? for gymnasts or former gymnasts

[sportyfam5]

For anyone who no longer competes, how did you know when you had had enough? Is there something that would have made you stick with it? Do you have any regrets?
I need advice for my insecure 13 year old. She no longer wants to compete and has been missing a lot of practice. My problem is she is quite good and I think if she just sticks with it she will do very well. How can I convince her without pushing her?

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

For anyone who no longer competes, how did you know when you had had enough? Is there something that would have made you stick with it? Do you have any regrets?
I need advice for my insecure 13 year old. She no longer wants to compete and has been missing a lot of practice. My problem is she is quite good and I think if she just sticks with it she will do very well. How can I convince her without pushing her?

In my opinion both as a coach and as a gymnast, you have to let her decide -- even if that decision is to quit.

If she decides to quit, she may change her mind and want to come back. If she decides to quit despite feeling pressure from you to continue, I can GUARANTEE she'll never change her mind.

 

[tumblerK]

I never really liked competing, it was everyday practice that I loved, and I sometimes wished that I didn't have to compete, but I was always glad I did when I had a couple of medals around my neck...

I didn't choose to stop, it was college that made me leave my gym. The only way I coped was know in years in advance that I would have to stop as I wasn't good enough for college level gymnastics. I have a couple regrets, and sometimes it really bugs me, but I know that gymnastics will be part of my life forever. I love coaching and I after 6 months the people in my dorm are used to seeing me walking up and down the hallways on my hands, so I'll never really be done. The thought of no more gymnastics ever makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry.

I've watched carefully in the last couple years as burned out gymnasts from a nearby gym have tried switching to our "less competitive" gym. Some of them were very quiet at first and gradually got to know the team and became to love it and never looked back. Recently a couple have gone back to the more competitive gym after 3-4 years at my gym, ready to become more serious again. Maybe your daughter would benefit from some less stressful, more fun oriented classes for a while.

 

[gymnut1]

I think tumbler has a very good point. If she still enjoys the feeling of cartwheels and BHS and swinging on bars then maybe she would enjoy fun or rec gym somewhere else. No pressure and keep up the skills she enjoys. Hope she cheers up soon.

 

[gymdog]

Actually competing is brutal to me. At this point (hasn't even been that long) it's hard for me to imagine going back to that life. I probably should have quit club gymnastics sooner if anything to be honest (although I don't have any regrets about what I did, I liked practicing a whole lot. Actually stayed through senior year in HS).

It's not the end of anything. If she changes her mind and wants to go back she can. Taking a break isn't necessarily a bad thing either way. For some people it helps them regain some motivation and clarity.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Maybe she just needs a break. I know one girl who was a state champion that has quit twice and gone back twice. Her parents were supportive with her decision, either way. She is back in the gym doing well.
Also, I was at my gym on Friday and another set of parents have had their daughter quit twice and come back twice. They said they never pushed it. I guess the girls just missed it more than they thought they would.
I had 2 daughters, one who stuck with it and one who didn't. I let them decide. Now they are both cheerleaders and are happy with that sport too.
However, it is really hard to stand back and watch someone struggle to decide. Sometimes if you put the ball in their court, you will be suprised how things turn out. If she figures out this is her sport and she has control of it either way, she may feel better about doing it.

 

[cfg]

I was never really a fan of competing...though there was an aspect of fun and excitement to it, there was way too much pressure and drama. I think I would have enjoyed high school gymnastics if my school had a team. Instead, I quit around 14 and got involved in high school activities-band, drill team, etc...
That doesn't mean that I lost interest in gymnastics. In the 14 years since I "left" the gym, I have coached rec/level 4 kids in college, coached a high school cheerleading squad for 2 years, and now as an adult I am taking an adult gym class. Everytime life moves on, I think I have closed a chapter in gymnastics. But-I am still forever upside down. Gymnastics taught me a lot that I continue to take with me-strength and how to condition, how to keep trying, and how to focus. Not to mention that I'm pretty good at falling-something that comes in handy...
I guess my point is that if your daughter loves gymnastics, even if she quits, it will have a way of coming back into her life.

 

[Bobby]

I quit soon after I turned 15.
At the time I weighed the costs of continuing (I think if I'd stayed I'd have developed an eating disorder) against the benefits (I really enjoyed competing, but knew I was never going to be an Olympic contender, and there's no college gymnastics in Oz to work towards).
I didn't have the maturity to articulate the negatives of the sport. And I'm not sure I had full insight to it either until I got a bit older. And I'm fairly sure my concerns would have been dismissed as "worry if/when it happens".
I was also battling arthritis in the spine which wasn't diagnosed til much later.
I really think it was self-preservation which lead me to walk away from something I loved.
I think I'd have stuck with it if I could have chosen the terms (for me that would have been competing on my favourite 2-3 apparatus and forever after avoiding the one I sucked at).
If I'd been pressurred to stick with it I probably would have done very well (apart from thay one pesky apparatus).
My regrets are pretty superficial (eg: would have liked to say I was level 10).
If I'd continued I might have had much bigger regrets.
I think I'd provide my DD with lots of options (rec to keep in shape, diff club if team/coach issues might be the cause), but ultimately trust her instinct to do what is right for her - and tell her it's a young lady's right to change her mind - because that seems to happen a lot at 13.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

If she has told you she wants to quit, then trust me, she has been thinking about it for quite a while before she verbalized that to you!! They don't just get up one morning and say "today I want to quit". For my DD, it was a long list of issues, none of which I knew about until she had a major meltdown after practice one day. It was heartbreaking.

I knew she didn't hate gymnastics tho. I think it was just the pressure cooker environment that was either (1) the gym she was in; or (2) just the nature of the competitive JO levels as they get higher. Either way, it wasn't working for her anymore either.

After talking to her for about 2 days, she decided to give the Prep Op. program at another local gym a try. The pluses for her were that the practices were only 7 1/2 hrs per week; she already knew a few girls over there; and there were 5 OPTIONAL (as in your choice on whether or not to attend) competitions plus 1 state meet per year... They only have to attend ONE competition to remain in the program.

Katy is now dancing around the house again and is completely happy with her choice. Would I rather her have remained in the JO program? For ME... yes, because I had so much fun w/it. BUT this isn't about me, it was about her and what she wanted to do w/it. This program also allows her to become more involved in school activities as well. She has recently been invited to join the Key Club (community service) and they are required to perform 15 hrs. of community service plus attend meetings twice/month.

Once again, I'm rambling. Bottom line, she has to make the decision whether to stay or quit. She has to take ownership of her sport and her decision. You can make suggestions about alternative programs, goals, etc., but SHE has to make the decision on her own. Good luck!

 

[Optionals United]

i would say let her decide. if she wants to quit gym all together thats her decsion whether you like it or not. but wat is she wants to go to a less stress full inviroment. i went to a rec gym for 4 years and decided i was done with that gym and it was holding me back, and ive never turned back from it. just see wat she wants to do

 

[coachmolly]

I left gymnastics for a lot of reasons and there are a ton of what ifs that continue to plague me. I had a very serious injury at 13 and doctors recommended I did not return. I went back for another 2 years and developed some much smaller but nagging injuries over that time. I had always been a nervous wreck when competing and the anxiety just continued to mount. I attempted to switch gyms but the fear got so bad I felt like I had no choice.
For all but about 6 months of my time in gymnastics I was in a less than ideal environment where my coaches didn't care about me and didn't see how dedicated I was. While I had high goals for myself, I was forced to follow the lesser path they set for me. For my last 6 months I jumped ship and went to a better gym, they pushed me back 2 levels to level 6 (I was 15), and it was the end for me. I was embarrassed to be competing level 6 as a 15 year old, I hated performing level 6 routines in front of my teammates because it made me feel so inadequate, I was afraid to face my teammates because they were younger and better than me, and eventually I began to fear my coaches because I thought they would be mad when I couldn't keep up or didn't progress as quickly as the other girls. The anxiety took control of me and I just needed to get out.
My coaches encouraged me to stick with it, that I was making progress but I had already told the teammate that I carpooled with that I was done and assumed she had told everyone else. I couldn't bear to go back into that gym after everyone knew that I had given up. But my situation was certainly different as I did not know those teammates very well and the relationship I had developed with them was largely based on fear. While I wish now that I would have tried a little longer, I also know that it was probably best for me. Gymnastics was taking more of a toll on me than it was worth and getting out was probably necessary to help myself. That being said, gymnastics is still my life and I have no ill feelings towards the sport.
Find out from your daughter, if you can, what is really bugging her. Is she scared of meets, a skill, a teammate, coaches? Is she frustrated, feeling pressure, or just losing interest? Maybe she just needs a break and needs to know that is okay. And if she does decide that's what she needs, make sure she knows that it's okay with you, her coaches, and her teammates that it's okay and she will be welcomed if she ever decides to come back. Keep communication open and let her know you are behind her no matter what. Let her know she is capable of making her own decisions, but that it
s also okay to change her mind.

 

[sportyfam5]

I want to thank everyone for their wonderful advice. I was very moved reading what everyone had to say. It's nice to hear what others have done in a similar situation. I will keep you updated on HER decision, once she makes one.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

i miss being a gymnast every day of my life. they were the best days of my childhood. my fondest memories all center around gymnastics. friends, food, sounds, music, travel, mentors, and the relationships that are maintained today. it is why i coach.

the sport of gymnastics is a culture on to its own. no matter where you are from, gymnasts experiences are universal.

and for you young kids, i must have 'quit' about 100 times over my 12 year competitive career. yet i went back the next day. sport is medicine to the soul. gymnastics is medicine to the heart. and when you leave the sport, you will be a better person for it.

 

[sportyfam5]

i miss being a gymnast every day of my life. they were the best days of my childhood. my fondest memories all center around gymnastics. friends, food, sounds, music, travel, mentors, and the relationships that are maintained today. it is why i coach.

the sport of gymnastics is a culture on to its own. no matter where you are from, gymnasts experiences are universal.

and for you young kids, i must have 'quit' about 100 times over my 12 year competitive career. yet i went back the next day. sport is medicine to the soul. gymnastics is medicine to the heart. and when you leave the sport, you will be a better person for it.

I actually think my 13 year old would love to coach! One of her team mates was out for several months with an injury. The owner gave her the opportunity to "coach" the level 3's and 4's. She is now back working with the team and has a whole new appreciation for the sport. I am thinking about suggesting that all the teen girls have this chance a few times a month. Maybe it helps to see the other side.(coaching)