WAG How can I help her deal with fear?

[kayjaybe]

My 10 yo dd is working toward level 6 this year. She is really struggling with fear over her back walkover on the beam. She used to be afraid to even do it on the floor beam. It took a couple of months to just get over that. She now does it on a 2-foot beam, but is really scared and she will barely even try it on the high beam.

She hasn't had a bad fall or anything with it and she CAN do the skill. I've seen it and her coaches have seen it. Therefore, they don't want to spot her at this point because they fear it will become a crutch (and I agree with this.)

I've tried talking to her about visualizing herself doing the skill (and she says she can't see it). I've talked with her about breaking it down (really, the 2nd half is just coming down from a handstand, which she's been doing all last year in level 5). I've told her that avoiding it won't make it easier and she just needs to practice over & over again until she feels comfortable. Even when she gets it at the end of class, by the next class, her fear has returned.

We met with the HC, who was great, and talked to her about how it was OK to be afraid and that she might feel like she is the only one (she definitely feels this way) but all kids get afraid. He talked about his fear as a kid and just handled it really well...but she is still really scared.

I've told her that she still has months to get the skill before the first meet and that if she doesn't get it, she can compete level 5 again and I won't be disappointed at all...but she says she will be disappointed.

She can do this and it isn't above her skill level. She is just working herself into a frenzy over it...so much so that she actually made herself sick one evening over it.

She loves gymnastics and wants to do it (she was flipping all over the field at her sister's field hockey game last night). She just has this mental block right now.

Any advice? Please help!

 

[MaryA]

Probably time to back off. You've done everything you can do at this point and now it's just up to her. Make it a non-issue. Don't bring it up and if she brings it up, say something off-hand like "I'm not worried. You'll get it when you're ready." and then change the subject. If she tries to get you to obsess about it with her, don't be drawn in. Say something like, "are you trying your hardest?" (hopefully she says "yes") and then say, "well, that's all you can do." Then reiterate that you aren't worried about it because you know she is a hard worker and will get it when she's ready, and then change the subject. The more she worries about it, the harder it will be for her to get past her fear. The more she thinks you're worried about it, the more worried she will be about it.

Trust me... I know this is easier said than done. Last year DD struggled with the squat-on all through level 6 (even though she never missed one in a meet as a level 5) and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to ask after every practice, "so, how were your squat-ons today?" and to be really low key about the skill, and sometimes I failed miserably (once one of those "she's going to be talking about this when she's middle-aged and in therapy" kind of failures). But I got better about it, and I think I'm getting better about masking my CGM tendencies in general.

Good luck! And be sure to post a brag when she gets it (because she will)!

 

[ZZMom]

I agree with backing off. Also, have her take the skill back to the last place she was comfortable with it (maybe the low beam?) and have her work it A LOT without pressure to move it up until she gets her confidence back and starts to want to move it up herself.

Good Luck!

ZZMom

 

[sportsmommy]

I can relate to this. My dd has been dealing with fear of thr cartwheel on beam. We tried everything in the beginning. Finally we backed off completely. We didnt discuss it. The coaches didnt push her. It took a while but now she is doing the cartwheel fine.

 

[vagymmomma]

It's tough but try to step back as others have said. DD did level 6 last year and I found the backwalkover on beam to be the skill most often striking fear in girls (thankfully not in mine). One girl never did get over the fear and is very happy doing cheer this season. A couple other girls were up and down all season long. They would be doing great backwalkovers for a month and then all of a sudden would have panic attacks about it. A similar behavior arose the year before with different girls. I think it's part of the vestibular balance disorder that Dunno talks about.

Coaches should be a parent's best tool in these circumstances. There is a fine balance between pushing and encouraging and teaching and easing up. At the end of the day -- in all aspects of life -- the gymnast has almost all the control and must make a choice to face the fear. Not an easy thing to do and harder for some more than others. I have great deal of respect for all our gymmies.

 

[bogwoppit]

What about the back extension roll instead? It is a decent option.

 

[hawaii_gymnast]

No matter what you say to her to try get her through it, it won't stick until she gets through it for herself. The gymnast is the one who must realize that it is okay, yes it is scary but she has to want to do it anyways. She has to want it more than she fears it. Best advice I got from one coach.

 

[iwannacoach]

No matter what you say to her to try get her through it, it won't stick until she gets through it for herself. The gymnast is the one who must realize that it is okay, yes it is scary but she has to want to do it anyways. She has to want it more than she fears it. Best advice I got from one coach.

Progress is a gift you give yourself. All of the coaching and "mind games" in the world are pointless until the individual is ready to move on. We never know as parents and coaches if a child is ready, but for the sake of making progress we assume they are ready and encourage them. Mental blocks, fear, and the like are signals that they need to stay where they are with their training, or move back a half step to buil confidence.

I agree with the previous posts suggesting you "step back", but would like to suggest that the step back should be taken by your dd in the form of returning to the highest beam she's comfortable with (or a floor line if that's the way it is) so she can get in some real numbers (like 20 in less than 10 minutes) rather than the typical hand wiping on the leotard, raising her hands with her fingers wiggling, and rocking while she works up the nerve. No success in that mental environment is going to send the positive, validating message she needs to hear. That message is best recieved by her when she's the one sending it, and she'll do just that when she gets bored on the low beam and decides it's time to give herself an early birthday present......

 

[superflipgirl]

Don't worry.......it's completely normal to be afraid! I can't help you with this skill in particular because I never really had a fear issue with back walkovers on beam and I in fact found them pretty easy, but I can help by talking about the fear issue itself. First of all, what is she actually afraid of in the back walkover? Is she afraid of missing the beam when going back? Also, how comfortable is she now doing them on the low beam? Does she hit it solid on the low beam every time? Once it clicks in your mind that you can do it solid, all you have to do on the high beam is really just relax, don't think about it and go. I had an issue with my back handspring in cheer this year, which I've had in gymnastics for many, many years and one day it just disappeared. I thought it would help to think about all the times I've done it successfully, and how I've never hurt myself doing one, but I found that thinking about those thoughts while trying to do it just screwed me up and I really needed to just clear my mind! So while I wasn't practicing them I just kept remembering how solid they are, and the only way I would screw up on them is if I chicken out or don't trust myself. Once it really clicked in my head that I was completely fine doing it, all I had to do was just GO for it and not think about it because I KNEW I could do it. Make sure that she is completely confident on the low beam and that she can trust herself to do it on the high beam without thinking about it too much, BUT once she is comfortable, don't spend too much time practicing on the low beam, otherwise the high beam will seem too "foreign" to her and it will take longer to get it. Also another thing, and this actually helped with my back handspring issue also. I don't know how long she's been doing back walkovers on beam, but with the fear issue she has she might have this feeling that she really wants to get it over with when doing it on the beam and kind of just goes for it. Believe me(and this was true for me with back walkovers on beam too), it helps if you actually focus hard on doing the skill, and try to look where your hands are going on the beam. If she has good back flexibility, that might help with this(I have really good back flexibility so I could pretty much bend back and completely see the beam before I even put my hands down). On top of all that, she just has to remember that she is capable of doing the skill, the ONLY difference between the high and low beams are the height, and once you do it on the high beam it's actually easier because you KNOW your hands have to land on the beam. If she does them on the floor beam for too long, she might become too dependent on the fact that she'll just land on the floor if her hands miss.

Whoa I really wrote a lot! GOOD LUCK and I hope some of these tips are helpful to her! Fear issues are completely normal, and whatever she does, don't give up! She can do it!

 

[kayjaybe]

Thanks, everyone, for your insight. And iwanna - I had to laugh. That is exactly what she does!

I will try to make light of it, although she can be like a dog with a bone about things sometimes. She had practice last night and I have no idea how she did with them because I didn't ask. I did ask what events she did (she did do beam) and then asked if they were working the floor routine to music yet. I don't want to stop asking about practices because I am interested and she usually likes to talk about it, but I think I will focus on other, non-pressure topics for her. Hopefully this will help make it a non-issue.

And I think you are right --- when she is ready, she will get it. She has the skill, she just needs to want to do it more than she fears doing it.

So glad I found this site!

 

[kayjaybe]

UPDATE: She seems to have finally gotten it. She took the pressure off herself a week or so ago and told herself (and me) that if she didn't get it, no big deal. She would compete Level 5 again...and hopefully get lots of medals. I told her that's great and just let it go.

Tonight, she said she thinks she is finally over her fear and was excited to go to class tonight. She said she really thinks she'll compete Level 6 (first meet isn't until mid-November) and that she really was looking forward to beam tonight.

I'm so proud of her for not giving up and working through her fear!

 

[GymBeeMom]

Excellent news! These are growing moments

UPDATE: She seems to have finally gotten it. She took the pressure off herself a week or so ago and told herself (and me) that if she didn't get it, no big deal. She would compete Level 5 again...and hopefully get lots of medals. I told her that's great and just let it go.

Tonight, she said she thinks she is finally over her fear and was excited to go to class tonight. She said she really thinks she'll compete Level 6 (first meet isn't until mid-November) and that she really was looking forward to beam tonight.

I'm so proud of her for not giving up and working through her fear!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

What about the back extension roll instead? It is a decent option.

this is what i would do concurrent with the back walk over. you need to go back to coaching, Bog.

 

[gymmomof1]

UPDATE: She seems to have finally gotten it. She took the pressure off herself a week or so ago and told herself (and me) that if she didn't get it, no big deal. She would compete Level 5 again...and hopefully get lots of medals. I told her that's great and just let it go.

Tonight, she said she thinks she is finally over her fear and was excited to go to class tonight. She said she really thinks she'll compete Level 6 (first meet isn't until mid-November) and that she really was looking forward to beam tonight.

I'm so proud of her for not giving up and working through her fear!

That's wonderful and does a heart good to hear! A life lesson she can take with her so good for her and hope she has a terrific season