Parents How should I handle this?

[happychaos]

I know different kids respond best to different coaching styles. My DD's old gym didn't tolerate fear. Whatever skill the coach told you to do, you did. There was no time to think about it, and no chance to "skip" that station. When DD first started on team this was a new and stressful way of being coached. But she got used to it, and progressed nicely.

For many reasons, we eventually switched gyms. Overall, the coaching is much better, except in this one area. The coaches seem much more willing to indulge gymnast's fears. Extra spotting, ignoring station-skipping, letting a gymnast take it at their own pace, etc.

I realize this coaching style may be perfect for some gymnasts, but my DD is one who, when the coach knows she's ready, needs to be made to do it right then. My DD is prone to be a little anxious, and being allowed to "postpone the inevitable" is not a good thing for her. It really stresses DD out to have to wonder and decide if she is going to "go for it" that day, or chicken out.

Would it be appropriate to speak to her coaches about this? I'm afraid they'll think I'm nuts, especially since DD is progressing just fine. And don't most parents want the coach to ease up, not crack down? How in the world would I discuss this without sounding like CGM of the century? It doesn't even have anything to do with progression, DD is just much less stressed when the coach just tells her what to do and when to do it.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

Well, as a parent I would much rather have the coach "nudge" my kid into doing things both the coach and I know she is ready for and capable of doing but is for whatever reason balking at. Even DD (just turned 10) actually told me the other day that it was easier for her to do a skill she had really procrastinated about because her coach put her in the spot and as she was standing there preparing for the skill the coach just went "ok, now do it...1...2...3!" DD said it was easier because since the coach said 1-2-3 it kinda forced her to do it and not think about it. *i* knew this! and the coach knew this but it hadn't occurred to DD. I'm all for the coaches pushing my kid rather than letting her nurture a fear. I realize that's easy to say when one hasn't been faced with a true fear issue yet, only hesitation, but I do know the pushing works best for my particular child.
As a coach, I definitely adopt a similar philosophy. I push kids all the time, not to the breaking point of course but definitely beyond their comfort zone. In my classes, you TRY, period. You don't have to do something perfectly, and it's ok to mess up, but I want you to try. Nothing irks me more than whining about not being able to do something. My mom has always said "whether you believe you CAN or you believe you CANNOT, you are right..!" And she always told us to believe we COULD. I am a firm believer that you have to nudge a bit to get progression.

I do understand that there are true fears and I am not trying to diminish those in any way. I am just stating what works best for my kid, that I want her coaches to push her instead of coddling her, and what my organic instinct as a parent/coach is... Not saying that this approach is always correct.

I have spoken to the coaches about this. I have told them multiple times that I am more than ok with them being hard on dd and pushing her, as she is the kind of kid that basically requires that in order to do what is asked of her. If not pushed, she tends to dilly dally and not do much of anything. I have told them several times that they will never have to fear that I feel they are being too hard on my kid. I'm realistic and I know my kid...

 

[gymdog]

I tend to be a little pushy, but if someone tells me that doesn't work, I will find then a placement elsewhere (Xcel, lower level). It sounds like it may be the style at this gym to be more relaxed and I'm not sure if you're going to be able to change it, but I think letting the coaches know is definitely worth a shot.

 

[gymmomof1]

Can't hurt to let them know how she is and then let them take it from there

 

[lovethelord]

I would try to talk to the coaches and get their thoughts on their coaching style. They may have some information to give you that would make you feel more comfortable.

 

[happychaos]

Well, as a parent I would much rather have the coach "nudge" my kid into doing things both the coach and I know she is ready for and capable of doing but is for whatever reason balking at. Even DD (just turned 10) actually told me the other day that it was easier for her to do a skill she had really procrastinated about because her coach put her in the spot and as she was standing there preparing for the skill the coach just went "ok, now do it...1...2...3!" DD said it was easier because since the coach said 1-2-3 it kinda forced her to do it and not think about it. *i* knew this! and the coach knew this but it hadn't occurred to DD. I'm all for the coaches pushing my kid rather than letting her nurture a fear. I realize that's easy to say when one hasn't been faced with a true fear issue yet, only hesitation, but I do know the pushing works best for my particular child.
As a coach, I definitely adopt a similar philosophy. I push kids all the time, not to the breaking point of course but definitely beyond their comfort zone. In my classes, you TRY, period. You don't have to do something perfectly, and it's ok to mess up, but I want you to try. Nothing irks me more than whining about not being able to do something. My mom has always said "whether you believe you CAN or you believe you CANNOT, you are right..!" And she always told us to believe we COULD. I am a firm believer that you have to nudge a bit to get progression.

I do understand that there are true fears and I am not trying to diminish those in any way. I am just stating what works best for my kid, that I want her coaches to push her instead of coddling her, and what my organic instinct as a parent/coach is... Not saying that this approach is always correct.

I have spoken to the coaches about this. I have told them multiple times that I am more than ok with them being hard on dd and pushing her, as she is the kind of kid that basically requires that in order to do what is asked of her. If not pushed, she tends to dilly dally and not do much of anything. I have told them several times that they will never have to fear that I feel they are being too hard on my kid. I'm realistic and I know my kid...

Yes! You totally get it!!! Nurturing a fear is not good for my DD! Hopefully the coaches won't think I'm too crazy. There was one girl in DD's group (who recently quit) that would just start crying as soon as she was pushed or corrected more than just a tiny bit. I think the coaches may be a bit gun-shy with this group now.

 

[htimcj]

Doesn't hurt to tell them what you have found to help in the past.