Parents Favouritism

[xxStumpyxx]

How do you help your child deal with favouritism (and parents to a lesser degree) wether they are ones who are the coaches favourite or they are on the other end of this scale. This is a spin off from the other thread that sort of got side tracked by this.

I understand that coaches have favourites it is human nature , the same way that teachers do at school, but if I am thinking correctly, coaches shouldn't make it obvious who their favourite is and all gymnasts should get treated equally in an ideal world, the problem is we do not live in an ideal world.

My ideals are that gymnasts should be treated equally and given the same chances to learn as the next child.

I am not sure if there is a issue of favouritism in my daughters group but there is a hint of it. Things I do no find exceptable is gymnasts skipping stations, cheating during conditioning (even though the gymnasts who do this are the ones who will suffer in the long run). Coaches only allowing certain gymnasts to work on certain skills, yes a lot of that can be explained by saying that the gymnasts who are allowed to work in harder skills are more advanced, that is partly true, but what about the ones who never get a chance to show if they can do or not? Coaches who walk away from the spotting station to follow a gymnast is a bug bear of mine, that is ok if no other gymnasts are wating to use the spotting station, then by all means do something else but if there are gymnasts waiting to be spotted then surely the coach should be doing that and not walking off and not giving the gymnast a chance to have a go on the spotting station and learn the harder skills by means of progression.

Is there favouritism at your gym? My daughter has been on both sides and I don't agree with it.

 

[profmom]

The best thing is for kids to focus on themselves, their own effort, and their own progress, no matter where they are in the pecking order. Parents should reinforce this. If parents reinforce and validate a lot of talk about unfairness and favoritism and cheating, the end result is likely to be an unhappy resentful child who blames most bad outcomes on the coaches. This is true even if the coaches are playing favorites in a detrimental manner. A truly serious concern should be discussed with the perceived-to-be-offending coach in person without the child, unless the child is a teenager, in which case the child should conduct the conversation.

Gymnasts, even those in the same workout group, are not equal and I would not want a system where all are being treated equally if equal means the same. It would be silly for the coaches to spend a lot of time working on DD's double back dismount on unevens when she still needs to improve her giants. And it would be equally silly for the coaches to spend a lot of time with DS on ring turnout in his swings, which he does very well, rather than helping him to master his double back dismount. I would also gently and humbly suggest that unless a parent is a coach, a parent is not the best judge of when a child is ready to move forward in the progressions toward a new skill.

 

[floppycat]

I think you have to learn to live with it. It is awful when other girls get the most attention in training or get to go on the beam first - seen as easier, in competitions. I think I notice more than DD. However, some girls do not thrive with so much coach attention, the pressure can get to them and sometimes the girls quit. You can't change it, some coaches are worse than others.

 

[z2akids]

I stayed for bars the other day at DD's practice. Here is some of what I saw. During conditioning one girl who is having strength problems was skipping g conditioning stations. She also has the lowest bar skills on the team, so that is her problem. (She used to be one of the more advanced girls, but as strength has become more important, she is falling behind). After conditioning, they had the strap bar set up as well as 2 UBs, and 4 side stations. At the start, some of the girls were working kips independently, some were working kips with a spot, some were working tap swings, some squat ons, 2 were working flyaways and 2 were working spotted giants and 1 was working giants independently. This is a level 4 group (15 girls) and the skill level is all over the map. The girls who cannot do a kip independently yet were not working the higher level skills. A couple of girls are just getting the kip and coach would come over (leaving other girls who might otherwise be spotted) to observe a skill and give them the go ahead to work the next progression, etc. Some turns this meant that a girl would work a different skill because the coach wasn't there to spot. As far as I could tell, it wasn't 1 particular Gymnast always losing her turn being spotted. Most of the girls weren't allowed to work giants and almost 1/2 weren't allowed to jump to high bar without a coach to spot them. It isn't a lack of fairness if not letting them try, but a lack of readiness on the part of the gymnast. When they are ready for those progressions, they will be allowed to try the skills. Until then, it is unsafe for them to be doing skills they aren't ready for. I don't think it is in the gymnasts ' best interest to be throwing skills just for the sake of getting a turn.

Anyway, I have no idea if there is unfairness happening in your DD'S group. But, know that none of the things that you describe are necessarily a coach playing favorites. Sure, it could be. Or, it really could be a coach trying to help a more advanced gymnast progress while still working with everyone.

It takes time. Lots and lots of time. If you watch often, it is like watching paint dry - you don't see much progress from week to week. But, all those stations and round offs, etc. Are preparing the girls to confidently and skillfully perform the skills

 

[xxStumpyxx]

Thanks, my daughter along with one other does work harder progressions on some things , I didn't want others to think my daughter was a favourite, you have to get a progression right before moving on to the next stage, I totally respect and understand that.