Parents Is this common? Is it a problem?

[duyetanh]

To play devil advocate....I guess we could theorize why coaches do this if all the girls know.....

 

[raenndrops]

I can't imagine (in American culture, anyway - I'm very familiar with another culture in which this would not be unusual) a teacher at school announcing that Bob got the highest score on the math test or that Jill drew the best picture today.

I actually had a math teacher in high school that pointed out (once) that I had the highest score on a quiz (by 10% over the next highest), not just in our class, but in all her geometry classes.
It never happened again, lol.

 

[sce]

There is a big difference between Having Susie demonstrate her skill, to show the group what the coach is already asking for and belittling kids by saying, "You are not doing it right, Susie is so much better at this than you ... " making kids feel bad is not motivating.

 

[suebee]

There is a big difference between Having Susie demonstrate her skill, to show the group what the coach is already asking for and belittling kids by saying, "You are not doing it right, Susie is so much better at this than you ... " making kids feel bad is not motivating.

Yes. I should clarify that it is my impression from dd that when a girl's X skill is being pointed out as best, it is not done as a teaching method, like having the girl demonstrate the skill and the coach pointing out that see how she does this particular thing? That really helps her do something else that makes this skill really good.

It is my impression that it's more of a, "Susie has the best kip!" and what's unspoken but implied is,"You all who are not Susie are not as good as she is, so work harder," even though working hard may not be the issue. I don't think the coaches are belittling, based on what dd has said, but I suspect they are trying to use it as motivation. I just question whether this technique is helpful for that. But maybe that's because my own kid is a hard worker and motivation is not the issue when she is not great at a skill.

I think this is why this bugs me. But she's not bugged. I was just curious. A while back, I saw some gymnastics clip on YouTube, where a coach and some of his gymnasts were interviewed, and they said it was common for the coach to tell them, "Susie got her X! Are you going to let Susie be better than you? You need to get your X!" And the gymnasts felt that was motivating for them, where as I just found it sort of off-putting. I didn't realize until a few days ago that dd was experiencing something similar.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I can see both sides of this. A lot of it is the context and how it it said. "Little Suzy come show everyone your kip for a demonstration is one thing." "Little Suzy is the ONLY one who can do this skill right and you all need to get it just like her or you're going to score horrible is another thing." I've seen it done both ways and my dd who is a wee bit sensitive wouldn't think anything of the first statement but she would be beating herself up over the second one b/c she would feel she was doing poorly.

It kind of makes you wonder how it would go if the shoe was on the other foot, "Hey coach, we don't think you are teaching this skill correctly, could you get (insert other coach name here) to come show us instead? People would think that is completely inappropriate and I know the coach is the authority figure but depending on how this technique is being used I think it can be harmful.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

And yes teachers around here do it too. DD was singled out repeatedly last year as an "example" for the rest of the class for her hard work and good grades. I think rather than making her feel accomplished or proud, it embarrassed her. And rather than motivating the other kids they just became annoyed with her. Same thing can happen between teammates, if one girl is constantly the one praised while the others are criticized, the team may start to become annoyed or resentful with the gymnast who is getting all of the positive attention and I think coaches need to be very careful to not incite these kinds of feelings, team camaraderie is so important.

 

[dani4]

I guess it happens in my daughter's gym, she has occasionally told me "i had the best x today," or, "i wasn't the best at anything today." It doesn't seem to be a problem for her. I guess as long as they don't point out who is the worst, we're ok!

I personally don't like it when it's done to me, because then i find myself obsessing about whether i am still good and why hasn't the coach said anythong to me lately. But i am in a different sport.

 

[Muddlethru]

It is better to point out the best performers than to point out the worse ones. To say someone does the skill the best is more motivating than if we point out someone does a skill so poorly. Coaches also can no longer visually show how a skill should be properly performed. Having a gymnast who does it well perform it for everyone, is a bonus. Some kids who feel they are trying hard but do not get acknowledged could get their feelings hurt. Unfortunately, that is something they have to learn to deal with.

 

[e'smum]

our head coach will have one kid perform a skill that they can do very well if he is trying to get across to the other girls what the skill should really look like. he's done that with my dd a couple of times over the years but he does it with pretty much all of them. they all have something they excel at and my dd has mentioned them all as being singled out to show how a skill looks done properly.

 

[CuriousCate]

Our coaches do this more in the form of "contests" where they say 1st place is ***, 2nd place is ***, 3rd place is *** or they give them points and then the winners get to jump in the pit. They think its fun but I wouldn't say it necessarily seems to motivate anyone to be better per se.