Parents Help for an unsure and sad mum please??

[Busymum]

Hi all -- will try and make this long story short!

Basically my daughter (6) was in a pre development group of around 10 girls for around 4 months going for 1 hour on a Saturday. 5 of them had their hours increased to include two hours mid week too. So she had been doing 3.5 hours a week for about two months or so and is now in the actual development squad. Anyway she loved gym but she does compare herself to the other 4 girls who ARE much stronger than her in most things. One is a year older, one has been in gym since 3 years old and another girl has insane strength! They are all lovely girls. My daughter works hard and is flexible, her strength is improving BUT coordination doesn't come as naturally and it takes her longer to get new skills.

Anyway there was one session where she was a bit all over the place and her coach said at the end that he was feeling unsure whether she was in fact ready for that extra session. Since then she has become worried and anxious over what she can't do incase he drops her back to just Saturdays. She'd be crushed.

To cut it short this is having a real impact in the gym --- she used to go leaping in full of smiles and giggles and desperate for her gym time. Now she looks sad and like she doesn't want to be there which her coach has noticed. Today He has put 3 of the 5 girls up an extra hour but kept my Daughter and one other at the hours they are! I am fine and sure that is best right now. She is upset and now even more worried! I've tried telling her not to worry, tried encouraging her to practise the bits she's struggling with at home, tried pointing out this worrying is making it seem like she's not ready ---- I think I've realised that maybe I have not helped with all the questions and suggestions and probably shouldn't even mention gym ---- leave practice for the gym!! I was only trying to help but think I've made it worse!

Today her Coach also said he sees real potential in her. That she has beautiful shapes, the perfect body for gym and that its ok for it to take a little longer at this age but that it's frustrating that she can't do it easily due to her coordination still needing to develop. He said they won't increase her hours until she's back to her usual quirky and happy self --- she has a cracking personality which they love but it's disappeared.

Daughter says she still enjoys gym and doesn't want to stop and that she's just worried that they will drop her. Again I think that's partly my fault as for a few weeks after that initial comment about her not being ready I'd say 'remember you must show you are listening/try hard/look what hPpened last time you didn't. I'd then ask her questions when she finished! I feel terrible now --- I truly was just trying to help her as she didn't want to lose her extra day but I really think it's had the opposite effect So my question is, how do I help her get past this blip and get her back to her usual carefree self?

Sorry that wasn't so short after all......I've not done this gym mum bit before and I don't know what I'm supposed to do/say and what not to??

Help!! Please!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

first chill !

Lots of children develop at different rates and its fine if she is a bit of a late starter.

Can the coach have a little chat to her and reassure her that she wont be moved down and when she is ready there will be more hours for her ?

 

[Busymum]

Possibly --- he isn't overally approachable and he's already pointed out that she needs to be able to handle critism without getting worried/down about it --- do you think asking him to do that will just further make him doubt if she's ready??

 

[Sasha]

Aw, poor thing. I understand. It looks, though, that overall the coach is positive about her, and just waiting until she seems to both want, and be able to handle, more. It is the right move, even if it doesn't feel right to a 6 year old. 6 is soooo young.

As far as what you can do now, perhaps a couple thoughts...

Possibly you could talk to coach and 'eat a little crow' by explaining, "Coach, unfortunately, in trying to encourage my daughter, I overstepped and I think I stressed my daughter out about gym. I'm afraid her recent lack of spunk is partially my fault. From now on, I'm going to be more laid back and not put any pressure on her. It might help right things if you have a quick word with her and tell her you believe in her and not to worry - that when the time is right she will move up to more hours, too, and that she's a lovely gymnast. You do what you feel right, of course, I just wanted to give you some insight. Thanks for listening, and thank you for all you do for my daughter."

The coach may or may not actually have that little word with her, but at least he might have more insight to see the situation differently and worry less about her recent personality change.

Or, you could explain to your daughter that 'mommy goofed' because mommy is new to gymnastics, when you told her that she might lose hours for not paying attention. That's actually not how it works at all! Whoopsie! Gymnastics is the place for FUN, and though of course you need to listen to your coach for safety and because that's how to learn, gymnastics is about enjoyment and is actually the number 1 goal! Mommy was confused about that, and is very sorry

 

[Eleven sol]

Aww just tell her she's doing great and you are proud of how hard she works. I always encourage my kids to congratulate their teammate even when they were on pre team. They say "so and so got this." And I say, "Wow that is so great. Did you tell them good job?" If they express any fear about not getting the same skill, I just tell them to keep working hard and they will get it in their own time and remind them I am always proud of how hard they work. I have noticed that kids congratulate them back and are excited for them when they get the skill. I try to remember as a parent that you can't control the outcome but encouraging effort and social skills goes a long way in the scheme of life

 

[Deleted member 18037]

She is 6 she needs to just have fun..

Honey, do your best, have fun, love you.

Seriously she need only to compare herself to her.

Other girls don't matter. Show her some video when she was 3 so she can see how far she has come.

 

[COz]

I wouldn't speak to the coach, you've done that, they've answered. Their answer indicates that they see potential. They've already shown that they will move girls to higher hours when they are ready.
Sounds like yours will be moved up when she is ready.
They are doing the right thing in waiting.

Tell your daughter she'll get more hours when the coach sees she is happy and comfortable and decides it's time for her to have more hours.
People progress at different rates. This will keep happening. Make your peace with it now and help her understand that she is not being punished by not getting extra hours. Much better to handle this well now than keep feeling like this for the next 10 years

 

[Busymum]

Thank you all. Some great suggestions and thoughts! Trust me, lesson learned for this mummy! I didn't even see it coming -- was trying to encourage not worry her. That backfired big time! So cross with myself!

 

[Flossyduck]

Bless you!! You need to stop beating yourself up over this one, it will pass and believe me there will be bus loads of opportunity to beat yourself up as a gym mum, so try and be kind to yourself. The coach will not have based his opinion on one thing. As parents we notice those, but the coaches have a much bigger picture in mind. It sounds as though he has made a sensible assessment and at six your little one has plenty of time to do very well.
Unfortunately learning to handle disappointment and pressure is a big part of gymnastics, so you can set a good example here by handling your own disappointment that she didn't get the extra hours and your own worry that she isn't coming across well and being super cool about it.
I don't think I'd talk to the coach or make a thing of it with your dd. If you tell her you messed up, she may worry about that too? Just tell her she's doing great, that coach told you he sees potential in her and thinks she has beautiful shapes and isn't that amazing.
It's a hard road and most of us start out knowing nothing and we've all made mistakes. It's ok!!

 

[Busymum]

Bless you!! You need to stop beating yourself up over this one, it will pass and believe me there will be bus loads of opportunity to beat yourself up as a gym mum, so try and be kind to yourself. The coach will not have based his opinion on one thing. As parents we notice those, but the coaches have a much bigger picture in mind. It sounds as though he has made a sensible assessment and at six your little one has plenty of time to do very well.
Unfortunately learning to handle disappointment and pressure is a big part of gymnastics, so you can set a good example here by handling your own disappointment that she didn't get the extra hours and your own worry that she isn't coming across well and being super cool about it.
I don't think I'd talk to the coach or make a thing of it with your dd. If you tell her you messed up, she may worry about that too? Just tell her she's doing great, that coach told you he sees potential in her and thinks she has beautiful shapes and isn't that amazing.
It's a hard road and most of us start out knowing nothing and we've all made mistakes. It's ok!!

Thank you! This has made me feel so much better! I could just kick myself though!

 

[auswi]

Don't be sad Busymum- its times like these when chocolates & wine were invented for☺

Gym just keeps getting more stressful for both gymy & parents as they go up the levels -so on the bright side you will have developed a sure fire method of staying cheerfully uninvolved way before most of your Dds team-mates parents will have realised this is necessary.

Personally I would try to put the fun back into it for your Dd......random hot chocolates after training, occasional small chocolate before/after training ☺

Stick to a cheery ' have fun ' as she goes to training.

Good luck ☺