Parents Friends leaving team, advice for mom?

[Flyaway]

Help me out wise CBers. My dd has been in gym and on team for a total of 5 years at 2 gyms (necessitated by a move across country). As is completely normal, dd has seen girls come and go from her team every year. I have been so proud of her resilience in sticking with it even when her team BFF's move on from gymnastics and I've been even more proud of her ability to make new friends the following year with the new crop of gymnasts.

This year, as the season comes to a close, it's hitting her hard. It sounds like the majority of her level will not be returning to gym after states. She was in tears last night thinking about her friends leaving. To make it more difficult, none of them go to the same school, so the ability to see them on a daily basis will be nonexistent. In some ways I think it almost makes her conflicted about continuing gym herself. She loves it and definitely wants to keep going, but at the same time it's a sad season and that makes it hard.

Do you have advice for a mama who's trying to help her 11 year old navigate this? I try to say all the right things, bring perspective and allow her space to grieve somewhat, but I still feel a little lost.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Gym is so hard in that way. I think my girls- and other military kids- are more adept at this part of it because it mirrors the rest of their lives. Sad but true. I think the only thing to say really, is to remind her that she’s there for her love of the sport, and her amazing teammates are a bonus. Remind her that she’ll get to make some great new friends and maybe even be a mentor to newer girls. Don’t pretend or promise that you or she can keep her current friendships alive, but let her know you’re open to trying with sleepovers or outings. Social media, if she has it, or texting can really keep kids connected more than anytime in the past. My DD still keeps up with select teammates from every single gym she’s ever attended, and the fact that they’re all 3,000+ miles away hasn’t deterred her in the least. Hugs to mom and DD!

 

[gymmomx2]

It is hard, REALLY hard. The same thing happened to DD last year at the same age. We do try and stay in touch with the girls but everyone is so busy. We have seen one of them a few times and haven't seen the others at all since September. They stay in touch on social media and sometimes Facetime.

The hard thing is that I believe my DD does gym as much for the social aspect as for the love of the sport. There are still enough girls on the team that she hasn't considered quitting but it she was super sad to lose her friends last year. Hugs to you and her as you navigate this. It is sadly a reality of gym once they reach a certain age.

 

[John]

I think at @MILgymFAM knocked it out of the park. She offered great advice. Gym is for each individually. Being sad is part of life. The future may bring new even better friends. DD has kept touch with many friends from the old gym. Some left before her and some stayed. She has one bestie from the old gym that we do out best to see and spend time with every Saturday. That girl is now contemplating moving on to other things but we will still do out best to see her. It is hard and so sad.

 

[mommyof1]

This is about to happen to my 11-year-old too. We expect that she will repeat L4. Some of the girls in her group will be moving up, while others are deciding whether to switch to Xcel or leave the sport. It is likely that of her core group of gym friends, most of whom have been together for four years now, only one will be in her group next year. She absolutely wants to continue in JO and mostly understands that she is not ready to move up (although she is still fantasizing about making giant breakthroughs in summer training and being allowed to move up in the fall, which is not an option), but she really doesn't like the idea of losing her friends and being grouped with the "annoying little kids" coming up from L3. She is not excited about the idea of being a leader and role model to the younger girls. She did that very well during her second year of L3, and she doesn't want to do it again. She wants to move up and be with the big girls, and she wants her friends to stay with her.

We have had the "gymnastics is an individual journey" talk over and over again, and it doesn't seem to help much. She seems to feel betrayed by her friends who are leaving or going to Xcel, even though I keep explaining that just as she has to take the path that's right for her, they have to take the path that's right for them.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Change. It’s pretty much the one thing in life we can count on.

And it’s hard to see our kids have a hard time, but you can’t fix it or prevent it.

Help her keep connections, offer to arrange meet ups. And just be her soft place to fall.