ones who stick it out and work through the growth spurts can often get back all their skills. But it is hard. Hope she has a great season to encourage her.

 

[raenndrops]

Nobody says it has to end, maybe just offer her some different options? There is the USAIGC program, and some states offer other programs that allow girls to continue. ((HUGS))

I was going to suggest the Xcel/ Prep-Op program. It is still run thru USAG and they are supposed to be going to Nationalized standards next season (August 2013). It is optional routines, but easier requirements at each level. We have 2 girls that left L6 because of a fear of back tumbling and flyaways (one has her RO2BHS and can do her flyaway again, but freezes on her back tuck and the other can do a standing BHS, but not a ROBHS). They both went to Xcel Gold in Region 5 (which has already transitioned to the National standards). They are both doing well. They have 1 more girl on their team that competes with them. She WAS a level 4 last year (2011-12 season) at 14yo, 5'8" 101 lbs. She didn't have a kickover or a BHS, She competes Gold too. She has a Front Tuck- when she lands it and they found a tumbling pass she can do - Roundoff, dive roll to meet the acro on floor. Beam and bars theory is get on, do what you need to and get off It works. They don't have to do anything they are afraid of and they are part of the team - still with time for other activities.

 

[GymBee97]

12 is a hard age and that is usually when this comes up. But don't be surprised if she changes her mind again after her foot heals up. and by the time states ends she might not even remember wanting to quit.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I thought my dd would quit at 11. Level 6 was hard on her - mentally, emotionally, physically. But at level 7 she is back to loving it again. Who knows what will happen once puberty hits - she is 12, but it will likely be 13 or 14 before she goes through it There will be so many changes at once that anything can happen. Your dd is old enough that you can have a serious conversation with her about what she wants long term and short term. Maybe she doesn't really want to quit totally, but just wants more time for something else too. Maybe she just wants a night with her friends every now and then and that would solve the issue. I would talk at great length about all the possibilities and issues over the next couple of months leading up to states so that she can make a decision that she feels good about the rest of her life. I know too many moms that quit in their teens only to regret it later. I would hate for that to happen to my dd.

 

[ollieblueeyes]

I am curious to hear from gym parents with kids who have been involved longer. My DD is 11 yrs old, lvl4 been on team 1 year. Just this week she has ranged from loving gym, making up her optional routines and talking about when she competes in college (Mon)to wanting to quit now (Wed)!!!!

Before we signed up for the season we told her that she was committing to the whole season and would need to see it through the end. I told her last night that I was confused as to what she wanted, and that she needed to see the season out. I asked her why she wanted to quit and she said she was not having as much fun at practice anymore. She refused to discuss it further than that.

I am torn as to weather this is an 11 yr old thing or has she hit a mid-season wall (routines, routines, routines) or does my DD actually want to quit? I suspect she is conflicted and really doesn't know what she wants.

I do know a few things, she does not want to talk to the coach (or her father) about it and that I don’t want to be on this roller coaster of loving/hating gym….The previous post re:regret makes me wonder what to do?

Any thoughts?

 

[gymmomtoo]

I think it's pretty common to want to quit when practices get tough, skills get harder and there's less playing and "fun" involved. My oldest DD wanted to quit mid-season pretty much every year from level 6--but we had the same rule--you sign up for the year, you are committed to the team. By the end of the year she was loving it again. When that changed--and she still wanted to quit at the end of the year, then I let her (she did HS gymnastics for 4 yrs).

I definitely wouldn't be letting her quit after two days of saying she wanted to. I'd be waiting a little while and if it still continued, ask the coach (on the side) if he/she knows what's going on. Your daughter might be struggling with something.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I am curious to hear from gym parents with kids who have been involved longer. My DD is 11 yrs old, lvl4 been on team 1 year. Just this week she has ranged from loving gym, making up her optional routines and talking about when she competes in college (Mon)to wanting to quit now (Wed)!!!!

Before we signed up for the season we told her that she was committing to the whole season and would need to see it through the end. I told her last night that I was confused as to what she wanted, and that she needed to see the season out. I asked her why she wanted to quit and she said she was not having as much fun at practice anymore. She refused to discuss it further than that.

I am torn as to weather this is an 11 yr old thing or has she hit a mid-season wall (routines, routines, routines) or does my DD actually want to quit? I suspect she is conflicted and really doesn't know what she wants.

I do know a few things, she does not want to talk to the coach (or her father) about it and that I don’t want to be on this roller coaster of loving/hating gym….The previous post re:regret makes me wonder what to do?

Any thoughts?

the truth is, they quit a thousand times over the course of their career. so get off their roller coaster now while you have the chance. just tellem to shut up and get in the car you got practice.

 

[ollieblueeyes]

Good advice...I hats rollercoasters...

 

[GymBee97]

Usually around 11- 13 the girls want to quit. (usually L6 - L7) because usually the things that were easy are now hard and the judgeing is now harder so scores are alot lower than they are use to. What I find is the superstars at L4 -L6 tend to quit because for the first time they really have to work hard to get a skill or what ever and the girls that have always had to work hard are the ones that are still around at the upper levels (im not saying all but a good majority). Right now I can count on one hand how many girls are left from the team my DD started with at L4 (a whopping 2 out of almost 30 - this includes my DD). When they get to that middle school time (6 - 8) grade the social life they never had before becomes important. They notice the "friends at school" are doing sleepovers, parties, mall shopping ect and they have to go to gym. Its hard at that age to fit in to a group at school when you are never there at the after school stuff.

And can we talk hormones!! this is the age they are raging so what makes them happy at breakfast at lunch might make their skin crawl. We always said to our kids when they said they wanted to quit that they could but they had to finish out the season. By the time summer came they were over that mood and wanted to know why we keep asking them if they want to quit.

 

[SignHere]

The first year DD competed, I couldn't imagine her quitting. I loved watching her gymnastics, I was so proud of her, she was so beautiful and strong, and by the end of meet season, I had very good friends among the parents. I MISSED meets at the end of meet season!

Fast forward some years later , she's having some problems with injuries and mental blocks- breaks my heart. She has never said she wants to quit , but I almost wish she did! I'm not gonna lie, I wish I didn't have to watch her go through this with the mental block, and my 11 year old having an overuse injury is distressing to me. Also, there is some mama drama among the parents now, so add THAT in ...

Sigh...

 

[Flossyduck]

There is something extraordinary about gymnastics - watching your flesh and blood do amazing things most people could only dream of. Sometimes I wonder if I would miss it if DD gave up and I suspect I really would and I'm not sure how I feel about that. So yes mixed up emotions and I feel for you.

To echo what some others have said... a dear friend's 12 year old daughter went through a stage of wanting to give up last year. She was tired of the routine, struggling with a few things, the drive to the gym and she also began resenting her coach. My friend had already said that 12 was the time most wanted to give up, but her daughter was so talented and had been so commited she couldn't believe it had all panned out the same as most other girls and she was upset.

In the end she sat down with her daughter and talked it through and decided to accept a few things on face value - the drive, the coach etc, so they went to another gym. A year later her daughter is flying again, loving her gym and really happy. So, like others have said, maybe a change is as good as a rest...

 

[Maitland]

Sometimes kids this age really long for the chance to do more with their friends and other school activities. There are some great suggestions in this thread, including power tumbling and trampoline. USA Gymnastics has a huge T&T program and many artistic gymnasts find their way over to this sport. The hours are less, the meets are less stressful (for example, you compete individually and you can be different levels on each event) and there is still a great track that can take you to elite and even to the Olympics. Your daughter will figure out what she wants to do, just follow her lead. Good luck!

 

[ollieblueeyes]

Its funny.....after posting last week DD1 had a inhouse meet that went very well. Yesterday morning while getting ready for school, I hear her signing ' i love gymnastics, I love gymnastics.....'. And then, after practice she was all excited because they started uptraining again and she was doing her cartwheels on beam w/only the 8 incher....

I think it was boredom and 11 yr old drama. I think dunno had it nailed!

 

[flipper's fan]

Flipper went through months here and there of wanting to quit when she was 11, 12, and 13. I used Dunno's method and she would soon have months of loving gym and making long term plans.
Finally last summer, before starting high school, she made it clear she was going to quit, or at least take a long break. She was changing her life for high school and did not want to put in the hours that it would take to do level 9. She refused to go to gymnastics camps, joined a travel soccer team and she tried out for high school soccer.
After being out of the gym from August to November, she missed it and was going to make a comeback and try to compete in January or February. Well, she didn't go to practice and she tried out for High School Cheer ( HORRORS!) because she wanted to tumble. Loved cheer, but wanted to go back to the gym. She went to an NCAA meet last weekend and was all torn up.
Back to soccer on Monday, Futsal tonight and there just isn't room in her life for gym anymore. That's how it happens.