Parents Immature 6 year old

[Wanona]

I have a 6-year-old daughter who was born premature. We put her in a gymnastics class just before her 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] birthday to help with balance and coordination. She loved the class and it really helped her develop her motor skills. She is in a recreational level 2 program once a week for an hour and has a private session weekly with a team coach. She has some raw talent; the problem is she is immature. Her coach told me that she has the skills for pre-team, but not the maturity. She also said that competitive gymnastics isn’t for everyone. Are there any other parents who have experienced this and do you have any advice? Thanks!

 

[gymgal]

my gymmie dd is not in this boat but I have an 8yr old ds who has always been significantly immature for his age. He's in swimming and it wasn't until this past year that we noticed the maturity emerging. He is beginning to have an internal drive to do well at his meets and is listening better to his coaches. Sometimes you just have to wait it out. If the coach doesn't feel your dd is ready to handle team but you think this might be something she will want to do in the future, then I would continue with the private lessons and take a watch-and-wait perspective. With the privates, she should be able to gain many of the skills she will need to move to team eventually.

The coach is right that team isn't for everyone but if it truly is a maturity issue, I would give your dd more time before making that decision. And she is old enough to begin talking to her about maturity and what is needed to get on team. If it is something she really wants to do, and she knows what is expected of her to get to that level, then she may be able to make it happen. But if she truly doesn't care, then it's better to just let her discover it in her own time.

 

[Wanona]

Thanks so much for your response! I think you're right in that we're in a "wait and see" time. I'm hoping that maturity will win out and she will find that internal drive to do her best.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

here we go again. tell the coach thank you very much for their insightful and obvious evaluation OF YOUR 6 YEAR OLD. tell that coach you'll be back after putting your 6 YEAR OLD KID in a wilderness camp, boot camp, branch of the military, etc;

geesh............................................... stupid coach..............................

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

Hmmmm... so do you find that she seems immature? what about at school, is it a problem there? or in other activities? Part of me agrees with Dunno, she is 6 years old. DD started gym a week after her sixth birthday and her focus was all over the place when in the gym - like most of the other 6 year olds.

Kids vary in their focus, work ethic and determination. Ds found his internal drive when he was around 7-8 years old and has been very focused in his gym training ever since. DD at 7-8 years was not nearly as focused as Ds was, and honestly I doubt she ever will be.

It's true that competitive gymnastics is not for everyone. What I have also learnt is that just because your child shows talent or promise at a sport does not mean that they have to join team and do that sport competitively. DS started swimming lessons as a 4 year old, because I wanted him to learn to swim, mainly for safety reasons. When he was 8 yrs old he was invited to join the clubs competitive swim team. Ds said he could not think of anything worse than spending hours doing laps of the pool. I'll admit that my initial reaction (which I kept from him) was to be disappointed that he was turning down this opportunity. When I stepped back and thought about it though I realised that I had initally enrolled him in swimming to learn to swim - and he had indeed learnt to swim. So even though he didn't want to join team, he had achieved what I had wanted him to from swimming lessons.

My point is that even if your DD never makes gymnastics team the time she has spent will have still improved her balance and coordination and there will be many other benefits from her time spent training as well.
I would continue with the rec class and private lesson and wait and see, a few months can make a lot of difference to a kids attitude and behaviour.
If team is something that your DD really wants to do I would also consider having a chat with the coach about what she would need to achieve in terms of maturity to make team. Sometimes having definite and clearly stated expectations can help a kid focus on what is needed.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

My twins were born at 29 weeks. They are now 11. They started gymnastics at 3, my DD loved it right away but DS clung to me like they were taking him away forever. (Yes, I realize 3 and 6 are a huge gap). For school, if I could have found a way of keeping DS home another year, I would have... Every child is different, and maturity is one of those things that develops differently. Not sure that their being premature affected this one way or the other, as compared to my other DD who was fullterm (also was a competitive gymnast).

Just curious as to what your coach thinks is "immature" about your 6 yr old. Is she impatient about standing in line or waiting her turn? HELLO, she's 6! As for competitive gymnastics, it's not for everyone. Even a kid with "raw talent" may not enjoy the seriousness and commitment needed for team. If she is having fun in her rec class, I wouldn't stress too much about it.

 

[kimskids]

LOL Dunno!!! True that some people forget that 6 year old will usually act 6!! Most kids at that age are not going to be perfect little angels! Probably in the next year or two you will see a vast change in her ability to stay focused, etc. If you want to take the competitive route with her it definitely will not be too late then.

 

[jen1957]

My daughter was 4 when she start gym and stayed in rec classes until after she turned 8. She's always been a happy, talkative and silly kid, that's just her personality. Sometime between 7 and 8 is when she started becoming more focused. In fact, her coach recently commended her on the improvement in her focus over the past couple of months since she joined team. If gymnastics is indeed your DD's thing, she'll become more focused and less immature when she's ready. Like others have said, it just takes time.

 

[gymgal]

Dunno and kimskids,
Most parents do not "label" their children immature unless it is pretty significant. I highly doubt the original poster is talking about typical 6yr old behavior. And I would also give more credit to the coach. I am sure he/she has dealt with lots of preschool age kids and knows what falls outside the realm of typical behavior. The coaches in this gym have known this little girl for 3 yrs. They are likely basing their advice on a long standing pattern.

Dunno- as a coach, can't you look at a 5-7yr old rec class and pick out who is ready for a team atmosphere and who will likely never be ready? Generalities here. Obviously there are always kids that surprise you.

Edit- not saying this little girl cant/wont make team. Just saying that I would trust the coaches to know if/when she is ready. And the assumption is that its an attention issue but it could be emotional maturity too. Not handling falls well, etc. We don't have all the info.

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[wallinbl]

Kids mature at different rates. No big deal. DD was invited to team before she was mentally ready. First year was a lot of fooling around. Second year was significantly more focused and really successful. Same kid, one year later. Maybe she matured, maybe she got used to team. Who knows. But, to say "competition isn't for everyone" over a 6 year old is nuts.

 

[Danica76]

First of all, welcome! Secondly, I don't know the specifics, but understand your concerns. My DD started rec gymnastics right before she turned 6 and ended up on pre-team, then team about 6 months later (was she ready, probably not, but it doesn't matter now). She wanted to take gymnastics and I wanted her to have an outlet for her abundant energy, get some physical activity and socialize with peers her age. For the next few years, she was literally all over the place at the gym. Rolling and flopping on mats, jumping up and down in line, cartwheeling when she was supposed to be listening to directions, etc...very frustrating. But, that is definitely part of her personality. Focus has never been her strong point. BUT, she turned 8 this past Dec. and I have seen a vast difference in her behavior and ability to focus at gym and at school. Is she still silly and bouncy? She sure is. But it has gotten a lot better. And she loves gym. Give your DD some time. As PP have said, kids mature at different rates. DD's coach always tells me that my DD still needs to mature some and that things just take a bit longer to click for her because of it. Your DD's coach will know when/if she's ready and she will let you know if she wants to pursue gymnastics more seriously. Hang in there

 

[gym law mom]

I would want clarification about what this coach sees as "immaturity." Does your dd behave differently in her private lesson than in her group class?
She may really like all of the 1:1 attention of the private and has not quite adjusted to how to handle the group.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Dunno and kimskids,
Most parents do not "label" their children immature unless it is pretty significant. I highly doubt the original poster is talking about typical 6yr old behavior. And I would also give more credit to the coach. I am sure he/she has dealt with lots of preschool age kids and knows what falls outside the realm of typical behavior. The coaches in this gym have known this little girl for 3 yrs. They are likely basing their advice on a long standing pattern.

Dunno- as a coach, can't you look at a 5-7yr old rec class and pick out who is ready for a team atmosphere and who will likely never be ready? Generalities here. Obviously there are always kids that surprise you.

Edit- not saying this little girl cant/wont make team. Just saying that I would trust the coaches to know if/when she is ready. And the assumption is that its an attention issue but it could be emotional maturity too. Not handling falls well, etc. We don't have all the info.

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here's what i know. this is what's wrong with youth sports. i give a hoot if the kids are premature births or not. they're 6. they're all immature to some degree and all have different personalities. and obviously there may be physical deficiencies due to being born premature and that is a valid concern and must be addressed in a professional manner regarding what gymnastics path is best to take. but immature? so tell me, what does that mean?? you don't think i have immature 14 year olds who are on "team" and are successful level 10's? you don't think they exist anywhere in gymnastics to a certain age. gimme a break...

the only thing that consistently surprises me about kids is how much they love teachers and how much they want to please us all. that's all.

 

[kimskids]

I agree.....my daughter just turned 10 and there are all types she works out with. Some are definitely more focused than others, some work harder than others, some cry easier than others, and some listen better than others. Hard to know what is immaturity and what is personality. There is a big difference in a 6 year old and even an 8 year old.

 

[shelovestoflip]

"the only thing that consistently surprises me about kids is how much they love teachers and how much they want to please us all. that's all" (this was Dunno's quote...don't know why it didn't come through on my reply!

I think that is 100% true. Kids generally want to please their teachers/their coaches/ the adults in their world. So, I'd say if the original poster likes the coach and the kid likes the coach then stick with it....you six year old will benefit from a good relationship while learning balance and coordination and focus! That will translate to the classroom and your child's teacher's will be thankful.

I'm a teacher and I always recommend to parents that they sign their kid up for the rec class at the gym down the street...it's full of kids from my school...I think I should get a cut.... And when I see a kid that can get themselves across the monkey bars at age 6, I tell the parents watch out....they will be recruited for the team! To have that strength at 6 is impressive!

 

[gymgal]

Only the original poster can answer questions about how maturity plays a part in her dds gymnastics and what the coach really meant with the team comment.

BTW, there is a HUGE difference between an immature 14 acting like an 11 yr old and a 6 yr old acting like a 3-4 year old in terms of being on a team, attending to directions, understanding safety rules, handling failure, etc. I work with young kids with special needs who exhibit maturity issues as well. So I guess I am just coming into this discussion from a different perspective.


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[Wanona]

Hi... I'm the original poster and you all raise some good points. When I think about behaviors that are immature, they don’t seem out of the range for a 6 year old. In her Kindergarten class, she is somewhere in the middle on the maturity range. In her gymnastics class, there are about 3 really focused and serious 6 year olds. Some days my daughter is silly and just wants to have fun and not work on the hard skills. Other days she works hard and nails it (at least once). All days she is loving and has her own unique personality. There's not a lot of interaction between the parents and the coaches, but from my observations she and my daughter work well together. This conversation I had with the coach that led to this post was our first. Thanks so much everyone for helping me put this in perspective.

 

[emorymom]

I think you have the following options:
(1) Keep on as you are, and wait for her to be invited to preteam when she is older. You may want to have more specific discussions with the coach about what behaviors she will have to lose to get on preteam.
(2) Push for her to get on preteam now, with her agreement not to do the behaviors the coach is concerned about.
(3) Have her evaluated elsewhere.

I agree with dunno, and I suspect that the problem is not really HER but her+current preteam group. They may have gotten the various immaturities of the current pre-team down to a dull roar, and are worried that adding your daughter's personality to the mix will shake things up again.

 

[gymboymom]

I agree with the above poster. Sometimes it isn't specifically about you child but the dynamics of the group of children they have. Ds does great in his team group ( he is the youngest) but add in a few more young silly boys and he is right with them. He is also in kindergarten.

 

[Neelysmom]

I too have a 6yo that acts immaturely at practice. She has raw talent, unbelievable upper body strength. However, she cannot focus in practice: can't stand in line, whines if she's not 1st, etc. drives me crazy. We've pulled her off team for now because she was crying before practice, not wanting to go. Her common complaint is its too hard. Hopefully we can get past this. She has stayed in a rec tumbling class. These posts have helped me understand that I'm not the only one