Parents I am so over it (vent)

[Ariekannairb]

We had a sudden gym change mid-season last year. We found 2 gyms, one we loved and one we liked. We chose the 2nd because of the drive. Even that one is a 45 minute drive (I live in the middle of nowhere). Anyways, rules are, if you move mid-season you don't get to finish competing the season. I understand the rule and agree with it. So DD spent all of last season training level 3. She competed twice, prior to the move. She has all of the level 3 skills. New gym tells us that she is moving up to the level 4 training group this summer. DD decides that she needs a break and we take 2 weeks and DD comes back excited! Coach confirms various times the DD is in fact going to be in the level 4 training group, but when practices actually happen she is consistently placed in the up-coming level 3 group. DD asks again, and is again told that she is training level 4, but continues to be placed in the up coming level 3 group. Those girls are gaining new skills, DD is bored out of her mind doing windmills and so on. She is on the level 4 training schedule which gives her 1 day per week with the girls being trained to move to level 4. But 1 day per week isn't going to be enough to get her kip in time for the season. Basically, training the way she is gives her no hope of a level 4 season. What is really frustrating is that we are being told she is training for level 4 but in actual practice she is not. There has not been a single practice, save yesterdays when no other level 3 girls were there, that she has practiced level 4 skills. Tonight the level 3 girls will be there and we are fully expecting that she will be bumped back to that group.

We are new to this gym, DD hasn't actually competed with them and has so far had a hard time feeling a part of the team. We aren't expecting to get special treatment, but I did write the coach to ask for clarification as DD told me she feels like she is in trouble for something and quite frankly, she is just confused as to why she is being told 1 thing but training another. I watched her last night, and while I defer to the coaches wisdom most of the time, there was no difference in my DD's skills and the other girls that were training level 4 other than the kip which could easily be because she simply hasn't been able to train it as much.

After last year's disaster and moving to this gym to have all of this confusion happen, I feel like giving up. I get that there will always be something I don't like, and I don't actually think I am "that mom", but I feel like situations keep popping up that are forcing me to be. I don't want to hop gyms. It takes a long time to feel settled and to feel a part of a team, but DD isn't feeling it here because of the lack of communication. She feels pushed to the side and frankly, that is what looks like is happening. Like they have already bonded with their team and DD is the new girl who can't quite find her place. It makes me want to give up. I just want to go to a gym, have my daughter be the best she can be, enjoy the sport and progress at a reasonable rate for her ability. She is highly driven and her enthusiasm is slowly dying with all of these things that keep happening.

 

[Midwestmommy]

Patience!! They do lots of drills prepping them to get the kip, so while it looks they like aren't prepping for the kip, sometimes they are.... And maybe some of these other girls have the potential to skip 3 and go to 4 (3 is not required). You said you wrote to the coach, see what you hear back. My advice is to just let her settle in for a bit and see how it goes. If you are Ok with what is happening she is more likely to be OK with it, kids take a lot of cues from their parents. With that said, I think the mill circle is a waste of time, especially for kids close to their kips who are 8/9/10.... so I feel for you on that one. Ask her who the nicest kid has been (either level 3 or 4) and approach that mom to see if they can hang out at the pool or something next week. Or ask other moms if anyone wants to go out for lunch or supper (open invite to anyone interested) after practice. Sometimes it takes a little time out of gym together for kids to bond. She will make friends if she is kind and supportive to other kids of all levels...

 

[Ariekannairb]

Patience!! They do lots of drills prepping them to get the kip, so while it looks they like aren't prepping for the kip, sometimes they are.... And maybe some of these other girls have the potential to skip 3 and go to 4 (3 is not required). You said you wrote to the coach, see what you hear back. My advice is to just let her settle in for a bit and see how it goes. If you are Ok with what is happening she is more likely to be OK with it, kids take a lot of cues from their parents. With that said, I think the mill circle is a waste of time, especially for kids close to their kips who are 8/9/10.... so I feel for you on that one. Ask her who the nicest kid has been (either level 3 or 4) and approach that mom to see if they can hang out at the pool or something next week. Or ask other moms if anyone wants to go out for lunch or supper (open invite to anyone interested) after practice. Sometimes it takes a little time out of gym together for kids to bond. She will make friends if she is kind and supportive to other kids of all levels...

I have been around long enough to know when they aren't drilling a skill and trust me, they are not drilling these girls for kips. But the kip is not the point, just the example. My DD is being told one thing and in reality is doing another. That is the problem. If there is something she needs to work on. TELL US. If she is not moving up, TELL US. What I just got in reply was that because she had not competed a 36AA she would probably not do well at level 4. However, she only competed 2 meets before moving to this gym and one would hope that she improved enough over the coarse of the year to no longer be judging her on her meet scores from 6 months ago.

 

[Midwestmommy]

How old is she? If she is 7 or 8 I would definitely say just relax, it will come.... It's not always looking at the skills, sometimes it's the strength and flexibility. Sometimes it's the shoulder flexibity they are working on so she can be do handsprings and other skills properly. Sometimes it's consistently getting that "hollow" position so she is well prepared once she is ready to advance to more difficult bar skills. Some coaches are better than others at communicating this stuff to parents. If she is under 10, I really do recommend letting it go and trying to trust the coaches. Levels 3,4,5 aren't really written in stone, many gyms will have them score out of four or five at some date in the future, so try not to get hung up on level she is competing. If she is getting good hours at the gym (is she?) for her age, and I know this is hard to hear, just let the coaches place her where they think she should be for competing. All these things are much easier when there is better communication, but that really isn't the norm unfortunately. I don't really buy the 36AA, my guess is that it is really other things they are trying to work on with her in practice. Maybe there are some flexibility things or a few strength exercises they would like her to work on at home, I would ask about that rather than challenging them on her placement at this point. I do feel for you though, I really do. It is one of the first big moments of celebration to not have to see that darn mill circle and front hip circle again.....!!! But it will happen, it will. Patience. My advice is go to go on a walk, go buy a new pair of shoes, try not to dwell on it, tell her to enjoy the process for this first full competition year at new gym...

 

[IreneKa]

I wouldn't be happy with the situation you are describing either. Schedule a private meeting with the HC and discuss your concerns.

 

[3rd_time_around]

I have been around long enough to know when they aren't drilling a skill and trust me, they are not drilling these girls for kips. But the kip is not the point, just the example. My DD is being told one thing and in reality is doing another. That is the problem. If there is something she needs to work on. TELL US. If she is not moving up, TELL US. What I just got in reply was that because she had not competed a 36AA she would probably not do well at level 4. However, she only competed 2 meets before moving to this gym and one would hope that she improved enough over the coarse of the year to no longer be judging her on her meet scores from 6 months ago.

UGH! I hate that reasoning, that she needs a 36 AA. No she doesn't. USAG only requires a 31 AA to move up to the next level, so that is a requirement being set by the gym. And not necessary. Many girls do not score 36s in level 4 and they get to move on to level 5 and higher where they do just fine.

 

[Ariekannairb]

I emailed the coach today. I don't want to switch gyms or anything so we need to work this out. I changed tactics from being upset about it to asking the coach to give us some specifics on what she needs. That has gotten me a friendlier response and I feel like we are getting somewhere with finding out where DD stands. That is really all I wanted to begin with.

I do think the coach is a "score" coach. I get that, it is her style and we knew that coming in, but I guess it had a different effect on me once I realized how it was going to effect my DD. Right now, I am cautiously optimistic that we can get the coaches input on what needs to be improved and move forward. Time will tell.

 

[Ariekannairb]

Level isn't really so important to me. It is just the boredom gauge I am using. Level 3 is boring. The skills are boring, the routines are boring and since she has mastered them enough to move on, she is ready. I am afraid another level 3 season would just kill her love of the sport and I don't want that.

 

[wheezy]

You'll get more bees with honey than vinegar. Coaches close up to 'angry' parents.

 

[SignHere]

However, I will say, even though there is only a 31 AA required to move up and Level 3 isn't required, a lot of the Floor and Balance beam skills are building blocks for Level 4. A girl who is scores less than a 36 AA in Level 3 likely does Not have the basic FORM that will allow her to score well enough in Level 4. Her coaches also may have concerns about her strength on bars or other issues . I agree, it's frustrating, sometimes I wish coaches would just tell the parent!

 

[Ariekannairb]

Weirdest meeting ever. About halfway through practice. DD is pulled aside and asked why she is in the level 3 training group. She says, you always put me here so I just assumed that is where I needed to go. The coach tells her no, that she needs to be in the level 4 group from now on. At this point there have been too many rotations to so she finishes with the level 3's so as not to repeat a rotation.

After practice, I meet with the coach, the coach says something to the effect of "I had no idea she had been training with level 3 all this time. I know that she was moved to another group a few times because we were short a coach, but she most definitely should have been training with the level 4's". I didn't say this, but she had been training with the level 3's because she was being physically moved to the level 3 line! She even asked the assistant head coach one day about and was told by that coach she didn't know why she was being put with the level 3 girls. I have no idea if the HC really didn't realize that for 6 practices in a row DD was trained with the level 3 girls or if she is flat out lying to save face. I don't know and I really don't care. We were both told last night that DD is NOT to train with the level 3 group again and she went as far as to name off the girls that she should be training with.

 

[ladybird]

Thank goodness this has been cleared up!

 

[IreneKa]

Glad it worked out!

 

[Ariekannairb]

I just need to add that it was the HC herself that was moving DD to the level 3 line. I need some validation that it is weird that she would say she didn't realize it was happening. Like I said. I don't really even care at this point but really?

 

[Seeker]

It is weird. But I would just leave it be and hope that she does well in the L4 group.

 

[Committed]

Sounds strange! Glad it worked out!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

I would chalk it up to a fortuitous Volte-face, and let HC walk away with dignity, you and she know what was going on but you have the outcome you wanted however it happened so move on with a happy heart

 

[gymdog]

Had your daughter worked with the head coach before?

 

[gracyomalley]

Let it go for now, but file it away - this kind of stuff can be just a oversight - or a way of chronically saying one thing and doing another - which can really mess with the kids heads as they get older. We finally moved DD from a gym with that kind of issue - better to be told upfront that you aren't ready to do L4 full time then to hear that you are amazing for years - but see that you aren't, etc once you are older...

 

[Ariekannairb]

Had your daughter worked with the head coach before?

Yes, she was always with the group that was with the HC and the AHC.

I am not going to push it any further. Like you all said, I got the outcome that I was looking for and for the moment, I am just going to let the rest of it slide. I have become friends with another parent there who was able to "translate" the communication I was getting into something a little more understandable. She agrees that the whole thing was weird, but helped me deal with it in a way that would cause no problems with the HC. Like I said, the whole thing wasn't about me forcing a level 4 move (though that was what I was hoping for) but the confusion of being told one thing but doing another. My guess is the coach is trying to save face, and I can make a million speculations as to why DD was being put in the level 3 group but none of that benefits my DD. I am just pleased to see her have a shot at getting the skills she needs to level up. At this point, it is up to her to grab the opportunity and go for it.