Parents First meet blues?

[Dream]

First bronze meet in xcel coming up and feeling defeated rather than excited. DD has been doing gymnastics since 3 but this year she seems to have lost all her skills. She is starting to hunching over and chewing her fingers during practices. She doesn't want to quit but never wants to do anything at home to practice. She used to do handstands, back walk overs, cartwheels all the time. At practice I never see her getting any feedback and she has told me "we have to focus on xxx because it is her second year in bronze". Her own gym is entering people who are training silver 9 hours a week with an amazing coach (she had that coach last year in junior class) into bronze against them. So basically I am wondering how to make the experience postive for her when basically it seems like she is set up to do poorly? I don't care what the scores are and tried to talk to her about setting a goal for herself during the meet but she refuses. Should our goal just be going to the meet? Should I challenge her to do something funny at the meet like blow a kiss at the start of her beam or floor routine? please help!!

 

[ORgymmom]

I’m not sure how old she is, but what you’re describing sounds like it’s not the best gym culture, and no amount of doing things just right before meets can undo whatever is happening at practice.

Forget the meet situation and think about how she looks at practice. I read that and alarm bells went off. That plus split workout groups with girls training up and competing down in xcel sounds toxic. I’m an outsider so I only know the part that you wrote, but it doesn’t sound great.

Don’t make a big fuss about the meet. Plan something special to look forward to after, like ice cream with a favorite teammate or family dinner at a fun place nearby. Don’t talk about the meet later or recap it. Take that pressure off. Your job at meets this winter: observe the girls from other gyms in the same session. How do they support each other? How do their coaches interact with them? If it looks positive, find a parent from that gym during a rotation and casually ask how they like it. You’re in research mode this winter because you need to see if there is a healthier option nearby, IF (and this is a big if) your daughter wants to stay in gymnastics.

 

[Dream]

Thank you that sounds like good advice!
Is it okay to teach her to just go have fun at meets and even with the whole sport overall?
Like she is just there to show off her shiny suit and enjoy herself? See how many people we might know?
She has done 3 internal competitions and was nervous at first then fine during and after. This will be the first external competition with lots of other gyms. I guess there is alot of freedom in not being the one your gym is counting on to bring home a medal so kind of want to tell her that but on the flip side it seems like self defeating to enter a competition knowing you will loose so I guess maybe I should just be quiet .
Tell her this is a dress rehearsal to see if she likes competive gymnastics?
Her friend from another gym loves the meets so I guess we can go see what people like about them and my underground research mission.
She also recently got asked to join figure skating from Canskate so there is no problem finding where to spend the money if she quits gymnastics!

 

[skschlag]

Yes. It is ok for her to go and just have fun. Just show off what SHE can do and not worry about what others can do. The joy in the sport is the key. My son went to many meets as a young gymnast where he just had fun. I am not sure he even realized that he was not placing well. We just made a big deal about what he did and how much fun he had.

So, go. Have fun.

 

[Dream]

Thanks everyone! That makes me feel much better and now I am looking forward to it again. It is sn opportunity to see what the competitive world of gymnastics looks like in our area.

 

[Dahlialover]

First bronze meet in xcel coming up and feeling defeated rather than excited. DD has been doing gymnastics since 3 but this year she seems to have lost all her skills. She is starting to hunching over and chewing her fingers during practices. She doesn't want to quit but never wants to do anything at home to practice. She used to do handstands, back walk overs, cartwheels all the time. At practice I never see her getting any feedback and she has told me "we have to focus on xxx because it is her second year in bronze". Her own gym is entering people who are training silver 9 hours a week with an amazing coach (she had that coach last year in junior class) into bronze against them. So basically I am wondering how to make the experience postive for her when basically it seems like she is set up to do poorly? I don't care what the scores are and tried to talk to her about setting a goal for herself during the meet but she refuses. Should our goal just be going to the meet? Should I challenge her to do something funny at the meet like blow a kiss at the start of her beam or floor routine? please help!!

My son’s default meet goal is always to get a personal-best for the season on at least one event. The first meet is a real slam dunk because they are all personal bests! We joke about how I’ll buy him ice cream if he gets a personal best and he pretends to be very worried about whether he’ll be able to do it. This kind of joking keeps the pressure low.

I always focus my attention on attitude and sportsmanship. We talk a lot about how to be an awesome teammate and how to maintain a positive attitude, even when things are hard. I point out kids who are doing well at these things and praise them. He’s heard me say a million times that it’s better to be last place with a positive attitude than first place with a crappy attitude!

We talk about how mishaps are normal and, whatever happens, you just pick yourself up, smile, and finish strong. I tried to get the phrase “finish strong” seared into his brain before his first meet.

As a parent, you have a lot of influence over how she frames this experience. I frame meets as a sportsmanship contest and that has worked well for us.