Parents Help! DD lost mojo but doesn't want to quit

[LfbUK]

Hi!
My daughter is 11 and moving from a UK junior team to a senior team - we have just trialed for new club (compete lower levels) as her coach is good but not encouraging and she thought she wanted a change, having spoken to her the other day I am now completely at a loss as what do as lately she has completely lost her gym mojo - she rolls her eyes about gym and comes out of training mostly miserable - I asked her is she wants to quit and she said no but she has such low confidence in herself and fear about things that it can take her a while to get things - reason for potential move was due to shouty and unencouraging coach but she said to me that she kind of needs that to make her do it! so I asked what the solution is as we just want her to be happy again and she doesn't know what to do - I know 11 is a dodgy age so have beared that in mind - I am totally confused as she doesn't practise any gym at home anymore and unless she nails a skill she is quite miserable but wants to carry on but she can't decide what to do - has anyone had any experience if this?!!! She is very capable but her confidence holds her back and this makes her feel worse as it takes her longer on some things - I wanted her to move and be with a friendlier coach at a less pressurised level but she is worried now as the new gym doesn't have a proper sprung floor so she is worrying about that and swinging between her old and new gym!!!

 

[John]

I was going to suggest make the move till you added the floor comment. Was thinking a new friendly coach would foster a move for more self Confidence.

 

[l.c.o]

I wish I had words of wisdom, but I have a 10 year old DS in a similar place and feel equally conflicted, so I wanted to send a hug.

While switching gyms is not going to happen for my DS, we've gone round and round about other activities he's interested in. After taking some time to think, DS has decided he wants to stay with what he's been doing despite his lost mojo. I'm hoping this deliberate choice helps?!

Anyway, good luck with your DD. Sending hugs. Oh- and I would also be a bit wary of the gym with no spring floor! Are there other options within a reasonable distance?

 

[LfbUK]

Thanks John and I.c.o, can I ask what the brown peice together sprung floors are like as you both mention them and it's not something I have experience of before - are they really bad??? the other gym also has an air trak that I think they practise new skills. Thanks, and glad to know we are not the only ones! ☺

 

[munchkin3]

Gymnasts loose their mojo many times during their careers. It's part of the sport. Those that continue going to practice, and work their coaches programs are the ones who find their mojo. It can take weeks or months. Just be supportive, be positive. Explain that she will get there with hard work and perseverance.......mom, and try to remain calm. I've seen girls flounder for a year before coming back and reaching their goals.....
If she is in a good program, explain to the coach what's going on, and then leave it alone. Try not to fix it for her.
I just let go this summer.....not easy, but necessary if I want my DD to reach her goals.....

 

[Lilou]

I agree with this comment completely as far losing their mojo. It will come and go. And I think to some degree it's normal right now as you're in a state of ambivalence trying to figure out what's best and where and with whom as a coach for your daughter. If she already struggles with confidence, add in a layer of decision making for a sport she loves and that can affect her more. Give her time. Pick whichever she has a gut feeling about and don't look back. She'll get her mojo back.

Gymnasts loose their mojo many times during their careers. It's part of the sport. Those that continue going to practice, and work their coaches programs are the ones who find their mojo. It can take weeks or months. Just be supportive, be positive. Explain that she will get there with hard work and perseverance.......mom, and try to remain calm. I've seen girls flounder for a year before coming back and reaching their goals.....
If she is in a good program, explain to the coach what's going on, and then leave it alone. Try not to fix it for her.
I just let go this summer.....not easy, but necessary if I want my DD to reach her goals.....

 

[Amusibus]

Wow I just posted a very similar question in WAG forum, didn't see your question before I posted mine.

 

[LfbUK]

Thanks everyone for your answers. She has decided for now to stick where she is - she has done alot of gym over the last few weeks which had helped her confidence as she has learnt some new skills. Fingers xd she gets on better with her new coach from September! I will do my best not to get involved and what will be will be!

Amusibus, I just read your post! Your daughter sounds very similar to mine in alot of ways! Most of DD's gym friends are always practising and training at home but not mine anymore! I know my dd has confidence issues so if she dosnet get a skill very quickly then she thinks she isn't very good and has a run instinct! will see how she gets on this term, if she is still not loving it again she is thinking of switching to competitive trampolining - would this be something your daughter would enjoy? Is there a new skill your dd wants to get but hasn't yet that is making her a bit flat about it all?

 

[Amusibus]

LfbUK there isn't a particular skill that she's fixated on or anything. What did help her get excited about gymnastics again for a while was when we were able to afford a half hour private lesson once a week. We only did this for about 4 or 5 lessons, but she got a few skills quickly and that helped her get excited about gym again and proud of herself. Then we couldn't afford that anymore. In the fall things will get a little easier financially so maybe we will do that again.

As far as trampolining, our gym doesn't have a team for that specifically. I'm not sure but my feeling is that maybe it's not as popular of a thing on this side of the pond (USA).

Glad your daughter is feeling better.

 

[e'smum]

you're not alone! my dd has lost her confidence. although i've seen glimpses of it coming back over the last 3 days (and practices). she's happy again and she was doing double backs and double pike vaults off the trainer tonight into the pit (still summer schedule so they are doing skills up until they walk out the door vs. a cool down stretch). she was refusing to do a yurchenko off the trainer vault a few months ago even though she'd done it before. all smiles and no fear tonight!
one of her coaches was saying it was like she was defeated before she walked into the gym. because it's still summer schedule this week, it's more relaxed and she was smiling in a group with friends and she gave me a couple of grins when she saw me and made sure i saw her vaults. i hope it continues.
i don't care what she does, i just want her happy.