Parents Juggling it all

[Gymmom82773]

I am a mom of 4 kids ages 18,14,11, and 7. My oldest 3 are girls and the 18 and 11 year olds at gymnast on 2 different teams and my 14 year old daughter is a competitive dancer . I really feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. My husband is a police officer who works shift work inc every other weekend so I don't have his help all the time . I have had to send them to competitions with teammates or my mom if there are 2 things the same day . My middle daughter ( the dancer who used to be a gymnast) gets really angry about it and says hurtful things like "you don't care about me " my stress level is through the roof right now !!! I am doing the best I can . My 11 ur old goes 24 hours a week she's a level 9 stressed out trying to come back from injury so I'm trying to be there for her too and my 18 year old is preparing for college !! How does everyone juggle everything without the guilt ?? sayshurtful things to me about it

 

[Gymmom82773]

Sorry about some misspellings !! Hard to post on my phone . My 7 year old is about to start baseball to complicate things too ! Lol I just wish my 14 year old would be more understanding like her sisters

 

[htimcj]

I am so sorry you are going through a rough patch. Remember that some of it is just plain old teenage rottenness and she will get over it. But it is hard all the same. I have no advice though I only have one 1. Hang in there.

 

[Gymmom82773]

Thanks so much !! She throws in my face how her 2 dance friends moms are always there .. They don't have any sisters !! She can be downright mean and disrespectful and I told her if she doesn't shape up I'm not signing her up for summer dance . She quit gymnastics because of fear and her 11 year old sister soared past her and I am so proud of all she's accomplished w dance but it doesn't excuse her behavior IMO

 

[Sasha]

Yes, hang in there! You are doing wonderful things for your children with these opportunities and personal sacrifices. They are kids/teens and will not show appreciation and understanding until they are parents themselves someday Of course overtly disrespectful behavior should have consequences that are up to you to define, but you can't take it personally and feel defeated. You know how hard you work to give you kids everything you can. It's what we do as parents. One day they will realize it when they look back! I know I was hard on my mom as a teen, but I turned out OK I think

And I can't be at so many things because I work full time. My kids complain and are sad sometimes when other moms come and I can't, but I explain why to them, and ultimately, someday, they'll understand the sacrifices of the balancing act and hopefully be inspired by the love and hard work it all took.

Peace!

 

[Midwestmommy]

Here is the $10,000 question.... have you missed more of the dance competitions? Dance competitions are grueling for parents, and I personally would pick a 3 hour gymnstics competition over a weekend dance competition any day..... But since that is "her thing" do try to make sure you skip a gymnastics competition sometime to go to a dance comp (you probably already have, but just wanted to throw it out there), and pretend you love it! She is right, most of the other dancers' moms are there all weekend and are there to help keep track of the costumes, hair, accessories, call times, even eating properly, all in crowded dressings rooms.... it is really difficult, and it would be hard for a kid to do without their own support person there.

I am from a large family by today's standards, and to this day I remember being absolutely heartbroken that both of my parents missed a solo I did at an orchestra and band concert. I remember a music professor from our local college coming up after the concert and specifically seeking me out to say she enjoyed it. All I could think of at the time was that it was too bad my parents didn't give a damn about something I had been working up to for ten years. Jeez I still get a little ticked about it, and my parents were great, loving parents. They just goofed on that one. I agree that she should not be disrespectful or mean, but don't please forget to also hear her, she needs to be heard and to feel special. Being a middle kid in a big family is tough sometimes. If she is screaming out to feel special, how about a night out with just her or maybe just a walk together this weekend for a half hour.....

 

[krisnkids]

I'd be willing to be that the 14yo is resentful of the fact that she is no longer doing gymnastics and feels slighted that you are still going to the gym with your other dd.

I have 4 kids as well, 16, 14, 12 and 9. 16 is a ref and plays airsoft, 14 and 12 play both rec and hs soccer, 9 yo is a gymnast. Oh, and I'm a single mom w/ no family close and dad lives 7 hours away. How do I do it? Huge calendar that also coincides w/ my google calendar. If its not on the calendar then it doesn't happen. The middle two often have soccer games at the same time. I lay out the schedule, have them look at it with me and decide how we are going to make it work. Right now we are working on a problem where the 14yo has a tournament in May which is 2 hours away that the 16yo is also working. The 12yo has two games that weekend as well in our home town. Thankfully either a friend or 12yo's coach will most likely keep the 12yo while I take the others to the tournament.

I have also found that by letting the kids help keep track of the schedule they are more enlightened on how much I actually do to keep things going and getting them where they need to be.

 

[cbifoja]

As the mother of an only, I have no practical advice but just wanted to tell you that I am amazed by people like you (and other posters) who can juggle and manage multiples. I have no idea how you all do it and I admire your organizational skills and commitment to all of your kids!

 

[LizzieLac]

I like to throw tantrums and storm out of the house. When I come back, I sulk and give them the silent treatment. I believe it is behavior they can most easily relate to.

Seriously, I have told them I am doing the best I can and guilt trips are not how we express our frustrations. It is about being as fair and avalable as we can.

 

[B&M's mom]

Sorry to hear about the angst. I feel your pain and I've only got two. My youngest sounded a lot like your 14 year old. So, this year I tried to make sure that I got to as many of her events as possible. When there was a conflict, we discussed it as a family and tried to work out a compromise, sometimes I went to her meets, sometimes her sister's. I also made it a habit to drop in for an hour at her practice, just so she knew that I was there, not because I wanted to watch. This year actually went better than previous years and I got a lot less grief from her about missing her events. It's hard and there's no easy solution.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

Gymmom, slow down and take a deep breath. I don't have that many kids, but I do have a houseful of dh relatives. Mother in law, father in law, college age nephew, dh sister and her husband and college age older dd, husband x 2 business (interexchanged), and gymmie dd, don't forget the dog I am always running, cooking and cleaning, clothes. I don't accept attitude, only gratitude. If I didn't make all of my sacrifices, things wouldn't get done! I just try to talk to my children about the 'tude, doesn't get you anywhere(like loosing special privilages such as gym, or a phone, or a tablet) I AM the backbone of the family. Just please, don't get stressed, try listening to music you like, listen to uplifting lectures, do something for yourself when you have time. This time will be gone sooner than you think (all kids may be in/out of college before you know it!!!!) One day at a time also helps.

 

[gymmiemom]

I have four kids as well. 11, 10, 8 and almost 7. I totally feel your pain! I even have a shift working husband with a very weird schedule. My 8 year old is my gymnast. My 11 year old and only boy plays football, is in lego-robotics year round, and plays basketball. My 10 year old DD plays volleyball, sings in the invitation only choir at her school, and plays basketball. My youngest dances and plays soccer and has a million doctor appointments.

Basketball season is the hardest as it's during the busiest time of meet season. So with 2 basketball games every Saturday and a meet (always out of town and usually requires an overnight stay because we live in a very rural area) it is pretty much impossible. If my husband is off for the weekend we are good to go. He stays home and does basketball with the older two and I go to the meet with my gymmie and the youngest one. But if he is working like he is half of the time, I either have to rely on good friends for my oldest two to stay with or my husband has to use a vacation day. He uses almost ALL of his vacation days every year on kids activities because we are spread so thin. Now that meet season is over I live for his days off during the week when we can tag-team the running around in the evenings.

I am constantly running in circles and have been on verge of a meltdown more than once this year. I don't stop driving from the time school gets out until almost 8 o'clock at night! There is no way to make everyone happy. All we can do is the best we can. My oldest DD is very understanding, but my son has recently gotten the "poor me" attitude and I told him in no uncertain terms that there has been a point in time for each of them when they have gotten the short end of the stick, but there has also been a point in time when each of them have consumed most of the time. When he was the one that consumed most of our time his sisters didn't whine about it. Do NOT feel guilty! Like I tell my kids; the only other option is to not allow ANY of them to do ANYTHING and how would they like that alternative instead?

We talk on a regular basis about the fact that because there are some many of them we all have to chip in to make it work and we all have to make sacrifices as well. It's just the way it is when you are part of a "large" family.

As far as orginaztion goes, my house is a tightly run ship. Everyone has chores and everyone is expected to complete them without me even asking. I also use Cozi family planner on my phone which notifies my husband (on his phone) if the schedule changes or if I add something to it.

 

[Dka]

I have three children as well my 2 boys are very competitive hockey players and we travel a lot for them, and my dd is a gymnast who practices 28 hours a week. It is a struggle since there are about 60+ hockey games for each boy and they both play baseball too. Somehow my husband and I get everything done. We split up for Games and meets. One of us is always at her meets though because she only has 8 or so each year and works year round as much as she attends school. The boys totally get it, am I would say there was only about 5 games combined that neither of us were at! It's hard but it can be done.paying for it all is another story lol

 

[my4buffaloes]

I have 4 kids too and am right there with you. In fact I did have a little breakdown this week over it all. Man it felt good to cry! But then I had to stop crying and go flip the stupid pancakes so it didn't last long. I bet my dh thinks I am a lunatic over it all.

Seriously though, I feel you pain. My oldest child is needier than all the other 3 combined and no matter what we do or give it is NEVER enough. Unfortunately I have to frequently remind him of all the things he gets and that we do for him. My dd on the other hand is so appreciative and feels so bad because gymnastics is so expensive.

I am pulled in so many directions and my youngest has been on her own this meet season too - and she is only 9. You are not the only one. Meet season is almost over and then we can breathe again. I just try to make the times I do get them 1-on-1 really special.

 

[raenndrops]

I don't envy you. My dad and stepmom were in a similar situation back in the 80s... they NEVER saw a single volleyball game I was in OR a single track meet I competed in. My dad only saw my baseball games that he was coaching. The rest of the time, they were with the other kids. I was also a middle child - older sister, older brother, younger brother, 2 younger sisters... but 18yrs and 8 days between oldest and youngest.

 

[exgymnastmomx3]

I am a mom of 4 kids ages 18,14,11, and 7. My oldest 3 are girls and the 18 and 11 year olds at gymnast on 2 different teams and my 14 year old daughter is a competitive dancer . I really feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. My husband is a police officer who works shift work inc every other weekend so I don't have his help all the time . I have had to send them to competitions with teammates or my mom if there are 2 things the same day . My middle daughter ( the dancer who used to be a gymnast) gets really angry about it and says hurtful things like "you don't care about me " my stress level is through the roof right now !!! I am doing the best I can . My 11 ur old goes 24 hours a week she's a level 9 stressed out trying to come back from injury so I'm trying to be there for her too and my 18 year old is preparing for college !! How does everyone juggle everything without the guilt ?? sayshurtful things to me about it

 

[exgymnastmomx3]

Boy, can I relate to having to juggle it all! I also have 4 kids-they are now 19 year old twins, 17 yr old and 15 years old, but for a long time, the 3 girls were all in competitive gymnastics. All on different teams for awhile-all at different times. I felt horrible for my son. I took the girls, my dh stayed with our son. That was the easiest part. Hard part was when first one quit gym and went to competitive dance-both HS team and studio company and son started middle school XC and track. Our gym was an hour away and it was so tough-I was constantly running and had to count on others to help. 2nd dd quit and became a pole vaulter. I literally had 3 kids at 3 different state meets on the same day. I went to one, dh went to one and grandparents went to one. UGH!! It was EXHAUSTING on top of working full time. Now, 2 are in college sports and 2 in HS sports and my middle dd who is in dance still doesn't think it's ever enough. Truth is that I don't like HS Dance and there are SO many commitments that moms are expected to be a part of. I admit that I am doing minimum for that sport at this point, but I did host my pasta dinner, went to all the meetings, I get her to and from practice, went to 2 of her 4 meets-watched one live online, but she wants me to be "That" mom that is involved in everything. 10 years ago, I tried harder to be "That" mom and quite frankly, I'm tired and so is my dh. We do our best and sometimes they have to learn that is all we can do!

 

[gymbeam]

Phew! That's tough! I only have two kids and my youngest (5) just started his first sport a few weeks ago. I'm already stressed thinking about next school year when he will be in kindergarten and have his own activities instead of just always tagging along with me to big sister's stuff. Anyway, I don't have any great advice. I wish I did because I feel for you. I think the suggestions about keeping it equal between activities and making some alone time with your daughter are great. Good Luck!

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As far as orginaztion goes, my house is a tightly run ship. Everyone has chores and everyone is expected to complete them without me even asking. I also use Cozi family planner on my phone which notifies my husband (on his phone) if the schedule changes or if I add something to it.

I just downloaded that app last night but have not poked around on it yet. So, you love it? Do you use the free version of the upgraded one?

 

[Gymmom82773]

Thanks so much everyone for all your advice !! The ONE dance competition I missed this year was only because they had changed the date last minute and I has signed up to work my oldest gymnastics meet ( we get $240 off tuition when you help I can't turn that down ) and my mom went with her instead . She didn't go alone and my mom is better with the hair/makeup than I am !! The one that really gets the short end of the stick is my 7 year old son !! I just hate the "I owe her " kind of attitude !! It makes me not want to do anything . My other daughter are ao appreciative of the sacrifice ! I just ask for respect that's all

 

[Gymmom82773]

She's the type of kid that I could go to 19 out of 20 dance things and she will only bring up the one I don't go to I've also had some health issues in the past couple years (I carry the breast cancer gene so I had to have preventative surgeries and I have an eye disorder that affects my night vision so I can't drive at night to any unfamiliar areas which is limiting ) she can just be really selfish !!