Parents Doc Ali/Fears and Blocks

[Texasmomof3]

(Note: I could not find any results on search, but I know this has been discussed at length. Please feel free to tag me in the correct post if anyone has it.)

My daughter is 14 years old, currently training level 8. She has never had a mental block before, but she is typically one of the last to attempt a new skill, as she always overthinks it, and wants to be sure she will not kill herself. That isn't a problem when you are learning a cartwheel or a kip. It is another story when you are flipping vaults and training doubles off a high bar.

Yesterday at practice she could not get herself to go on vault. Drills were over and the coach told her it was time to flip her tsuk. She ended up crying, and that has never happened before. She didn't even cry when she broke her hand or fractured both legs or conditioned until she threw up. The coach tried using intimidation to make her go, "If you don't go now, you will be moved back to level 7, and the whole team will know that you are being held back. Do you really want to be the last one on the team to do this?" She is now just completely freaked out.

I found Doc Ali's article on ice skating blocks and she and I read it together. She really liked it and already began selecting her words and phrases to use. On the site, there was reference to a 2 week free coaching session on her site, but none of the links were working.

Has anyone tried this? Did it make a difference? Is there anything else that makes a difference?

 

[BachFlyer]

My dd has not had a big fear or other mental block, but our gym has had the girls do the tight-mind program and it has been very helpful to her in terms of being competition ready and being able to put mistakes behind her. Basically Doc Ali's concepts have made her more confident and mentally strong in general. And there have been other girls with fear/blocks that have found it very helpful, although it did take some time (more than two weeks) for them. I would fully advocate for giving it a try.

 

[LGnyc]

I just posted this in another thread, but check out this link in addition to Doc Ali. This sports psychologist also tackles the subject of balking and I like her approach. Full disclosure: We've never used her personally but considering it.

http://completeperformancecoaching.com

 

[flippingtogether]

I just posted on this topic yesterday in another thread.....I'm an expert on this topic as I've got a DD who has fear issues. So I've lived through these challenges. (DD will be a 2nd yr L8 and is 13). Seriously, we've been working through this for years - big issues have been the giant and BHS on beam.

I don't know anyone who has used Doc Ali, but can offer another idea. I highly recommend looking at this page of Alan Goldberg's website - this provides some understanding of what is happening and why with blocks/fears:
https://www.competitivedge.com/catalog/gymnastics
(His audio is great and has helped my DD).
You can actually call AG via phone and talk to him about the situation, and he will offer ideas as to what will help. Super nice, great guy, who really has kids' best interests at heart.

The story of my DD will give anyone hope. She is a talented kid, she loves the sport but she struggles majorly with fears (no issues as a compulsory.... kicked in at optionals as skills ramped up). But.....she slowly SLOWLY works through her fears even as as goes backwards without warning. She was L8 AA state champ this spring in our competitive state, did great at regionals, then promptly lost most (really, all) of her skills once the season was over. She will repeat L8 next season with the goal to get back her 'I used to have these' skills this summer, then work to increase her skill difficulty late summer and into the fall. That is a fantastic goal for her. We will see if she can be a L9 in a year.

Back to the OP's situation and my observations. First of all, how the coaches handled you daughter when she balked seems like not an ideal way to handle the situation. It sounds to me like they were belittling her, and might well be taking away any confidence she does have on the event. They should not be 'freaking her out.'

When my DD lost all her skills late spring after regionals, her coaches could have said: 'how can you be state champ, get 37s at L8, and then come back to the gym and be fearful of everything? What's wrong with you? Your teammates aren't having the same issue....'
They could have rubbed in that many of her teammates are moving to L9 and she is not.
However, her coaches didn't take this approach. They reminded her fears and blocks are normal, reminded her they happen, and reassured her they'd work through them together over time. (And she is working through everything very well. Slow and frustrating is the process, however.)

There are a couple of things I've learned:
-Blocks happen. It's ok.
-Time works magic.
-Having understanding and patient coaches is so important.
-I've learned not to worry - it will all work out some how/someway - and the less I am involved, the better.

Also you understanding and your daughter understanding that fears are completely normal and natural - and will happen - is a huge part of conquering the battle. Alan Goldberg is a master at explaining why blocks happen that. Once my daughter understood this, it took a huge weight off of her.

I don't know if @dunno has been on the forum recently - a very experienced coach who truly has seen it all - and can just hear what he'd say.
'Don't worry. Give it time. She'll figure it out.'

Good luck. And it will all work out.

 

[NutterButter]

I'm no stranger to blocks too as DD (14, training L9) has worked through many. She has used the Doc Ali workbook and looked at some other mental coaching websites (not sure which ones as I only learned this last week). The Doc Ali workbook was beneficial and she learned a few tools to use when she is struggling. Some of them she still uses even though she hasn't actually looked at the book in over a year. All of the tools and coaching sessions in the world though won't help your DD if she is also hearing those horrible negative comments from the coach. The humiliating and demeaning comments will make it that much harder for her to work through the block. Didn't you have a post about negative and cruel comments a month or so ago? While you may be able to provide your DD with some support for working through the block with Doc Ali, if her coach can't react appropriately then you may not find as much benefit from mental coaching. Just my two cents. It's so hard to see you kid struggle day after day with a skill. And it's not just the struggle with the skill....it's also seeing them feel shame and disappointment when things aren't going well. At least this is how my DD feels and she's in a supportive gym environment with committed and caring coaches. I can't imagine how she would feel if she was spoken too like your DD was.

 

[kayjaybe]

I just posted on this topic yesterday in another thread.....I'm an expert on this topic as I've got a DD who has fear issues. So I've lived through these challenges. (DD will be a 2nd yr L8 and is 13). Seriously, we've been working through this for years - big issues have been the giant and BHS on beam.

I don't know anyone who has used Doc Ali, but can offer another idea. I highly recommend looking at this page of Alan Goldberg's website - this provides some understanding of what is happening and why with blocks/fears:
https://www.competitivedge.com/catalog/gymnastics
(His audio is great and has helped my DD).
You can actually call AG via phone and talk to him about the situation, and he will offer ideas as to what will help. Super nice, great guy, who really has kids' best interests at heart.

The story of my DD will give anyone hope. She is a talented kid, she loves the sport but she struggles majorly with fears (no issues as a compulsory.... kicked in at optionals as skills ramped up). But.....she slowly SLOWLY works through her fears even as as goes backwards without warning. She was L8 AA state champ this spring in our competitive state, did great at regionals, then promptly lost most (really, all) of her skills once the season was over. She will repeat L8 next season with the goal to get back her 'I used to have these' skills this summer, then work to increase her skill difficulty late summer and into the fall. That is a fantastic goal for her. We will see if she can be a L9 in a year.

Back to the OP's situation and my observations. First of all, how the coaches handled you daughter when she balked seems like not an ideal way to handle the situation. It sounds to me like they were belittling her, and might well be taking away any confidence she does have on the event. They should not be 'freaking her out.'

When my DD lost all her skills late spring after regionals, her coaches could have said: 'how can you be state champ, get 37s at L8, and then come back to the gym and be fearful of everything? What's wrong with you? Your teammates aren't having the same issue....'
They could have rubbed in that many of her teammates are moving to L9 and she is not.
However, her coaches didn't take this approach. They reminded her fears and blocks are normal, reminded her they happen, and reassured her they'd work through them together over time. (And she is working through everything very well. Slow and frustrating is the process, however.)

There are a couple of things I've learned:
-Blocks happen. It's ok.
-Time works magic.
-Having understanding and patient coaches is so important.
-I've learned not to worry - it will all work out some how/someway - and the less I am involved, the better.

Also you understanding and your daughter understanding that fears are completely normal and natural - and will happen - is a huge part of conquering the battle. Alan Goldberg is a master at explaining why blocks happen that. Once my daughter understood this, it took a huge weight off of her.

I don't know if @dunno has been on the forum recently - a very experienced coach who truly has seen it all - and can just hear what he'd say.
'Don't worry. Give it time. She'll figure it out.'

Good luck. And it will all work out.

This.
My dd is the queen of blocks. They started in old L6 with the BWO on beam. They've extended to giants, flipping vault, full on floor, BHS on beam and probably other things I'm not even aware of. She is now training L9 as a 15 yo.

At one time, she tried Doc Ali and it just didn't click for her. She just worked through it in her own time and way. Some people on here suggested her seeing a sports psychologist, but the fears and issues weren't bleeding over into other areas of her life, so that felt like overkill to me. She doesn't HAVE to do the sport. We took the approach of just letting what would happen....happen.

Over time, she's worked through most of them (still working on that full on floor, despite competing it at a few meets last year). And I've learned to just let it happen. She'll either get over it and continue to move up. Or she won't and she'll repeat levels and/or quit....neither of which are the end of the world (although it feels that way at the time.)

 

[Texasmomof3]

Thank you all. The good news is that I explained to dd that her fear is much like a mental injury. It is real and it can take time to heal. She got it. And she agreed to give her mind time to heal. She agreed to be kinder to herself through the process of healing.

She also spoke with the coach about his approach. I think that took a lot of maturity on her part. And he was receptive to what she said. And then he spent yesterday's vault time taking her back to drills rather than trying to force her to do something she wasn't mentally ready to do.

She understands that for her vault coach, he thinks he is motivating her to try harder when he uses threats of having to go back to level 7. I can't change him, nor can she, but just as she over thinks skills, she also thinks a lot about coaching, and understanding where he is coming from does help her.

She knows that fears happen. She has seen it in her friends, and they have gotten past it. So cognitively, she understands that she will get past it, too.

She is going to download he Doc Ali CD. And I will text her these links as well. Thank you all.

 

[calli]

My daughter just had a similar experience to yours. I saw on FLO Gymnastics Doc Ali Lessons by Leah Clapper it was posted July 17 I believe. It was a HUGE help to my daughter to see an elite gymnast sum up Doc Ali's most valuable lessons and to know even Elite and NCAA gymnasts have fought through fears and blocks. Watching that video alone helped my daughter the very next day at the gym. Then we purchased the workbook , it came on Sunday and every day this week she has improved and made a lot progress on each of the 3 skills she had blocks on. You don't have to be a member of Flo gymnastics to see Leah Clapper's video , I highly recommend viewing it with your daughter and its adorable!

 

[Texasmomof3]

My daughter just had a similar experience to yours. I saw on FLO Gymnastics Doc Ali Lessons by Leah Clapper it was posted July 17 I believe. It was a HUGE help to my daughter to see an elite gymnast sum up Doc Ali's most valuable lessons and to know even Elite and NCAA gymnasts have fought through fears and blocks. Watching that video alone helped my daughter the very next day at the gym. Then we purchased the workbook , it came on Sunday and every day this week she has improved and made a lot progress on each of the 3 skills she had blocks on. You don't have to be a member of Flo gymnastics to see Leah Clapper's video , I highly recommend viewing it with your daughter and its adorable!

Thanks. I will have her check it out tonight after practice.

 

[calli]

Definitely do! Immediately after watching it, my daughter then wanted to see Leah Clapper's gymnastics and googled her on youtube. She was so inspired by "the Proof" that the gymnast who made that tribute to Doc Ali is such an amazingly talented high level elite gymnast. It normalized my daughters fears/blocks immediately for her.