If you had to do it over again...would you change anything?

[MdGymMom01]

I thought this would be an interesting topic for discussion. Knowing what you know now, would you change anything with the choices that you made for your dds and this sport of gymnastics?

For me, when dd was 6 and asked to join the cheer team, I wish I would have had the insight to research area gyms more. I went into it blindly and the coaching method that the gym used wasn't in my dd's best interest. We left after two years there, but i feel like most of the damage had already been done with her mentally and in regards to her fear issues developing .

I also might have considered staying with gymnastics instead of her joining cheer, but I do feel like the cheer experience helped with her personality growth and showmanship out on the floor.

 

[Empowered]

Oh my would I ever! When my daughter was just 7 and about to be moved onto the L4 team at our local gym, I took her for a tryout at a very highly regarded gym that was about 45 minutes away from the house.

They offered her a spot on their pre-team and said they felt she'd move up with their level 4's in a couple months. The coach said she was powerful and should have her robhs within a couple weeks and would do really well.

We chose to stay at the local gym... cut to 6 months down the line when my daughter started competing L4 with no robhs because they just hadn't trained it yet. It was a waste of 6 months. At that point there wasn't an opportunity to get into the good gym, so we chose another gym that was a compromise in the middle of the two and for those of you who've read my posts that's the gym that we're having so many problems with. Because it had to be such a quick move in the middle of a competition season I didn't have the time to do the legwork and fully research the gym.

So now my daughter is trying out with that original highly competitive gym who only has 2 spots open and we just have to hope they see enough in her to put her on their team.

Had we just made the move though when it was originally offered to us, we wouldn't be dealing with any of this... sigh. Hindsight is definitely awesome isn't it?

I would say the one positive to all of this though is that my daughter has really developed that thick skin you need to be a gymnast. She's learned that gyms change, coaches change, teammates come and go and that she needs to be in the sport because she wants it, not because her friend wants her to do it. Gymnastics is a totally independent thing for her.

 

[10.0]

Not with DD, but myself. Not that I could have actually changed much as I was a child and believe me I tried. Gymnastics was my life, and not to brag on myself too much but I was talented. My Dad worked and my Mom was one of those "unsupportive" types that has a whole thread to it's self. She made me quit so we could save money to move, which I do understand but then after we moved and settled in she did not let me re-join until 2 years of baggering her and then she promptly made me quit because she didn't care for the 10 minute commute ( I laugh when I see the commutes people on CB make for their gymmnies.)

Years later my father informed me that he was willing to do ANYTHING for me, that he knew I had talented and was prepared to move for my training and find a way to pay but my Mom wasn't into it. I know folks have to make the right decisions for themselves I just wish they either would have let me go for it or wouldn't have given me a glimpse of what could have been. Although I have forgiven my Mom I am resentful to this day. Word of advice when the time comes you know when gymnastics turns from recreation to a serious sport make you choice carefully.

 

[MaryA]

Mmmm... yes and no. I had no idea that my daughter would stick with gymnastics or that she would be any good at it. It was nothing I had ever done... in fact, my flexibility has always been embarassingly minimal. Plus, she and her sister had been changing activities about every 4 months... a session of ice skating lessons, a session of dance... so how was I to know that she'd actually stick with gymnastics? The Y (walking distance from our house, cheap) seemed like the place to do it.

A year after she made the team, there was a big nasty "to-do" having to do with the coaches... I still don't understand exactly what happened. But the two coaches that she (and I) LOVED ended up leaving. They're now coaching an hour from where we live.

I sometimes wish that I had either started Kathy at the more serious gym in town (not walking distance like the Y, but not too far either), or else switched her over when the whole coaching fiasco happened. I am often unhappy with the coaching or with the way kids are treated or with the way things are organized.

On the other hand, Kathy is thriving and is totally devoted to her team and to her coaches. What's to say that she wouldn't have gotten burned-out in a more intense environment? The private team is HUGE, with something like 20 level 5's. Also, the girls on the private team are not allowed to be on the highschool team, while the YMCA coaches encourage it. At this point I think that, if Kathy sticks with it, she'll get to be a real hotshot on the high school team. She certainly will never be in the olympics and it's highly unlikely that she will compete NCAA in college, so why not let her have the fun of being on the high school gymnastics team where she'll get to be in the homecoming parade and wear a school jacket and get her name mentioned on the announcements in the morning, you know?

I wish for the perfect gym... a nurturing environment with good equiptment and adequate hours (but not excessive hours) for her to hone her skills (currently she goes 6 hours a week at level 5). I wish for coaches with positive attitudes and consistant rules about who moves up when. But I don't want my daughter to be cut from the team because we have to be out of town for one meet (one mom just switched her daughter from the private gym to the Y because of this) and I want her to be able to compete in highschool if she wants to.

So, hindsight being 20/20, would I do anything differently? I honestly have no idea! For now, there is some talk about the coaches who left the Y coming back and opening their own gym, but whether that will happen in a time frame where it would be a possibility for us, I don't know. Right now I'm trying to keep a "if you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with" attitude about it.

 

[sportzmomov3]

This is an interesting topic. I am a firm believer that good or bad, everything in your life happens for a reason. The gym my DD is now at may not have suited her earlier in her career. She herself says that she might not be the gymnast she is today had she not had other experiences before current gym that opened her eyes along the way - to what should not be, could be. At moments yes, I thought, "what if she had moved to gym b earlier?..." But in the end, she's made friends along the way she still stays in touch with, had experiences that were happy and memorable, and I know that it was all for a reason that we didn't start at current gym. So no, even knowing what I know now, I wouldn't change anything that we've done for DD. But I am a little more knowledgable now than when we first started and for this, I am glad!

 

[flipper's fan]

I really don't think I should have done anything differently. There have been times when I thought or wished she was in a more competetive gym or that stricter or better coaching might have made a difference between middle of the pack or top tier but that was me. She has always been very loyal to her gyms and her coaches and would not want to move. She had a chance to choose from several gyms right before optionals and she chose the gym most like the one she had been in even though I would have chosen a different one. I'm so glad I went with her option because the one I would have chosen would have turned out badly.

 

[gymgurl]

I would jump at it!

I started the sport at 5 when i had shown natural aptitude at home mucking around (i am pretty sure i could do a good cartwheel before i could read well - i.e make it through a picture book) I was at the schools gymnastics program - which was really just awful they had no bars, two beams (one floor height, one about 85-90cm for about 12 girls on a rotation and pretty bad coaches by the next year i was placed in the advanced group and got my round off pretty easily after about 4 years of this i moved to a club about 40mins from school and trained one day a week in level 1 but because bars was such a weakness i couldn't compete the next year i had all my skills for level 2 and was asked to train twice a week - mother refused, but by the time comp season came....I had broken my arm and when i was given the ok to go back the gym the gym had closed down for reasons beyond my control i quit. I wish i never did and moved to the other gym. I would be around level 7 maybe 8 if i didn't repeat a level by now if i didn't quit. So nothing regarding the actual gym just quitting but I am so glad i started again!

 

[Deanna]

Well, I cant say at this point i would have done anything different. I do wish that we had not had to move as often as we did. She just turned 5 in Aug and she has been in 3 gyms. But these were physical moves, not only gym moves.
We have been truely blessed for her to be a member at 3 wonderful gyms. Who all had/have loving, careing, supporting staff. They all acknowledged her abilities from day one at each place, and put her in the proper classes to help push her to the next level in a loving supporting way. They never try to push her beyond her means, but support her yearning to learn more and to keep progressing.
Im sure in time as she gets higher in levels (if she stays in gym..she has made mention a few times about wanting to be a cheerleader..although she says, not now..later, when she is a big girl. But then she talks about getting to do the stuff that the big girls do in gymnastics too..lol). Im sure there will be things that later in hindsight, will make me say "ah hah".
For now, Im just reading and absorbing all the things everyone here says, their experiences, and im filing them away to hopefully put to good use later down the road, no matter what path she decides to take

 

[Crystalflipz]

Wow that is a really tough question! Hindsight is always 20/20 and as a parent, I can look back at lots of things that I could have changed, but then who is to say how my girls would have turned out? We have been at the same gym for over 18 years now, so 4 Star has become our extended home. That's not to say that things have been smooth sailing all the time, in any extended relationship there will be good and bad, and you just have to work through it. Looking back, I really don't think I would do things differently. Even though they are not super-talented, both of my girls have always gotten tremendous support from their coaches, and have always been encouraged to do their best. Could they have done better if we had picked up and moved them somewhere farther from home to a "more competitive" program that had TOPS and regularly turns out L10 and elite gymnasts. Maybe, but more likely between the extended travel time and the extra costs - there is no "volume" discount in gymnastic for having 2 girls on team - we all would have burned out eventually. Caileigh was L6 Md State Vault champ, L6 2nd AA and is the first from our gym to go to college planning on competing NCAA gymnastics. Emily has worked through missing an entire season due to mono and asthma, and is just now coming back from ACL reconstruction and her coaches have always been wonderfully supportive, which is why Em is still in gymnastics. I'm just not sure I could ask for much more than that, so no I probably would not change anything.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Great topic for a thread MdGymMom! Very thought provoking. I have asked myself this question quite a few times over the years. And I have to say it took me a while to finally have my answer.

My DD loved to tumble from the minute she learned to walk. Although she showed signs of 'early talent', she never had Olympic or even college level gymnastic dreams. She just loved to jump, tumble & flip! We took it one day at a time. Day after day turned into year after year. That is what she's being doing for the past 11yrs, taking it day by day. Sometimes it has brought her awards & titles. Other times it has brought her frustration, pain & heartache.

My DD is 15yrs old now & with all of these ups & downs, she still loves gymnastics! So I guess she has done ok with the choices that were made. That's not to say that there haven't been bumps in the road. Some things have happened that we had no control over, coaches leaving, new coaches coming in, etc. And I would love to erase my DD's fear issues completely. But of the things we had some say in, choices to make, honestly...at this point...I don't think we should have done anything different.

Certainly there have been times when I thought that maybe I made a mistake keeping her at the same gym for most of career. Here fear issues have been an ongoing problem. But she didn't want to switch, so I didn't force her. And none of her other gym choice would have been "perfect" either. Now I think my DD's fear issues would have caused her a problem no matter what gym she was at. Some coaches deal with them better then others. So she works with the coaches at her gym that are good with fear issues. It keeps her progressing at her own pace & she's ok with that. And because it is HER sport I'm ok with it too.

She's in highschool now & she won't be competing gymnastics in college. Her time in this sport is winding down. She is fit, happy & healthy. Enjoys her practices & meets. She's social & fun loving. Just a joy to be around! How many parents can say that about their teenagers??? And she loves her teammates like sisters, after all they have grown up together! They are like family to us. She is a mentally & physically healthy well adjusted teenager!!! What else could a parent ask for??? I'm very proud of the young lady my DD has become. And her participation in the sport of gymnastics has helped form who she is today. She has gotten so much more out of this sport then we ever anticipated when we signed her up for her 1st "Tumble Tots" class.

Could she have gone further in the sport had I forced her to switch gyms? Who knows? She could have just as easily hated the other gym & quit the sport totally. It was a gamble I guess. And I didn't want to gamble with my DD's happiness.

I think the journey that my DD has taken in this sport IS the journey she was meant to take. All the ups & downs have helped to shape who she is now. Nope I don't think I'd change a thing.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Very insightful and honest answers everyone!! I often think about the "what ifs" of what would of happened if I made different choices, but many of you hit on the fact that our choices (good or bad) are what shape us and our kids and make them who they are today.

I often think about what if I had moved dd to a different cheer gym sooner, would she still have fear issues? And although her first competitive cheer experience was tough and strict, it was good in a way because it taught her early on about discipline, hard work, determination and never give up on your dreams even when your coach may not even believe in you. Sometimes you have to take risks which sometimes do and don't pay off. But you always learn from them.

I now have learned about what types of coaches I want my dd around and I know what characteristics in coaches to look for that bring out the best in my dd. Sometimes experiencing a negative or challenging time helps you decide what you do want and it makes it all clearer. It also makes it easier to step back and take a look at the big picture to re-evaluate things.

 

[emandelsmom]

I don't think I would. I would research more about the time and hours invovled in the sport. But I love how my children are growing. I love how athletic they are and I adore their coaches.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

you all have great attitudes!

 

[kevchriswilli]

great thread.... My friends and I talk about this all the time...lol If I would of known the cost, time and commitment it takes.. I'm not sure what I would of done honestly. That being said.. I do love the way J excelled in this sport. She loves this crazy sport with all her heart. As far as her path, we spent 2 years at a rec gym and loved the coaches.. but sometimes I have othen wondered about how far she would be if put a competitive gym from the start.. then again she might of not of fell in love with it if she would of been pushed harder. She is in a good spot right now and I am so thankful for a happy healthy daughter and who knows what the future holds...

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

It is tough to tell if you would of did anything differently. Daughter has been in a pretty competitive gym from young age, she started at 5 and was on the team by 7. I have gotten used to the ups and downs and are generally pretty happy with her gym and her coaches. I often wonder if she started with more of recreaction team or y team if she would have had a chance to do more things and be happier. But she loves gymnastics, loves her gym and coaches so I quess I did the right thing. I am glad that when she goes through phases when she talks about quitting or becomes frustrated trying to get skills that I encouraged her to stick with it because she has so far gotten over these periods and goes right back to loving gymnastics. I wonder about so many of the other girls who were her former teammates if there parents did the same would they still be in the sport. I have seen so many of them quit that were really talented and that daughter was real close to. I do wonder if daughter did not do gymnastics would she have found another sport that she was this passionate about or would she have gotten the maturity or confidence that gymnastics has given her.

 

[lilgymmie7]

In retrospect and now since older DD has been out of gym for almost 5 years, I would say I would have changed some very important things. First of all, I would not have allowed her to stay at a gym for reasons that suited my needs. I would definitely have looked out for her well being completely. Second, I would not have relied on her coaches words, but talked to DD more about various things. As a gymnast myself, I was so thrilled for DD to have Russian coaches because I had wanted to have the same thing when I was in gymnastics. I put far too much stock in what they said to me, and didn't factor in the impact that these words had on her, DD.
I was too consumed with work and life and basically had DD listen to people who were and still are not"right". The Lord knows how guilty I feel over all of that. However, DD has only good things to say about gymnastics, and that is impart due to the many other great coaches she was lucky to have after she left the first "Nut Ball" coaches. It's really unfortunate that they are still out there doing the same old same-o to many unsuspecting families and young minds.
It is due to this reason that I am very vigilant with little DD. Like her sister she has talent, but unlike her sister this one is so full of gumption. She has always been very well mannered, but she also knows how to handle herself. And she does tell me so much more than her older sis did. However, I am vigilant that she doesn't go through the same kind of mental abuse all for the sake of gymnastics. I will do anything to support her in this sport, but I certainly will not sell her soul to the devil! She will have the sport and not the other way around.
I am sure this post wasn't meant for giving advice, but here goes. Parents watch your child's mental well being while in this sport or any sport. There are some coaches that for the sake of making a name for themselves or whatever, will sacrifice your child- talented or not.
Older DD was breathtaking to watch do gymnastics. She wasn't always the first to get a skill, but she was the hardest working gymnast. Those "crazies" used her passion against her if you ask me and broke her down. It took a long time for her to come back after leaving them, but in the end we had to force her to quit because I feared she could have broken way down beyond repair. Kids are so precious, and not everyone is out there to be a helping hand to them. We as the parents should always see that as our main priority. If you ask DD right now what sport she would like to do, she will without a doubt say gymnastics. She still loves it, but she does realize that she needed to pull out when she did. I hope I haven't gone in an opposite direction.

 

[KKMOMMY]

wow, a good question.. my daughter has been doing gymnastics since she was 3. we picked a gym that was close to home. she had a few friends that went to that gym from school, but was not on team, but ok.. last year, she was having a hard time with one of her coaches, and at 7 yrs old, begged me to go to another gym. of course i realized she wanted to go to a gym that constantly in the last 4 yrs, have won level4,5,6 state championships.. we tried it out.. i realized and explained to her, that in life, she is not only going to like people, but must learn to accept them for who they are , and coaches, are not your mommy, or friend, they are like your teacher in school.. if you have a problem, you just cant just go to another school.. since then, i have explained to her, that if her coach, didnt correct her all the time, than she didnt really care about you performance.. her coach had a week off vacation, and she missed her so much. , she is in a gym with not many team gymnasts, but do produce level 10 gymnasts, and they are so close, and has taught her to be a caring, and well behaved child,, unlike my crazy son.lol... so my advice is to you, is not go with the winners.. go with the gym that makes you feel like family, because you spend alot of time there. your childs happiness is important today, and not years down the road..

 

[gymmom14]

If I had it to do all over again, I would have went to school to by a SPORTS PSYCHOLOGIST! This way I could talk dd down from the ledge! lol

 

[Granny Smith]

When I think back from this current point, my answer would be no - I wouldn't change a single thing that "I" have done. DD has been at the same gym from day 1 and we have now been there over 10 years. DD is a freshman in HS and will be competing L9 this year. She has a bright future, she's doing well in school, she is holding her own in the gym and she has made life-long friends. She is also very grounded and she knows that success, however you judge it, is only capable through hard work. Her work ethic is amazing. She was never the "chosen-child" gymnast, but has always shined in her own way.

I do believe that her gym is one of the more stressful environment-type gyms where you perform or you get by-passed, it's not for the weak at heart. She has been able to keep up in that environment, actually thrive and be successful. She is a confident young lady, inside and outside of the gym. As you can see I am very proud of her.

I have blind faith in the coaches that they do their jobs and know what's best and for the most part they have not steered my child wrong. I feel good that I have stood my ground on certain issues with the HC through the years, well actually only 3 times over 10 yrs - which I think is pretty good. I have only stepped in for what I believe are "serious" issues.

Although I have blind faith in the coaches, I am very knowledgeable. I know a lot about the sport and so if something were to appear off, I would know what's going on. I may not necessarily act upon it, but I'd know. I pay way too much money to be "a clueless consumer."

So, although I wouldn't change a thing that "I've" ever done, I can provide a short list of what I would of like to seen done differently from her coaches.... guess I'll just keep them to myself as things have worked out not too shabby thus far!

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

I wouldn't change a thing about DD's journey in the gym thus far.

Now, in my own life there are some decisions I wish I could have a "do over" for.