Parents Just a Vent

[C's MOM]

I am not looking for advice; nor am I necessarily looking for members to comiserate (sp) with me. However, I just feel the need to vent. There is a little girl on my DD's team who consistently says such mean spirited and cutting things to my DD and the other girls on the team. What's worse is that she says many of these things at the meets, during the meet. DD has long struggled with her squat on. One meet she's on, and another meet she's not. Ugh!! Well, it is on the days that DD misses that this other child says things like, "I didn't fall on my squat on and you did! I will win first place and you won't because you fell!" She also questions my DD as to how my DD could possibly score better on an event. "How did YOU score better? My routine was best!"
I attempted to go to the mom with the information. BUT, as she said it, "I've asked G and she assures me that she hasn't said anything. It's so not like her character." I feel that nothing I say or do will make an iota of difference. It's clearly a shame that some parents do not realize the minute we refuse to hold our children accountable for their mistakes and indiscretions is the minute we only help to add to their demise as people.

I can NEVER say my children are incapable of doing wrong or being mean. They are so capable of behaving in any way! I just hope they do more of the good than the bad. If not, I will always be here to discipline! There, Thank you! I just needed to burst my own bubble, so that I don't carry this any further!!

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

I know some unkind behaviour pops up at times with the groups I coach. Girls can be rather sneaky and good at hiding their nasty side. Once a parent mentions an incident I can usually spot the behaviour easily and deal with any further incidents immediately. Do you feel comfortable mentioning it to the coach?

 

[MaryA]

Yes, I would mention it to the coach. If I was the coach, I would want to know.
So sorry your DD is having to deal with this!

 

[JennyJones]

Ugghh...we've dealt with a few just like this girl. First, whenever possible, have your daughter stay away from her, especially since the mom has denied any wrongdoing. Second...give your daughter some responses to have ready when she strikes:

for example:

1. I tried my best and that's all I can do
2. My mother only wants me to take instructions from the coach, and you are not my coach
3. When you say things like that it hurts my feelings, so please stop
4. Please leave me alone or I will need to talk with the coach

I told my dd to stay away from the bully on her team and be a broken record when she started ordering her around...
"you are not my coach"..."you are not my coach"...eventually, they don't get any results so they stop.

Finally, they were put into two separate groups, and as Karma would have it, my dd continually outscored the other girl...
I don't really care much about scores and I'm probably the least competitive mom out there, but it just goes to show you.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

at least us boys just hit each other and give each other pink bellys & wedgies & stuff...

 

[C's MOM]

at least us boys just hit each other and give each other pink bellys & wedgies...

Thank you all! I will have to teach DD what to say and hopefully this child will leave her alone. And Dunno, you always make me laugh!! So true! Boys just go for the punch and minutes later they're best friends again!
Tonight DD had a fall again on bars. As coach put it, "She needs new grips!" Her fingers fell out of her grips during the routine! She showed true sportsman like qualities though. She smiled and kept going. Hopefully nothing was said to her. HC kept DD away from the other little girl thank goodness! I am so proud of her! The rest of her meet went so well! 9.4 on floor, 9.425 on beam, and an 8.875 on vault! She really didn't let the fall get to her!
[video=youtube;JlcGcmQ0yMQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlcGcmQ0yMQ&feature=youtu.be[/video]

 

[gymnut1]

Sometimes we all need to vent! so vent away. Good idea to have a response ready. You could see she didn't let those falls get to her. What a little trooper! Those other scores are great. She is sparkling this season.

 

[emorymom]

at least us boys just hit each other and give each other pink bellys & wedgies & stuff...

Uh, really? Not in my experience with my son training with boys 2 or so years older. It's hitting plus.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Many, many parents think that their child can do no wrong. It is frustrating, but really you are in a he said/she said situation, so it is hard to prove.

One thing I tell my kids when they are dealing with a bully like this is to try to stay away from them - BUT also to stay close to an adult or coach when the other kid is around. Very unlikely the bully will do or say something if your child is standing right next to an adult who would see or hear. After awhile they just find someone new to pick on (unfortunately).

 

[Danica76]

First of all, good for C for keeping that smile on her face through that bar routine! I just love seeing kiddos who can take things in stride and keep on going! Sounds like she a great meet overall

I can totally sympathize with the bully situation. We have been going through this off and on for months at DD's gym with a girl that is 2 years older than her. It got so bad at one point that DD wanted to quit. I kept telling her to not allow anyone to ever steal her joy or deter her from doing something she loves. I also told her to tell her how she feels, stay away from her, etc. It got to the point where the coach finally saw it all go down and they implemented a 3 strike rule. If any gymmie is caught saying anything negative or bullying another gymmie, they get a strike. Once they get 3, they will be asked to leave the gym. That nipped the problem in the bud for several months and now DD and this girl are "friendly". But, I still hear about dirty looks from time to time. This little girl's mother is also one who has been overheard saying nasty things about the girl's at meets and at practice. Wonder where her DD gets it from?

Anyway, way to go Callie and I hope the bullying situatuion is taken care of stat!

 

[MaryA]

Stupid squat-on. :sigh:

 

[CreateMagic]

I just wanted to say I am so impressed with her improvement on bars! I know some crazy, fluk-y things happened there, but her kips and front hip just look so much stronger. Go Callie!

 

[lhmom]

Just wanted to say, good for Callie getting right back up there and finishing her routine!

 

[thefellowsmom]

What a trooper. She kept her composure and soldiered on. That's all you can ask for in that situation. She did great!

As far the bullying, we are having issues with this as well. An older girl in her work group is always teasing her and saying things that the fellows doesn't really understand. Unfortunately this girl is also her team buddy. I think it is really strange that they would match up two kids in the same group, but they just do it randomly by age. This girl is the oldest in the group and the fellows is the youngest.

This girl has suffered with some chronic injury issues and really gave dd a hard time when she was dealing with her elbow, saying things like she didn't look injured to her and where is your cast, your not really injured. She is also really playful, in a weird way, sometimes, which is really confusing for dd. She will kinda push her around and pick her up, like they are playing and my daughter sees this as being nice, but I don't really think that is what is going on.

Fortunately, the fellows is still pretty naive about the behaviors of older girls so her behavior hasn't caused any serious problems. We have talked about how to deal with her and different scenarios that that girl might be feeling that may be causing her to act that way. I always just remind her that all she can control is her own behavior and to just keep being her kind, hardworking self and to just keep her space when this girl is in one of her moods and if needed, tell her she doesn't like it and remove herself, if possible. One time she did this and simply let two of the other girls move in front of her in line, just to make space. I encourage her not to put herself in a one on one situation with her whenever possible and I have never seen the coach match them up, so maybe they see what's going on too.

This girl will likely not be in the same group once the season is over so I am just trying to keep an eye on the situation and ride it out. I just feel bad she is stuck with this girl as her buddy. They are supposed to support and encourage their younger buddy, not push them down. Just sad.

Good luck with your situation and just tell Callie to keep being her amazing wonderful self and she will win out in the end.

 

[C's MOM]

Stupid squat-on. :sigh:

I agree 100% She has been in her new grips for a week already and had a meet this weekend. She met her goal of nailing that darned squat on! And I finally bit the bullet and mentioned the situation to the HC. He did talk with the girls, so I hope all will be okay.
For Love or Money Meet - YouTube

 

[MaryA]

Beautiful! Her handstand and scale on beam are gorgeous, and she is so dramatic in her floor routine! Glad she nailed that stupid squat-on!

Thanks for sharing!

 

[my4buffaloes]

Her bars were awesome! She nailed the squat on.

 

[C's MOM]

Thank you all! She is such a determined little girl! I am amazed by how she handles herself when things get tough the most.

 

[UnoMas]

Really great meet for her! Congrats! Love the way she makes that L5 routine look exciting with her big finishes!

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

She's a great little gymnast!

As for the bully issue, dd had a girl in her group like that at the old gym. And it was a girl we CARPOOLED with. She was sweet as pie in the car and could get so mean in the gym.

I told dd that the first time in the practice, she was to say to the girl, if you say that again, I'm telling the coach. I don't want to but I am trying my best and you hurt my feelings. Then if she keeps up, tell the coach. The first time she went to tell the coach, the little girl threatened her if she went and told. But dd told anyway and it turned out the other girls in the group agreed with dd and after that things were better.

Good luck to your dd.